The was stage set
The curtain was drawn

I took long slow steps
At center stage I stopped

The mic before me sat a silhouette
Against the blinding lights

My lips parted to speak
Silence
I spoke the words I know so well
Silence

Was my speech falling on deaf ears?

My voice rose
Silence
I leaned close to the mic
Silence

I screamed at the top of my lungs
Until my throat was raw

I stood in the center of the stage
Silent
No matter what I said
No matter how loud I was
No one was listening

I wanted to tell them
About the sadness drowning me
About the hate burning in my heart
About how hopeless I felt

I sat in the center of the stage
Silent

The stage was empty
The curtains were closed

My heart is full
My heart is true
My heart is all just for you

In my last days
No goodbyes will be spoke
No sadness will be felt

In my last days
I will be numb
I will smile all the same

In my last days
Nothing will matter
Nothing will seem real

In my last days
No one will know
No one will stop me

On my last day
I will write a letter
I will load a gun

On my last day
There won't be tears
There won't be regret

I will be free
On my last day

My story doesn't start with,
Once Upon A Time
It starts with my kingdom
The king, the queen, and their only son
They were happy together in the castle they had
But every story starts with a tragedy
The king and queen clashed quite often
His bottles and mistress followed him home
Then he was gone, he opened the door and left
They didn't see him again after that
The queen fell into smoke and bitter liquids
Their son was forced to take charge
Things moved on slowly but the kingdom crumbled
Years past and plants took over the walls
The prince decided he'd had enough
He rebuilt his family
He build walls around his heart
Then he fell sick
He moved far from home
He held the weight of the pain on his shoulders
He cloaked himself in silence
An angel came and picked up the pieces
She brought him light
But he crumbled within slowly
His heart burning with the rhythm of a drum
It's true what they say
Happily ever afters really are only in books
That boy is me and the queen is my mother
The rancid hearted king was my father
So long and goodnight

One after another
One step after the other

They walked from life
In strides of anguish
With steps of pain

They hid from us
The horrors within
Their secret wish

One after another
One step after the other

They ran from life
With a bottle of pills
With a gun to the head

Six months ago
Dressed in red
She was finally free

Three days ago
Clad in blue
He was finally at peace

Blurred images
Hazy edged pictures
Images with burn holes 
Things to see behind
Clouds of lingering sleep
This is the first time in awhile
I've actually felt okay
The world is still moving to fast 
And me too slow
But my mind has a window
So I can see and hear 
Though my throat still 
Struggles for sounds
My hands form letters
That form words
That form phrases
My thoughts on pages 
My feelings on paper 
My soul wrapped into words
That will never be spoken 

These are my own words written by someone else, hope you guys enjoy my first poem in a while, things are actually improving. If im lucky i'll survive -Andy

You light my world
You hold me close
I kiss you gently
You hug me tightly
We are a match made in heaven
Nothing can stop us
Not time, Not space
Not 10,000 light years
I will love you no matter what
That is a promise I can keep

Livin’ and breathin’ is all that I got
Take a deep breath got my stomach in knots
Can’t tie me down, no you can’t enslave me
Hopin’ someone will come out and save me
Fear and depression are clouding my head
I’m closing my eyes, I think that I’m dead
Fighting for sanity, fighting to lose
Fighting for the chance that I get to choose

Running from something I can’t recall
Too many steps and I’m gonna fall
The buildings edge is right in my sight
One little leap and I can take flight
Lost in the sounds and lost in the pain
Know what I’ve done’s been done in vain

I’m haunted by the past of me
A ghost of who I used to be 
Their mistakes are all that I can see

I’m running, I’m running

I hate the scars along skin
A memory of where I’ve been
They’re white lined trails of my darkest sin

I’m running, Im running

Screaming and crying filling my ears
Covered in burns from venomous tears
Im breaking mirrors, I’m screaming in pain
Can’t go on living, theres nothing to gain
Losing myself in the ruts of my days
Breathin’ in smoke with eyes blurred by the haze
Once a week poison killin’ me slowly
Devil on my back, they call me unholy

No where to go, got hounds on my trail
Begging that somehow I will prevail
Imagine a life where I can rest
Instead I’ve got this weight on my chest
Got these voices, they callin’ my name
No one around me, no one to blame

I’m haunted by the past of me
A ghost of who I used to be
Their mistakes are all that I can see

I’m running, I’m running

I hate the scars along skin
A memory of where I’ve been
They’re white lined trails of my darkest sin

I’m running, Im running

Stress
Eating at my stomach
An acid dripping through my chest
Burning in my blood
Searing in my skin

Frustration
Clogging my lungs
A hand clenching my heart
Freezing my limbs
Blocking my thoughts

Doubt
Fogging my thoughts
A weight pushing on my chest
Crushing my heart
Choking my lungs

Anxiety
Racing hot in my blood
A bear trap around my ribs
Compressing my organs
Stopping my breath

Exhaustion
Weighing down my thoughts
A sharp pain in the back of my eyes
Pulling at my eyelids
Dragging my limbs

