Mommy, Mommy
I have a new friend
She likes the swings, like me
She’s so nice and pretty
She’s very shy, but she really liked my stickers
Mommy, Mommy
My new friend told me today
That she likes to paint
And that she wishes she was pretty
Mommy, why didn’t she believe me when I told her
I thought she was pretty and that I wanted to be just like her?
Mommy, Mommy
My friend said she’s sad
She told me that my stickers and the candy, I offered,
Wouldn’t make her sadness go away
I don’t understand, Mommy
I thought candy made everyone feel better
She said she didn’t need a doctor
She said it wasn’t like when your tummy hurts
Mommy, Mommy
While my friend was pushing me on the swings,
She told me that she wants to go away
To somewhere that she knows she’ll be happier
Mommy, can we take her to the zoo?
Would that make her sadness go away, Mommy?
Mommy, Mommy
I found out that my friend likes to paint on her arms
She told me that it’s not art
Mommy, she told me hurts herself on purpose
I asked her why she’d do such a mean thing to herself
And, Mommy, she told me that she does it to make the other pain away
Mommy, what else makes my friend hurt?
I don’t understand
She told me that she cries at night
She said that I had to keep it a secret,
But, Mommy, I know you won’t tell anyone her secret
Mommy, why do you look so sad?
Mommy, why is my friend sad?
Mommy, what can I do to make her better?
Mommy, why are you crying?
Mommy, do you want a hug?
Mommy, Mommy
My friend wasn’t at school today
I had no one to swing with or trade stickers with
I think my friend is sick
She was quiet yesterday,
But she told me that I was her best friend
Mommy, I have a best friend!
Mommy, Mommy
My best friend hasn’t been to school all week
I swing alone and it’s not as fun without her
Mommy, can we go see her?
Mommy, Mommy
You tell me my friend is gone
That she’s in the happy place that she always wanted to be
Mommy, why didn’t she tell me bye?
Why did she have to go?
Mommy, you say there’s a place I can go to see her
Mommy, I didn’t know
I would have to wear black
And bring flowers
Mommy, you said I would get to see her
Oh, Mommy, please don’t cry
Mommy, Mommy
I understand now
That my friend was sad
And that hugs and stickers and my candy wouldn’t make her better
Mommy, I don’t want her to be sad
Mommy, Mommy
Do you promise she’s happy now?
Do you think I’ll get to see her again?
Mommy, Mommy
I understand now
That zoos and candy won’t make me happy,
Not without my best friend
Mommy, Mommy
I miss my best friend
When will she come visit me?
Mommy, I’m sorry
I keep making you cry
Mommy, Mommy
My friend isn’t coming back, is she?
Mommy, I can’t stop crying
Why is she gone?
Was I a bad friend, Mommy?
Mommy, I understand why she wanted the pain go away, now
But, Mommy,
Why did she have to go too?
{-ksf}

Mommy? My throat hurts
You tell me it's the flu.
Mommy? My nose itches
You tell me it's the flu.
Mommy, I keep coughing and
I don't know what to do.

Mommy? You look a little sleepy
But you slept all afternoon.
Mommy? You're really grumpy
But you slept all afternoon.
Mommy, you keep hitting me and
I don't know what to do.

Mommy? It smells bad in here
And I can't help but choke.
Mommy? It's so hard to breathe
And I can't help but choke.
Mommy, we're getting sicker and
I don't know what to do.

Mommy? Your tongue is turning black
Please make it stop.
Mommy? Your hair is falling out
Please make it stop.
Mommy I'm watching you decay and
I don't know what to do.

Mommy? My cough won't go away
But I don't have the flu
Mommy? My throat still hurts
But I don't have the flu.
Mommy I keep getting sick and
I don't know what to do.

Mommy? Grandma called,
She asked to speak to you.
Mommy? Auntie called
She asked to speak to you.
Mommy, they keep calling, crying, and
I don't know what to do.

Mommy? I'm in the park today
and I'm missing you.
Mommy? I hear laughter
and I'm missing you.
Mommy we don't get to play,
and I don't know what to do.

Mommy? Why'd you have to go
cause I'm still missing you.
Mommy? I try to be okay
But I'm still missing you.
Mommy they all have their moms
and I don't know what to do.

Mommy had a habit
It always smelled real bad.
The doctors couldn’t help her,
And it made me really sad.

