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aye 5h
ode to a dead friend
sometimes i wish it was me instead.
(c) ayesha. h [2022]
aye 15h
the hardest part of watching you leave is that you never really left at all
i still feel your teeth nib my bottom lip
i still slow dance to our song
i smell you in the flowers from that summer in your dad's car
i see your sweet boyish smile on crescent moon  when i wish for your return upon a star.
the hardest part of watching you leave is not
looking for you in different people and pretending that that’s okay
the hardest part of watching you leave is not knowing why you never stayed.
(c) ayesha [2022]
aye Mar 31
sometimes when i think of you
it is when i am kissing his lips
i envision the teeth that would clash clumsily,
how we’d laugh, and i would smell your breath of stale peppermint

sometimes when i think of you
it is when i’m alone in my room
my hands are now yours - large with long fingers
curious and wanting as they wander in the warmth between my thighs

sometimes when i think of you
it is when i cry myself to sleep
i scream into the pillow, that smells like your skin - the sun
and i think it is time i stop thinking about you.

then there are times when i think of us
we are rubbing noses under the stars
i tell you about my dreams that are little but you still listen,
and i think i have fallen in love.
- this isn’t about you.
(c) ayesha. h [2022]
Mar 29 · 76
i don't smoke
aye Mar 29
i don't smoke
but sometimes i do put a cigarette between my lips.
it is not because i am my father's daughter,
it is because it reminds me of your kiss.
so warm,
so raw,
so very suffocating.
the taste of the i love yous
and the goodbyes
of a dying cancer patient.
(c) ayesha. h [2022]
Mar 25 · 192
dumb kissable face
aye Mar 25
i don't remember your face,
or the taste of your lips
on a hot summer's night,
your hands glued to my hips.
i don't remember your smell
of cheap men's cologne,
or the dark of the room
where you left me alone.
i don't remember a thing,
is what i wish i could say
but i still remember you,
and your dumb kissable face.
- don't mind me, i'm just ranting.
(c) ayesha. h [2022]
Mar 19 · 345
death by heartbreak
aye Mar 19
my heart is claustrophobic
my heart is scared of heights
she sleeps with the lights on
she gets overwhelmed by the night
with its judging moon and its boasting stars
the lurking shadows, the quiet dark
there is so much she fears
so so much that makes her convulse.
her worst fear, however, is the fear of falling in love.
- ayesha. h [2022]
Mar 15 · 383
did jesus die for this?
aye Mar 15
he swore to me he was a man of god
a man of god who performed the ungodly
he had a rosary wrapped around his arm
pearl white beads strung around his protruding veins
the crucifix dangled between his thumb and index finger
the same thumb caressing my bud
the same index finger soon to pluck out the petals of my flower
i, starved, took a bite of the apple.

as we shared the fruit in a forbidden kiss
i thought to myself:
“did jesus die for this?”
(c) ayesha. h [2022]
Mar 15 · 305
the disposable
aye Mar 15
how could you?
how could you
pry open my legs
then my heart
then all my
many other
disposable parts?
(c) ayesha. h [2022]
Oct 2021 · 1.2k
the sleep talker
aye Oct 2021
we are hidden in the dark of the room
we are tucked in the warmth of the bed
your lips burn kisses through the skin of my back
my fingers scratch fondly at the scalp of your head.

you are lost in the deepest sleep
i am trapped in an aching wake
in your dreams, you whisper you will always love me
in your room, i whisper: "don't make that mistake."
i am sorry

(c) ayesha. h [two thousand and twenty-one]
Oct 2018 · 683
the recall
aye Oct 2018
the warmest kiss from the softest lips.
the finger tips tracing stars on my hips.
the sweetest song of my name he'd sing.
my angel boy with a severed wing.
i have mended the wing, he has risen from the fall.
now he is but only a memory i wish to never recall.
ayesha. h [2o18]
it's 3a.m. and i can't stop crying
Oct 2018 · 1.5k
the nubian queen
aye Oct 2018
your hair smells like coconut
your ******* are the prettiest brown
your eyes are the sun. oh light.
your jungle of curls are adorned by golden crown.
"my queen"
"i submit"
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Sep 2018 · 314
the girls
aye Sep 2018
we're all lined up waiting for our turn.
tickets in our hands for our hearts that never learn.
for heaven has locked us out, cursed us on this hell.
to fall for these demons to whom, our souls, we sell.
- a girl who thinks men are trash
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Sep 2018 · 352
the lost boy
aye Sep 2018
i'll stop waiting for you to come back.
i'll stop searching for the boy you used to be.
i'll sip the bitter coffee entitled our sweet memories.
i'll connect the stars into your heart that once beat for me.
i'll look you in the eyes
with which held a soft spoken gift,
now, paled to an empty void
endlessly adrift.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Sep 2018 · 345
the golden boy
aye Sep 2018
your soul is the kindled sun.
you are the king of kings.
a million hearts, you have won.
your name, the girls sing.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Sep 2018 · 443
the mind
aye Sep 2018
she tells me i'm obtuse.
she screams you deserve better.
as i'm sat, idle, on his bed.
as he slips off my sweater.
- the death of mind over matter.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Sep 2018 · 529
the body
aye Sep 2018
i asked her to open up for you
i asked her to show you her soul
but, darling, you lusted the unholy
and now she is a broken home.
- the reusable
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Sep 2018 · 792
the heart
aye Sep 2018
she won't stop crying
she says you did her wrong

