"slurring" poems
How could you leave me so unexpected?
I was waiting, I was waiting
For you but you just left me
I needed you, I needed you
Yo, I don't know what it's like to be addicted to *****
But I do know what it's like to be a witness it kills
You told me you love me, I'm thinking this isn't real
I think of you when I get a whiff of that cigarette smell, yeah
Welcome to the bottom of hell
They say pain is a prison, let me out of my cell
You say you proud of me, but you don't know me that well
Sit in my room, tears running down my face and I yell
Into my pillowcases, you say you coming to get me
Then call me a minute later just to tell me you not, I'm humiliated
I'm in a room with a parent that I don't barely know
Some lady in the corner watching us, while she taking notes
I don't get it dad, don't you want to watch your baby boy grow?
I guess that ***** is more important, all you have to say is no
But you won't do it will you? You gon' keep drinking 'til the ***** kills you
I know you gone but I can still feel you
Why would you leave me? Why would you leave me here?
How could you leave me here?
How would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
Oh, Hey
I got this picture in my room and it kills me
But I don't need a picture of my dad, I need the real thing
Now a relationship is something we won't ever have
Why do I feel like I lost something that I never had?
You shoulda been there when I graduated
Told me you love me and congratulations
Instead you left me at the window waiting
Where you at dad? I was too young to understand where you at huh?
Yeah, I know that alcohol got you held captive
I can see it in your eyes, its got your mind captured
Some say it's fun to get the high but I am not laughing
What you don't realise and what you not grasping
That I was nothing but a kid who couldn't understand
I ain't gon' say that I forgive you cause it hasn't happened
I thought that maybe I feel better as time passes
If you really cared for me, then where you at then?
Why would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
How could you leave me here?
How would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
Hey
Our last conversation, you and I sat in the living room
Playing our video games, you started slurring and I broke down in front of you
You started crying, telling me this isn't you
Couple weeks later, guess you were singing a different tune
You Drank that ***** for the last time, didn't you?
It took you from me once, guess It came back to finish you
Crying my eyes out in the studio is difficult
Music is the only place that I can go to speak to you
It took everything inside of me to not scream at your funeral
Sitting in my chair, that person talking was pitiful
I wish you were here dad but every time I picture you
All I feel is pain, I hate the way I remember you
They found you on the floor, I could tell that you felt hollow
Gave everything you had plus your life to those jack bottles
You gave everything you had plus your life to them jack bottles
Don't know if you hear me or not, but if you still watching why
Why would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
How could you leave me here?
How would you leave me? Why would you leave me?
Hey
Sep 7, 2018
Sep 7, 2018 at 5:29 PM UTC
You tried to pull a gun on me.
I just pulled mine faster
But what you don't know is
Three days later
I put my gun to my head.
I couldn't live with the fact
That I almost pulled the trigger on you
That I was ready to stop your threat.
What you don't know is one month later
I still had nightmares
That I overdosed on pills
Hoping to never wake up.
Six months later
I still see your face
I still think of the what ifs
One year later
I still wake up screaming
Fighting your invisible threat.
One year and six months later
You voice still haunts me.
You were eager to **** be because I wore a badge and gun.
My coworkers ***** me.
Two against me.
What you two didnt see
The detectives interrogated me.
Told me I asked for it
I should have fought back
One day later the detective picks me up
I tried over dosing minutes before they came
They noticed the cuts but didn't notice
That I was falling fast
I couldn't keep my eyes open.
My speech was slurring
I walked like i was drunk
I made it through the **** kit
I got home and slept for three days straight
One month later i quit my job.
My body couldn't handle the stress
I kept dissociating.
Six months later
I still couldn't have ***
I started learning jujitsu
I had bought a gun
One year later
I was more confident
But i still feared ***
I feared men
I still had nightmares
Two years later
I'm still managing to struggle
I still hear your voices
Still see your faces
Still feel you in my dreams
Two years and six months later
I'm more confident.
I still have difficulty with men.
But now I am well on my way to be a police officer
An EMT
I can't let you win!
Ever!
