She is not pretty.
Her face is an average face; normal, common, ordinary. She have too big eyes, a nose that is a little bit too small, and slightly crooked teeth.
She is not pretty, and she does not mind.

Her heart isn't kind.
Isn't caring nor warm, but it is not bitter. It is a heart. Beating strong and pulsing with life. It is too tight, sometimes. Hurting her when she wanted to breathe. Most of the time she lives with the feeling of death but her heart is alive and so is she.

People asked her if she is capable of love.
They never get their answer because it is not their business what her heart can or cannot do.
She loves, barely and hesitantly. A child walking for the first time, falling down and keeps getting up.
She loves like she is dying.

Kindness isn't inherent in her,
but the autumn and pumpkin latte taste bright on her tongue, scalding and burning. She tried crying one night, but the mold would not broke (or it's already broken and she does have enough to care).

People whispers about her, she does not care.
Labels are pinned unto her back and she walks like life isn't just boxes with tags slapped on it. She walks like life is life and nothing more. They are scared of her, murmuring about her normal skin; how she can walk like she is deaf to the world.

They are afraid because she held the secret that they want so bad to devour.
"what is your deal?" "Why won't you smile?"
"Are you even human?" (howcanyouloveyourselfwhenyouarentspecialprettywhenyouarejustcomm­onandaveragehowhowhowhowho-)

She does not stand out, standing out means to fit in. She knows that to fit in means dying. And she is in love with life to let go, too in love to care that she is nothing and not special because she isn't. How can she be more than what she is when life is miraculous and a wonder and so so so much more than she could ever be in a lifetime.

She is not pretty, and she is okay with that.
Because she knows that there is so much more in life than beauty.

-nabs

I know you're bad for me,
but I'm addicted to you.
Cause you're my toxic anti depressant,
Couldn't do a **** thing but swallow.

Baby, your sugar coated lies rots my insides.

He is a golden boy
hair made from strands of sun
and skin as dark as
the war that raged inside his mind
his words are sandstorm
ready to blow away those foolish enough
to travel the desert without willpower
there are cobras coiling in his veins
venomous and deadly and glinting like stars
as the dove on his back spread their wings
and try to fly away
He is a golden boy
heart buried deep beneath
shriveling everyday as he try to
held the world on his shoulders

A girl is sitting in the corner
Shaking her body back and forth
Garbled sounds coming out of her blue lips
Blue lips like the pills scattered on the floor

She is drowning and no one is helping

Her body shook and shook
And shake and shake and shake
Rattling from the wind, the dark, everything
She cough and cough, blood staining her dress

Her flat belly becomes big and round
Big and round, big and round
Full and brimming with life
It is a life she never wanted

Fingers are touching her
Long and gnarly, short and smooth
Leaving bruises, painting her in oil and smudges
Violating her down down below

She is littered with cuts
Wounds upon wounds
Festering and infected
The blood was no longer red

Her skin is a myriads of explosive color
Her blood an abyss of pain and sorrow
She is a shell, a shell of skin and misery
She is human no more

She is screaming

She is screaming as hooks pierced her arm
Made from words and arrows
She is being yanked and yanked and yanked
Stretched thin to the bone

Bone that no longer held the marrows of life

A hollow man cradled her hair
Playing with her hair in a mocking gesture of love
He trailed his fingers down her spine
Wanting to break it and make it arch

She is limp in the hold, frozen in disgust

Knives is touching her skin
Slashing words and possession unto her
Pulling life out of her eyes
Eyes that used to hold stars and universe

He force himself upon her
Calling it an act of love love love
A mockery, a desecration of something holy
She is filled with fluid, disgust, and blame

Her shoulders are being bent and bent
Askew in so many ways
Like herself that is no more
She wonders if now she's an it

Wonder if she could erase her self from existence

She screams

Abyss pooled from her legs
Dead stars haunting her
Her legs are spread spread wide
Bones, she felt like her bones are breaking

