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YOU SEE I ONCE PREFERRED TO BE A HOOLIGAN, TO AVOID GETTING TEASED



YOU SEE YOU SHOULDN’T DO THE CRIME, IF YOU CAN’T DO THE TIME

YOU SEE I SHOULDN’T TREAT ME LIKE A KIDNAPPER OR HOOLIGAN IF YOUR NOT PREPARED TP MUCK FAMILY FOR ME

YOU SEE PLAYING COOL FOR FAMILY PEOPLE WITH A FEAR OF THEM TEASING YA

AND MY ONLY SOLACE OS TO BE A HOOLIGAN, SAYING, YOU ARE A LITTLE FAMILY KID

TEASING THE COOL HOOLIGAN IN ME, YOU DO WOOSEY FAMILY GAMES

WHILE I PLAY WITH THE BIG DUDES BY THROWING BEER BOTTLES ON SCHOOL ROOVES’

YOU SEE I LIKED THE SOLACE OF A HOOLIGAN, BECAUSE I WAS BEING PROTECTED

FROM BEING TREATED LIKE A WOOSEY FAMILY KID, BEING A WOOSEY IN EVERY STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION

I WANTED REALLY TO BE A BIG FAMILY PERSON, BUT THEY CAN’T UNDERSTAND

THAT I DON’T WANT TO BE A LOSER, MAN, I WANT TO BE A HOOLIGAN, CAUSE, I THREW BEER CANS ON ROOVES, MAN I’M COOL

AND CRACKING BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE ROADS, MAN I’M COOL

I WAS A BIT OF A TEASER IN THE CLUB, MAN I’M COOL

YOU SEE I GO OUT TO BIG NYE RAVES, WHILE MY YOUNG MATE GROWS UP TO QUICKLY, MAN I’M COOL

I PLAY COOL FOR FAMILY KIDS PLAYING WITH THEIR FAMILIES, MAN I’M COOL

I STOLE A HAT FROM GRACE BROTHERS, MAN I’M COOL

I TEASED MY DADDY, ONLY BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW MUCH MY DAD CARED FOR ME

I NEVER UNDERSTOOD HIS PARENTING SKILLS, HE WAS A GOOD DAD, I NEVER UNDERSTOOD IT, SO I SAID TO MYSELF

YOU NEVER TEASE A SON OR DAUGHTER, UNLESS YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER CAN HANDLE IT

YOU SEE DAD WAS TEASING ME, BUT I THOUGHT SAYING I WAS A HOOLIGAN GETS RID OF THIS AWFUL TEASING

I KNOW DAD, WASN’T REALLY TEASING ME, HE THOUGHT I WAS LOVING BAD THINGS

BUT TELLING ME TO EAT NICELY OR CALLING ME A FOOL, DOESN’T DO ANYTHING

OR LAIGHING AT ME DOESN’T WORK EITHER, HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A DAD,

BUT I LOOKED AT HIM AT BEING A AWFUL TEASER, FINE, I MIGHT NOT LOOK STRONG, BUT THIS CAN HYPE PEOPLE UP

I LIKED HOW DAD, STOPPED THESE STUPID SITUATIONS, I HATED ME AND DADS LITTLE FIGHTS

I WAS TRYING TO DEFEND MYSELF, I DON’T WANT TP LIVE IN CANBERRA IF I HAD ENOUGH MONEY

TO LIVE ANYWHERE ELSE, I DON’T WANT TO GO TO THE DENTIST, I HATE BEING TREATED LIKE A FIST FIGHTER

I AM A LIFE FIGHTER, I AM PREPARED TO RIDE AROUND ON A SCOOTER, RATHER THAN DIE, SHY

NOTHING CAN **** BRIAN ALLAN, I WILL FIGHT FOR LIFE, CAUSE I LOVE LIFE, I LIVE LIFE LIKE IT’S ONE BIG ADVENTURE

I KNOW DAD CARED, BUT, REALLY, WHETHER I CAN FIGHT OR NOT LAUGHING AT SOMEONE WHO IS POOR IS NOT CALLED FOR BAZ BOY

I DON’T LIKE FIGHTING USING FISTS, THAT IS FOR LOSERS OR PEOPLE WHO ARE HAVING PROBLENS

I WANTED TO CHANGE DAD, CAUSE HE WAS MY DAD, I UNDERSTAND MY BROTHER AND MATES

BUT I CAN’T UNDERSTAND DAD, HE WASN’T REALLY SYMPETHEDIC TO MY NEEDS AS A DRUNK

AND I HATED THE VOICE, MY BROTHER WAS LIKE DAD, AND I AM TOO WOOSEY TO BE LIKE DAD

UNLESS YOU TELL WHAT YOUR PROBLEM WAS, WELL I’LL TELL YA

MY PROBLEM WAS, I HATED HOW DAD, WANTED TO TEASE WITH THE ADULTS

YOU SEE, I PUNCHED HIM, SOMETIMES SO VERY HARD, I HATED BEING TREATED LIKE An IDIOT

OR A LITTLE WOOSEY FOR LIFE, DAD TRIED TO HELP ME, BUT BECAUSE MY BROTHER REALLY HELPED DAD GET HIS WAY A BIT

I NEVER WAS GOOD ENOUGH TO DAD, AS LONG AS I WORKED AND NEVER COMPLAINED, DAD IS HAPPY

BUT AS SOON AS I STARTED TO BREAK THE FAMILY CODE, DAD SAID YOUR STILL A LITTLE SHY BOY, BRIAN

YOU SEE I HATED BEING TREATED LIKE A LITTLE SHY BOY OR A LITTLE WOOSEY

DAD SEEMS TO LOVE TEASING PEOPLE WHO HAS PROBLEMS WITH  VOICES

AND I WAS TRYING TO TALK TO DAD AND MUM, AND THEY SPENT THE WHOLE TIME PLAYING WITH THEIR FUCKEN MOBILE PHONES

AND I SAID CAN YOU PLEASE STOP, HOW WOULD DAD FEEL IF I DID THAT TO HIM, I DID DAD HATED IT, LIKE WHEN I ACCEPTED BEING A SLOB

YEAH I AM NOW FEELING HAPPY ABOUT BEING A SLOB, AFTER DAD, DECIDED TO PLAY WITH HIS MOBILE PHONE

LIKE THE RICH ARROGANT DUDE HE WAS, HE NEVER SEEMED TO UNDERSTAND ME. I DIDN’T AS FOR FUCKEN SCHITZOPHRENIA, ****

AND DAD IMPLIED HE ONLY PREFERS THE PEOPLE WHO ARE COOL, IF THE PERSON, HAD MOJO ISSUES, DAD LOOKED DOWN ON THEM

MAKING THEM FEEL LIKE A LOSER, I TOLD DAD, YOUR A LOSER, YOU ONLY LIKE CHRIS, YOU TOLERATE ME CAUSE I AM YOUR SON

I MIGHT HAVE FUCKEN SCHITZOPHRENIA, AND I WILL NEVER BE EVER AS COOL AS YOUR PRECIOUS CHRIS

I KNOW, YOU CARED FOR US, IN THE SMALL PICTURE, BUT WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME MOVING TO ADELAIDE ONE DAY

