I'm so ******* sorry
After 3 months I could not take it anymore
I failed you
I lost the fight
There is blood on my thigh
I just wanted to be better so bad
Please anybody
Help me
And if you can
Forgive me
I'm so ******* sorry

Have you ever felt like your in a pit?
A deep dark pit
That absorbs all light and hope
And you try to climb out of it
Up and up
Towards the light
Towards the happiness
And your almost there
And you can feel you spirit lifting
Stretching for the bright day
But then you misplace your hand
Or the rocks give out under your feet
And you fall
Back down
And you hit the bottom
And you feel like you can't do it again
And all you want to do is curl up in a little ball and cry
And so you lay there and sob
But after a bit you feel stronger
And you try the climb again.

Sometimes you will fall and slip
And sometimes you will reach the top
But no matter what you have to try
You have to climb
Because if you don't
Then you'll be stuck there forever
So try to the climb
Because you can do it.
You are strong.
And I believe in you.

I feel helpless.
Like I'm gonna lose you.
And that scares me.
I'm afraid.
And lost.
But I know I'm not fragile.
I know I'm strong.
And I know I can do this.
But I'm afraid of losing the ones I love along the way.

I need to change
I don't know if that means taking a break from you
Or eating more chocolate
I need to be happy
I can't live with the pain in my chest
It needs to stop
I'm sorry

i feel like I'm falling into a dream
where my best friends are strange memories
and i can't bring them back
and I'm a little girl again shaking with fear
how do you get you girlfriend and best friend back
when they are controlled by something
i don't know what to do

You asked if I was okay,
I said I was just tired,
Well I lied.
You saw the butterflies,
I said it was for a friend,
Sorry I lied.
You saw my art,
I said I was drawing inspiration from around me,
Oops I lied.
You ask all the time "are you okay?",
And I always say "yeah I'm fine",
But I lie.

Winds in the east  
Calling my name
It is so sweet
Singing again

I want to run
Away from my life
Away from the sun
Away from the strife

Deep in the dark
The spirits glow
They sing hark
They sing hello

The night is deep
The sun will come soon
The moon gently weeps
Deep in the gloom

I hold my head
Up in the clouds
My hair is deep red
But I wear a shroud

The river is swift
The river is quick
Deep down in a rift
Carful don't slip

sun shine
blue skies
bright days
laughter
happy
for now

You make a mask over time,
Slowly working it to perfection,
Smoothing out the bumps and wrinkles.
Fixing the cracks and adding to the paint.
When you wake up the first thing you do is put on your mask,
When you go to sleep you take it off.
Some days it feel heavy.
Sometimes you take it off when you are alone and let the tears flow,
But then you hear someone coming closer and you quickly put it back on.
Under it your about to break,
About to crumble and fall to the floor.
But on the outside you smile and laugh.
Some people can see the mask,
But most don't bother.
Quickly put your mask on or they might see you!

You say I do it for the attention
If I was doing it for the attention I would cut where you could see the scars
That I'm just doing it because its "trendy"
I'm doing is because I was so sad I wanted to feel something other than my breaking heart
That its not me
I may not like it but it is just as much me as my hand or leg

You whisper behind my back about me being "sick"
I am not ******* sick I am hurt. I need help but heaven forbid you be the one with the out stretched hand
All the things you say when you think I can't hear you
I can hear the whispers, the murmurs, the tiny little things you say about me affect how many cuts will be on my arm the next day
You say I'm ruining my body
I am hurting myself but if you can't look past the scars and love me then *******.

Yes I cut.
I am not proud of the fact that I pick up a blade and put it down on my thigh.
I want to get better
But I can't if you won't acknowledge what I've been doing.

Please help me.
Why won't you listen to me?
I'm screaming please help.

you are beautiful
yes you
lost one
dark one
alone one
you may be lost
but you can be found again
you may have dark
but your light will bleed through if you let it
you are not alone
no matter what you think
you are not alone
you have me
I'm here for you
beautiful one
strong one
you are beautiful

Me: I love you
I typed it out on my phone
I was about to hit send
But then my brain exploded
With a million different voices
do you?
are you sure?
why do you even bother? she doesn't love you
I sent it anyway
Biting my lip
Waiting
You: I love you too babe*
And a different voice piped up
See? I knew she loved you
you had nothing to worry about

I'm sitting on my bed
shivering with cold or sorrow
i do not know.
a warm cup of tea
a soft blanket
and still i cry.
i just can't stop
the tears continue falling.