She screams and screams
Until her throats are torn into shreds
Voice traded into air and silence
No longer can she speak, no longer

She is being burned with pain
Ice and fire and lightning
Pain sharp, so so so sharp
Like the hooks that is holding her like a marionette

She pushed and pushed at the pain
Wanting to stop to stop feeling
Feeling anything, feeling life, feeling existence
Blood is pouring out between her legs

The man smile a beatific smile

He kissed her temple
Licked her earlobe
Croons and croons and croons
Pushing into her more, even when she is pushing out

She is pushing her life out, gasping for death

He is choking her life back into her
"No, dear you will not escape me"
He bites her throat, marking her with vileness
Entitlement and pain and ****

She does not obeyed

She pushed and pushed and pushed
Pain so overwhelming it numbed her
There is life and she wanted it gone gone gone
She screamed silence and break

The baby comes out covered in blood

The man is dead, is alive, is morphing
The man becomes the baby
The baby becomes the man
She vomited everything, her lungs, her heart

Her soul

Laughing hysterically with abandon
She hates everything so she laugh and laugh
Not noticing that the Abyss have heed her call
That she is being embraced by it

The Abyss plunged into her the same way the man does

There is a girl sitting in the corner
Shackled in chains, caged with neurons
And she is drowning and drowning and drowning
No one could save her, not even me

Cause how can you save your own shadow?

tonight we sip our sorrow, bitter
to the point of sweetness
nursing bruised lips, bruised heart--
painful in the way that it burns you
alive,

swaying in our stool,
teetering to the edges and wonder
what it's like to fall, to fall and never
come back,

they ask if we are only halves, only
broken pieces glued into hollowed
body,

but to feel is to exists, and
we're too sad to be anything
other than
whole.

He write in bread crumbs,
trails of clues that will not be found because the birds have eaten them. Fleeting, unremarkable, but it feeds and feeds and fills empty stomach. Unfulfilling but full.

( Most of the days that is so much better than being hollow)

Over the years, the forest grows.
Grasses mold it self into canopies, rooftops that shields him from the light. A darkness that blinds but pulsing with warmth. Branches twisting towards each other, entangled in each other stories. 'write better' they whispers.
Flowers will not blooms but the sweet smell of honeycombs wafts through the air like hunger.

( we are hungry and hungry and lonely tell us stories, tell us more more more more please moremoreore-)

So the path to home become unrecognizable. Intangible, flickering as if it wanted to be real.
He feels kin ship down to his bones and whimpers fall out from his mouth, quivers but does not fold.
He curled but life would not, will not let him bend.

What should a man do if he cannot curve, cannot bow and break? They all said that to achieve greatness, he have to taste 'broken' on his tongue. Ripe to the point of decaying, fingers sticky with black honey.

He let his teeth chatters, secrets flew out of his mouth like love letters. Carved into him self are the promises made by breakers and yet, honesty is what he sounds like. A forest is an illusion, they say. Wrap your perception until everything look the same and there is only doubt in your self.

( After all everything have to protect their heart)

Peeling barks, bleeds. He bit his lip, wounds are his lovers but everyone knows that love is treacherous. There is a little boy and a man. There is Him, the one who only grows and feeds but never fulfills. 'Isn't that enough?',he asked.
This was what you sow into me, you make me grow into a man but not a human. So he becomes,
forest isn't the only thing that can burn.

( How do you escape your self?)

This is a mirror house, a forest where every trees are your thoughts, their roots are your beliefs, and their seeds are your doing.

(most of the times, it become your own undoings)

You reap what you sow, but what if you are the one  who was sowed.

-nabs

By: Nabs

I want to love you like  I love the sun, thriving and burning. A burst of warmth, a need that if not fulfilled  would make me yearn and withering away, dying with out the sun rays. All consuming.

I want to love you like a flower. Slowly growing and blooming into something breath taking and then withers away.

