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Mims Jan 2017
I stand on sandy shores,
Looking out on the great blue,
Wishing I was away from me,
Or rather farther from you,


White sailboats,
Are just beyond my grasp,
And in blue paint,
On the side,
It claims happiness.

My toes curl,
In the damp sand,
Watching people run into the water,
While I'm stuck on land,
And I would swim as well,
But I'm afraid of sharks,
Or really anything,
That prefers the dark,

I know how to swim,
In the back of my mind,
Have I just forgotten then,
Or lost it with passing,
Tides?

It's now midnight,
On my sandy beach,
And I'm praying for the water,
To just reach my feet.
Mims Dec 2017
I knew you

and you knew me

Our messages told stories

of us taking over the galaxy
Diary #1
Mims Oct 2016
I'm not sure who I am yet,
I'm sure where I'm going,
I don't know if I'll ever be,
Really truly me,
We spend our time inventing ourselves,
And i guess I'm just spare parts,
The way my mind thinks,
Music is my art,
A titles half the story,
A picture worth a thousand words,
I've spent my life regretting,
And feeling no self worth,
I've gotten sick and tired,
Of being sick and tired,
I've felt the way we all we feel,
At 3am alone.
I've started to stay on the internet,
Into wee hours of the morning,
Gathering scattered information.
I see my week,
A flashing blurr of distorted colors,
Emotions whirling everywhere,
Trailing one another,
I'm not sure where I'm going,
Or if you'll follow me,
I'm not sure of my roots,
If I was planted like a tree,
I haven't spent much time,
Inventing myself,
Not as much as wishing I was someone else,
But it is time to own up to,
The real and true me,
And maybe then I'll understand....

Who I'm supposed to be
i just don't know
Mims Sep 2018
On the couch
Me wrapped up in you
Like some present in the back of a Christmas movie
Heartbeat
Against my skin
This
Must be what it is

On the way home
My head in your lap
Wrapped in the soft blanket you brought so I wouldn't get cold
Staring at the cieling of your father's truck
Your face staring at me in my peripheral vision
Could be the 6th night in a row
That we have been together
And we both know it won't last forever
But your smile sends a shiver down my spine
And I never knew what it looked like
I'd never seen it
Maybe I could imagine it
But I never tried
With you
It came so easy
And I know everyone says that
The same way everyone says it gets better...

I come home
And let out a big sigh
This must be

What love looks like.
Mims Mar 2020
I laid on the kitchen floor
My heart begging to burst
i just want your honey skin
And your curls
Your laugh is music
Your smile the opening number
I kiss your cheek
Then bite your shoulder
i just want to devour you

you are so sweet
Mims Sep 2017
paint the villain in your mind*
What do they look like?
Painting poetry?
Mims Mar 2019
And I am holding hands with my depression while it screams into a microphone
It's used to being center stage
The center of attention
Poking, proding
I'll kiss my love on the lips and it'll tug at my shirt whispering
"I'm still here"

It'll grab at me on car rides
Pinch my walking down the street
Make my nose bleed in bookstores
Break my fingers in urban outfitters
"I'm still here"
"I'm still here!"
"I'M STILL HERE!!"
Slowly getting louder as I try to push it down

Sometimes I muffle it
Quiet it
But I can never completely silence it
My hand slips
And a battle cry is released into the night
the duct tape wasn't tight enough
Or maybe my grip

I guess I stopped kicking it eventually
Stopped fighting it
Stop tying it
It was
The thing I kept in my basement but instead of me trying to make it stay and it trying to escape
it fought me to be cemented in my mind
taking all my resources starving me emotionally

Maybe sometimes physically

I accepted that it was a part of me

I let sing to me
Occasionally
After all
We're both in the basement
And we're

bored

It would sing things
Hopeless,
Frantic,
Scary things

They don't like you
There isn't a point in breathing it's mundane, it's uninteresting

You have hurt so many people and been hurt by so many people you're beginning to forget where the line is
And which side you're on


If she knew you now
She'd be disappointed
But she's dead
She died before you tried to let her learn who you grew into


They'll all die

You'll die

We are all just putting off the inevitable
Isolate yourself


You know you're happier alone
You know he doesnt really love you
So stop answering the phone



One night
My depression took out a knife
And slit her thighs
I was asleep but she bled on me all night
And in my dreams

I knew the warmth was from tragedy

Though I never bled with her
I let her keep me red

Keep me angry

"You'll never have a dad!" she yells.