she saw right through your lies
but she still chose to play along

now she is bruised
she sings an irregular song

now she is empty
because, with all her love, you have gone.
- a broken heart.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Sep 2018 · 396
the whisper
aye Sep 2018
i whisper i love you
it's soft but sincere
the feeling is true
but you pretend to not hear.
- **** making the first move.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Sep 2018 · 669
the painting
aye Sep 2018
he had hazel eyes
a midnight grin
he wore white skies
and olive skin

his laugh was golden
his love was crimson
he smelt like violet
he tasted like persimmon

he left me black
he left me blue
and clothed with the saddest of grey hues.
- read the art (which is the sequel)
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Sep 2018 · 102
the crave
aye Sep 2018
to have your heart
beat against mine.
one last time
the sweetest sound,
our song of love,
is what i crave.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Aug 2018 · 590
the garden
aye Aug 2018
i opened up my garden to you.
i pulled out all the weeds for you.
i let the seeds be planted by you.

you have abandoned my garden for hers
when all my flowers have bloomed for you.
and now i'll shower my garden with love, alone, from me.
- i'm learning.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Aug 2018 · 268
the art
aye Aug 2018
you were my favourite piece of art
but you remained on a museum wall
for other eyes to critic your beauty
and many hearts to take the fall
- a girl who wanted him when he wanted more.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Aug 2018 · 2.6k
the war
aye Aug 2018
it's 3 a.m. and i'm wide awake.
i've got a war in my head.
yes, our love is present,
but he is not present in our bed.

my heart has been crying for hours.
i hear it screaming for his sweet love.
i cradle it gently in my arms as i weep:
"he has given us more than enough."

but truth be told, enough is never enough,
just the scent of his skin intoxicates me.
i am cold as ice deep under thick covers,
for only his warmth alone can satisfy me.

it's 4 a.m. and i'm sleepy.
the war in my head has now died.
yes, our love is present,
and soon he too will be present by my side.
- a long distance relationship
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Aug 2018 · 1.9k
the two slow dancers
aye Aug 2018
we entered the empty hall.
we were a little too late.
the lights fell onto us.
we both froze over in a stalemate.

a sad love song played over
the wicked cupid used us as pawns
for i'd have never given you my hand
had i'd known you'd soon be gone

but you smiled at me so kindly
i had never seen a smile so bright
i smiled back politely
naive me thought the timing was just right.

our bodies pressed perfectly together
we both swayed to the beat of our hearts
our eyes kissed, our heels clicked.
heaven knew we played our parts

but the little lights began to dim,
and the love song, soon after, died.
we were two slow dancers
thus too slow, from time, to hide.
- goodbye my love.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Aug 2018 · 9.7k
the wolf girl
aye Aug 2018
her body's glazed with sugar
but her soul's made of spice

her grin is chaotic
but it melts down the ice

she howls for the moon
when it births her with light

she's made love with herself
she's made peace with the night

so why would you put her in a dress?
why would you comb her curls out?

why would you tell her to speak softly,
when her heart commands her to shout?

she was raised among wolves.
she did not grow with the roses.

you expect her to change.
well, the wolf in her opposes.

she is reckless.
she is free.

she is her.
she is me.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Aug 2018 · 200
the goodbye kiss
aye Aug 2018
two lips pressed against one another
unmoving
in the hope that this moment in time
this feeling
remains unforgotten
unchanged
forever branded into their conjoined hearts
that are soon to be divided by a border they call distance.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Aug 2018 · 697
the girl
aye Aug 2018
you put me in a dress
you have made it easier for him
to open up my legs and steal my flower.
- i did nothing wrong.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Aug 2018 · 534
the jar
aye Aug 2018
you open the jar, it's almost empty.
but you continue to eat out what's left of it.
you lick every corner, stick your fingers in when needed.
the sickening sweetness taints your tongue.
and when you're done, you close the jar,
you look into my eyes and say:
"Babe, you taste so good."
- it gets better.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Jul 2018 · 215
the narcissist
aye Jul 2018
"i am right, you are wrong."
he throws me in a golden cage.
"i know what's best for you."
he locks me in it.
"don't you wish for happiness?"
he turns the light to dark.
"if so, then, i am the key."
i'm (not) free.
- a very dead bird.
Jul 2018 · 1.2k
the planet of love
aye Jul 2018
i've been imprisoned on this burning planet
my body is crying from the damage,
my polluted heart is suffocating,
and yet:
i have found peace, here, with you.

i long for your kindled soul against mine
i long for your kisses that take my breath away.
i must profess: this is nothing of lust.
i must profess: i am madly in love.

you agree,
so:
you have freed me, alone, from this hellish planet,
yet:
i still find heaven in your eyes
and so i remain burning here with you.
- it's complicated.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Jul 2018 · 547
the contra
aye Jul 2018
then:
you and i are one
we sleep under the same moon,
wake to the same sun.