I WANTED TO GET AWAY FROM MY PARENTS, CAUSE I AM NOT LIKE THE ****, WHO SUPPORT PARENTAL RIGHTS

MAYBE THAT IS WHY I AM NOT A PARENT MYSELF, DAD, NEVER LOOKED AT ME AS BEING A COOL PERSON

I HAD TO FUCKEN BEHAVE, I DON’T DO BEHAVING, I DO PARTYING

MUM AND DAD HATED ME TELLING THEM MY NAME AT THAT NYE CONCERT IN MERIMBULA

BUT I DID THAT, ON THE OFF CHANCE, I CAN BE FAMOUS, THE MESSIAH SAID, ALL PARENTS ARE LIKE THAT

WORRYING AND WORRYING, LIKE A PACK OF MOTHER HEN’S

I CAN’T HELP IT, IF I LIKED HOW THEY ACTED, AROUND THE TIMES WE FIGHTED, THEY WERE COOL THEN

PLEASE *******, I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT MY MUM NOW, SHE DOESN’T WANT TO BE LITTLE COOL

LIKE SITTING ON THE COUCH, THAT IS WHY I NEED TO BE REFORMED

UMMMMMMM REFORM BRIAN ALLAN   UMMMMMMMMMM BRIAN ALLAN IS NOW REFORMED

WELL, NOT YET, BUT, I WANT TO RID STUPID VOICES, OF EVERYONE TREATING ME LIKE A BABY

TO FUCKEN LEAVE MY HEAD, I DON’T WANT TO BE A BABY, I AM A GROWN UP, WHO IS CREATIVE

UMMMMMMMMM    I AM A CREATIVE ADULT  UMMMMMMMM I DON’T WANT TO BE TOUGHENED UP

UMMMMMMMMM I AM A ARTIST AND A WRITER AND A YOUTUBE ****** AND ENTERTAINER

UMMMMMMMMMM I AM A CREATIVE ADULT, TO GROW UP TO BE COOL, MAN

I HATED DAD TREATING ME LIKE A LITTLE YEAH MATE YEAH KID, AND I HATED PAT DOING THAT TOO

BUT UMMMMMMMMM THE ONLY ADULT I AM IS A CREATIVE ADULT, DUDES, I AM A CREATIVE MAN UMMMMMMMMMM

AND 1 2 3 4 DO THE SCHITZOPHRENIC, JUST BECAUSE YOU WORK DOESN’T MEAN YOUR NICE

YOU SEE WITH MEDICATION I CAN BE NICE, OH YEAH MATE YEAH, I AM SCHITZOPHRENIC

1 2 3 4 DO THE SCHITZOPHRENIC, I WANNA PARTY, LET ME HANG OUT

THE MEDICATION I TAKE, CAN REALLY REFORM ME, OH YEAH MATE YEAH I AM SCHITZOPHRENIC AND PROUD OF IT

YOU SEE, I HATE BEING TREATED LIKE A CRAZY COWARD, CAUSE I AM NOT A COWARD, I AM A FAMILY PERSON

WHO LOVES LIFE, AND LIVES LIFE TO THE FULL

I LIVE LIFE LIKE IT’S ONE BIG ADVENTURE, AND I HELP PEOPLE ONE BY ONE, THE BUDDHIST WAY, EVERY BLADE OF GRASS

I AM THE COOLEST DUDE IN CANBERRA, WHO HAS SCHITZOPHRENIA

ONLY RICH ARROGANT WITH NO REGARD FOR POOR MAN WELFARE WOULD TEASE ME

CAUSE I HELP POOR PEOPLE, DUDE, I AM POOR, BUT I AM PLANNING A TRIP TO ADELAIDE FOR NEXT YEARS NEW YEARS

I CAN’T CHANGE PEOPLE BUT I CAN CHANGE THEIR OPINIONS OF ME, I AM COOL, NOT SHY, OK ****

WITH THESE PROBS, YOU UNDERSTAND WHY I WANTED TO BE A HOODLUM, OK
Fullfreddo May 2015
self made.

his own self-summary,
DedPoet

what?

no DNA, parenting, cells coded
making us predestined to be
exactly who we are?
no environmental pressures?

ha. yep.

crossed and resurrected

afraid, ashamed, ashes
re-birthed from his memories

neither
your average God or Phoenix

but a
self made,
a re-made man

there is no reason
to say more

except
to quote his own
self-reflection


(Heart mirroring heart)

Wellspring of memory
Fountains of life's water,
Crossroads of storms

(Echoes of waterfall)

Mirrors mirroring
Reflecting reflections
Remembering well

(The times of one's life)



responsum to
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/1208453/ode-to-reflection/
karin naude May 2013
what should be rejoice filled days
have become my most controversial and agony filled
to i comply with the charade,
do i withdrew from judgemental eyes,
since becoming an adult this decision has brought me more discomfort than poverty
i tried and could not find one compliment to give my dad
his parenting is overshadowed by mum's on every level
mean while the unseen battle continues for my soul
Jesus vs logic
love and forgiveness vs fruits from past actions

in my mind i will always be 25
that year my life rocked to a shattered stop
the anniversary of my arrival is no longer celebrated
my loss, agreed

what to do? oh what to do?
usually i put my head in the sand and pray the day to end
while wearing one of my best masks
that is the cowards way, i should behave like an adult, right
Linden Lark Mar 27
“Make the child fear you. Some people like to say respect is important, but nothing is more respectful than a well-trained child who fears you.”

Ask him how well that turned out.
All cold and alone, while three humans—half of him—walk the earth without a shred of regret
that we will never exchange something as simple as hello again.
It’s a true story. He told that to my aunt when she was about to have her first child.
Lori Stoughton Jan 2019
I know you rode into my life on a white horse
Handsome, charming, caring and  intelligent
You spent hours upon hours invested in just me
Poems, stories, intimacy and words of love so soon

I know I craved the love, the care, the whispered words of family
Craved those words and feelings at the core of my being
So, I listened, I accepted, I trusted , I had faith
Those words, that love, that like a child, I so coveted

I know I was scared but wanted to love this man
Scared of your words were they truth?
Yes, please say yes, my heart argued with my mind
Of the speed – too fast my mind argued with my heart

I know you were a nine-year old little boy
Traumatized, abused, neglected
Getting into trouble to be seen and heard
To be cared for as a child of God with grace and love

I know your mind is poisoned
Poisoned with PTSD, bipolar, and traumas of war
I did not judge, I accepted, I listened, I understood, I supported
I believed the poison would not become part of us

I know you needed me
Needed my attention, my touch, my desire
Needed my presence, my life, my inner being, my laugh
Needed to feed your ego so you as a man could soar

I know I wanted so much to believe you were real
The man who told me the story of two acorns
Becoming a strong tree rooted in love
The man who took me church to say “marry me”

The man whose prose took us to faraway places
The man who sang me, “All of Me”
The man who idolized my existence
Who made me feel we would grow old holding hands

I know I said “I do, until death do us part”
In the presence of God, family and friends
I finally found the one who listens and understands
Allows emotion to flow from my eyes without fear and judgment

I know the poetic man was a mask
Needed for you to survive, feel, exist, and live
A mask that hid authentic dark truths behind beautiful words
Truths you never shared with me, your wife

I know when I needed you, you were not there
When I needed a soft place to land, concrete was where I fell
Your attention turned elsewhere,
An ailment, a child, an ex, a job or lack there of

I know your presence was not with me
Day and night your mind a million other places
Spinning round and round as it shot at tiny shiny flashes of light
You did not see me, you did not hear me – did I exist?

I know I fell from your pedestal as I pulled away
Emotionally unsafe, my inner child curled into a ball
He will hurt you, he does not love you,
Even his beautiful words could not pull me back to him

I know your hands touched me when I did not want them to
As you hurled your words of attraction and need for intimacy
And claimed “I am your husband”
I recoiled in fear

I know that without my emotional energy
Your ego shriveled into a dark mass and you sank so low
I became irrelevant and of no value to your life
Try as you may,  there was nothing left of me for you to feed

I know you made me feel crazy and confused
Ice in your eyes where once there was love
As your words and actions got ever so far apart
My questions were answered with disdain, tirades, judgments of right and wrong

I know in your darkness
You attacked my children, my parenting and my wants and my needs
Nothing I could do was enough – you required what I could no longer provide
You threw words of venom against me to my family and friends
“She is going to **** herself”
“I can’t help her anymore”
“She is having an episode”
“She is violent and out of control”
“She is having a breakdown”
“She is making bad decisions”
“She is making threats”
‘I am very upset and scared”


I know I felt fear -
Fear for my sanity
Fear for my marriage
Fear for the safety of myself and my children
Fear of the reality that was now mine
Fear that I made a terrible mistake that rainy day I said “I do”

I know when my value was no more, you discarded me
Discarded me – your wife being worthy of only an email
“Do not contact me except for items related to divorce”
You informed….