I want to love you like how water is. Ever patient and slowly trickling, and then bursting with fervor. Leaving a changed landscape behind, a changed me.

I do love you.

I love you, I love you like my memories of my first laugh, like a color blind person seeing colors for the first time.  A burst of an unnamed wild thing that have never been experienced by the soul before.

I love you like how the snow thaw in the spring. Slowly  growing, peeking shyly from the snow. A patch of a grass. Growing until it withers away again as the snow descends. And endless cycle who will be broken with the end of time.

I love you, until I forget about who I am, until all I can see and feel is you. Until I am drowning and between the  gasps of my breath, lies prayers to you.

There is a flowing river inside of me. A flowing river of fire and warmth, who will burn and drown me at the same time. Leaving only ashes and the wisp of prayers. An empty cache of what used to be.

I love you.


I love you, until it intoxicate me, until I am gasping for breath every second. Until my head grows blank and as every second passes in this infinite yet ephemeral time,  a glimmer of realization pass through me, like sand in the sahara desert. Scorching and yet softened by wind.  

Darling, I love you like we were not meant to be.

Run, even when
the jeers are too loud
your legs feels like they will
fall off, and pain stabbing with
every footsteps that land on the ground.

Keep going, leave marks
unseen or careless
you are the one who will bite
your own fruit of labour.

(don't think about the flavor. if it tasted too much like your blood, swallow)

the dogs, rabid and feral
they will chase you
but they will cower when you show them
your gleaming teeth
all animals know to fear beasts,
especially the caged ones.

Let the wind, shake you up
bring a noose made of what ifs
and the trials that you endures
undulating coils filled with every
rejection that sneak itself into your ribs.

There are cracks on your sole,
some runs through your back
dividing your temple and circling your neck
bending down to your lips, dangles like
the consequences of reality
oozing colors but never spirit.

Run, keep running
until you burn up,
burned up and there is
nothing left but footmarks
on hard stone.

(Water is patience that you drink, but Fire is what we all breathe)

By Nabs

Have you ever heard
the sound of the wind dying?

It sounds a lot like your hoarse crying.

Broken moons, stifled sobs
smell of cardamom and pain.
Angry strokes, lightning brush
across this singed canvas.

Paint me with a storm.
Paint me with a storm.

Guttural rumble of disagreement,
muted in its pallor.
Second hand embarrassment
is lethal to the skin.

Broken bottles, broken souls
stuck in a machination of malfunctioning systems.
we never had control in the first place.

We put energies in our sorrows,
forgetting to store them for our backbone.
No wonder we can't stand straight
and look up to the sun.

"Amnesia", we would plead.
Cause all we remember is how to bleed.

Have you ever heard
the sound of the wind dying?

It sounds a lot like the day we went crashing.

She's the girl that'll give you cavity.
Dusted with soft white sugar.
Hair fluffly like cotton candy.
Skin as brown as caramels.
Lies as sweet as
the dimples when she smiles.

she cries
as they paint her
with blood from sacrifices

womb numb from
too much swords
unwanted,
yet bestowed
as if it is
a gift

her hand was shackled
to a pedestal
wreathed with flowers
back arched in
pain

they watched
as the earth stifled
her cries

bowing down
when she was
buried in the ground

leave me be, drifting towards
the pool, in which life
never start. never stops.

there is cigarettes burns
littering your cheeks,
and acid on your teeth
but you aren't a lifeguard
so don't drown.

