Deb Jones Sep 2017
Dying
She came to me to die
The last words she said to me
Were as she reached
To cup my cheek
"My baby"
She lay on her side
Facing me
I cried for her
I could see the awareness
in her eyes come and go.
When I knew she was looking at me
I gave her strength
And the words
Let go mama.
John is waiting for you.
Bill is waiting for you
Ashley is waiting for you
Grandma is waiting for you
I smiled as much as I could
Fed her my strength
Her eyes searched mine
Begging me to make it stop
This dying
I gave her stronger doses of morphine
Her kids gathered around her bed
Her children and grandchildren
Every one of us there because she gave us life
They surrounded her bed
But I made sure she could see me.
When the awareness faded I cried bitter tears
But every time she needed me to see her
I looked into her eyes
Encouraging her
Showing her that I was with her
Walking her home
Holding her gaze as I urged her on
Her children that weren't there yet
Called on the phone to tell her she was loved
She begged me with her eyes
I gave her more morphine
Did I give her too much
When she took her last breath
I vomited.
When everyone left the room
and the hospice nurse had come and gone
My sister and I bathed and dressed her.
Her favorite clothes
Then when my sister left the room
I washed her hair and braided it
One last time.
At that moment alone with her
I felt at peace
This woman that had ruled my life as a child
Ruled my life at a distance
Always in my thoughts
Always seeking her approval
I never raised my voice to her
Never cursed in front of her
Listened to her sometimes fantastical stories
Laughed with her
Emulated her
Adored her
Never was annoyed at her rewritten history
A woman who asked me for advice
Who trusted me
Who loved me.
Who bore me.
I am glad I didn't avoid her eyes as she died
It was the last thing I could do
For my mother
chichee Nov 2018
When people ask, I tell them:
I noticed him because of those
beautiful eyes, all
backlit melodrama and mysteries
waiting to be
understood


The truth is
they were soulless and empty and
hungry for something you
couldn't name.
You're not mine
You said.
No, I agreed.
But I could be.

Razzle-dazzle **** me
fast and ***** into the faux leather
of your backseats.
Darling, we're not in Paris anymore.
You want something fascinating
but I want something real.
We make do.

You say:
I know you're a *******
and I still want you.

with the way it wraps around my heart
you'd think it was a
love confession.

Your teeth marks divide across
my skin like train tracks
You say my name like how
an addict says
morphine, nicotine.
I wonder how long till we crash.

I say:
I hate it when you call me
"Darling"