I know I no longer exist
That my goodness is gone from your thoughts and mind
Replaced by your reasons that you are my victim as those who have come before
As you search of your next source of energy in which you need to survive.

I know that I am left to pick up the pieces
To understand the tornado that blew through my life
And left nothing of us in the wake of its storm
I leave the pain, sorrow, sadness and confusion at Jesus’ feet.
For in Him I will continue on.
Faith Maxine Jan 2013
Headaches
Longdays
Of thoughtless thinking
Turn left at the corner
Right at the sidewalk
Then end up on the steps of
Nowhere
Did so much
To accomplish less than a days work
Stop talking to me
Words for hours
Actions not seen
Your support couldn't hold my dreams
Step back
Then maybe
I could step out
Out of  crumbling castle you call home
Built on credit
Not made of material things
Please listen to this harsh reality
You have to do something
To get it done You can't stand in one spot
And expect to move on
Two devils on my shoulder
Full of disbelief
Screaming
Scratching
Prying
Interweaving there thoughts with mine
But those tides are over now
The sun has risen over the horizon
And my eyes work just fine
Chaos muffled by the beauty of this scene:
Braking out of generational defeat
To be free
Or not be…
caged
I am(as the hippies would say)
High as a kite
And I like it
Wouldn't even fathom
Reacquainting myself
With soil beneath my feet
Again I say
To be free
Is the only options I will receive
This question I perceive
How many field lengths
Will I run
To overcome the pain and suffering
Caused by dysfunctional parenting
Sjr1000 Mar 2014
Question
Are we there yet?
Answer
We're always there.
Silence.
This is true. Thanks to the infamous and legendary Masked Sleepyz for reminding me.
When I got pregnant, everyone told me how wonderful she would be, how incredible this experience would be....No one warned me about the moments when she is gone.
These treacherously silent moments where everything is still. They don't feel right.
Every minute I count feeling like an eternity. Every worry and fear compiling themselves single file in my mind, making me so anxious that I can't sleep.
No, no body warns you.
I hate having to share her. I'm just selfish like that I guess.
Every smile glowing like the radiance of the sun. Everything she learns is amazing and beautiful. She is like magic.
She is by far the best thing I have ever created.
These lonely days are like torture. I can't wait to have her all to myself again, to watch her sleep, and count each number with her, say each letter of the alphabet aloud.
Everyone tells you about the wonders of creating a life....No one tells you about the hole that's left when they are gone.
AJ Aug 2013
I'm currenty somewhere between
Emotionally void
And too emotional.
It's not just OCD, or depression, or anxiety.
Or what everyone else thinks I have.
Just, you know,
ASPD.
Ha.
It makes me laugh.
**** yourself.
I need therapy again,
And I'm so jealous of those who can afford it.
I need meds,
And I'm so angry at those who can get it.
I know I need help.
But when you act out or ask for help
And all you get is silenced
Because it means your parenting is week
Because you care how it affects someone else instead
Because it is too much for you too handle
Because you'd rather I fix you,
Then I'm not going to get better.
Do you know how I solve it alone?
Razors and safety pins to make it dull,
Nyquil and Tylenol PM to get some rest.
***** and **** to medicate the main problems,
And binging and vomitting to get the physique back.
Maybe I don't need help.
This seems to be working pretty.
Well, only if pretty well means not at all.
MereCat Dec 2014
Love.


I grew up in what I later had labelled for me as “une famille anglaise typique” which consisted of me, my brother and my parents. It was as typically happy as those typical families that can be found in typical children’s books and children’s imaginations. We were that ‘close-knit family unit’ type family and we fitted perfectly into that ‘ideal family home’ of our typical red-brick English terraced house. It was one hundred years old but felt older and we went to church on Sundays. We were boring, safe, long-skirted.


We loved each other with the sort of love attributed to our type of nuclear state and I’ve always found it both funny and convenient that nuclear is a word for both bombs and families. Like the people who thought things up had wanted to draw our attention to how we were a touch away from detonation and a mere countdown from demolition.


Mummy blew me full of buck-shots; her Love was fired in rounds. Each cartridge of anger settled deep but left only pleasant traces behind. They lodged beneath my skin, etched with Protection and Compassion and Parenting, and those words bled internally into my immune system so that I knew how to identify hatred and remove the threat of it from my body.


Love.


If you’d asked me of Love I would have said that Daddy rubbed it through my hair when he said “Goodnight” so that it crept through my dreams when I slept. I would have told you how I’d clung to the fence of the infants’ playground until my brother had come to tell me that it was OK to let go. I suppose I might have said that it was an underrated ingredient in Mummy’s baking that she kept in a cupboard all by itself.


I would have passed you as many clichés as you could bear to take and I would have delivered them all in the half-smiling manner of a typical intelligent six-year-old girl.


Love.


We don’t sell clichés anymore. The business of Happy Family Stereotypes fell flat and we bailed out of the sinking ship in divers’ gear that only made us sink faster. Mum forgot to restock her shelf of ingredients and the time for Typical skidded through our fingers like shopping lists and childhood.


It’s not that we no longer lace our shoes with the same strings; only that the strings have been forced to fray and have shortened themselves with knots. It’s not that we don’t continue to Love each other but that we ceased to remember to love ourselves and, when we did that, there was somehow less Love to go round. What should have been an excess curdled and I watched it rise like water vapour from hedges after a frost.


On all of our To Do lists we manage to exclude the most important detail: Love Yourself. If we were to remember the task’s existence then we’d procrastinate a bit until something easier came around. We overlook ourselves and yet people still say that we humans are selfish creatures.



Too selfish to Love ourselves?


It’s not simply that self-deprecation is in fashion (although it is) or merely because we want to draw pity from those who spectate our lives (although we do) because it is with utmost sincerity that my friend and I agree that “if I was my friend, I’d loath me.”


We sit in town on benches by the fountain that sometimes forgets to spout water and rinse out the colours of our lives in the summer rain.


She says;


“Sometimes I’m scared that my friends don’t like me, because I can only ever see myself as annoying.”


I say;


“That isn’t a 'Sometimes' thing, Evelyn.”


Love.


It’s such a difficult thing to hold onto; like an idea or an aftertaste.


She laughs like I was cracking jokes on the paving slabs and says;


“Do you think we’ll ever grow up?”


And I ponder it because I know we’ll grow old but that’s not really the same thing at all. I wonder if I’ll ever grow out of my petulance and fantasies and idiocies and excuses.


“Not really. I don’t want to, to be honest.” To be honest; I say it like I'm the sort of person who wears truths around their neck and invites others to borrow them.


“Me neither. Everyone wants to fast-forward to Prom and then hold time there like, like, I dunno - like they would hold someone’s hand.”


“I don’t.” How relieving it is to confess that I have no interest in the event that 'you just have' to Love.


“Me neither.”


“It’s just an awkward excuse for dressing up and then standing around, pretending to look pretty.”


“You going with anyone?”


“Of course I’m not,” I laugh and hope that she isn’t either so that we can carry on being two lonely, ignorant, inexperienced best friends who’ve never tasted kisses and who have no concept of the term voluptuous. Boys don't fancy girls with flat-chests and freckles.