I sing you a farewell and
a choir of rambling noises
maybe this will be what you
understand.

incoherent strings of letters
made into inconsistent words
left miracles in its bareness
there is no left overs, aching.

we aren't lovers,
don't simplify what we have
too much of that, repeating
will make any bond curdle

you and i,
were a myth, a legend
but all stories must end
and with a lingering glance
it burst into
nothing.

angry teens
rebelling agains the streams
trying to find them self
in a world where nothing make sense

words are often
hard to reach
says too much
but not enough

carry tsunamis
between
each syllables
yet

too often,
we play water guns

put your mask on, let's play pretend.
no smiles--no language.
only the glide of our hand, trembling--
like the way your mother body shakes when
you have been gone away too long from home.
whispers are allowed, but only secrets and morse
and the sweet after taste that you always tried to chase.
let us disappear into this play, immerse and submerge--titanic hitting an iceberg and sinking.
unstoppable, unredeemable. a tragedy.
but you and your soft lips and the slight rasp in your voice, the misery and the life and everything in between, made a storm that saves life.
so the theater applauds at the happy ending, love that saves the day.
completely ignoring, that the day only wants to end.

****** knees, dark circles
wearing insecurities like its the new trend
baring your heart to the world
presenting it, thinking it'll hurt less
if you volunteer

but bile still creeps up your throat
as each stab of society knife plunges
into your head quarters
bypassing every defense you have
leaving shattered denials and false truths

you recite your gospels, your mantra
everynight you went down on your knees
you prayed and you prayed
until there is nothing but obliteration of
one sense of humanity

spider thread, you grasp them
and you hung from the ceiling
with all your dreams and silence
watching you as a spectator
as you spilled your gut
voice dead inside

Goodbye,
to the long nights
filled with your endless chatter
while your presence burrow itself
deeper in the cavern of my cranium
seeping through every pores

(i should've taken my antibiotics more)

Goodbye,
to the constant warmth
and burst of vivid life
that you painted on me with colored chalk
despite me telling you that i'm a black board

(maybe i should've told you i'm allergic)

Goodbye,
to the feeling of falling
and not being afraid for the impact
the dizzying senstation that flooded inside
of the daily dose of adrenaline rush
you taught me to not be scared

( i'm not scared anymore because i've reached the ground)

Goodbye,
to your kindness and intimacy
your fold and creases and lines
the labyrinth that i would gladly be lost in forever
would gladly throw away my maps and my common sense so i could just learn about you more

Hello,
to the first chapter after you


( all that time charting made me know how you work, it doesnt make it easier to swallow why you made yourself a stranger to this known walls )

you tipped my world into your axis-- gravity and such things that do not bind if we do not let them.
weaved--time and affection into a wreath that wound up around my neck.

(the wreath is pretty but breathing is getting harder and harder to do)

i didn't master patience until i fell head first into your orbit. I haven't still--but when you understand something it'll become easier.

i want to untold what i said--to swallow them back, hide them in between the crease of a smile; to cradle them--instead of giving them to you.
but i did and there's no regret to linger on.

(i have given everything--and myself still think it wouldn't be enough.)

take your time, i would rather bleed out than be a cage. and i'll wait until you leave--until you asked; cause the ball is in your court.

(know this,
i have made my choice when i dreamed being with you that night; warm lights--and smiling, in between your arms.)


"love isn't painful. what keeps you apart from it, is the one that's painful"

the town is crumbling
                        the bell is tolling
                        the dead ones are rolling

and we're still sinning
        while the whole world is burning

Don't forget :
a room is
only as big
as how wide
you open
your mind.
To believe
is to see.

love, had made me
a weapon of
destruction

righteousness coursing
in my vein as the
ground burns where ever
i walked

love had turned me
into a monster

yet
in the blood
splattered mirror
i only see

a fool

make me a wish
snowflakes in the dark,
the tangle of our body heat
warmth that is never there

war was painted on your face
tasting like your father whiskey bottle
broken and nothing
everything

push and pull,
the tides that swallows
your screams and your prayers
bend me down, you whispered

but the shore have drowned a long time ago

vanishing smile that cries
like your cracked mother's china
begging and begging and begging
nothing

(everything)

you told me that love is dark
let the candles melt and
wax burned our tounge
hell hath no fury for lovers scorned

spilled wine on the table cloth,
nothing and everything will fix us
like a nice cold champange made of
confessions of our
sins