"You'll never go away"
I frown at the shriveled little body of memories and chemical imbalances and tubes and guts and hearts and other dismembered parts
And I think

I've known you for so long
But i've never really looked at you

I am surprised
How different
How separate
We are

You grab me
Poke me
Yell at me
Hold me
Hurt me

But you

Are not

Attached to






                                 Me.
This poem could've gone so many different ways, but this is how it ended up.
Mims Jan 2018
"You're really good at poetry!"

*"ha, I'm good at romanticizing toxic situations"
Don't know if that's good or bad
But thank you anyways
Mims Sep 2017
Caring is stress,
*Love is a mess.
Is this stressful
Is this beautiful
Is this us?
Mims Nov 2017
It snowed last night
But it didn't storm

Frost kisses my windows
And a light dusting has my walnut trees transformed

I have no desire to do anything but lay under my covers
Where its warm

read the book that has my fingers stiff from late night air

Or stay in a comfortable state
Of half asleep and half awake
Wondering how to tell dreams from reality
Real life from fantasy

I can't be bothered to be bothered
Because it snowed last night
And that makes me really happy
Mims Sep 2017
Did you know?
That it's raining down the halls?
I started a fire,
And set off all the alarms.

So moisture sinks into the carpet and it remains there,
long after we've cleaned up.

So whatever hadn't burnt,
Has begun to rot.
Mims Jul 2018
Kissing you felt good

And that just makes everything more complicated
sorry
Mims Oct 2016
I've been there,
I've walked that road,
I've had those feelings,
So many times before,
I've wanted to hurt myself,
Or someone else,
I've felt that pain,
That hate,
And I know,
How hard it is,
To let go of everything you have spent building,
Every nasty feeling,
I've been there,
I've walked that road,
So many times before,
I
Remember when I started punching walls,
Bleeding fist,
Inner anger,
I've been there,
Had those feelings,
I have been angry,
For not doing more,
Don't try and say,
I'm not gonna tell you what happened,
You won't understand,
You have probably never felt these feelings before,
I've been there,
I've walked that road,
We all have one,
A road we walk,
Not particularly knowing where we're going,
In the middle of the night,
Thinking,
What if I don't turn around,
I've felt those feelings,
I've MEMORIZED that road.
Mims Aug 2018
I mouthed the words while we were lying on your bed
Your fingers tracing my arm
Our faces so close
Our legs so tangled
Your eyes were closed
You tell me I am the only person you feel comfortable talking about 'feelings' with

My arm on your neck
I mouthed the words I don't yet know if I could ever say to your face
I don't know if I will ever understand them enough to
"It's different with you"
"It's never been like this before"
We work so well
You make me so happy
"I'm usually a depressed ******* in the summer, but this summer is so different. Not all because of you 'cause that wouldn't be healthy. But you changed something in me."

And I know you're not perfect
And you know I'm not perfect
But together

We're pretty **** close.
Mims Jan 2020
I  was so happy to have him after i lost you
i  WAS  so happy to have him after i lost you
i was  SO  happy to have him after i lost you
i was so  HAPPY  to have him after i lost you
i was so happy  TO  have him after i lost you
i was so happy to  HAVE  him after i lost you
i was so happy to have  HIM  after i lost you
i was so happy to have him  AFTER  i lost you
i was so happy to have him after  I  lost you
i was so happy to have him after i  LOST  you
i was so happy to have him after i lost YOU

no matter what part you choose to emphasize, the phrase stays the same. over and over again, i repeat it. i lost you, now i have him, over and over and over again.