I'm at a party
I feel alone
I shouldn't but the empty seeps in like quicksand
and
I'm
drowning
in
my
thoughts

I'm at a movie
a friend and my partner beside me
bright screen
loud sounds
they are holding my hands
but I'm floating above us
not
really
there

I'm laying in bed with them
my partner
my dear
they are holding my hand and playing with my hair
my vision blurs
its fading
alone next to my love

It's not your fault
I don't know whats wrong
but
I
feel
alone
in
a
crowd

I wished for so long that I could kiss you
That you would see me as more than a friend
And now you do
I hope this love will never end
When I see you the day gets brighter
The dark clouds lift
And life gets lighter
How I wished this day would come on wings swift

With all of that family
How will I survive?
I just can't do it.
How will I stay alive

I love my family
Don't get me wrong.
But two weekends
It's just to long.

I'll do anything
Just tell me please.
I'm begging you
From down in my knees.

Just one week is all I ask
I'm sorry I can't do it.
I'm not up to the task

Saving myself,
Can't do it,  
All alone,
Remember me
Smiling.

why does it matter anymore?
what is the point of struggling?
why do I even try?
the happiness eludes me
there are no more bright days and warm nights
only the heavy heat of depression
the dark shadow just behind me
lurking
waiting

I just wanted to see her,
But you had to say no.
I just wanted to smile,
But you made me cry.
I just wanted to be happy,
Is that to much to ask?
She makes me happy,
Maybe if i saw her more then,
I wouldn't cry myself to sleep every night.
You don't know what she does to me.
She helps me.
She is my light.
She is the color in a world of grey.
Why do you have to be so cruel?
What did I ever do to be so hurt?
Oh well,
I guess ill be crying myself to sleep,
Again.

No I'm not doing it because everyone else is
No I'm not wrong
No I'm not worthless

No I don't want your pity
No! shut up!
No I'm not "sad"

No I'm not broken, I'm just different
No you don't know me
No! *******!

No I know what I am
No! ***** you!
No I don't want to be perfect for you

Every morning I wake and look at the celling and think
I think to myself
Its just a few more days then I go home
When I think home I'm not thinking of a building
Or a room
Not a place
But you
You are my home
I see that now
I understand why people say
"Home is where your heart is"
You must have stolen my heart long ago
Some people have peices
But you have the whole
I'm glad you have it
I hope you won't hurt it
Home is where the heart is
That's all I have to say

I
Can't
Do
It.
Sorry,
Love.
I
Fell
Down
Again.

My heart just drove away in a purple/red car
And now I think I have a new scar
I should not have let it affect me as much as it did
But now I feel like crying, who am i trying to kid?
Oh well
I'm just swell
I love you so
But I had to let you go

I'm sorry I couldn't help you
I'm sorry I feel like I failed you
I'm sorry I feel helpless
I'm sorry but you didn't tell me
I could have tried
I could have been there for you
I'm sorry
You can tell me anything
I will listen
You don't have to be afraid
I love you

I wish I could tell you how much I love you
I wish I could be with you forever
I wish I could dance the day away
I wish the dark would consume me
I wish I could stop the sharp kisses
I wish I didn't rely on something so painful
I wish I could take your pain
I wish I could heal you
I wish
I wish
I wish
Quick wishes along with swift kisses
I wish I could throw it away
I wish it never existed
But I did
So I wish
And wish
And wish
For bright days
And clear nights

Hello to old friends and hello to new ones
I’ve been gone but now I’m back
And I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon
I’m a bit rusty and disused but with some work I’ll be as good as new

I want
to wright poetry that makes you cry and think about thing that you aren't comfortable with
but I'm not that good
yet

Love
I'm sorry
I couldn't do more
Love
I hope
That I can help you
Love
I wish
I could kiss all your scars and fix the pain behind them
Love
I want
To help you but I can't if you don't tell me what's wrong
Love

reading in front of a fire in winter when its raining,
the wonderful feeling of climbing a tree and reaching the highest branches,
jumping in a cool, clear river in summer,
eating fresh baked bread with butter and honey,
dancing in the rain on a warm spring day,
dancing with out a care in the world spinning and moving like the wind,
letting the beat over take my in tire body and throwing worries to the sky,
thats how you make my feel,
thats how i want you to feel,
come feel that way with me.

I sit here feeling nothing
I'm not hungry
I'm not sad
I'm not happy
I'm just empty

i hate my parents
always trying to one up each other
always acting like i might pick a side
like i might say i want to live with the other one
i hate that they always compete
saying things like
"oh he's taking you to see his family for a week?"
"well guess what I'm taking you to see mine for two"
and little things too
back handed comments and gifts
i hate that every night sense getting back I've cried my self to sleep
that I've cried more in the past day that I've been home
than I did while I was away