“You should go with Aidan.”


“Why, because we’re both as short as each other?”


Love.


I laugh at her suggestion even though I know how stepped-on I’ll feel when he arrives at Prom with a tie in a shade that fits my dress and an arm around another girl.


When I was nine, I followed an instruction manual for making a Secrets Box and the first secret I squirreled away was his name. I wrote it on a piece of paper and punched love hearts into it with red pen.


Love.


These days we’ve taken to exchanging banter in Tutor or Maths and I always make sure that I never make anything that’s too much like eye contact in case of humiliation. I busy myself with the fear that, if he looked at me too closely, he’d realise that I was staring back at him with my nine-year-old self. He’d recognise in my face that I still have the secrets box, empty of all but his name, and although I don’t quite believe that I’m in love with him I know that I smile inside when we have good conversations. I know that if he asks me to Prom, I’ll say yes and not just because he is the only boy with whom I am on eye-level.


Love.


“It’d be cute,” she says and I lean away, holding up my hands as a protest and a shield.


“God no.”


And here I go, hating myself again because I have absolutely no intention of ever telling her that I keep my heart like a secrets box. I confide enough in her to say that I don’t care for myself but starve myself of honesty when it comes to caring for someone else. For which, in turn, I procrastinate on the task of self-centeredness a little longer.


Love.


I don’t know much about Love. I know that there are four types – Philia, Storge, Eros, Agape – but who could say where exactly they filter into my life? I know that I ‘love’ beaches, I ‘love’ Rolos, I ‘love’ pencil sharpenings and the smell of good books but the truth is that, when it comes to Love, I'm a sherbet love heart that's been left to dissolve in a glass-jar ocean. I'm a Cadbury's Dream that chose to melt itself out. I’m a strawberry lace that someone likes to chew the end of.
not a poem really
Kara Jean May 2016
Our beginning is totally cliche and overused
High school acquaintances, both moved to start a career  
A friend request you sent, by my bubbly nature I accepted  

Conversing you persuaded me into tossing out my digits
Completely engulfed, a strong friendship we made
Life struggles, we conquered in the first week of dating

Fast pace, we were cruising and agreed, "hey let's get married"
Two weeks it took to say I do
Life smacks us hard, we never miss our groove

Babies, babies, changing your direction
Glance into your heart, how profound it is to be parenting
You were not ready to be a daddy
Your ego grew and I always forgave you
Young, drunk and dumb was your history

Separated and unplanned, awaken you became
You still wanted control and I said here take chunks of my energy
Now frazzled and drained, I am on the brink of leaving
Blurred, I only see spotty portraits of that white cake
The sweet taste smudged against my face and the way you licked your lips

Time loves to cause a stampede with memories
Brush the hair from my eyes, I feel the hail falling as I cry
Is this what "and they lived happily ever after" means
Steve Page Aug 2016
You can't clasp onto my hand
While applauding my achievements.
Let me go.
Rebecca Rocker Jan 2017
At least you're happily married.
Maybe it's all just a test.
Have you thought about changing your diet?
You'll just have to have lots of ***.
At least you can still go on dates.
Remember you're both very young.
Make the most of it while you still can.
Pregnancy isn't much fun.
Sometimes parenting *****.
You've got enough on your plate.
Weekends are ruined by kids.
Perhaps it's a good thing to wait.
I've heard there are pills that can help.
At least you can sleep through the night.
Perhaps it's not the right time.
It looks like you're coping alright.
It took us a year to conceive.
I can see why you feel so depressed.
I know you've been trying for longer.
The main thing is not to get stressed.
Your condition is really quite common;
I've got it and so does my friend.
God blessed me with two healthy children -
It'll all work out in the end.
Hersch Rothmel Jun 2013
There aren’t many people who would have stuck with me like you did
There aren’t many people who would have never given up
But you knew that I was worth it, you knew that giving up was not an option
All of  the yelling, the fighting, the cursing, and what we thought was hate
They where all worth it, they where all a part of us

No one said parenting was easy
But no one kid should make parenting that hard
It has been twenty years since we have met
And I cannot imagine having a better dad
I cannot think of anyone who I would rather have learned how to live life from
You are truly the foundation for which I make my decisions
And the moral compass you have blessed me with is something many lack

But more than a father you are a jack of many trades
Teaching me every day that the limits you set on yourself will equal the goals that you reach
Not enough children have a father like you someone who does more than just care
You push me and love me you challenge me and aren’t afraid to break me
You truly inspire me to be the best Hersch Rothmel I can be in every facet
Someone who makes a real positive impact on this world
Someone who would have never been who they are without their dad
A poem for my father
Damon Beckemeyer Aug 2018
There's a child who's youth is no longer marked by smooth skin.
He's calloused beyond recognition.
His mom can't even see the boy she once knew

She is plagued with worry
Drowning it out at the bars after work
And sobering up when a court mandate  allows her  to see her son
But that's only on every other weekend and alternating holidays.

Parenting party "a" shall receive the child for Christmas on even numbered years.
Parenting party "b" shall receive the child for Christmas on odd numbered years.

There's a child who's spine is no longer all that it used to be.
It's carried the weight of decimated families.
It's been stretched past all tensile capacity
As he's tried to pull himself together
Over and over.
Constantly being shattered, but always being able to stop the pieces from hitting the floor.

[insert jarring onomatopoeia for child abuse here]

The intensity from the hand that feeds him is no comparison to the gnashing teeth of the emotions driving it
As the hate, rage, and blindness is compiling
So is the doubt, fear, and confusion
A young child is left disillusioned
As his world is blown apart yet again
But the fibers of his spine reach out, hanging on to every glass-like shard

Refusing to let even one piece of himself go
Parenting party "a" may not love him but Jesus does
At least the Bible and his grandpa told him so

There is a child who's eyes don't sparkle
Except for each time tears refract the light of truth that's shining in
And It's blinding, searing, cauterizing the wounds
He is unwanted
He is abused
But even if that's all a result of his father's sin
He counts it as a mission failed
So the burden rests on him
If there was an easier yoke
the Bible and his grandpa left it all too hard to find

There is a child who is not care free
He has been indoctrinated as an employee
“Shut up!”
“Yes Sir.”

His stress is crushing his mental health
He can't move his feet fast enough
His resolve is crumbling to ash and dust
He's breaking
There's no faking anymore
He will never be able to do it right
So he starts looking for other doors

"Dad has a gun in the garage, I could...I should"

"No. What would Mom say?”

"I'll just run away" he says

"How far are you gonna get?
The shoes on your feet are mine!
The food on your plate is mine!
All you have is that coat your mom bought, 
that's plenty to get you through winter time!"

If only that little boy knew a way, truth, and light!

There's a child who's been in locked in a prison
It was a mold built by his father
A man who refused to listen
Just pushing his son even harder
Conform to my will!
Contort to my mold!
But that young boy is too broken to bend anymore
And he will soon be too bold
For He found the way. 
He knows deep love
He is God's son

There's a kid who is dead as of this day
His thick calloused skin lies in the ashes
His kinked spine is laying there in fragments 
His self is glass dust blowing through the plain
All of his tears still could not quench the flames
They sit upon the ash in pools stagnant
The prison stands strong as a crude accent
The child is gone but the mold for him stays

There is a man rising up from the dust
He cannot and will not fit in that mold
His back is straight and is made new again
Finally he knows the depth of God's love
Purified through fire and shining like gold
He's a new creature and now has smooth skin
Helen Anna Nov 2018
Mum
Oh, mum. I have a lot of anger at the moment. You are not helping. I appreciate you’re trying but I’m still so angry at you. I can’t waste any energy on feeling bad about that fact. I need to accept it and you need to respect it. All is not forgiven. I’m sure one day it will be but not right now. Right now, it is a deep, painful, simmering rage at you. YOU. YOU. YOU. Not me. YOU. YOU. YOU. I’m angry at you. You. You.