I  was so happy to have him after i lost you
i  WAS  so happy to have him after i lost you
i was  SO  happy to have him after i lost you  
i was so  HAPPY  to have him after i lost you


i was so happy to have him after  I lost you
i was so happy to have him after i LOST you
i was so happy to have him after i lost YOU
-i lost you
Mims Oct 2016
shatter the mirror,
burn the rope,
bury knife,
get rid of the note.
remember your incredible individuality,
not that one idiot who doesn't know what he's talking about,
keep away from the blade,
throw it away,
you're fine,
just breath,
you'll be alright.

take it from a stranger,
who started at the bottom,
alone, afraid,
i won't even mention friends,
but now here i am happier then I've ever been,
please keep on fighting,
no matter how hard,

maybe one day, you'll be where I've found myself,
crawl out of the pit,
you might have just dug yourself.
Mims Aug 2017
kisses on the floor
fingers in my hair,
praying your mom doesn't walk in.
and she didn't
Mims Aug 2018
But there was love hidden in the
sadness,


I know there was.
It doesn't matter how many people you talk to at the end of the day when everyone is asleep you feel it, you feel alone. No one understands your ****** up brain no one understands why you hide behind all those coping mechanisms. You are the only one. You can never learn love, because you never saw what it looked like. *these, I believe, are the lies you tell yourself before you go to sleep. I know, because I knew. I do it sometimes too.*
Mims Sep 2017
I like space

space away from me?

No, the starry skies

I know you don't like to be alone at night

want to know something funny?

always

sometimes I wish you were here to share the sky with me

that's kind of weird

only if you want it to be

what if I do?

that's the issue
with, by, for, *you*?
Mims Nov 2016
It's little things,
Like your eyes,
And your laugh,
The bubbles at your feet,
During a bath,
The curve of your spine,
And the whole of your lips.
It's little things
that make me want to fall in love
like this.
Tuesday's
Mims Jul 2021
Maybe I’d be ok
If I was farther away
Or you dropped off the face of the earth
If you sunk into the ocean floor
Instead of showing up to work
If I were engraving your curls on ancient stones
Instead of asking you for my old shirts
Perhaps if I was older
Or less In love
I would have been ok
I wouldn’t have given up
My heart is a chasm
My sadness a gorge
Down down down
I miss the hurting
And to be honest
If you wanted me back
I’d probably throw myself off that cliff
I know it wouldn’t be safe to
But safety here?
Barely exists.
Mims Apr 2021
...And I’ve told you
Time and time again
In a glance or a breath on your neck
In a contact of skin and an accidental smile
it creeps up your cheeks
You’re still looking at me
And I now
Know for certain
We laugh about them and how they laugh about us
I say that it’s crazy
And silly
And yet
Surface tension never breaks
Eye contact feels illegal
Is it love
Is that it
Is it spiritual
A souls connection formed by intimacy
Intimately our vulnerability left us
Out of the group
Standing
Pretending nothing was happening
I cannot say what we’re saying
out loud....
Loop
Mims Nov 2017
I've fallen in
Fallen out
Slipped through the cracks
I've loved many people
That could never love me back
Love is an overused word, and it kinda hurts my stomach every time I use it.
Mims Jul 2018
I blew up your ego
You sent me shiny things
You can't lock your door
But we crave privacy
You were clean cut
And I've always been messy
Your past is a dark thing
My hair is light beams

We both get angry
All the time
Neither of our mothers could ever tell us why


Maybe it never did
Mims Sep 2017
Writing love poems to no one,
Is like making cookies for yourself,
Its still enjoyable
Even if you do it alone.
Anyone want some cookies?
Mims Mar 2018
I cringe at the things I have said to try and get you to tell me directly
Angry at the lack of honesty
Honestly
I liked the lies better
They were so much easier
When we lied we were on the same level
Only the truth brings one of us ahead
And we have both been losing for what feels like forever
So I just learned to be okay with it
I grew sick of trying to change it
So I stopped trying to change it
And I let it
Die out
Slowly
Making it
Easy
Neither of us were ever good at keeping promises
And we both knew that
We both knew how this would end
So why
Why did I try it again
Why
Do i let you in
Why
Do I let you put your arms around me
And whisper things into my ear
I would not soon repeat to anyone
Why do I know in the back of my mind
That your arms do not mean safety
But you put them so securely around me
It made me
Want to believe that they did

So I let you kiss me
And I let myself regret it
And I promised myself I wouldn't do it again


And then I did it again.
this is why we can't have nice things
Mims Oct 2016
i am a survivor from the cursed war of love
from every simple like to every simple crush
from all these stupid feelings from all these so called
winnings to lost in a river of confused feelings
misunderstood, misunderstand, misshapen, wrong
taken, problem making. life was perfectly complicated
without the war of love
Low
Mims Mar 2019
Low
Cold
I love him
You don't
I want him
You don't

Love, surfing
High tides
But when it is low
Where does the love go?
I'm so selfish
Mims Dec 2016
April

Showers,

Bring,

May

Flowers.

