I don't know how to forgive you.
It still eats away at me.
But I can't turn my mind off.
You always throw in my face how I forgave you.
But I never did.
I told you that.
I told you that I would never forgive you.
I will never be able to forget what you did to me.
And I will never forgive you.
So why can't I just let go of you?
You are everything I have always wanted
and nothing I will ever have the pleasure of experiencing.
When I wake up at 4am,
I love that it's your arms that wrap around me.
I love when your fingers brush softly against my skin,
attempting to soothe me.
I love how you always kiss me before you leave, whether I'm asleep or awake.
I love that I'm more comfortable getting dressed in front of you
than in front of my mirror.
When I have a rough day, I love coming home to you sitting on the couch and just be able to straddle hug you for 15 minutes.
My mood always changes instantly when I see your face.
I love that.
I love how you always bring out the best in people, especially me.
I love how much trust we have in each other.
I love how protective and jealous you get when it comes to me.
Sometimes I act annoyed, but it actually makes my heart melt.
I love that I can never actually be mad at you.
I just act like it because I have to seem tough sometimes when it comes to you.
I love that you give me the shirt off your back to wear to bed every night.
It still has your warmth.
The scent that still lingers on it engulfs me, and make me feel so safe.
I love that.
I love that we both have big dreams.
Our families both think that we are wasting our time, money, and effort.
They believe will never get to where we want to be.
They think it's impossible.
But it's okay.
We don't need them.
We believe in each other.
We support each other, pick each other up, and push each other a little bit harder.
I love that.
You told me you loved me 3 months ago.
And I still haven't said it back.
But you continue to tell me it multiples times a day.
I know you know how I feel,
you have to.
I love that you haven't rushed me.
You have been so patient with me.
I love everything about you,
I'm so in love with you.
I'm just scared to tell you.
Our love started like a little rain,
And quickly turned into a hurricane.
We were as strong as your favorite *****,
But now we are nothing but old news.
They say the pain will go away,
But I still think about you every single day.
"We became everything we said we would never be."
What a cliché saying.
But those nine simple words hold more truth than our relationship ever did.
I believe that once upon a time we all did have a soul mate.
Then people started ruining it.
7 billion people in this world,
and you have never left your town.
You really think you found your soul mate there?
With someone else's soulmate.
So then that persons soulmate had to settle for someone else as well.
And took another persons soulmate.
See a pattern?
People don't believe in soul mates until they find them.
I promise you won't find them in a town of 300 people.
Get out and live your life.
Explore the world.
Find who you are meant to be with.
Stop settling with someone that you love.
You can love anyone.
Find the one that you are in love with.
There's a big difference.
I laugh because you were hoping this would shatter me into a million pieces.
The best part about it is that you're the one in a million pieces.
I sit here feeling like I'm on top of the world.
While you're the one feeling lost in your own skin.
I get a strange satisfaction out of this.
Maybe it was because you never knew how to treat me.
You never showed me how much you cared about me or loved me.
But now seeing you like this,
I can now see the affect I had on you.
And I love it.
I hope you will be tortured by this forever,
Because you will never get me back.
One thing I hope you get out of this is how to treat not only a woman,
But the people you love in general.
Because no one ever deserves to be treated the way you treated me.
And I can't believe it took me that 3 years to realize that.