____________________­____________________

­Mommy,

I know you always try your best,
I try to pass all my tests,
but I can't pass anything but math,

and the problems we have I don't know how to solve,
because I'm working with numbers that don't work in the context of the problem we've been having,

and I'm trying my best each and every day,
to just spell my name correctly,
C-A-T-H-E...what comes next,

I don't remember,
Now I feel dumber than my little brother,
I can't read anything harder then a **** and Jane book,

is this why  at school,
by everyone each and every everyday,
I'm ignored and overlooked,

Mommy,

I never want to see you cry,
and every night I don't see it,
but I hear it,

and I hear you pray for me,
pray for someone to help your child in the ways your not able to,
because you can't always help me,

Mommy,

I know you don't deal with everything very well,
and sometimes when you yell,
it becomes more than shouting,

you and daddy fighting,
yelling about me,
every single day,

I hide in my room and cry,
because when I didn't I worried about getting hit,

for not paying attention,
or my homework,
or doing the things i constantly was told to stop doing,

Mommy,

I couldn't help it half the time,
So I cried when I came home from school,
Because everyone picked on me,

kids beat me up on the bus,
people took my stuff,
and recess and lunch were worse,

Mommy,

they put me in the corner all alone,
because I had allergies,
But everyone just thought I was a bad kid,

Everyone hated me,
No one wanted to play with me or be my friend,
no one could even be nice to me for a minute,

Mommy,

I peed my pants everyday,
two to three times a day too,
because people scared me,

and eventually I out outgrew this,
but my nails disappeared,
as did my voice,

Mommy,

I come home everyday and I cry and scream,
and that's the only noise I ever made,
for all of second grade,

my communion pictures make me cry,
because I look so sick,
at the time I just wanted to die,


Mommy,

I was in third grade,
when I know I had self harm for the first time,
Did it in the middle of class,

and no one said anything to me every time,
I pulled my teeth out,

Or the time I stuck my finger in my pencil sharpener,
closed my eyes and turned,
so my nail came off,

and maybe they would let me get out of that class room,
because every day that year was brutal,

Mommy,

I was still in third grade,
when I stopped eating,
wasn't a hard thing,

with my ADHD diet,
and the thing you never know,
that me and Daddy just keep to ourselfs,

Mommy,

when I fell off my sled,
I really fell off the deck,
and that's how I broke my leg,

Daddy saw me jump,
and I wish he was the one who missed it,
and you had to of seen it,

Mommy,

I didn't wanna live,
that was after my 8th birthday party,
you came and yelled at me in front of my only friend,

and she didn't even go to school with me,
and you chased me around the house yelling,
making her uncomfortable,

I thought I lost all my friends,
I honestly didn't know what I had left,

Mommy,

do you see why no one has ever come over since,
why I stopped having birthday parties,
stopped everyone from being near me,

I only wanted people to treat me well,
I only ever hoped for that,
I never asked for all the pain that I've gone though,

Mommy,

You always told me I was scared of men,
But I've seemed to always have anxiety and Depression,
Since I was a little kid,

Mommy,

I thought a boy loved me,
I opened my heart to another man other than the one who made me,
Loved him more then I loved the god we prayed to every Sunday,

Mommy,

I cried,
The night I let him **** me,
Because I had no where else to go,

Because Home,
Was no ******* home,

because the abuse
became too much to bare,

Mommy,

Look at my scarred body,
I dare you,
Don't try to fix me with your prays,

I don't need you to cry another night over me,
I don't want you to have to go to your mother and cry because of me,
I just want you to see,

Mommy,

Look what the world's done to me,
look what the world's done to your daughter,

from the nail biting, teeth and hair pulling little girl,
who then starved herself & tried to die by jumping and eating peanuts,

Mommy,

I've only gotten worse,
because I've taken up burning,

writing all the hateful things on my,
chest, legs, arms, breast,

Just to scorch my skill off,

Mommy,

I never cut myself till I was in 8th grade when I learned what self harm was,
and I didnt think I was doing it,

I just started talking paper clips and things that scratch the surface of skin,
I didn't ever think it get deeper then the top of skin,

Where I'd see my blood drip out from under paper clip,
I soon used other things to get the job done faster,