My flowers,
Her flowers,

Gather a bouquet,
Of pretty little dead things,

May was the month,
I started living,

A birthday sure,
Would it be a day I regret?
I used to wonder,
Was it all in my head?

April showers,

Bring,

May,
Flowers,
This much is true,
But am I as much a flower to me,
As I am to you?

Counting my petals,
Love me,
Love me not,
I know I'm at an odd number this year,
As I watch my petals disappear....

Painful showers,

Can turn to,


Flowers.
In the midst if this winter, my flowers can whither.
Mims Sep 2017
Fall asleep in my lap like tangled jewelry,
I don't know where you begin,
And I end,
And it doesn't matter really.
The TV glows,
harry potter fight scenes
Or
some random 80s movie
'Cause I love those.

Lace your fingers,
And my fingers,
And your toes,
In my toes,
I'll put my head on your shoulder,
And you'll inhale slowly,

You play with my hair,
And I'll tell you,
You don't really know me.
I feel like almost no one has ever really known me
Mims Mar 2019
My heart will never skip a beat for your name again.
...Fire
Mims Jan 2017
A moment of weakness,
Quickly followed by a moment of clarity.
It's true once you did.
But now
You mean nothing to me.
This was years ago.
Mims Oct 2016
my bed,
how do i begin to describe,
the cotton sheets,
fluffy pillows,
and failed art projects,
yes they collect on my bed,
next to half empty water bottles,
that one loose yarn ball,
is where i feel at rest.
i can't help but be drawn to,
my constant resting place,
and it makes it so much easier,
with everyday hardships i must face,
clean clothes,
half scribbled notebooks.
that one book i haven't finished yet.
my laptop,
has all collected where i spend most of my time.
where midnight inspiration strikes.
my bed
Mims Aug 2017
We went on the road,
We yelled and ran,
Holding hands,
Our feet cold on rough, wet ground.

Stars bright,
Chilly night.

Darkness surrounds us,
Nothing but the low glow of the porch light,
Cold.
but the good kind of cold the cold that reminds you you're alive

On the stone steps your sister smokes her life away,
With stolen ciggerettes.

run,
run,
RUN.

Cold,
This is fun right?
Yes,
I turn to look at you,
But you're gone.

The safety of the porch,
Had called you,

I try to stand alone.
In a place where no cars go,

Alone,
Darkness is less inviting,
I look to the stars for comfort,
But find none,
By myself.
I believe stars are less inviting alone. Or perhaps its just the darkness. Perhaps it just MY darkness, that's less beautiful, alone.
Mims Aug 2017
I take problems,

like they're drugs,
get me a fix before I get fixed,
I'll always pay for them.
Sep. 2016
Mims Aug 2018
Never have I ever said those three words together and meant them
Mims Jul 2018
We are young
We love the idea that someone wants us
I told you last night I didn't want to be mean
You hold my hand I let you touch me
I'm trying to be kind
Because this would never work in real life
But the night is different from that isn't it?
Mims Nov 2016
nine







nine are left,
my old poems.
only nine.

copy, paste,
repost,
delete,
but now,
only nine remain,
ghosts of depression,
of loneliness,
of love,
cover,
my computer screen,
even now,
i'm not sure what they mean.
copy,
repost,



delete.
my old poetry site poetfreak is getting deleted soon due to spammers and i had to repost over 200 of my poems. but now only nine remain.







it's over isn't it?
Mims Dec 2019
Boredom blankets thoughts
like snow muffled fields
Not growing anything this time of year.
The cold shakes us
To remind us it’s here
Sharp ice sneaks down
The once warm river
Dangerous
You can't blame nature
For fighting back
For hating us
And everything
Is quiet
And everyone is sleeping
With their eyes wide open
So this is winter
So this is life
Frostbite
As sharp as a knife
Skin cracks
And lips bleed
Warmth

A humane need.
Mims Dec 2018
"What's the use of writing it all down?"
She said.