By Nabs

Quiet reign over
Happiness accompanied with dread
The air stills, water freeze
Waiting

Alway waiting
The tell tale of burning ozone
How the wind blew the grass
Hard, unforgiving, preparing

Crystalized thunder
Icy fire, burning Ice
Skin prickles with anticipation
Dread and elation, what a company

Throwing sticks and stones
Fire ready and burning
Burning burning
Wishing to never be put out

To take all who dares

Shades and echo
Silence that sound too loud to be real
The drumming of hearts
Paper cranes fly wildly that day

Message bottles bobbles
Nowhere, they're going to nowhere
Nobody is singing
Song about the war of future and past

The mountains stood strong
For this is a battle they had long known
Never fear, even If they weren't here
But still the animal cower and disappear

The farmers elation
Palpable in the air
For they dance, the dance of harvest
Whilst the air becomes stiller and stiller

Waiting grew taller and longer
Drawn taut
Stings were plucked
No sound, silence, stillness

Sailors, look at the horizon
Praying to the gods that they believe in
To be able to come home

For the sirens are singing silently
About the storm that is coming

By nabs

There's a girl dancing to the music of life.
Summer eyes, summer child.
Playing air guitar with imagination,
drumming her little feet to the earth.

Dancing her own little rituals.
Hops and twirls. Giggling.
Jumping and clapping,
letting the joy course through her little body.

The girl grinned impishly at me,
mischievous glint in her eyes.
She run towards me and grabs my hand,
whisking me away to dance.

Each spins and hops,
Taught me how to laugh.
How to stop and wonder and dream and dream.
How to let life be breathtaking.

I didn't realize I had forgotten the simplicity of joy.

There's a little boy with sparrow wings.
Woven from the stars and the shadow.
Hands full of carefully gathered sand,
golden golden sand.

He let them go, slipping through his finger tips,
watching them get swooped away by the wind.

"Why do you do that?"
The question slipped out of my mouth.
Like an eager bird flying for the first time.
That startled me.

I thought I had long forgotten how to let my questions out.

The boy gaze at me,
His eyes swirls like oil spills
with it striking rainbows that looks
young and old on his face.

He doesn't smile, he doesn't need to.

He take my hand and guide it towards the ground,
sinking it down the golden golden sand.
Gently closing my fingers to cup at them.
They feel soft, like silk and lips.

They tickle and I loosen my grasp.

As each grain flies away from my clutch,
Flashes of images floods my mind
like a storm of wings, each
was made from memories and carries feeling.

The birth of a daughter seen by the father,
the first time someone went to the sea,
the giddiness of two people falling in love,
the sunshine reflected on your eyes.

A hand brushed a stray tear away.
The boy doesn't smile, he doesn't need to.
I didn't realize I was crying.
He looked at me and I understand.

Like little kids saying goodbye to their friends,
Memories are meant to be let go.
To not clutch them tight as to not destroy them.
Memories are too easily tainted.

So I open my palms again and said goodbye.
I'll know they'll come back, like little kids know
their friend will be back the next day.

I have never felt this free before.

There is a baby with a tuft of black hair on top.
Bundled with innocence and wonder.
She had her eyes open, she giggled.
It's her first laugh, it sparkles like fairies.

I picked her up and hold her close to me.

I run and run and run until
there's wing on my back.
Taking a leap of faith, and jump.

Soaring toward the blue blue skies for the stars
with life pumping through my veins.

