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Kara Jean Dec 2018
I could finally conform
Let it set in
The medicine taking hold
Having that big grin
Fake and thin, that's the win

"just mold"
"Fit in"

Lifeless no statement of boldness
Only coldness

Finally one win
  Oct 2018 Kara Jean
Jordan Rains
When it's time for the show, words don't flow, rhymes don't show
up in my mind, Lil' ****** up; Havent slept for three days in a row
I could get myself some help but I prefer pills & **** over 'em
Or I could write but nowadays when I scribble, there's no rhythm.

I took a deep breath, sat straight then thought for a minute.
My life is like battletoads, I know I'm never gonna win it
I making bad moves though I've played this many times before.
No cheat codes and my feet won't fit in my shoes anymore.

Feels like I'm losing this game; I wish things could be same
Like 5 years before, now ashamed of myself for what I've became
An ent- the perfect host for everything I once hated the most
Now slowly descending towards The End, I'm there almost

I admit I cut myself from every person who cared for me.
Built a humongous wall all around me and kept storm in
Hopin' to fight it alone instead loneliness fed on me
And as it kept formin', I saw the sky falling down on me

I started callin' friends, Hey! Any plans for tonight, homie?
Why don't you come over? Tonight's drinks are all on me.
As life is a busy *****, most of 'em said- Nope, buddy!
Only silence was there for me and I felt like I'm a nobody.

Felt so hard for me to cope with truth so I used to contradict
all the **** I cooked up; I got hooked up with some derelicts.
I mixed my days with ******' drugs; I became a dope addict.
Drug is the skippin' rope which kept me jumpin'. Stop, Addict!

Okay! This is what I usually do when I see me in front of dead ends
I know I'm not a quitter but I sit there all day long smokin' blunts
A hophead soon to be drop dead, I never make use of my talents.
So many friends I've offended, its time for me to make amends.

When I came back to senses, realized I have fallen already.
All the offenses I did started followin' me, I walked steady.
No one to help me; There are many ways, Where am headin'?
Went from place to place; Somehow I lived but was dead in.

I tried to let all my emotions out on a paper but it never came out
Still don't know who the **** I am or what my life is all about
Feels like livin' on a sinkin' boat, save me please I never shout
Life in motion, deeper than oceans, I'm full of diffidence & doubts

Life is a decoy for pain, it ******' destroys us to be full-blown
Lord give me more choices, sorry I didn't take the path you've shown
All I want is these voices in my head to leave me the **** alone
Please silent these noises, that's all I ask, this you should condone

And I swear to you, rest of the things, I'll take care on my own
Not afraid of being alone, as I know one day we all will be gone
To acheive my dreams, I'll beat my head against any stone wall
Not a thing I'll mothball, all crown galls I'll **** once and for all
Kara Jean Oct 2018
Sanity is thin

Surrendering like a dead fish trying to swim

A sold soul long ago, for nicotine and a guy who can't sing

Bursted dreams, mentally obscene

Standing on the ledge of a predestined date, coming to terms with the urge of free falling into fate

Death seems ok when your cards are out played

Her demon green eyes staring up into the sky

The river seems pretty high

A lifeless crazy ***** in her death bed

God cries, "why"

The devil smiles, "not to night, we have one last fight"
Kara Jean Jun 2018
I grew my hair long, that's what you're suppose to do when your blonde
I am antispation gone wrong
I have a plan it is not glad, instead we get sad
Nothing sealing
Nothing concealed, we have a plan
I went cold, no one knows
Would you like more cries with, "do what you're told"
The night is blind and I'm unkind, let's makes one more feast,
I can pretend to be happy
Relax, there is no ending
Kara Jean Jun 2018
You're sickening, kisses likeĀ  cyanide

I hide, from a world guesstimating

A potentional of none

The different is done

Procrastination is fun

Imagination is hung

Ticky tack in our lack, it's to late to go back

Steadily we stand, no need to navigate

I won't hesitate

The mundane has won
Kara Jean May 2018
Born indebted
Pretty and inconspicuous,
bullheaded woman

"Be petite"
"Be sweet"

Mormonism imbedded
Background created, disfigured with no accountability
They proclaim, "we have humility"

Here she comes, the one who is done
A demon who has just begun
A fallen angel with its halo still hung

Not a threat, only desolate
Pink dress is a signature for a distinguished mess
A force of reconstruction

A taste of death
Nothing else left
The master of her ****
She will prevail
God confessed
Kara Jean May 2018
Victim of circumstances
The past, she glances
A mirror of nightmares she can't take
The edges are unstable
Standing on a table, mangled
A bladed cycle never claimed
Her feral heart breaks
Her soul lays in a ash tray
God has no shame
She reconciles
A chance for denial
Her fire is fame
Wiping her vane tears,
announcing her fears with a smile
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