I’ve been wanting to talk to you
But I can’t figure out what to say

Because now it’s 1am on October 1st
And I’m spinning around in the t-shirt
You left at my house (it still smells like you).

I’m so dizzy, waiting for my eyes to focus
But when they do, you’re not there.

So I keep spinning and spinning.
Because now it’s night time in this little city
And I’m sitting awake cross-legged on my perfectly made bed
And I’m tapping my thumbs
To the beat of all the songs you used to sing.
And I’m driving down the road
To sit at the stoplights we used to
Last winter when we almost fell in love.

I’ve been wanting to talk to you,
But I can’t figure out what to say.
Maybe,
“Hey, it’s me.
And it’s always been you.”

One day we’re gonna get away from here and
One day we’re going to share all the stars and
The pretty skies.
One day we’re going to have our own little house and
A giant dog—
One that’s practically my size.

One day I’m going to look over at you
Over midnight breakfast or afternoon drinks
Or writing or reading or after I wake,
And you will smile at me and
One day we will know we made it—
We ******* made it in spite of all the mistakes.

One day we’ll have a family and
A few curly headed babies—
He will have my eyes and she will have your smile.
One day we’re going to have our collection of expensive liquor and
Our big cozy bed and some nights we’ll get lost in them
For a little while.

One day we’ll have our endless filled notebooks—
And empty ones too—
And we’ll lose our favorite pens everywhere.
One day, or every day I hope, we’ll make love
All over the house and in the car and
Up and down the stairs.

One day we’re going to fall back in love and
One day we’ll know it was right all along.
It doesn’t matter how long it might take.
Time doesn’t mean much without you and
One day seems so far away but it’s okay—
I’m beyond willing to wait.

Stars shining in her eyes
Lost in the sheets between heaven and sin
He Slips his hand between her thighs
And plays her like a violin.

Just another sleepless night.
Spent spinning the stars on his fingertips.
Her body plays songs she could never write
And he sings along between her hips.

The best part about waking up in the morning is those first few seconds when you're just getting out of your dream. You don't remember anything that happened before. All you think of is breathing and the sun shining through your window. For just a few brief moments everything else is put on mute and I forget about how much I miss you.

Please, baby, don't close the door.
I promise I can love you better than before.
Crying on my knees, please let me back in
Im dying to see your smile again.
Can't eat, can't sleep, can't breath without you.
Can't get myself to stop thinking about you.
No matter where I go and no matter what I do,
my mind always runs back to you, you, you.
For the record, my heart is sore,
broken and scattered across the floor.
I know just what to say, but not how to begin.
I'm dying for you to love me again.
All I want is our Molly nights,
and falling in love in the dim black lights.
My head in your lap, staring into your eyes.
Lost in you, I'm hypnotized.
Please, baby, don't close the door.
I promise I can love you better than before.

I've been smoking a lot of cigarettes and kissing a lot of bottles since you've been gone.
I just don't know what to do with my lips when they aren't crashing into yours.

can't eat can't sleep can't breath without you
can't get myself to stop thinking about you
no matter where I go and no matter what I do
my mind always runs back to you you you

All I want is our Molly nights,
and falling in love in the dim black lights.
My head in your lap, staring into your eyes,
lost in your smile. I'm hypnotized.

He looks like messy eyebrows and endless lashes and his smile stops my heart every time. He looks disheveled, like his hands never stop running through his hair. His eyes are sweet and muddy and his hands are rough. He feels like work and strength. His arms are hard and his chest is solid and it's the only place I feel at peace. His breath on the back of my neck. He always smells like Copenhagen and swagger, it lingers on me after he's gone. Sometimes he smells like he's had a few cigarettes, and sometimes he smells like he's been laying in the grass, like dirt and raw nature. Or sweat and lust and he feels so hot. He's never cold and he melts the ice on my skin. His laughter is loud and infecting and his voice is deep and rough and forever etched in my mind. He is everything.

Sometimes I feel just fine and I remember that time heals everything and other times my hands start shaking so bad I can hardly hold my cigarettes or myself up and it feels like I'm going to ***** but I don't even have the strength to get up and crawl to the bathroom. I can smell you in the air but you're not here. It's like every part of my body is wondering where you are wondering why it can't feel you and why my heart isn't beating the way it used to and I try to remember time heals everything, but the more time that passes the more I ache to hear your voice and smell your skin.

I almost forgot the way his lips felt against mine, or how his lands left trails of fire on my skin, or how our bodies tangled together perfectly, underneath a pile of blankets in the morning light. Just like the way he laughed, I almost forgot how he would smirk when I caught him looking at me. He is so much more than anyone can see. He is the lyrics that are constantly in his head and the summer nights that make him smile. Everything from his favorite kind of beer, to how he got that scar on his cheek. He might not be important to everyone else, likewise, neither is every little thing about him, but to me, he was my everything. He is my everything. He is everything. and I miss everything.

I want you everywhere. By my side and between my thighs. I want your flowers in my hair and your name under my nails. I want you with me, your sugar in my coffee, my eyelashes on your sheets. Write your name on my soul. When my heart breaks I want it to be blinding.

Before I die I want to be somebody's favorite hiding place. The place they can put everything they need in order to survive. Every secret, every solitude, every nervous prayer, and be absolutely certain I will keep it safe.

