Crowded by the ceiling’s emptiness (the room sticky with whispers)
names carved into grimy tiles, final shadows
of the footsteps now hugged in dust,
and the ashes dulled the slapping of
feet on the ladder’s last rung.
Huddled in the sour dimness of his shadow
is where our parents hid the prayers
that went undelivered –
[cloistered, naïve faith off Jacob’s Ladder]
He asked me questions that pricked too deeply –
that fingernail clipped too short --
as the invading hand of ******* parted words and stammers
to play shadow puppets with, what Plato called,
“three times removed” from the Truth.
And when leaving the choir’s balcony,
one can find the thumbtack of feeling in which
the glass-saints sweat all the industrialized emotions onto one’s brow.
Does it seem like suffering? Catholic’s suffering.
Giving room for error in your lapse in charity.
In elementary school, we left our classrooms --
two-by-two like businessmen arguing on the sidewalk --
Every Tuesday at 2:10pm to the hidden alcove that the administration
gave
to us.
Mrs. Condon, a strictly fat woman, strictly speaking,
dressed in red vests
and constricting black slacks, with a white binder,
salted as the laughter left in her footprints, reproving us that
as the Gifted and Talented, we must exercise
those gifts and talents.
I wrote a 256-paged novel that bought me one year
of slacking off behind a wooden desk because I was
11 years old
and that fact bought a bulbous beet of conditioning into the
curriculum. Ms. Condon made me edit my peers’ essays, give them grades
when all I wanted to do was play four square.
As I perched on my stool in class, properly equipped with unforgiving,
admonishing, Catholic red pens to point out other
11 year old’s punctuation and proper word usage. Like a tie to a neck, I
fiddled in vernacular, phrases, and semantics
as I unconsciously stacked layers of social prejudice, thicker
than the walls between silent parents, between some students
and I.
Stacked as quaintly as words upon words – hand over hand.
Mrs. Condon, Mrs. CEO, Ms. Too-Good-For-This, Bourgeois vs. Proletariats, I am the Marquis.
Like hounds held by leashes, the others locked to rebel, then whimpered to trail back, tails in hand.
Gifted and groomed to stack one spurned cinder block on social mobility.
In a whirr of dandelions, dice, and tax breaks, I knew how it felt to remain aloft, aloof --
Mrs. Condon rewarded me with the cherry Twizzler of my spine
and patted my head like the lapdog that I had been.