Oct 18, 2018
Oct 18, 2018 at 11:52 PM UTC
A duck can drink and walk
but can he catch a fish and fly
we're about to find out
after getting drunk that night
he stumbled inside
a police station full of cops
the duck started slurring his words
blacked out with his **** in the air
he was so drunk the fish was in the other end
the police are puzzled what to do
so they stuck him in a zoo
until the duck starts acting like a duck
Oct 26, 2016
Oct 26, 2016 at 3:29 AM UTC
**I wondered if it was universal
and escaped archetype on the run
coming to me
w/ jazz loud on FM
and nicotine perfumed air
Restless
soon to be turned on
Magnetized
As the cars passed
time slowed down
Heavy attraction
Was it the southern comfort
or was it elusive
The mantra slurring my mind
Go Back
Go back
I step out of my vehicle after retrying a parking job
stutter step
SLAM!
the feeling again
Go back
Go back
I am waiting for my car light to turn off
cigarette connects with ice gold ground
I turn to go
Go Back
Go back
I miss to stomp the smoke
Mantra oh
I crush the smoke with my lead foot
the car light fades w/ the smoke
surreal
The energy dissipates
Left again
but was there
one thing
I did learn
is that
Confidence
makes your driving better
Elusive
please come back again
Driving for cannabis
finally refuse
A young girl asks for advice
Music take me away
Jan 8, 2014
Jan 8, 2014 at 10:21 PM UTC
first love, loud evening
blaring lights,
she cries into a puddle on the floor
i help her up as she drips through my fingers
it's funny, i laugh until my cheeks hurt
she's sobbing into her palms
first love, a crying mess
lipstick smeared, chocolate cake stains on her teeth
when i sing, i can't help but think of her
how it would feel to hold her
more than a friend
but first love remains a first love
she goes home, a stumbling mess in the night
slurring her goodbyes as she drags her feet to the car
first love, goodbye and good night
stay as my first love, it's better that way
i'll meet someone like you soon.
Mar 31, 2023
Mar 31, 2023 at 1:30 PM UTC
waking
newly human
strange and soft;
pinpricks, feelings -
the crawlings around inside you
shiver as your skin becomes real
a nightlight for daytime sleeplessness
carry the seas inside yourself
like people:
walking barefoot
drinking sunstreams
and braving the dark red nights
hark, choir voices, still
slurring miss you discrepancies
howls in empty skies
wolves die
a misunderstanding of your insides
bones
more sand than rock
crumble at a press too hard
on this,
last day of your first life
hung on a boy’s fingers
the edge of a cliff
taste the water in your nerve endings dragging you home
you splinter,
and you rise -
when the bruise blooms, you shine
Dec 15, 2015
Dec 15, 2015 at 5:21 PM UTC
watery eyes squinting against
the pink glamor of the setting sun,
casting marvelous streaks
of cherry cream soda foam
radiating from the heartfelt
warmth
dusk settling, a quiet raven
swinging in the swaying trees
and a fence line lining
the edge of evergreen forests
a white picket fence
cluttered with the ghosts
of memories
a pair of binoculars
held by a silent girl
olive and freckled
of the shower of tear drops
which cascaded from those nights
of aching compassion
facing the other side
solitude presence of one
walked of a thousand steps
back splayed by the salty foams
spat by the restlessness of the sea
an umbrella clasped in his grip
the rain drizzled, throwing
the pink sunsets into arrays
of sweet, sweet melodies
the girl of binocular
and boy of umbrella
a picket fence in between
a relief from destiny,
a rain check into reality
figures of speech echoing
slurring syllables
recounting marbles
that used to roll off
from their laughters
on lovely nights
a girl of binoculars
and boy of umbrellas
dreamt of once a meeting
of one such like this
the raven cries
fear not, deal not
what has there
to be done
when the pink
ceases to refill
your sweet dreams
and the girl smiled
the boy climbed over
the white picket fence
and held her hand,
holding the umbrella
to keep their warmth
sheltered deep within
the girl picked her binoculars
held it close to her pretty cheeks
above her lips,
navigating sights
knowing their memories
will far exceed than that
of the white picket fence
Mar 23, 2016
Mar 23, 2016 at 11:00 PM UTC
soft words and their way of making people sing
lull me like a sweet tune in this chimney, in this place
in my head, slurring over and over until lines would draw up triangles of sleepy infant "jeux",
circles of faded fantasies would come to life and pray,
plus rectangles and cornucopias filled with fun and livelier days.
clouds of droopy golden light drip over our heads as we both lay
in soft blankets made out of my personal handmade Heaven's embrace
lush silk pillows under our overweight, over-bearing, strongly fastened necks
'cause they hold Atlas' weight and the answers for today.
the cycle ends for another shortened day...
the air seems rich with the smell of freshly-made pancakes.
little troll walking down the stairs with a new spring in her step.
lean into the chocolatey sweetness of a mother's oven-like haze,
close your eyes and wonder
if you'll ever feel the same.