Here be the solace
for the lost
for the forgotten
for the wanderers
for the starving hearts
hungry for words
to feed the aching soul

Cobwebs and dews
The creak of the white fences
Of ruins long forgotten
Of places names unknown

This is the road for the wanderers
For the wanderers to be lost
For the lost to be forgotten
For the forgotten to be unknown

To pick up this dream means to forfeit
But never fear
Monsters are long gone from here
In this ruins of unmarked

The road is long
Twist and turns, may it bound your bones
Creaks run rampant, wild wild things
To rest means to drown

A man will ask,
For your most important woes
The price of the answer
Will lead you through

Do not fear, this ancient times will unwound
Pebbles made from time
A maiden left untouched
To tempt those whose uncouth

Justice, in this domain
Is straight as the lining,
Between the sky and the earth
And it will never be bent
For it is silver and they stay through

Thunders rumbling,
Will be your company
For the wind,
They'll be your enemy

Red poppies,
Grow as every step you took
Wishing you luck
For those who sleep in this road
will never wake up

Do be weary,
For sure the road will let you astray
Cause taking straight lines
Will lead you to not be found

This will be an asylum
For those who embraces
Let joy overwhelm
To let euphoria posses

There is a price
For utter abandonment
Balance needed to be strike
Their names will never appear in reality

But do not fret,
Crystal and porcelain epiphanies
Littered this road,
Glimmering ephemerally

One of them,
Will lead you to the end of the road
For that is the only way to go back

(breathe.)

I. Monday

Lethargy is your close friend
the weight of its hand on your shoulder
is both familiar and heavy
you want to push it away
but these days
you need company more than dignity

(in and out)

II. Tuesday

You always hate this day
your coffee always turn sour
and the sky always seems so bleak
you try to convince yourself
it does not have anything to do
with the ever absent table in front of you

(breathe.)

III. Wednesday

Scrolling down through facebook
you see pictures of your high school friends
you scowled and keep scrolling
the taste of toilet water and stale food
still ripe on your tounge
you grimaced
a therapy add pops up into your monitor

(the bile is normal. breathe)

IV. Thursday

You wonder about greek gods
about their passion that turned cruel
you also wonder why things are called things
and other inane things
you wonder a lot
why rice tasted nice
why blue sounds sad
why your brother never came home

(exhale and inhale)

V. Friday

Five, that's the number of people in your family
Your father, who always phones at midnight
your mother, who stayed in the kitchen weeping
your brother, who you never seen again
your sister, who wear short skirts to hide the bruises on her
you, who swallowd too many pills to remember how to be human

(don't try to stop breathing. It's important)

VI. Saturday

It's almost over now
you wrote down every word you remember
from their letter that they sent 2 years ago
before they became a mess of mutated cell
you keep telling your self they're still the same
you lie to yourself so you can sleep at night
denying that change is inevitable
you have mutated too
the infection were from yourself

(in out in out inoutinoutinout)

VII. Sunday

The sun is shining bright today
but the lights are blinding
and you burrow further into the blanket
not smiling as hands brushes your hair
they're the skeleton begging to be out
from the closet you locked them
you pursed your lips
Golden liqiud it is

(breathe and look up.)

By Nabs

My love is
black black black
In their certainty
grey grey grey
In the way they make me see
white white white
In the way i know
your red red heart
would never beat
in tangent with
my monochrome heart.

Sleep
Nowhere near oblivion
Like ice put out by fire
water crystalized by thunder

Talk to me only when you need me
c'mon use me as a waste bag
I'll listen to your words and fold it in my cards
try to use me to cure your self
I'm a one use injection, a temporary amusement
It's alright, i'm not mad
after all i'm only some medication
near their expiration dates
throw me away after you used all the pills
I'll paste a smiley sticker on my face
kindness is a thing you take for granted
overdosing does apply to you
even if you think you'll be the exception
leave me laying on the cold ground
getting touched by thousand hands
won't make a big deal of it anyway
If it hurt me, you don't really care

after all aren't I just a hole for you to shove all your things into?