Mommy,

just look at my skin,
touch my skin,

do you believe it now?
like they had to do in the bible for Jesus when he returned from the dead,

see i'm as dead as the living dead come

Mommy,

I came back to stay forever,
and not pick up and leave for days,
not telling you where I have been,

Mommy,

every mark was never from you,
It was from those who brought us apart,
trying to take my from you,

Mommy,

every ounce of blood in my body came from you,
you never gave up on me,
even when I have given up on me and you,

Mommy,

I hate this school,
I told you think from day one,
I want the damage they did to be un done,

I want to feel free again,
I wanna feel like I can be happy again,

Mommy,

I haven't been happy for a while,

and even though I have not smiled for years,
in that same time,

I haven't seen yours appear,

Mom,

as the days, weeks, months and years passed,
the steps between us became miles that put u in a heaven leaving me,
under the sea level,

I just was to reconnect,

But things that break can't always be fixed,

so I write you at 16 years old

But

Dear mommy,

I've been trying to reach you since I was 6 years old,

we've lost 10 years of our lives,
because people wanted to make us hate each other,
and fight,

but I will write you one last thing,

my apology can't be worth more than this,

Dear Mother

I love you,
**please believe it

Mommy I see your smile, you're beautiful
Mommy when can I feel your hugs
Mommy when can I hold your hand. .
And tug
Mommy..

Then the room goes dark
Pain bites me like a shark
And the thoughts overwhelming
I remember peeing on the stick and seeing that faint positive sign
Your dad wasn't too kind but you were going to be mine
Then the blood started and it had no end
Your life hadn't even started and it came to an end
Mommy I met my sibling and my cousin Izzy
They tell me that you miss us that you miss me
Izzy is taking care of us like you asked her to
Mommy I really want to come down and be with you
Months go by and I end it with your father
Lord knows if your were going to be my son or my daughter
At the end I fell to my knees
Asking God  why me .. please .. please
Tears rolling down my face every time I'm alone
I lost it all I lost a home
I couldn't seem to think straight
Like is this what I get ? Is this my fate?

Mommy I see you cry
Mommy please just try
You can't give up mommy
One day you'll have my sister or brother in your tummy
Mommy I believe you have so much ahead of you
Mommy you're smart too
Mommy believe that you have a future
Mommy I'm learning you're a good teacher

Months go by and I found my best friend
A year later and still there's no end
Months back I had another angel
This time it hit me worse then my last
I thought the pain was in the past
I felt it this time
I felt as happy as a women who loves old wine
I felt the excitement hit me
I was finally going to be "mommy"
The test came back positive
And my body went through it and I was sensitive
Days later I bled
Went to the doctor and the result she read
"Sorry for your loss"
"Sorry for your loss"
It kept going and going
Like what is this ******* life, what am I doing
I give so much and it takes so much

Mommy I see you
I see daddy too
Mommy I arrived safely
They carry me so gently
Mommy I found Izzy and my siblings
We're safe mommy I promise
Mommy keep going .. your worries are dismissed
Mommy .. mommy.. mommy

And it fades and I wake
I hear my big sister tell me I never cared about you
That I wasn't taking care of me to care for you
How she assumed wrong .. she dared too
Assume I didn't care
**** that Wasn't fair
For her to judge like she did
It hurt so bad that my feelings I hid
I started to Think it was my fault
That I didn't do enough , that I did it nonchalant
I took it better this time
Thanks to your dad, I'm fine
I believe in so much now
I don't ask why any more or how
Because babies you are safe now
Now I lay you all to sleep I pray the Lord your souls to keep..
As I fall asleep at night
I pray you wake me when it morning light!

Mommy please make other kids like me
Mommy please take away the sting of rejection
Mommy please make it easy to be me without constant judgement
Mommy help me to not worry
Mommy please take away my boo boos
Mommy please mend my broken heart
Mommy please show me how to survive in this cruel world
Mommy please keep me safe from harm
Mommy please show me how to follow my dreams
Mommy please tell daddy to stop beating on my self esteem
Mommy please tell him to love me and not always see the wrong in me
Mommy please help me to get his attention
Mommy please make me whole again
Mommy please don't cry when I go to sleep at night
Mommy please keep praying for me
Mommy please keep watching over me as I dream
Mommy please make it easy for me to learn
Mommy please help me to focus and sit still
Mommy please always tell me you love me
Mommy please never leave me