Helplessness
Tugging at my heart
A black hole pulling away my spirit
A void in my chest
A cavern in my stomach

Anguish
Sawing at my veins
A dull knife stabbing my chest
Cutting at my stomach
Rusting my veins

I can’t escape them
They follow me like the stench of my wrongs
My fears like flies swirling around me
Learn how to rid of the smell
And you will rid of the flies

A young girl
A twist of fate
Tall towers
Spinning wheels
***** your finger
Seal the curse
Wall of thorns
Villain with horns
Sleeping Beauty
Why won't you wake?
I've broken the curse
I've sealed your fate
Sleeping Beauty
She is doomed
The curse never really had a cure

It's never dark enough.
Light slips through the window
From the street lights and the stars.

It's never quiet enough.
Sound pushes through the walls
From the roads and the houses.

It's never warm enough.
Cold seeps through the blankets
From the wind and the fear.

It's never lonely enough.
Voices whisper through the dark
From the shadows and the corners.

It's never enough.
I'm awake through the night
From sundown to sunrise.

Light the end
Watch the flame
Feel it within
White dissipates to yellow
One by one
Pack by pack
Soars your spirit
Sets you free
Drops you low
Poisoned lungs
Coughing fits
Struggle for air
Holes for air
Oxygen for breath
Skin gone rough
'It's a metaphor'
Never said what it really could do
Finish it

One
Two
Three
Four

One means hope
Thinned hair
Nausea

One
Two
Three
Four

Two frays your nerves
Bald heads
Tired limbs

One
Two
Three
Four

Three brings pain
Chemo filled veins
Faltering hearts

One
Two
Three
Four

Four is the end
Fills you up
Destroys you

One
Two
Three
Four

Stars blink
Once
Twice
Three times
They seen to say
You'll see another day

When his eyes lit up
They glowed amber
Out shining the stars in the sky

When his lips laughed
They vocalized a melody
Harmonizing with the universe

When his smile beamed
It radiated happiness
Dazzling even the sun above

I should have noticed

When his eyes dimmed
They flickered chocolate
Barely a candle in the dark

When his lips quieted
They whispered noise
Barely murmurs in the silence

When his smile dulled
It reflected joy
Barley a stone among gems

I should have known
When his eyes went dark

I should have known
When his lips went silent

I should have known
When his smile went cold

I should have known

I should have known

I should have known...

The sun rises for me
It sets for you
I've started another empty day without you
You ended a great one without me
I'm struggling through it
You sleep soundly
I can feel the pain
You sink into dreams
I'm lost without you
You couldn't be more found without me

By the time I was your age
I'd give anything
to fall in love truly was all i could think
that's when i met your mother
the girl of my dreams
the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen

She said, "boy can i tell you a wonderful thing?"
I cant help but notice you staring at me
I know i shouldn't say this
But, i really believe i can tell by your eyes
That you're in love with me

Now, son I'm only telling you this
Because life can do terrible things

Now most of the time we'd have too much to drink
We'd laugh at the stars and we'd share everything
Too young to notice and too dumb to care
But, love was a story that couldnt compare

I said, "girl can i tell you a wonderful thing?"
I made you a present with paper and string
Open with care now im asking you please
You know that i love you, will you marry me

Now son, im only telling you this
Because life can do terrible things

Youll learn one day ill hope and ill pray
That god shows you differently

She said boy can i tell you a terrible thing
Seems that im sick and ive only got weeks
Please dont be sad now, i really believe
You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me

Slow, so slow
I fell to the ground on my knees

Don't fall in love
It's just too much to lose
if given the choice
Then I'm begging you to choose
To walk away, walk away
Dont let her get you
I cant bare to see the same
Happen to you

Now, son im only telling you this
Cause, life can do terrible things

Summer after our senior year
The best days of our lives
The best parties
The best dreams
The best memories

It was supposed to be
The best days of our lives

Not enough was done
Not enough was said
Not enough was together

Together
Together we’ve laughed
Together we’ve hugged
Together we’ve dreamed
Together we’ve believed
Together we’ve loved

Together doesn’t last forever

The best days of our lives
Were spent apart

The best days of our lives
Were spent away

The best days of our lives
Are gone

These were supposed to be
The best days of our lives

Your toes lean over
Your hands clutch the rail
Behind you the traffic continues
You look down at the sea below
You think it's right
You think you can
You remember the pain
You remember the faces
You remember what they said
You let go
You remember the one
The one you had loved
They lean over and scream your name
Then you regret
You regret letting go
You dream of what could have been
And you fall
But it's too late now
You decided
That was thing you did

The story is over
This is how it ends
So long and goodnight

The snow began to melt when I was told to just SMiLe
The clouds turned gray when tongues around me began to curse
The doves flew from view when hate turned to cuts on my skin
The lamb disappeared when my father left and I laughed
The daisies wilted when my church preached that I'd be going to hell