playing surgeon
words as our scalpel
dissecting our body
trying to heal the broken parts,
instead what we achieved
is mangling ourself
into unrecognizable
pile of mess

we stand, gazing up to the sky
see it cracked like a spider web
dust and grime  have dirtied our hands
saturated in the culture of lies
growing like fungus,
chaotic in their network
sweat drips down, reflection distorted
teeth grind down to brittle pebbles
holes and cavity
a rot that afflict both humanity and this world
we can't shake off our sin, it's there
forever will it be there, a little lead lake
building mountains as you exhale each breath
tiny bones will grow into one of hollow
with empty eyes and wobbly knees
scrapped thigh and ****** fist
but we still grow, a bean sprout
on mounds of rotting corpses
even as our breathe hackles
torn up legs will march the
march of rightiousness
muddy puddle doesn't make a good mirror
but we make do

the bright colored sand
seems like delusion to me
shooting pebbles like it was nuts
like human does not bleed

fire that went out
thunders that went in
more so, more so, more so.
the chanting that never ends

on and on again
until the land is carved to the sky

Cross your fingers
close your eyes
inhale the coldness
of the warmth that used to be
burning you as you
merge and fuse with the ice
of the arctic sky
while constellation hanging
a noose, a thin thing,
made just for us

Careless nights, high on caffeine
head filled with cotton and yet
waterfall streams true
the truth is on the horizon, it whispers
yet like the apple dangling on a tree
so close but out of reach
a boat made of pillows
tooth and nails shape this body

bells and wheatgrass on your hair
the way your wrist deflect
every hand shake coming your way
a smile that was never quite there
twitching between beaming
and solid wall

sand colored ribbon tied to your thumb
how you carve every word
from the dictionaries into the walls of your mind
making sure you always have a weapon
in your artilleries to shield you
from humanity and their helplessness

foggy glasses and dew stained mouth
every time you breathe out
there's pain lacing every
carbon dioxide exhalation
there's also release in the way
you take pleasure in knowing
you have less and lesser time existing

lime sneakers and muddy jeans
you keep telling your self that
the voices inside your head
will never be more than that
until the day the pungent smell
of guts dying sears them self
into your head space and lungs

streaks of paint on your neck
the taboo's you want to feel
gliding against your nerves
grating them until you stop feeling
empty between your ribcage
filling you so full of void,
you want to rip it open

red stripes on your back
you look at the broken mirror
in the failure you call a heart
how it still pumps and pumps
no matter how many times
you wished it stopped

meteors lining your veins
at night you close your eyes
and let the ocean crashes against your walls
tasting how salty the water is agains your tongue
thinking how sad it is
to love something that have life as their grave.

as i passes the streets
i see things getting rebuild
or a fave shop getting deconstructed
or old abandoned building turned into houses
it put me back to perspective
how fast time flies from our fingertips
it's like a fast forward button
you know it's there but you're oblivious to it
not knowing how fast you jump forward
always wanting for it to be over
to go to a period where you'll feel happier
forgetting to savor the feeling of just being alive
rushing through life like it's a chore
then reminders like this slaps you on the face
how much time have we spent
on wishing for better times, and never realizing that as each 'tick tock' of the clock means
more time have slip between your fingers
you can never hold on to time
they're like birds unseen in the horizon
but reminder like this remind us
we never really know how
precious time is until it ran out.

smoke bombs
vivid colors, fumes that clog your throat
how humane it is to sacrifice yourself
just to see a hint of beauty in our life
we cough and we cough and we cough
until we spat blood out on our hand
brimming with the potency of sheer
stubborn humanity of wanting to live
in paradise of beautiful things on earth.

Confidence says,
"Please tell me how to stop being an abstract thought, hiding in the corner of your mind. Cause I want to be real and fight beside you."

there's a man
throwing pennies
up up in the air
heads or tail, yes or no

copper distraught
met silver uncertainty
wondering when will
gold find their way

metal in our blood
trouble magnet they say
isn't that what we're built for?

crystal clear, we'll never be
too muddled with impurities
but that's okay,
good samaritans are dead anyway

Today,
you gave me a
room full of silence
it was so loud
that you can't hear
my heart breaking.