I’m tired of parenting you. Of teaching you how to parent me, and him. I’m tired of being the adult in this family and being so alone.

You exhaust me.
You abused me. You scared me. You confused me.
You f**d with my head.
You felt better, I felt worse.
Sometimes you apologised, sometimes you didn’t.

Games, games, games.
New versions of old.
Death. Dying. Years. Numbers.
Illness, suddenly.
Corner, coming.

Space, limited.
Feelings, restricted.
No space for me. No space for my feelings. No space for my pain. I’m not allowed to feel pain. I’m not allowed to grow, or change, or challenge.
I’m not allowed me.
children should be seen and not heard Odysseus is not a complainer he keeps quiet he is taught to choke his voice swallow his hurt Mom and Dad are always arguing at one another raising their voices fighting he endures his parent’s criticism follows their orders he is trained to be obedient no negotiating his parents inhabit a surface world of strict protocol everyone laughs but it is a pretend way to dismiss what is actually occurring as long as they say i love you to each other then everything is accorded technically all right no matter how dysfunctional or painful the truth existence is a difficult challenge often overwhelming Mom and Dad push Odysseus in directions he does not want to go instead of surrendering to their wills he acts in response in fact a whole personality is being formed based on his reactions and having nothing to do with who he truly is how he actually feels he feels frightened by the world stressed by all the expectations put upon him in many ways he is way too sensitive crippled by his own sensitivity self-betrayed by his thin-skinned hypersensitivity he stays in his bedroom with the door closed he paints or plays with toy soldiers and watches TV he does not know where Penelope is maybe she is in her bedroom Penelope means everything they share secrets and conspiracies and a common enemy in Mom and Dad Penelope is the only one who recognizes his predicament sense of helplessness anxiety pain she is more nurturing than Mom Penelope and Odysseus have a special connection share a common or similar reference of perception Odysseus desperately needs to believe in his parents maybe Mom and Dad do not understand and assign unfitting advice maybe Mom and Dad do not support him in ways he needs but they are still his parents he values believes looks up to them they rooted that in him even if it is out of fear rather than respect he will always venerate Mom and Dad no matter what Odysseus wants to make his parents proud he loves and needs them Mom is an important person always on the go planning dinners dashing out the door gossiping on the phone buying and returning clothes getting them altered going to the hair salon meeting with the girls for lunch she is a busy lady and has a lot of friends Mom is more concerned about how things look than what is actually going on with her children parenting is a secondary concern to Mom’s hectic agenda of social popularity deep inside Odysseus believes Mom loves him he needs to believe that he paints a red heart on white sheet of paper and writes inside the heart in brown colored pencil MOM when he turns it upside down he reads WOW he reasons whether it is out of obligation or guilt or a mother’s tendency Mom loves him he does not understand but he is grateful secretly Odysseus is hurting bad his feelings are easily upset more and more he experiences a disturbed point of view he tries to ignore it  sometimes his thoughts run to morbid extremes he wonders why he cannot just accept and get along often he wants to be good and get better other times he wants to destroy himself things are chaotic and troubling at home he wishes he or his family would die his teachers complain he is a dreamer with behavioral problems he does not excel academically after eighth grade Mom and Dad are notified their son is not to return to Harper Mom cries to the school Principal in his office begging him to let her son stay the Principal refuses Dad lights a cigarette and exclaims to hell with Harper we’ll find Odys a better school Odysseus tells Mom he is going to be known someday not like celebrities on TV rather recognized for some great achievement Mom believes him and never stops believing in Odysseus
Alexis J Meighan Oct 2012
CONCEPTION ADORE

