I try to keep it all together
But everyone is dependeding on me
Everything depends on my sucess or my kindess
I can't do this I can't breathe this air, or look at myself in the mirror when I hate who I see
when I know that I can never stop being the girl that everyone hates
the girl that everyone talks about behind her back
the girl that everyone glares at and stares at
this girl who is selfish and stupid and insolent
this cruel, harsh, greedy persona is now permanent
shes lost in her ******* mind because the world is just as bad
she wants to ******* die, to sleep and cry
to let go of her sanity and just fall, fall, fall down into deaths arms
because my sickness just makes everyone's life harder and less liveable
I just wish I wasn't born as "me"
I wish some other unlucky soul had the burden of being this skin slashing human
But it fell upon me
I didn't know you didn't like me
I didn't know I made you mad
I didn't know I made you cry
I didn't know I hurt you so bad
I didn't know you hated me so
and I didn't think that we would end
But when you tell your little fibs,
They break shards that refuse to mend.
Your cruel words are masked behind a pretty face
And your smile leads me on to believe
That it truly is okay, but then you say
words that leave me deceived.
Your vicious claws tear through my skin
and you leave me out to bleed,
but in some twisted way, you whisper lies into their minds
and the blame, once again, rests upon me.
leaving this subject anon, but sometimes the people you cared about most hurt you in ways you could never imagine. Cheers to the sad, and lonley!
My heart is in a million different places
When all I want, is for it to be here
In a sea of unfamiliar faces,
Some I used to know,
I am dragged into the navy abyss
And left to stand alone.
I’m drowning myself slowly
In a fate that I had drawn
Because even if they cared
The wouldn’t notice I was gone.
I’m dowsed in regret and self hate
But I won’t say it’s your fault
Because you’ll beat me until I’m broken
And fill my wounds with salt.
I can never be enough for you
I can’t be who I am not
And when you asked for seven seas
I told you one is all I’ve got.
A long lasting disappointment
Begging to be set free
But my cries fell into my stomach
When my soul died at sea.
I love the way you speak to me when the night comes to an end
But I hate it when you treat me like just another friend
I love that when you listen, our stares are so surreal
But I hate that when I’m around you I can’t control what I feel
I love it when you’re kind, and your cheeks are left flushed
But I hate that you leave me hanging, cold and untouched
I love it when you love me, and just when I start to believe it’s true
You say that love is the absolute last thing you’d like close to you
I hate that I can’t understand this, and I hate when you leave me alone, I hate that I simply can’t function without you, i just want to hear your voice over the phone
I hate that there’s not escape, and there’s nothing I can do, but most of all I hate that I want you to love me back, which is something I know you can’t ever do.
When you smell the scent of the perfume that I always used to wear, or remember the way your fingers used to feel running through my hair
The ways our eyes would linger, and long to watch and stare
I hope you’ll remember me
The days we spent wishing that time would forget to fly
Or the ones we spent watching pink clouds stumble by
I hope that our memories are soon to be written in the sky
I hope you remember be
For when our lives fall back into place
And my heart recognizes the sight of your face
I hope our hearts will end their chase
And you’ll remember me.
My anxiety is taking over
Holding the wheel on it’s own
Steering my brain into places
I’d rather leave unknown
It’s rips the words right from your lips
Twists them in ways I’ve never seen
Turns “I miss you,” to, “I hate you.”
Though I know that’s not what you mean
It paints blue over my eyes
Forcing me to see the worst to come
But crying blue for you gets boring
So I decided to just stay numb
Maybe you really care about me
But I guess I’ll never truly know
Because my anxiety is taking over
And never letting go