You gave me roses
That grew in my heart

                    Never told me
   That their thorns
   Going to pierce my lungs

  Making it harder to breath
           When you're around

By Nabs

They call me a fun sucker
For pointing out that was wrong
For speaking out
About the discriminations that rot humanity

Some asked," why are you like this?"
"Why can't You just lay back and stop being so serious?"
"Why can't You just let it be?"
Or in other words 'why can't i shut up?'

Just because

I'm tired of having to swallow down my words
To be told to swallow down so many times
As if that is what all I'm good at
They don't care if I was choking

Just because

I'm tired of people carelessly making jokes
About issues that shouldn't be made fun off
Shouldn't be made into the **** of a joke
Cause while you're laughing, They're screaming

Just because

People like to slap labels on other people
Cause it's easier to box them down
Into simple brand than as a complex being
Easier to determine which one superior, which one inferior

As if we are products, not human

They called me a rebel
For defying the norm
For not accepting that skins colors and what you have down your pants iare limits
For not conforming to their rules to the playground

Just because they say it's right, doesnt mean its true

They say, ignorance is bliss

But I don't think I can sleep, ignoring the screams just cause it didn't happen to me

Cause how can they blind them self
To the injustice of the world
The way they pile the bodies
And set them aflame

Just because

I will not hide my self, any longer
I will not be ashamed of who I am
And for that I will fight

For that I will not bow down to oppression

I will not bow down to any kind of oppression

You can stick your silly labels to my back
Kick me on the sides, Beats me up
You can try to bring me down

But I will promise you
I will drag you down to hell with me too

Cause this is my home also
None of you, big kids could bully us to go
Cause you think you could burn me down
As if I am a house made of sticks

Didnt you know that to light me up means that you going to burn too?

For I fight for what is right
Even if in this ocean of poison there's barely any lights

i can't sleep
my head's too loud to be ignored
my heart too heavy
my voice to small to be heard
over fresh new screams coming from
behind the doors of fake heaven

Sometimes I want to be numb
because emotions feels like nails
and they scrape the windows
left marks that will not disappear

Sometimes I want to be numb
because my heart feels too soft
and it keep hurting and bleeding
even after I buried it six feet under

Sometimes I want to be numb
to not care about being empty
or feeling guilt that seeps in the foundations
those are the days where getting anything done becomes very hard

Sometimes I want to be numb
but then there is days where I bathe
in the privilege that is feelings
to be able to taste sunlight and feel the wind
shouting and screaming and kicking and fighting
bitter and sweet and crying and breathing
to be able to say I love you and goodbye

Sometimes I want to be numb
but feeling pain is a price
I would gladly pay to be alive

Dust.
    Dusk.
        Duck.
                            Your allergies, your tragedies.
                  Your lies, your trials, your smiles.
        Your wariness, sweetness, bitterness.
Hidden, always hidden.
In plain sight you left your traces.
    Constellations of footprints, paper pieces.
    A beating heart, that beats not for it host.
                            Thumping, crashing.
Silver scar, hunting knife.
Apollo and Artemis blessing.
            
              The pattern of your orbits.
                                                Pleasure.
Closure.
                          Erasure.
Deleted, that's what they said.
Said, said, says.
Liar, liar, pant's on fire.
    Denial runs deep, drowning
                  Always forever drowning.
Tracing your existence, as it blinks out.

You left, with unfinished business.
                              They scattered, the remains
                              Of the ashes of your
            Photograph.
A dent in my soul,
                                            A trench in my heart.
Beating in agony over the ripped part.

      A tome that will self destruct.
              
                          A tomb for you and your memoir.

Sometimes I think
I saw him in my dreams
But I cannot seem to recall his face
He's been lost to me, ever since

there is a prayer
in saying
nothing

but true salvation
lies in letting your
opinion
color the world

How to get used to loneliness:

You don't.