Love from two conceived then born
Nurtured and adorned
Raised and cared for
Nestled close to the heart
Embraced by two
Given the tools to achieve and succeed
With loves first breath, in it we believe
Parenting this love, protecting this love
Watching it blossom and grow
We age with this love
Feel rage with this love
Turn gray with this love
Then pass away, yet it remains
Love between two souls
Remembered by those here today
Some days we may be led astray
Those distractions a necessity for us to evolve
Problems in the cradle we resolve
Under a watch full eye
Conflicts are dissolved
Loyal to where we stand
Son of a soldier, son of a man
Defender of my beloved woman
-Alexis-
Autumn Jan 2013
when you are hit with that insult you fantasize about 24/7 i will try and laugh, and maybe a giggle escapes. With all my efforts of trying to escape, trying to hide how much damage you have enduced, how much of my soul you have just stolen from me, i will disasterly fail. And the pain will seep through my eyes. and i will once again fail to surprise myself. For all your insults havent made me stronger, oh all your insults have just stripped my confidence, away. Fo all your insults have done is make yourself a bigger ******, all your insults just let everyone see how unworthy of a life you really are. But that statement would be a lie. For all your insults have done is damage me to a lce no ne will be able to repair but me. nd when you wonder, mother, why i am the way i am. Please do not look at me for answer's look in the mirror and, then, i beg of you glance at society. Because when society has reached the point of utter disgustance that suicide is something you simply insult someone with is funny, when society reaches the point of utter dissapointment that so mny people feel the need to die to escape, you should not be blaming anyone. Society itself should be looking at what we have made of ourselves. society itself should be looking at how the bad parenting reflects so much. because it only takes one insult, to send so many people over the edge.
i dont know what to think of it to be honest.
Raja Smith Jan 2017
It truly devastates me
How you walk by but cannot see
The person you created
The daughter you've never hated
Now a darkness in your heart
A family you've torn apart
A joyful spirit now a hollow shell
You drug along the ride of self created hell
I hope your pain never passes
I hope sorrow crashes
Through every seam and inch of you
For neglecting the child whose love was true
emru Jul 2019
in a house were screaming and bullying is
a daily thing
in a house were who speaks the truth gets taped shut
in a house were human mistakes get inhuman punishments,
only time is your only weapon
time will heal and and make it worse at the same time
but someday,
the time bomb
which you created
will explode
and it will take everything with it
everything
……………………………………………………………………………………
           The figures stood still, a blank expression to fill. Their waxed complexion holding dust, soulless cages immune to rust. Light bulbs flash in rhythmic delirium, contrived joy running at a premium.
           Flocks of herds came to take notice of this brand new attraction, one designated worthy by an overriding faction. Social conscience had said its peace, and passed on its opinions in a shifty lease. Word had spread as fast as it could, regardless of whether it necessarily should.
           “T. Elsey Wax Museum” was the hottest ticket in the city. Vouched for by an annual subcommittee, composed of men of no esteem, and opposed to views deemed too extreme. Every vacant mind had jumped on board, its entrance fee was small enough to afford.
……………………………………………………………………………………
Prosperity renewed, discord unglued. The walls of Briar Field, seem to leave much concealed. It’s owner, a Mr. Holden Reeve, is a vain little creature beyond reprieve. He sees no value in an altruistic life, and seems to anguish in his everyday strife.
His facility has been thrashed in print, and regarded as no more than a publicity stint. Still, if true, his machine would be a marvel, something verging on plausibly being artful. Its said Mr. Reeve has tapped into the human soul, and made monetary gain his lonesome goal.
The patents of Mr. Reeve lay out the plan for an odd looking device, but it’s purpose isn’t made overly concise. According to speculation, the machine can resurrect an individual’s ideals, but I can’t tell you how worrisome that makes this reporter feel. Mr. Reeve is toying with the work of God, something he should know to be intrinsically unflawed.
……………………………………………………………………………………
Eliot Tern was standing in a ridiculously long line, it ran four blocks down to a street named Woodbine. Elliot had been there since midday, though he had begun contemplating whether or not he should stay. Looking back there was a hectic crowd, pushing and shoving in a manor quite loud.
Eliot had dragged his friend Henry along with him, though that boy thought their odds of getting in were pretty grim. Henry stood casually, kicking stones, outside the front of BMC Savings and Loans. A woman in front told him to knock it off, Henry called her a ****, but masked it with a cough.
It was two in the afternoon by the time the two boys were about halfway, a nearby baby cried as it spat up apple puree. Some of the sauce found its way onto a man’s face, he told the mother that her parenting skills were a complete disgrace. The woman slapped the man in vicious spite, though to speak truthfully she had every right.
The man screamed and pouted for a minute or two, then he calmed down, and began to clean up the child’s spew. He glanced around to see if anyone was glaring, and poor Henry was noticed hesitantly staring. The man pointed to Henry and began to call him a coward; he spoke with the type of veracity that made it quite apparent that he felt empowered.
Henry stood calm for only a moment, and then began to stare at the man like he was no more than an opponent. The boy picked up a large rock from a graveled path, and hurled it at the man with the feeling of contempt and wrath. The stone struck the man just bellow the eye, and for a moment it looked as though he would cry.
Then the man screamed with a furious hate, it became quite clear that he was now irate. Henry took off; leaving Eliot on his own, it wasn’t exactly a measure the boy could postpone. The man had begun pushing through the crowd trying to get to the boy; his face reflected no hint of joy.
Henry ran for about 10 minutes, he had pushed himself to no new limits. The man had given up the chase after leaving the line; he tried to reclaim his spot shouting, “*******! It’s mine!” The crowd booed the man as angry mobs do, and he had to walk his way to the back to calmly stew.
……………………………………………………………………………………
               Henry was only 12 when he walked in through the rusted doors of Briar Field, it’s hinges shrieked as though inadvertently sealed. A reception desk stood before a large, arched entrance, and there sat the owner’s, under-skilled, apprentice. The man spoke in a seemingly mocking tone, as though Henry was standing in a restricted zone.
         The boy, feeling mocked, turned towards the exit, the man ran up, in a manor quite hectic. He told Henry that he was only joking, just doing a bit of nonsensical provoking. He said to Henry that his name was Fredrick Barnes, grew up, quite happily, on several local farms.
           Fredrick, or Fred as he liked to be called, began explaining the nature of how he went bald. He told Henry that he had developed an addiction to charity, making his true nature no more than a parody. Lived for years with his ego at bay, and gave every dollar he earned away.
            It took its toll in rather short time; though to live vicariously makes it all seem fine. Fred ignored his dreams for far too long, believing God to be king making him just a pawn. Then one day, he told Henry, “I was caught in a storm”, he said, “The falling rain against the wind seemed so pleasantly warm.”
             Then a man came by, begging for some change. Fred had no issue giving up his entire measly, well-earned wage. His Christian nature told him he was no better, then this hungry man in a beat up old sweater.
            Fred handed over 1,200 dollars, a mere hours work for some uneducated scholars. The beggar began to smile, showing all of his teeth, there was a yellow glow from a plaque-ridden sheath. He then turned to Fred, with a more sinister grin, and Fred noticed then, that the man stunk of gin.
             He asked Fred if he had any money, timid, Fred responded, “This really isn’t funny.” The beggar pulled out a small caliber pistol, and said that, “one has a responsibility to be fiscal.” Skin peeled off of Fred’s wrist, as the beggar pulled at a watch through clenched fist.
              In the end, the beggar took all but Fred’s clothing, and left with a bang, as to not to seem imposing. He had only shot the man just bellow the knee, but blood loss had made it hard for Fred to see. He crawled and clawed his way towards a distant street lamp, but movements were elongated by the weight of his clothes, which, obviously, were quite damp.
              Fred laid hopelessly on the cold, wet cement, with the rain mocking him in its relentless dissent. The beacon he had crawled towards turned out to be a dead-end, the severity for which was hard for the man to comprehend. There in the stillness of the night, Fredrick Barnes became aware of the true nature of his plight.
              Holden Reeve had found Fred while the man was riddled with a complex terror, spouting off nonsense about living his life in error. Holden took the young man in through the doors of Briar Field, a museum, which, to the public, had yet to be revealed. It didn’t take long for Fred to fully recover; eventually he began to look at Holden as a brother.
             Fred turned to Henry and told the boy that was the end of his story, and now, it was time for the moment of glory. He opened the two doors hidden under the arched entrance, and Henry walked into the room, followed by Holden’s apprentice.
             When they entered the room Henry immediately asked, “Where’s Mr. Reeve? ...I’m sorry if he’s passed.” Fred laughed and told the boy Holden was most certainly not dead; in fact, the two of them were standing in the middle of his homestead. Then the boy noticed the nature of the room, and how cobwebs gave it the foreboding feeling of doom.
             There was another set of doors at the end of the room, but Fred turned and knocked on a bare wall with the backside of a broom. A panel slipped open and retracted into the wall, and out stepped a noble looking man, though, truthfully, quite small. There were no visible features on the man at first, so initially Henry was expecting the worst.
              Fred acknowledged him as Mr. Reeve, so Henry stood tall, and tried to make his back as flat as the wall. It wasn’t so much that the boy was often courteous, in fact, with regards to that sentiment, the boy was usually impervious. He just felt that in this particular situation, there was going to be no recapitulation.
              This was clearly a man who only spoke with the most precise of words, those capable of collecting and massacring mass herds. Though Holden Barnes would never speak to such a crowd, his absentmindedness for them would be hard to shroud. The man was indifferent to any collective thought, and his principles were to firm to ever be bought.
              Holden spoke to Fred in brief manor, those unheard of in the print of “The Banner”. He asked if Henry seemed like a reasonable boy, or if he was merely some shady companies plotted decoy. Fred vouched for Henry, who he didn’t know; playing a bluff, and hoping it wouldn’t show.
               Holden nodded and shook his friends hand, and spun to the boy, as though his motion had been a cautious ploy. “Who are you?”, and “Why should I care?”, Mr. Reeve asked Henry, the response for which seemed to be lost in the boys memory.

“If you can’t speak to me I don’t know if you should be here, I’m not the one in the room who you should naively fear. My greatest achievement lies just behind those doors over there, but if your this timid, you could get quite the scare. I’ve constructed a testament to the human soul, and it’s designed for any man to control.”

“Though to put it in such terms is hardly fair, it’s just not something that easy to compare. I’ve gotten to where I am, if you’ll dare me to say, through myself and am not one to decline the pay.  My invention just doesn’t seem to arouse much attention, in the press Fred says I haven’t even stirred up a mention.”

“I tell you this though, it’s been their mistake, for what I’ve created here is no preposterous fake. I’ve created a method of speaking with many various forms of reason, though to them it’s some form of religious treason. They seem to think I have resurrected the soul, ghostly figures ripped out of a black hole.”

“But that simply isn’t true, as you’ll come to see, now Fred tells me your name is Henry. You have to choose now before your walk through those doors, if your ready to dance on such hallowed floors. The mystery my seem quite vague to you, but understand this offer has been made to but a few.”

“I don’t understand, what should I say?”

“To ask such a question, here I thought you were a stray? An opinion, like ego is something to treasure, not cast off at someone else’s pleasure. This decision is yours and yours alone, you can use no alchemy from the philosopher’s stone.”