As come home racing up the stairs, the last place I left mommy was on your bed, where are you mommy why are you not there, as I race to find daddy, he tells me you've gone, gone where daddy, gone where daddy, mommy promised to never be gone, daddy why you crying should I cry too, your face is all red. Tell me what to do. One week later, I'm all in black daddy says I'm going to see mommy, so why am I in black, mommy liked purple I persist but daddy held strong and resist. Not to far daddy holds my hand, don't be sad daddy, we seen mommy again, no my child daddy's not sad Daddy's happy that mommy, had you. Oh daddy I say, you so sweet as I give daddy a kiss on the cheek, before long we arrive and daddy, turns and holds me tight, I love you baby, oh those words. Make me fell all fuzzy inside. Mommy we here as I race daddy down, I've never been here why do so many people frown, excuse Mr why are you sad? Daddy hurries to carry me back, I don't get it, why are we here, and where's mommy she said she would be here, where is she daddy I need to know here beds been empty for far to long. Oh my baby Mommies with God, gone to a better bed, made out of love! Don't be afraid my angel, I'm not afraid daddy,   I know God daddy, mommy always spoke of him, he seems mighty nice and mommy said I can trust him, each day after school I rush up the stairs to kneel beside mommy and say a pray, we spoke with God daddy, and mommy asked that, when she leaves I pray everyday, I like God daddy, do u like him too, he seems mighty nice please say you do, mommy I'm big now its been ten years, I've grown a lot, I have piercing in my ears, daddy left me today, but not before we prayed, he told me to be strong and pray each and everyday, and every time I need a friend, to ask God to extend a helping hand, mommy I get it you had to leave. And so did daddy, to be Gods friends. mommy I love you daddy I love you too, and mommy and daddy, ill see you soon.

Mommy, mommy
I'm breaking down
Mommy, mommy
I'm about to drown
Mommy, mommy
Soon I may be wearing a hospital gown

Mommy, mommy
I'm only 15 years old
Mommy, mommy
I'm broken and cold
Mommy, mommy
Can everyone see me crying..it can't be controlled

Mommy, mommy
Look! I see a butterfly
Mommy, mommy
I hope you don't find me when I die
Mommy, mommy
My whole life has been lies.

Mommy, mommy
I went into the bathroom during class today
So no one could see me burst out crying
As I pounded my fist against the tiled wall
A girl walks in and enters the other stall
I flush the toilet and pretend to stand up
I clean my eyes up
I look in the mirror
I blink 30 times
You can hardly tell
I'm not fine.

I can’t believe you are gone
Even though it’s been a year
It feels like it was just yesterday
I felt your cold palms
Shaking your body
Telling you to “wake up, mommy, please..”
But no response
I died with you that day
It’s been a year
And I still don’t feel alive without you
I feel so broken
How did this happen?
I can’t believe you are gone
Come and hold me again like when I was a baby
And sing to me you are my sunshine
I want to hear your voice
Tickle me
So I can jump into the clouds and spread my wings with you
Mommy!
You made me mad!
Why did you leave?
I need you here.
I need to tell you that I like this boy at school.
I have to tell you that I have straight A’s again
I HAVE TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU TO YOUR FACE!
I have to tell you I miss you
I have to tell you I want to be with you
I feel so alone!!
You left me
I still smell your smell
Hear your voice
See your smile
Oh my God mommy
I need you mommy
Talk to me mommy
I’m hurting mommy
I love you mommy
I miss you mommy
I know you’re in heaven mommy
But you were only fourtysix
Mommy
I’m only 16
Mommy I need you at my graduation
At my wedding
At my baby’s birth
I need you!!
I need you to tell me that you are with me
I need to hear your voice
The PAIN
I don’t know how I made it without God on my side
But mommy
Why you???????
I love you mommy
Forever and ever
Not until the day I die
I will love you after the day I die and even more.
I want to hug you
I want to scream at you
I want to say I love you
I want to talk to you!!!
I want you to see that I am your daughter needing her mother!
I want you to know I am here.
I want to be in heaven with you
I want to finish your work for God and be with you
I want you mommy
MOMMY!!!!!!