Jan 21, 2019
Jan 21, 2019 at 1:28 PM UTC
We sit on the blankets in the park; I say he smoked.
And they say:
ew! Cigarettes are disgusting, I could never
poison myself like that.
And they take another sip from their contraband Sailor Jerry's
And they light one more bowl
And I don't say anything,
But I am surrounded by walking contradictions
slurring their words and crying out compliments
And somehow I became one of them
somehow I inhaled like them
--too wary of the pipe,
I breathed the smoke from their mouths' instead
And I threw back my head and
let the alcohol worm its way into my system, decimating my pride
like the mold that covers a bruised peach.
And nothing of consequence happened.
it's all too easy to hide.
Oct 8, 2013
Oct 8, 2013 at 10:28 PM UTC
we were peeing on the side of my house,
too drunk to wait for a bathroom,
laughing about something I cant remember.
(I think it was goat cheese)
and as the headlights from that **** car nearly blinded us,
you surprised me.
you held me close.
you told me you weren’t ready to lose me,
and that you loved me...not friend love, real love.
(you were slurring your words at this point,
but since i have been waiting a year to hear this,
i’ll take it)
and as tears thick with salt, relief, and regret
rolled down my cheeks,
you kissed me.
then the car honked,
and you ran toward it,
tripped,
and threw up.
god, i love you.
Aug 15, 2011
Aug 15, 2011 at 12:50 AM UTC
I wish I was your little
whiskey girl and you
were pouring yourself
into my bottle to come
drink me up.
But you drained me
dryer than the Savannah.
Now men build boats
inside me, and I haven't
a corkscrew to get out.
I wish I was your little
*** doll and you were
dizzy over me, slurring
I love you's and burning
with me in your throat.
But you don't drink
expensive liquor anymore
not since you spent your money
on losing lottery tickets
and vinyl.
I'm top shelf
but that is only because
you put me there
to forget about me.
And now you drown
yourself in wells,
blacking out
the parts of you
that loved me.
May 1, 2012
May 1, 2012 at 7:21 PM UTC
Two fingers and a sly grin
Mixed with a glass of root beer and gin
Then the train came running through
Oh how my heart aches for you
Like smoking in bed
Like waking up in someone’s arms
Like a lamb that’s slain
Like someone else’s blood running through your veins
Like recycled air
Like photosynthesis
Like a cloud producing rain
Like a blessing that’s a bane
Like you slurring someone else’s name
Like you saying someone else’s name
Three fingers and a stylish grin
Mixed with a glass of tonic and gin
Then the train came running through
Oh how my soul bleeds for you
Jun 25, 2013
Jun 25, 2013 at 4:41 PM UTC
i pull in to work
pour in the door like a refugee
fumble in my bag for a
microchipped key fob.
it lets me in the third entrance,
slurring curses that reverb in the hall.
i stumble to my desk, clock in
with my computerized time card
and make my way to the coffee ***
it always has this smirk, like it knows
it's my saving grace.
i hate the coffee *** for that.
i hate the coffee ***
insert earphones
High Violet by The National.
sounds penetrate my ears and swirl
in my head,
sending sparks from the microchip
situated just behind my eyes
that tells me there are only grades and work
and television and pin-up girls.
monday morning, i will file a complaint against
myself
i need truth through camera lens
i need honesty
i need deeper meaning
a drunk girl kissed me under gilded mistletoe
once
when i was 16.
i need more than that.
Dec 10, 2010
Dec 10, 2010 at 2:40 PM UTC
Black and blue eyes
From rolling with the punches,
Another lonely night
From relying on the hunches,
Flicking through the channels
And hoping for a sign
That tonight will the night
He won't walk another line,
Shielding his face from the red and blue,
Slurring his words
Because he hasn't got a clue,
Where he is
Or why he's behind bars,
A night in a cell
Because he's written off his car.
He wonders why women walk away,
Why they give him the finger
Or why he never gets their name,
But then again he enjoys the rush,
Of taking them to bed
With another heart to crush,
Of sleeping in sheets
That still smell of Chanel,
From the woman before
Who said "go to hell".
He puts on his shoes
And walks through the door,
Hoping tonight
He'll once again score.