Henry was caught up in an odd predicament, one with no true equivalent. He had no real idea what he was choosing between, but he knew that he couldn’t let that fear be seen. So Henry said yes, without further discussion, and hoped along the way there would be no major repercussion.
At the end of the hall there stood an entrance, Fred stood by acting as apprentice. He told Henry to try and open the door, as Henry pushed his feet slid across the floor. Fred laughed and said that it was locked, and could only be opened one way, Holden kicked a loose rock imbedded in the wall, and soon, the door moved, quick to obey.
The room was not nearly as large as Henry had pictured, and distant light bulbs scornfully flickered. There was only one object in the center of the space, here Henry began walking with a quickened pace. It looked as though it was just a large computer monitor, but its framework seemed composed by an ancient astrologer.
Objects spun about with contact precision, and small fractures of light seemed to meet through collision. The spectacle was truly something to behold, though Henry still had no idea what was about to unfold. Mr. Reeve walked up to the machine and began to touch its screen, and all the lights stopped, and then seemed to reconvene.

“Alright Henry, I suppose it’s time I explained the true nature of this device, but somehow I only now realize you got in here free of price. No matter, it’s been a while since it’s seen someone new, I’m curious what some of these people are going to say to you.”

“What you are looking at now is a labor of scientific process, but believe me when I say there is no need to be cautious. There is no black magic at work here, though many have said so without coming near. This machine I’ve created does what some say to be impossible, like Nemo’s creation, just far less nautical.”

“This machine collects and records all forms of the written word, sweeps them in like collecting some massive herd. It organizes and sorts data of all different norms, and emits it in a conversational form.”

“You see this creation has given man a chance to talk to those of the past, allowing for a legacy only time can outlast.”

Henry stopped and stared at the man for quite a long period of time, and tried to figure out why Mr. Reeve looked so perfectly sublime. Henry now thought he understood the nature of the device, in fact Holden had made it all seem so concise. The machine would allow Henry to talk to anyone from the past, as long as there had been enough information amassed.

“Who do you want to talk to first? I’d suggest Ayn Rand, if you’re okay with being coerced.”

Henry had no idea concept of Mrs. Rand, so the concept to him didn’t seem overly grand. He lingered on the thought for a second or two, not wanting to pick an individual who could be considered taboo. Then, it came to Henry like a sudden case of dysentery, he saw this man as more than a visionary.

“Is it possible for me to speak to someone who didn’t actually exist?”

“I can see what I can do if that’s what you insist?”
……………………………………………………………………………………
Eliot was furious as he saw Henry; the boy had been gone so long it had slipped from his memory. He stood and waited for Henry to ask to step back into line, and then he would make it clear that everything was not fine. Eliot was now standing at the front, to just let Henry in would be a great affront.

“I’m going home.” Henry said as he let his eyes roam.

Eliot felt sick as Henry walked away, then he became curious how he had spent the last three hours of the day. “No matter” thought Eliot as he waited patiently, he’d have his victory soon enough, and he would take it graciously. Very suddenly a woman opened up the front doors of the institution, and thanked everybody for their “contribution”.

“It’s time to say goodnight. The museum will be open at 9 o’clock tomorrow, during daylight.”

The woman very casually walked away, as Eliot was in complete dismay. Then he had a calming thought, none of the creations were going to rot. All he would have to do is come back the next day, everything, he thought, will be okay.
……………………………………………………………………………………
Shaylie Pryer Apr 2016
The screen is our religion,
dreary eyed and mouth wide open we are absorbed into the graphics.
Swirling around us on the the Tv plane are the stories,
“breaking news” we are breaking ourselves,
because the tendrils come shooting out and grasp our brain feeding us poison.
Our soul carers called the democratic love playing dress up,
a wolf in sheep's clothing,
and while they play we are neglected,
bad parenting.

We don't get to play,
we are the ants,
in systematic order, we provide,
the only time we get to play is when we retreat inside our mind.
Then we become the stereotype “ignorance is bliss”
while the world falls to pieces, is it because we voted for this?
Maybe.
We are the ones in control and yet we have no power,
we lounge inside, the clock is ticking by the hour.
The world is broke with each secret kept,
each person pretending that its okay,
while the connected, open minded ones feel powerless and hide away.
I’ve held you up for fifty years
My arms are very tired
I feel the weakness creeping in
But I will never put you down.

I’ll put my back against the wall
That love constructed over time
And pray for new strength in my hands
That I might never let you fall.
ljm
We never stop being their Mom or Dad
al Mar 2020
ive always wondered what its like to be a normal kid but always for weird reasons,
im safe, im loved, im fed, im cared for, thats what home is,
why dont I want to be here, im confused,
the secrets,
but im safe and they love me,
but they dont know me how could they love me,
I remember when I was really little and wanted to be like my dad,
except for the hitting and drinking and screaming, but I wanted to be just like him,
he was my hero,
anyones a hero when all you know are villains,
thats why you were my hero, you saved, and protected me
protected or smothered
im aware of the misspellings and issues with grammer but when I tried to fix it it didn't feel like me. my aesthetic for poetry is unfinished and not straight forwards
DJ Thomas Jul 2010
Love and conscience

self image and experience

shape our very being

guide our motivations

freedoms of expression

ability to give ourselves

love with the gift of fun*

so,

decisions made in the moment
leave embarrassment and guilt

ought we to learn and gain
not ponder them for ever

the flood of adolescence
its angst and experiences

cruelty, parenting, drugs
or our very survival

rob us, to shape us
separate - ourselves

so,

nailing reactions
into our days
blanketing some
behind closed
blind eyes
for awhile
or forever
to leave us
with *****
or *****
and needs
more selfish
arrogant and
dangerous

so,

each our foibles and poetry

.
copyright©DJThomas@inbox.com 2010
Alex Nov 2020
I wish my mom would look at me as a person rather than a prize
In her eyes parenting is a competition

If I choose to spend more time with him she is losing
But she must win, to her, there is no other option

Then the minute she is ahead she loses the ability to even acknowledge me
Because of her, I am lacking in the stability I so often crave
julian Apr 2018
when will you realize
that the red, uniform lines stained on my sheets
arent the result of a ****** nose
arent because of un-bandaged scratches
but from
your words
your actions
your inflicted pain
your refusal to accept
your ****** parenting
your ignorance
of my pain
of my depression
of my anxiety
of my sexuality
of the way i feel as i see myself in a mirror
and think
what am i
who am i
why am i like this
when i pray to the gods i dont believe in
asking
pleading
begging
for some comfort
to know that im not a mistake
that im not worthless
that im not unloved
that im not hopeless
although i feel like it
although i feel like ill never make it
although i feel like nothing will ever get better
and that im destined
to be the one who brings about my own downfall
to be the one at the trigger
to be the one holding the knife
to be the one who tied the noose
to be the one who opened the pills
the poison i pick is the feeling of nothingness
this is my future
this is what i spend my time pondering
while cleaning the blood from my thighs
while washing the broken glass that cuts my skin
while splashing water on my face
while brushing away the tears
while practicing how to smile in the mirror
while rehearsing my lines
while pretending im fine, dont worry about me
while trying to seem like
im always here
im always happy
im always feeling
but
you wouldnt know that
would you
It's been about a year since I posted this. To anyone who feels similar to how I felt, keep going. Even if things don't improve, you owe it to yourself. Anything is better than ending your life or harming yourself.
Mike Bergeron Nov 2011
The other morning,
As opposed to this one,
(There was indeed
Another morning)
As I walked the
10 1/2 blocks to work,
I passed by a playground
Full of post grad
Parents who dress
Real nice
Real fashionable
And all of their
Children who are
Dressed the same, in
Non gender specific
Garb, because it’s
2011 not last century
And they run and
Scream and get
Their thrift store
Clothes all *****,
They laugh and I
Hear crying
And reprimanding
And ‘good job!’
And I can’t help but
See the future in
These kids, with
Their well adjusted
Parents adjusting
Them well to the world
And making sure
They follow all the
Advice in the hip
Parenting and child
Psychology books they
Read, and I see
Among the smiling
Innocent faces
Yet to be
Drug addicts
Wife beaters
Alcoholics
Strippers
Drunk drivers
Liars
Cheaters
Thieves
Heartbreakers
And the occasional
College grad
Who will be well
Adjusted
And will adjust
The child they have
At 34
Very well to the
New society
So that
Child can become
A date ******
Or a car thief
Or a vagrant
Or maybe a college
Grad who
Will be well adjusted
And adjust their child well.
Our children are the future.
Go to school, kids.
Adjust.
Francie Lynch Jan 2018
Bitter, bicker, bluster, boast,
Finger pointing past the host;
Sideways glances, rolling eyes,
Spiteful comments meant to ire,
The sticking point, the under belly.
Poke it, stoke it, it will flame,
In the chest and rising red.
Use shame, disdain and the old refrain:
*You're not listening,
You keep blaming,
If you'd stop talking,
You'd start hearing.
agdp Aug 2011
All through the afternoon,
among these drinkers
to their tables to java cups
all from a bird’s-eye view.