Yesterday as I went out of the house
I saw her body lying down as quiet as a mouse
She was lying face down in the sewer
What you do-I got up closer and realized that I knew her
What you see-All her organs coming from her inside
That's nasty-Slashed up skin, sliced-up hide
Tell me some more-I turned her over and saw the tire tracks on her head
Then what-That's when I realized she was dead

Twisted body, chopped-off feet
Her body was minced meat
Bust crawling on her arms
She's dead can't do no harm
Gnarled-up legs, broken and bent
Her last breath has been spent

I wonder how much you had to pay
To get your mom killed in such a ****** way

I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead
I watched her as she bled
Well she had-Chewed-off toes on her chopped-off feet
Say what?-I took a picture 'cause I thought it was neat
That's cold-But the thing I like seeing the best
What's that-Were the rodents using her hair as a nest
****-I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead
Say what?-I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead

Twisted body, chopped-off feet
Her body was minced meat
Bust crawling on her arms
She's dead can't do no harm
Gnarled-up legs, broken and bent
Her last breath has been spent

I know it is your allowance that you'll really miss
But make it look good at her funeral and give her little kiss

I saw your mommy and your mommy's dead
I saw her lying in a pool of red-And she don't know how to swim
I think it's the greatest thing I'll ever see-What's that?
Your dead mommy lying in front of me-Ba doo be do
I'll always remember her lying dead on the floor-Ba doo be va
I hope she dies twenty times more

I saw your mommy and your mommy is dead
I saw your mommy and your mommy is dead

Twisted body, chopped-off feet
Her body was minced meat
Bust crawling on her arms
She's dead can't do no harm
Gnarled-up legs, broken and bent
Her last breath has been spent

I wonder how much you had to pay
To get your mom killed in such a ****** way

I saw her, I saw her...mommy

I saw your mommy

Got straight A's and mommy still ain't proud
Yelling still comes from her lips
Into the ears of her daughter
With her too wide hips
Which mommy tries to alter
And her poor daughter just falters
She's a good girl now but mommy doesn't care
Because mommy isn't fair
Mommy has an angel who's untouchable
And mommy blaming her daughter is unstoppable
His troubles become hers
For she lives mostly to serve
Her screams and cries go unheard
He gets candy for being bad
While she gets scolded for being sad
Attempting to teach right and wrong
But mommy puts her efforts down
And her own daughter struggles to be strong
But mommy is blind
And her daughter utterly confined
Over the years she lost her patience
And is waiting to say good riddance
Mommy pushes away
While the daughter hopes to fix things and stay
Mommy makes her daughter cry
And she doesn't understand why
Mommy didn't give her daughter a daddy
Mommy gets angry and calls her daughter fatty
Mommy has a saint
And daughter tries to voice her complaints
Mommy and aunty gave daughter a child
That child is much too wild
No boundaries or rules apply
And daughter sits by
Hoping she no longer must comply
Hoping soon she can wave goodbye.