"I'm just trying to keep it out of my head"

"Stupid girl"

"Stupid me?"

"You know how to ******* read."
Mims Aug 2017
I'm nostalgic for a time that's not yet over,
The low hum glow of my phone,
Playing a new,
Chill band I found on Youtube at 3am.

Car ride,
With music blasting my eardrums,
While the shadows of trees cast on my face,
And warm air caresses my cheeks.

My hand on the wheel,
Of my mothers subaru,
Driving through school parking lots.

Lying on the grass,
Looking at the lake,
The sun sets,
And I experience a calm like no other.

"Hi!" I wave,
Another party,
New faces,
Music,
Friends.

More drives,
More music,

I pray this never ends

Cool day,
Sitting in this dressing room
Girls attack me with fits of laughter,
Begging for jokes,
For stories.
Asking me for anything,
To make them feel valued.
"My dad is horrible"
"My parents are divorced"
"I heard Anya cuts herself"
I give them advice,
Pretend that I'm wise,
Even though I'm trying to figure it all out myself.

Dark,
Stars,
Chill,
Night.
Sitting on swings,
Talking to you,
About our entire lives.

I'm nostalgic,

For a time thats not yet over.

But I'll be so devasted when it is.
i like being a teenager too much, but i might as enjoy it
Mims Aug 2018
I check my calender
I'm running out of time
But they say summer
is just a state of mind

.
.
.
Not even us
Mims Sep 2018
One day i'll forgive you for being the way that you are
·
One day I might even stop caring about why,
·
You
·
Are
·
The
·
Way
·
That
·
You
·
Are
·
·
·
...
Mims Apr 2019
if you read me,
you can watch
the crazy
flick




back                                                                                                                    


and
                                    

                                                                                                                   forth
Mims Aug 2016
Hop in the front seat,
Take the wheel,
Make your eyes meet,
The edge of the road,
Great lakes,
Movie takes,
Photographic,
Opportunity,

Curved lips,
Make me want,
To Be kissed,
By the sun,
When all fun is done,
You'll take me,
By the hand,
We'll break bread,
By the land,
We will skip,
And dive,
Then we'll drive,
And drive,
Far away,
From our worries,

From our pain.
Mims Nov 2016
this is,
my Christmas tree,
not matching a thing,
really,
ornaments,
from years ago,
to lights that don't all work,
you know,

this,
is,
our,
Christmas tree,
a little broken,
like our family,
presents underneath,
are less each year,
as ones i love,

disappear.


this is our Christmas tree,
a little dead,
but still pretty,

this is my Christmas tree,

and its,
a lot like,
me.
don't get to close to the twinkle lights i'm sure they'll bite
Mims Sep 2017
On my toes,
Hand on the barre
Your hand has my waist
I find comfort in your embrace
I lift my toes to rest in the crease of my knee
you can let go
Is what everyone tells me
I take my hand off the barre
I trust you To hold me upright 
Or at least catch me

*I fall on already bruised knees.
It takes a great deal of trust, trusting someone with the safety of your body, perhaps even more, with the safety of your mind.
Mims May 2021
I am in fact
A solar system with no planets
No plans to survive
Within something else
Someone else
Outside of my own existence
I will not create history
Or remnants
There will be no collateral damage
There will be no effect
My head
Is it’s own
My arms are only my arms
The stars are only my own
There is no one else
There is nothing else
All I will ever have is myself
Persons try
To orbit me
But eventually
They leave
They die
Or move on
Or get ****** into someone else
Something else
It’s alright
I keep myself safe
The closer the meteor is
The closer the end is
So I kept myself
Alone
Despite your best efforts
I recognize everyone as temporary
Everything is so far away
Mims Apr 2017
Cloudy skies,
Stormy conversations.
Lightning strikes of vocal chords.
Warm air,
Hot breath.
Clouded.
Clouded minds,
Foggy observations.
This conversation. Is electric.
Mims Oct 2016
Light colors pink and purple
Leaving streams of black and blue
Red is fading in the corner
Clear tears and green blood
Trace the fingers of Orange
Hands.
Painting is a right
Painting poetry
As the sun shines through the window
onto your face.
A purple blue sky
A red and green bind
Painting is a right
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