I'm good at not talking loud enough and ignoring the people I care about and sleeping too much. I need reminders that you don't hate me on a daily basis. I worry you'll forget about me and find a girl with prettier eyes and warmer hands. I wish the taste of smoke in my mouth would go away, but it's not and I don't know what to do in this body anymore.

I tricked myself into thinking you were sunlight and I was a flower but you are not a star and this world is not a garden and I am a human soul who needs more than warmth at night and I do not need validations, you do not validate me you do not keep me alive. It took to long to know this but I am not a flower and you are not my sun, you don't decide when I get loved.

You are probably going to break my heart and I am definitely going to let you.

You are everything to me.
You are the stars I look at before I go to bed. You are the paper I scribble on at one in the morning, and the pillow I lay my head on far too  late at night. You are the cold and rainy days I always wish to wake up to and the warm bed I never wish to leave.
You are the poem I could never write, you are the aching in my bones and the pounding in my heart and I don't think I could be the same without you.
You have no idea how much this scares me, because I think I'm starting to love you.

I stood frozen in horror as you set your bedroom on fire, tearing apart your favorite shirts and breaking picture frames. The smoke curled up towards the ceiling and you looked at me like I was a car crash unfolding before your eyes. You drove us to the river, silent and white knuckled the entire way. You sighed when we got out and put a rock on the gas pedal. I tried to take your hand as we watched your rickety car sink into the sunsets reflection, but you pulled away and said you couldn't bear to hold onto one more thing that just wouldn't fix itself.

I fell to my knees begging you not to go, but you just looked me in the eyes and said "within you is everything you need to be happy" and left me crying alone in the doorway.

When I ask you not to leave me I'm really saying sorry for getting too lost in your eyes and my head to notice you slipping away.

When I'm begging you to love me again I'm really scolding myself for letting the best thing in my life fall through the cracks I should've patched up a long, long time ago.

When I tell you I need you I'm really saying I wish I could turn back time and stop being so selfish so I could make you as happy as you deserve to be.

And when I tell you I'll be okay I'm really asking you to wrap your arms around me and whisper I love you in my ear until I don't even think in my own voice anymore.

I keep catching myself thinking about his voice. The way he used to whisper I love yous into my hair in the middle of the night. And I'd look up into his eyes and smile, feeling so much more safe than I ever had. The way he would laugh at the silly things I said, rolling his eyes with a little smile. His soft snores as he would fall asleep next to me, almost like a lullaby. Now I could never fall asleep without them. I'd trade the world to go back to that just so I could record it all and put it on a cd I could replay when he inevitably left.

I held onto you a bit too tight the last time we collided, I think I could feel you floating away. I can't help but lose myself in your eyes every single time I look at you and I just want you to wake up tomorrow and remember the way I fit perfectly in your arms. Just kiss me one last time like my lips are the air you cannot breathe.

From the beginning I told myself not to fall for you, but when you held me you'd slip in through my cracks leaving pieces of yourself in my head and my heart until they exploded and little slivers of you danced in my bloodstream every second of every day.
But I love it. I don't care how much it hurts. I need you under my skin, I want your love. I want all of you.

Falling for you was a lot like getting drunk. It all happened so fast, I didn't even bother to slow down and think about the consequences, I just wanted to feel good and you made me feel so good. But things got out of hand and before I knew it I was wanting more and more of you, taking shot after shot until I could hardly stand on my own. Contrary to popular belief, alcohol won't keep people happy, and more often that not it leaves you laying on the bathroom floor trying to pin-point the moment it all went wrong. A lot like love. Now I'm just hungover, not because I fell out of love with you (I could never do that), but because I can still feel you inside of me. There are knots in my stomach and a constant ache in my head that won't fade no matter how many pills I take. There's hardly a difference between this and an actual hangover, except I'm going to feel like this for a long, long time.

When he says he doesn't love you anymore don't look around like you're waiting for the sky to fall. Take a deep breath and keep your eyes steady. Whatever you do, don't look down. Stare at a spot on the wall if you can't bear to look at him without losing your composure. Don't let your hands fumble for something to hold onto. Ball them into fists and ignore the urge to cover your face. Don't hide yourself from him while he breaks your heart. Turn your expression to stone and listen silently while he makes empty apologies. Don't scream, don't ask why, and please darling, don't ask him to change his mind. If he ever really loved you he wouldn't be doing this. He doesn't deserve you. Restrain the angry, betrayed side of yourself. Let it tire inside your head, don't let it out, it will only make things worse. Hold your tongue when it begins to plead "don't leave me alone", don't give him any more power over you. I know all you want to do is wrap yourself around him and hold on for dear life, but you can't do that. His arms will no longer hold your broken pieces together so you better start to learn how to do it yourself. When he gets up to leave ignore the empty feeling in your chest and the knots in your stomach. Don't chase after him, not even to lock the door. When you hear him drive away shut off your phone and take a deep breath. Turn on the shower and get in. Wash your hair and cry a little bit, then have some soup and go to bed. When you wake up the next morning don't call him. Go to the mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and understand that you are enough. Take a break from dating when you realize you look for parts of him in everyone you see. Don't kiss another boy until you know you won't picture his face when you close your eyes. Maybe in time the two of you will find each other again, but for now you need to take care of yourself.