and with the way you laughed
I almost thought
I paid a compliment

This could be whatever you want it to be
Even if it's not love.
More terrible poetry.
I've been acquainted with the following* psychoactives compounds:
Depressants & Dissociatives;
Ethanol / drinking alcohol
(3-methylbutyl) nitrite / Amyl Nitrite / Poppers
β-Phenyl-γ-aminobutyric acid / PhGABA / Phenibut
γ-Hydroxybutyric acid / GHB / G, fantasy
Morphine / *****
Thebaine / Paramorphine
Codeine / 3-Methylmorphine
Dihydrocodeine / DHC
Tramadol / Ultram
Chlordiazepoxide / Librium
Diazepam / ******
2'-Chlorodiazepam / Ro5-3448 / Diclazepam
4'-Chlorodiazepam / Ro5-4864
Alprazolam / Xanax
Clonazolam, Clonitrazolam / Clam
Etizolam / Etilaam, Etizest
Quetiapine / Seroquel
Thiopental / Sodium Pentothal
Promethazine / Phenergan
Nitrous Oxide / N2O / NOs, laughing gas
Dextromethorphan / DXM / Benylin, Robitussin
Ketamine [racemic] / K, Kitty
Esketamine [S-isomer] / Special K
Deschloroketamine / 2'-Oxo-PCM / DXE / DCK
Methoxetamine / 3-MeO-2'-Oxo-PCE / MXE /  Mexxy
3-Methoxyphencyclidine / 3-MeO-***
Zopiclone / Zimovane
Stimulants & Nootropics;
Benzoylmethylecgonine / ******* / Charlie, nose candy
1,3,7-Trimethylpurine-2,6-dione / Caffeine / Coffee, Black Tea
N-Ethyl-L-glutamine / L-Theanine / [constituent of] Green Tea
3,7-dimethylxanthine / Theobromine / [constituent of] Chocolate
2-Hydroxy-N,N,N-trimethylethan-1-aminium / Choline bitartrate
L-alpha glycerylphosphorylcholine / Alpha-GPC, Choline alfoscerate
Cytidine 5'-diphosphocholine / CDP-choline, Citicoline
2-Dimethylaminoethyl (4-chlorophenoxy)acetate / Meclofenoxate
N-Phenylacetyl-L-prolylglycine ethyl ester / Noopept
Coluracetam / BCI-540
(R,S)-2-(2-oxo-4-phenylpyrrolidin-1-yl)acetamide / 4-Phenylpiracetam
(RS)-1-(1-methylethylamino)-3-(1-naphthyloxy)pr­opan-2-ol / Propranolol
(±)-2-Benzhydrylsulfinylethanehydroxamic acid / Adrafinil
(±)-2-[(Diphenylmethyl)sulfinyl]acetamide / Modafinil
(–)-2-[(R)-(diphenylmethyl)sulfinyl]acetamide / Armodafinil
(S)-3-[1-Methylpyrrolidin-2-yl]pyridine / Nicotine / Tobacco
3,4,8-Trimethoxyphenanthrene-2,5-diol / Dendrobium Nobile
Mesembrine / Sceletium Tortuosum, Kanna
3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine / MDMA / Molly, Mandy, ecstasy
3,4-Methylenedioxymethcathinone / MDMC / βk-MDMA / Methylone
β-Keto-methylbenzodioxolylpentanamine / βk-MBDP / Pentylone
α-Methylphenethylamine / αMP / Amphetamines / Speed
4-Fluoroamphetamine / 4-FMP, 4-FA /  PAL-303 / Flux
2-Fluoromethamphetamine / 2-FMA
4-Methoxyamphetamine / PMA, 4-MA / Death
3-Methylmethcathinone / 3-MMC / Metaphedrone
4-Methylmethcathinone / 4-MMC / Mephedrone
4-Methylethcathinone / 4-MEC
4-Chloromethcathinone / 4-CMC / Clephedrone
4-Fluoromethcathinone / 4-FMC / Flephedrone
4-Fluoro-α-methylaminovalerophenone / 4-Fluoropentedrone / 4-FPD
α-Ethylaminocaprophenone / N-Ethylhexedrone / NEH / Hexen
4-desoxy-MDA / 6-(2-Aminopropyl)-2,3-dihydrobenzofuran / 6-APDB
4-chloro-N-(2-morpholin-4-ylethyl)benzamide / Moclobemide
5-Hydroxytryptophan / 5-HTP / Oxitryptan
Escitalopram / Cipralex, Lexapro
Fluoxetine / Prozac
Tianeptine / Coaxil, Stablon, Tatinol
Venlafaxine / Effexor
Hallucinogens & Psychedelics;
Δ9-Tetrahydrocannabinol / THC / Cannabis Sativa/Indica, Marijuana
Cannabidiol / CBD / Herbal Cannabis, Cannabis Resin
AM-2201 / Synth-'noid, Spice
NM-2201 / CBL-2201
5C-AB-PINICA
Harmine / Peganum Harmala / Syrian Rue
Salvinorin A  / Salvia Divinorum / Diviner's Sage
d-Lysergic acid amide / d-Lysergamide / LSA / Ergine
Lysergic acid diethylamide / Lysergide / LSD / Acid, Lucy
1-Acetyl-lysergic acid diethylamide / 1A-LSD / ALD-52
1-Propionyl-lysergic acid diethylamide / 1P-LSD
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-methylamphetamine / DOM / Dominic
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-chloroamphetamine / DOC / Doctor
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-methylthioamphetamine / DOT / Aleph
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-iodophenethylamine / 2C-I / Infinity
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-ethylphenethylamine / 2C-E / Eternity
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-bromophenethylamine / 2C-B / Nexus
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-methylthiophenethylamine / 2C-T / Tesseract
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-ethylthiophenethylamine / 2C-T-2 / Rosy
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-fluoroethylthiophenethylamine / 2C-T-21 / Aurora
2,5-Dimethoxy-4-bromo-β-keto-phenethylamine / βk-2C-B
2,3,6,7-Benzo-dihydro-difuran-8-bromo-ethylamine / 2C-B-FLY
2,5-Dimethoxy-N-(2-methoxybenzyl)-4-bromophenethylamine / 25B
2,5-Dimethoxy-N-(2-methoxybenzyl)-4-chlorophenethylamine / 25C
2,5-Dimethoxy-N-(2-methoxybenzyl)-4-iodophenethylamine / 25I
3,4-Methylenedioxyamphetamine / MDA / Sass, Sally
3,4,5-Trimethoxyphenethylamine / Mescaline / M
3,5-Dimethoxy-4-methallyloxyphenethylamine / Methallylescaline / MAL
N,N-dimethyltryptamine / DMT / The Spirit / Dmitri
N,N-dipropyltryptamine / DPT / The Light
N-Methyl-N-ethyltryptamine / MET / The Colour
N-Methyl-N-isopropyltryptamine / MiPT / The Touch
4-Hydroxy-dimethyltryptamine / 4-**-DMT / Psilocin
4-Acetoxy-dimethyltryptamine / 4-AcO-DMT / Psilacetin
4-Hydroxy-N-methyl-N-ethyltryptamine / 4-**-MET / Metocin
4-Acetoxy-N-methyl-N-ethyltryptamine / 4-AcO-MET / Metacetin
4-Phosphoryloxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine / 4-PO-DMT / Psilocybin
4-AcO-N-Me-N-cyclopropyltryptamine / 4-AcO-McPT / Mecypracetin
4-Acetoxy-N-methyl-N-isopropyltryptamine / 4-AcO-MiPT / Mipracetin
4-Hydroxy-N-methyl-N-isopropyltryptamine / 4-**-MiPT / Miprocin
5-Methoxy-N,N-diallyltryptamine / 5-MeO-DALT / Foxtrot
5-Methoxy-N-methyl-N-isopropyltryptamine / 5-MeO-MiPT / Moxy
*‒=≡End of Line≡=–
Losers
can't help
but keep score.
Isabel Feb 2018
This saccharin seeps into me,
Liquid recompense trickling,
Trickling,
Into my bloodstream.
This ichor, sweeter than the morphine
I fiend for.
A ******, hungering for a hit.
So I pray to you,
Somnus, please don't send me away.
Night looming behind you,
Death in the wings.
Everyone knows that they have a sweet tooth
And I'm all nectar.
Born Jul 2018
If
If only I could write you  a poem
From a music perspective
I'd scream all day that
I hate that I love you.
I'd smoke ****
get really  high
Numb my days with morphine
and totally blackout

If only I could write you a poem
From a death perspective
I'd remind you of dreams
Strive for what you believe in
give a ****
and for as long as you are alive
never say I wish i knew

If I write you a poem
From a poet perspective
I won't tell you that my heart is broken
I'd say Its been wrenched
Castrated,
It's an empty weight
It has been ruthlessly devoured


If only I could write you a poem
From a love perspective
I'd argue that it's only a feeling
that needs more analysis
It's the only acceptable
form of insanity globally
What perspective would you write
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