Nov 30, 2015
Nov 30, 2015 at 3:02 PM UTC
I'm sick of hearing about drunken men
Slurring their thoughts out through the tips of their pens
And the history of poetry had been bleached as white
As the parchment on which their poems were printed
Feb 5, 2015
Feb 5, 2015 at 9:50 PM UTC
We are completely and utterly ****** up.
Daddy stomps his feet around;
rawr, rawr, rawr
Little brother stands defiantly;
screaming, "I hate you; I will **** you all!"
tears streaming down his face;
once innocent but now always covered
in anger, in insecurities, in uncertainty.
And mama is in the recliner;
slurring sarcastic comments.
A glass of wine for each hour of the day.
Where's sister you ask?
Well she's probably not here; trying to escape.
Filled with such an anger, such a stubbornness.
Or maybe she's in her room dancing;
not very good at it, but an outlet none the less.
As all of this psychotic behavior is enveloping
the lives of these people, I sit on the couch
an just watch it all.
Shut off to the world, I sit.
And I laugh and laugh at the fact,
that we are completely and utterly ****** up.
Jan 13, 2013
Jan 13, 2013 at 8:37 PM UTC
As if I’m going to wash my sins,
by finding a substance so viscous - to annihilate the acid
that seeps through me.
Perhaps it’s you refilling my first glass,
which is dried up by 11,
and replenished by 5 past.
Must I keep forcing it down my refusing gut,
so I can bare the stutter drooling,
crumbling, out your teeth.
Till I’ve sipped needlessly on your lies
and fell drunken on your delusional fables.
Now I’m slurring in my nights,
awoke, still high on your acid.
Eyes are bulging, bloodshot
from you firing bullets of your decaying burden.
-
As I walk I stumble,
diverging around solum streets.
Crows peck at my skin, to prompt me at sunrise.
Now and again I revisit
the morsels I had collected from the bottom of your chalice.
Savouring as I gulp down my regret.
Desperately urging to be hungover your reveries
one last time.
Apr 11, 2018
Apr 11, 2018 at 7:01 PM UTC
Giving you my heart would be easy
And loving you would be easy;
if it wasn't for him.
him and his hands
him and his lips
slurring disgust while grabbing my hips
him and his voice
him and his eyes
I would tell you the truth but you'd only believe his lies.
It was like being shoved under meters of water
gasping for air, reaching for the sunlight above
but i just kept sinking and sinking and sinking.
swallowing all the words that longed to leave my mouth, it was like choking on water
while just sinking and sinking and sinking.
somedays I'd just let it happen, because what could I do, who would listen?
the feeling of his thrusting on my back, it was numbing
the way his voice would slither into my ears saying, "shhhhh just hold still."
that voice was chilling.
and no one even noticed, no one even cared.
I am trying to give my heart to you and I am trying to give my love to you, but his hands leave scars that I'm not ready for you to see.
So until you reach out your hand for me to hold
I'll just keep sinking and sinking and sinking.
Sep 4, 2018
Sep 4, 2018 at 10:25 AM UTC
You only call me in the middle of the night.
Words are slurring you're trying to convince me you're alright.
You miss me you wanna see me, can we hang out soon?
You sound like a wolf howling cat calls at the moon.
Full moon full moon high in the sky, come back down to earth and sit at my side.
But the sun starts rising and the moon starts to fade.
Made invisible by the suns bright rays.
The wolf is now gone, long since disappeared.
This exactly what full moon had feared.
But the wolf will be back when he's feeling alone, he'll howl at the moon, such an alluring tone.
Dec 4, 2012
Dec 4, 2012 at 3:03 AM UTC
I drink to every night that you don't text me
Wasted
That girl up on the bar
Making a fool of herself
Mumbling, slurring
What we once had is no more
So brief, I should have known
Blame myself. All of it.
Silly boy, don't you know.
You are the kind.
The kind of boy that does this.
The kind that breaks girls.
Kills their spirits.
Turns them heartless.
The next girl to blow you off,
The next unforgiving ***** to ruin your day with her condescending, catty comments?
She had a spirit once
She once lived
She was once carefree and full of love
You took her happiness in hand
Grew it, fostered it,
let it fly,
And then destroyed it.
You killed her
You drove her to bottles
Those of alcohol, those of pills
Her addiction that she's now just over
She may be better.
She's still broken.
The insecurities and depression still linger.
