i can't remember the last time i cried
i just recall crying way too much
so much, that i'd stay days red eyed
some days, hysterical, without his touch.
pathetic is what my ego would call me
for i was nothing without a man
embarrassed is what i'd feel because, i too could see,
i was nothing without this man.
i had a dream of myself: lost, my body: bare.
i had a dream about me in the shadow
truth be told, that dream was a nightmare
but i was just too weak, too naive, to even think so.
then i had a dream that i wasn't alone
this dream was of him and I
truth be told, if my heart was made of stone
i'd tell him, when i woke from that dream, i cried.
i can't remember the last time i was sad
i just recall being way too depressed
but now when night comes and i lay down my head,
i dream of myself: happy, solus, and yet, still undressed.
(c) ayesha. h [2o18]