Blended individuals,
of varying hues
too much sugar, no need to stir
hot, no ice - “a language of their own”
adding “cream to this crop”
like fraternity’s rushing thought
to seemingly **** out the weak.

Textbook before my face, coffee to my right
surrounded by chatter, and apparent debacles
behind the rearing of my ear lobes
set the seem from my shirt and cut
play the motion picture, film, pan out.

360 crossover,
these eyes wander, merely to ponder
conscious parenting to the mind; reminded
yes I did complete that -
atoning to what could be done,
view now from my eyes
around clouded peripherals
(zooming into this page)
trying to read to figure
a Venn diagram of the temporal lobe;
committing to memory ironically
it’s long-term function to maintain
the conception of this thought.

Distracted, back to this drink
re-calling coffee mythically impedes growth
or so they say to stray from focus -
the holder is the cup, to handle is abrupt
but we drink it, to straighten our view
so much as this morning vice stimulation
branded by a jaded graphic mermaid,
or possibly a siren, or to some a muse.

But, it’s the afternoon; no need to rush,
just here and there, casually taking sips
temporary jolts of caffeine
a temple of thought,
temporarily fading,
due to lacking the day-to-day rest.

Same perspective,
but this time curious, calm, and collected
like a child looking above an ant-farm - proud
gazing at moving points like synapses
of our coffee cups as opening our wakefulness.

Can we just remember to understand
that everyday is different.
Our mornings may start mundane
but we find joy in the day
for afternoon connections
no matter what they may be, just to remember,
so that we can have lasting memories,
and not the caffeinated ones.
http://soundcloud.com/medicinalpoet/agdp-caffeinated

AGDP © 2011
Cassandra Sykes Dec 2012
I turned love into the least important stop on my route.
I turned love into a duty that I never cared to complete.
Until that first night in our favourite bar, I'd cycled through person after person.
I ran as soon as I felt them feeling something for me.
But your body was my redemption;
Every freckle, every curve and every cell of you became a part of me.

The scent of your hair was intoxicating.
And I never found the words to tell you ,
That your kiss made me need to be a better person.
Your kiss made all the mistakes I made inconsequential.
In your mouth I tasted my future,
And in your body I tasted the person I was to become.

I haven't done a lot of things I'm proud of.
And my life is not what I'd expected it to be.
And the greatest love stories of all time cannot help me sum up
What it was like when you stole that first sober kiss
At the top of the stairs in my brand new apartment.
Its the love that let me go that I can't bring myself to let go of.

And there was that night you accidentally dyed your hair red.
Too much tequila made your face glow and you looked me in the eyes
And said that you felt ugly.
I laughed ad told you that even if all your hair fell out,
And I went blind you'd still be the most beautiful girl in the world.

I had made the assumption that when it was time for me to fall in love,
That I'd know exactly what to do and how to feel.
I'd never imagined that the silly nineteen-year-old girl that I kissed in too public of a place.
Would become the woman i loved and my private muse for years to come.  

And you were always a little too funny and a bit too loud,
And a lot less mature than we both are now.
I wanted to grow up with you and fall in love with you again 10 years down the road.
I wanted to cultivate a love with you that lasted through the cold winter months,
And years of parenting.
I wanted to rediscover our youth once the kids have grown.
And to kiss you on every continent.

Everything you say you feel for her is everything I've known I've felt for you for years.
So I never pushed my way back into your conscious thoughts.
I never begged to be a part of your life because poets are doomed to live tragically.
And I am ****** to live in the void your presence had left in its wake.

Now that you're gone I'm trying to jump back into my old cycle.
I'm trying to teach myself to fall again.
But everytime I kiss someone new, (it's only happened twice)
I can taste you.
You took everything wen you left.
I'm so used up I don't know if I have anything to give someone new.

You look older now and I've missed out on precious years.
Your name used to slip of my tongue like syrup that was a little too sweet.
I've been on a sugar high for a couple of years now.
Even though the way you left was more than a little bitter,
I can still taste honey when I speak your name.

You made love a 6 letter word.
Àŧùl Jul 2013
Erroneous Brought-Up
Here is a short story with a lesson on parenting.

During His Childhood
He did most of his parenting by himself;
Talked out of his eternal-seeming loneliness;
Assisted only by his toys & self-invented stories.

During His Teenage*
He pondered mainly why some parents opted for keeping their kid an only child - a lonely child;
Lost his crucial focus away from books into the mirror;
Not all who have a sibling are accompanied always.

But he always asked just one question to himself;
Why me and until when?
My HP Poem #343
©Atul Kaushal
Austin Sz Mar 2013
Sitting in the Vegas airport
             8 hours
waiting on standby without that nagging voice saying my name
             8 hours
deprived of a cigarette.
My lungs are burning
my soul is begging
to taste that sweet cancerous nectar
I have grown to crave.
      Distracted.
            You.
Not over the age of nine.
Gliding through patrons with your hands outstretched
tickling the lilies in the field of your mind.
Clueless to the stress of the airport
unaware of the bells and whistles coming from the destruction of homes
in the form of slot machines.
              Without a care.
Your over-weight drunk of a mother shoves your next meal into a pointless attraction
in hopes of a hot tub you wont be allowed in.
              Without a care.
No, you're not bothered by the
        crying baby
                 ******* couple.
No, you don't notice the nauseating tension of 500 strangers
trapped in a room releasing a stank of
           body odor
                   restlessness
                          distancing dreams.
500 strangers worried about
            work
               money
                    pursuit of material possessions.
No, not you.
You're worried about the sun on your face
the grass between your toes.
Chasing butterflies around the chair spruce
while dodging zombies
             blind to the playground you've imagined.
Hold on to that imagination
            creativity
                  innocence
that years of
             school work
                   parenting
                          American dream
will surely try to destroy.
Phani Potharaj Jul 2021
parents getting on  their back all the time
rythming parenting  makes their life tired

puzzel'd mind can't soak up parents sermon
compelling teenager experiencing alone

routine screaming and querries at home
weired their mind with response            
unknown

parenting ought to give good ear
teenager solace with out fear

teenager thinks parents are bore
untill  realize parents are their back bone
Elioinai Sep 2016
You had never seen a babe more beautiful than I
Your first
the little round head covered in curls
blessed your eyes with wonder
But your loving heart was weak
and cracked
As a mother's roses bloomed
Your demons picked up prunes
to cut them back
for love was a currency you lacked
First child
First daughter
An experiment in parenting
It's always hard to be the First
but I never doubted Papa's love
His heart was always strong enough
and helped build up the walls that you destroyed
I hate thinking negatively about my mom, but my struggle to be free in all areas of my life must necessarily include a long, hard battle to reverse every way my Mom tried through all the years to mold me into something that is not me. I want to be free. I will be free. She really is a wonderful woman, and she brought me up very well, but I can't settle for less than everything God made me to be, so here's to a series of poems on my mommy issues

— The End —