Silly boy, you didn't think
You don't realize
The chaos
The headaches
The stupidity
She felt
You're ******* horrible.
Dec 30, 2013
Dec 30, 2013 at 10:22 PM UTC
If only one,
Could show me the way.
Without toxins
Circling my brain.
Without slurring
Words that I say.
Without praying
For my last day.
Without digging
An awaiting grave.
Without feeling myself
Wither away.
But today is the day,
I put this all at bay.
As I travel to the land
Of safe haven.
That is where I will stay.
Nov 26, 2023
Nov 26, 2023 at 3:23 PM UTC
Tides are turning, i am learning, not to trust in anyone.
They are lying, no denying, Russian Roulette with a gun.
It's enough that, you regret that, you ever took a chance on me.
And now i'm trying, to stop crying, so that you can be happy.
I wish i could have, wish i would have, tried a little harder.
With every day, you step away, i can see you growing farther.
Days are older, nights are colder, without you in my life.
I just miss you, want to kiss you, regardless of the strife.
Tides are turning, i am learning, not to trust in anyone.
They are lying, no denying, Russian Roulette with a gun.
Lungs are burning, speech is slurring, attempting to forget.
Heart is pounding, feels like drowning, in too deep to quit.
My head is spinning, no one is winning, what is the point in this?
They all saw it, we never caught it, this was the biggest twist.
My heart was beaming, now it's screaming, through every night and day.
Don't try talking, just keep walking, there's nothing left to say.
Tides are turning, i am learning, not to trust in anyone.
They are lying, no denying, Russian Roulette with a gun.
Jul 22, 2013
Jul 22, 2013 at 6:20 PM UTC
About a million prairie miles
roll out slow from sparkling eyes.
Each night, beneath a blanket
of melting white noise
that distance wraps around your
toes and takes its sweet time
with every
aching inch.
If I could sell you a story
from pursed lips a half-inch
beneath my reddened, runny nose
who knows if you'd believe it?
But I might get rich if you
were buying
my slurring, supine words.
I could buy you.
A new coat.
With your coin.
And I'd borrow it for the winter.
'Cuz mine's all full of holes
that breathe too hard.
Like me,
on my long walks home
through streetlights and snow.
Like you,
in your bed tonight
carving words in your wall,
in the dark, with tongue tucked
tight behind your crooked,
perfect, lovely teeth.
A coat's no good in Summer
(save to improvise a pillow
when I sleep on friends' floors).
But you can sell me back my story,
(half-cost, I'd hope...).
And--just maybe--I could swallow
your million prairie miles,
and stomach five more months
of Sundays...
To read your wall.
Aloud.
Feb 22, 2015
Feb 22, 2015 at 8:44 PM UTC
May 2013
Memorial day weekend
It was warm with promises of sun
Beautiful blue skies
And no cloud in sight
Seattle prepared for crowds
People swarming the Center
For folk music, food
Laughter and smiles shining bright
My leg, a bright red
I woke up
Burning hot with red seeping up my leg
Pain swarmed my back
Tears gathering
In corners of my eyes
As I was admitted
To the emergency room
Greeted with morphine, leaving me in a haze
*** induced haze
Lingering around the fountain
Families occupied the edge
Children running in and out
Collecting droplets of water
Along with sunburns
While groups of friends
Gathering in drum circles
Slow rhythmic thumping could be heard for miles
My son’s heartbeat
Thumped in my ears
I watched the fear
As he focused on the antibiotic drips
Invading my body
The days in clipped moments
Passing in and out
With each wave of fever
And the doctors
Tattooed my leg with sharpie
Artwork was only one thing
Found in the vendor alley
People flooded the booths
Snatching up
Brightly colored creations
As they headed to find
Dance troupes, bollywood
Inspired activities
With stomping feet, swaying arms
They placed the central line
Into my right arm
My body had clogged each IV
the doctors warned me
If the redness started
To show patterns of serrating
Then they would have to take my leg
Diazepam had me slurring out
I am fine, I am fine
Memorial Day
A time of remembrance
Services to be held
Events to commemorate
All the fallen
From a concert at Museum of Flight
To baseball game with Seattle Mariners
To appreciate, appreciate
It took ten days
For me to be released
May 2013, Memorial Day weekend
I would always remember
As the beginning
Of my growing struggle
With gradual loss of mobility
I am fine, I am fine
Nov 12, 2020
Nov 12, 2020 at 12:03 AM UTC