The soggy ground became normal when I starved for beauty
Storms rolled in when I had my heart broken
The crows circled when pain turned to a rope around my neck
The wolves snarled when he wanted it and I couldn't form the word no
The thorns grew in when alcohol became my escape

The last of my innocence
It's a sliver of a moon in a starless sky
I fear the day I'm consumed by it and lose my way

You'll never hear me say
That I want to hurt myself
That cuts line my skin

You'll never hear me say
That I have dark thoughts
That I am sick

You'll never hear me say
That I imagine my funeral
That I dream of it

You'll never hear me say
That I know how to tie a noose
That I've done it before

You'll never hear me say
That I've picked the date
That I have it planned

You'll never hear me say
That I'm afraid of myself
That I don't know what I'll do

You'll never hear me say
That I need help

He was the warrior king.
He was known for being strong.
He was Mogar.

Shallow breaths passed through his lips.
Hot tears rolled down his cheeks.

Arms wrapped tightly around him.
Knees pulled close to his chest.

He tried to hold himself together.

How did he get here?

Unable to laugh or smile.
Unmotivated and unfocused.
Unable to sleep or eat.

An empty shell.

Devoid of all emotion but one:

Shame

He was ashamed.
Ashamed he couldn't push through.
Ashamed he wasn’t strong enough.
Ashamed that he was broken

He was the warrior king.

You laugh
You point
You stare
You spread a rumor
You talk behind my back
You beat
You yell
You call out a name that sticks
You crush me
Through my eyes
I'm embarrassed
I'm nervous
I'm sad
I'm depressed
I'm beaten
I'm torn
I'm bloodied
I'm defeated
Through my eyes
My life is ruined
My life is worthless
My life is over
I stood there and you pushed
1, 2, 3 steps back
I stood there and you shoved me
1, 2, 3 steps closer
You stood there and tapped me
1 step back
I've fallen
Down, down, down
Through my eyes it was worth it
Fight through the pain to feet the release

I want to live, not just survive

-Angel With a Shotgun, The Cab

I am a single boat
Drifting in an endless sea

Build me up
Tear me down
Pull me apart
Take me away

I've done some nasty things
I've lost all my good
I search my soul for you

Can you forgive me?
My broken heart racing
I want us back
Please give the pleasure of loving you

Hey it's me. Uh I was just calling to say I'm sorry
I know it's late and I know I'm an idiot for ever letting you go, but um,
Without you my life has a hole that can't be filled with anything else
The moon smiles at me as the stars dim out
They could never shine as bright as your eyes, but without you they have no reason to glow
At night the darkness is a cloak, it wraps me up trying to offer comfort
But only with you beside me could I ever be warm again
I've become a shell of the boy you once knew
I no longer have a reason to smile, My eyes have lost their glow, My laugh is dry from under use
I know I was never the prince you wanted or the good guy you needed, but things are different now
I'll hold your hand when you get scared, Hold you whether you need it or not, Be your shoulder to cry on
I guess what I want to say is,
*Baby I love you

What do I do
when the one I love is so lost
when he is so distant

What do I do
when he is in pain
when everything hurts

What do I do
when everything goes dark
when everything stops

What do I do?

White walls
White beds
White floors

White sheets
White tiles
White gowns

White faces
White eyes
White lights

Wonderland, Wonderland
Why do I keep coming back?
Is it the giant mountains
Or the flowing streams?
Wonderland, Wonderland
Why do I return?
Is it the people there
Or my love for Wonderfood?
Wonderland, Wonderland
Why do they hate me?
I walk, they scream
I talk, they beat
Wonderland, Wonderland
Why can't I be perfect?
With pretty hair
And big doe eyes
Wonderland, Wonderland
When did you become a twisted place?
Was it the screams
Or the nights of crying?
Wonderland, Wonderland
I don't know you any more.
With your ferocious monsters
And sniveling thieves
Wonderland, Wonderland
This is the end for me
I'll jump the bridge
Or pop the pills
Underland, Underland
I hope you welcome me
It was a quick ride here
I hope they know what they did

I write this poem with handled care
Sitting in the darkness of my lair
I type and type ideas on the page
One about a heart trapped in a cage
One about a girl falling in love
One about the true symbolism of a dove
click clack, click clack
The sound fills my ears
The words I've written bringing me to tears
I sit and ponder what is good and what is bad
I write my poems wondering if it’s just a fad
I think of him and what he’d do
He’d probably scream and throw his shoe
He’d yell that he’s not good then laugh at it
He’d come over to me and sit
We’d talk and write about our dreams
But that could never become true as it seems
Writing, writing in my room
A story emerges from the gloom
Here I sit and here I stay
Until I write another day

Your eyes they flutter
Like butterfly wings
When closed they blend
To the same tan as their background
But,
When opened
They shine a brilliant blue
And throw me off

Your eyes they gleam like crystals
They reflect the moonlight
Their soft grey is almost like shattered glass
They sparkle like gems in a hidden cave
They are an escape
A way to get lost in you
Your eyes are a passageway to heaven