now:
you and i are two
through all the battles for truth,
the space between our worlds grew.

baby, our love was a contra.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
thank you for the good times tho ♥
contra-
ˈkɒntrə/
prefix
1.against; opposite.
Jul 2018 · 2.0k
the talk
aye Jul 2018
"when your flower blossoms
the bees will come **** you dry
only to drip their sweet honey
onto another woman's tongue"
- a mother to her daughter.
Jul 2018 · 1.2k
the candles
aye Jul 2018
i blew out my candles
as i aged to 17
and now i'm on my knees
blowing out better things.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Jul 2018 · 2.3k
the dreams
aye Jul 2018
i can't remember the last time i cried
i just recall crying way too much
so much, that i'd stay days red eyed
some days, hysterical, without his touch.

pathetic is what my ego would call me
for i was nothing without a man
embarrassed is what i'd feel because, i too could see,
i was nothing without this man.

i had a dream of myself: lost, my body: bare.
i had a dream about me in the shadow
truth be told, that dream was a nightmare
but i was just too weak, too naive, to even think so.

then i had a dream that i wasn't alone
this dream was of him and I
truth be told, if my heart was made of stone
i'd tell him, when i woke from that dream, i cried.

i can't remember the last time i was sad
i just recall being way too depressed
but now when night comes and i lay down my head,
i dream of myself: happy, solus, and yet, still undressed.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Jul 2018 · 670
the angel
aye Jul 2018
his eyes are of a warm hazel brown.
sat on his chestnut curls, a bronze crown.
sun rays glimmer unto his freckled back
he laughs like a child when i blow on his neck.
but oh he's a man when he licks his lips,
when he holds my hand, then he thrusts his hips.
he took my breath away with the softest kiss
but mine was rough and raw compared to his.
he smiles like a boy when i tell him i love him,
and that i've never been this attached to anyone else but him.
when his tongue whispers back that he loves me, i break.
for i fear, he'll be gone when the morning sun wakes.
lukewarm salt water starts to drip from my eyes,
i've fallen for him, my sweet angel in disguise.
(c) ayesha. h [2018]
opps this was a longer poem than i expected. excuse me, i'm in love
Jul 2018 · 546
the forbidden fruit
aye Jul 2018
how could i not take a bite into you?
with a presence like yours, so inviting.
i am in a garden filled with the sweetest fruit,
yet, why is it only you that i'm wanting?
your tainted juice drips down my finger tips,
the taste of guilt on my tongue still remains
and so does the sin that manifests within my soul,
and yet, i bite into you again.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Jul 2018 · 412
the confrontation
aye Jul 2018
i told you i was sorry,
i am not.
i told you that you're enough,
you are not.
i told you i love you,
i do.






edit: *not
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]
Jul 2018 · 175
the truth
aye Jul 2018
i am a liar.
Aug 2015 · 1.1k
//fainting//
aye Aug 2015
his hands feel warm and gentle.
his heart beats steadily.
his breathing is forever even.
his eyes are ocean calm.
his lips are soft...or are they rough?

love makes me faint.
it feels heavy on my shoulders.
(c) ayesha. h [two thousand and fifteen]
Aug 2015 · 1.2k
//skinny love//
aye Aug 2015
little talks exchanged between two wandering strangers.
a girl who smiles at him to unravel love's dangers.
hearts that beat with no feeling.
fingers that touch, skin that's cold, and peeling.

big talks exchanged between the wiser and the younger.
a boy who avoids her smile in order to become stronger.
hearts that beat within confined sealing.
hands that join, then part, and forget feeling.

loving whispers that wander about in a crowd.
their love for each other was too skinny to be loud.
hearts that beat.
something, then nothing, and repeat.
:)
(c) ayesha. h [two thousand and fifteen]
Aug 2014 · 2.2k
//bitter//
aye Aug 2014
bitter is wrapped up in my world lived in vain.
bitter is inhaling my laughter, exhaling his pain.
i think bitter is precious to me--
he lets me do things i'd never do willingly.
when bitter is sleeping i am awake
his darkness is gone but my bones, they still shake.
i think bitter is the reason i cry.
i think bitter wants me to die.
bitter shot my brain with a gun,
stabbed my heart with a knife
and broke me with a word.
one word that made me this--
a girl who dreams in only black and white.
a girl who speaks to herself at night.
a girl who thinks despair is complete delight.
the word bitter said to me was hello.
and now bitter is me -- my darkened soul.
  :)
(c) ayesha. h [two thousand and fourteen]
Aug 2014 · 134
//colourlessness//
aye Aug 2014
he ***** his pale lips, trying to bring back some colour.
he cuts his wrists in hope that his red blood can paint the white canvas.
he punches his face wishing that the fresh bruise shines through the dark
he doesn't sleep at night as the black rings form around his eyes.
he cries every single day but nothing ever goes his way.
until he sees her, she smiles at him.
she wipes his tears.
she helps him sleep.
she healed the bruises.
she kissed his scarred wrists and even his pale lips too.
colour filled the room.
(c) ayesha. h [2018]

— The End —