Everything is so big.
The people, the places, the things.
Even the words.
What does "discipline" mean?
Ow!
Why did you hit me?
Did I do something wrong?
Oh, I'm not allowed to draw on the walls?
But I want to color...
I want to draw the green lollipops,
The ones with brown stems.
What did mommy call them?
Trees?
So big!
They tower over me like the sky over the earth.
I go outside to play under the skyscraper trees.
Birdies soar from branch to branch,
Just out of reach,
Like my toy airplane flies over my imaginary village
Where I am the president.
Oh look, little eggs!
Baby birdies not yet torn free from their shell cells.
Mommy said I was in an egg once.
I wonder where storks live,
And how they carry such a giant egg!
Wait, does that make the stork my mommy?
Mommy says it's time for a nap.
But I want to play!
All day, every day!
There's no other way;
I'm a kid, I must play.
But mommy's in charge,
And she says it's not okay,
So instead I lay
In bed for an hour,
Though it feels like all day.
I awake to bright light,
My eyes wide, like a child's always are.
Mommy says we're going on an adventure,
Taking a trip to a magic man
Who heals people with his own two hands.
I ride in the back in my special seat
Of mommy's giant, wheeled robot.
I'm still waiting for it to transform.
She puts on my favorite music.
It makes me want to
Row
Row
Row
My own boat down a stream.
We finally get to the magician
And I'm still humming to my songs.
I walk in
And see fishies in a big box filled with water.
Mommy calls it their house,
Where the fish families live and grow up together.
I hear my name, called out by a stranger.
I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.
I don't move,
But mommy pushes me towards the man
And through a big door.
I squeeze my mouth shut and look at my feet.
I must not speak to this stranger.
I'm wondering if I can trust him
When he brings me into a room
With duckies on the pale blue walls.
There is a table in the middle of the room.
The stranger tells me to sit on it.
I don't move.
Mommy repeats the request,
And with the pain in my bottom
Still alive and tingling,
I sit, cringing.
The stranger leaves (thank goodness)
And the magician in a white mask
(To hide his identity I bet)
Comes into the room.
He asks mommy some questions,
And then I feel cold hands
On my back, face, tummy,
And I wonder
What magic powers he is using on me.
He turns around and I smile at mommy,
But it changes into a frown and wider eyes
When he turns back with a
Long,
Pointy,
Shiny,
Metal
Stick.
Maybe it's a knife.
Mommy says I should stay away from knives
And other pointy things.
But then this magician makes his wand disappear.
Into my arm.
With the pain searing through me,
I scream.
Not a magician or a healer,
A threat, trying to hurt me.
Mommy tries to calm me down,
Tell me it's okay.
But it's not okay, and I scream on.
More strangers in white file in and hold me down.
I think they're going to take me away,
Or **** me with their daggers.
After what feels like forever, it stops.
They let me go,
And I exchange my screams for tears.
We leave the room.
I stagger out, exhausted.
Back at the fish house,
A stranger gives me a lollipop.
I throw it on the ground.
I do not trust strangers.
Not at all,
Not anymore.
Mommy picks it up and tries to hand it to me.
I won't take it.
I turn to leave and she catches up to me.
She hands me another lollipop.
I hesitate, but take it.
I do love sweets.
What kid doesn't?
I get back in the car,
******* on my sucker,
And fall asleep in my special seat.
The transformer stops, at some point.
Mommy brings me inside and tucks me in,
And I lose consciousness completely.
After a day like today,
I guess naps aren't so bad after all.

Dear Grandpa that I never knew,
Mommy told me so much about you,
Sorry that you couldn’t watch me grow,
Or in my childhood much could sow,

But Mommy did once a tale me tell,
Of how you made her laugh
and picked her up when she fell,

you taught my mommy of what people to one can do,
while you did live,
So Grandpa thank you
for the love to mommy you did give,

Grandpa its always been strange to hear,
How mommy does in her memories hold you dear,
I can’t help but wonder how you where,
to cause mommy when she speaks of you to cry that single tear,

Mommy said she was always one of the boys,
But you taught her she was beautiful and to keep her poise,
she was too teased for not being thin,
but you taught her who she was, was what made her win,

Of all her knowledge once belonged to you,
The songs she sings and all she holds true,
Her love for nature and ones soul,
But grandpa your death on mommy did take its tole,

So Grandpa though your absents makes her blue,
Mommy say she owes who she is all to you,

So My Grandpa by no other name,
Thank you,
Because otherwise Mommy wouldn’t be the same,

But dear Grandpa I Never Knew,
but my heart through mommy's touched,
You should know that mommy loves you,
very much,

And though I don’t know you grandpa dear,
When I see mommy cry her single tear,
I know I’d have loved you lots too,
Because mommy’s love for you was and still is so true.

Father sits at the head of the table
Strong and loud and proud.
Across the corner, to his right  
Mommy sat up straight.
Straight across again from her,
Is stubby chubby Bobby.
A yawn,
a stretch,
His eyes are fighting lack of rest.
He was awake far too late,  
but can you blame the boy?  
He turns sixteen today.

Finally, was little Annie  
half her brothers age.
She sat alone at the table’s end
A chair apart from mother,
A chair away from Bobby.
She hid behind the table’s edge
That faced her towards her daddy.
Her face she hid in the elbow-pit
of her bent right arm,
hoping no one notices

the scratches that cover her face.

“So good to have us all together,”
Father shouts away,

“A shame, indeed, when work keeps me
from my loving family.”
His hair is short, straight, stiff and blonde,
gelled perfectly in place,
Yes, so very neat and clean.
Though, not so flattering.
The hair has a hateful streak
you’d swear,
It seems determined  
to bloat and puff,
the Rosacea cheeks he wears.
The sun dyed shadows underneath
the neatness he perceives as
all important.
The cousin of Rudolph
he could be called,
his cheeks ignite and flush,
but still he wears his toothless smile
after tasting his ten A.M. toddy.

Mommy’s hair is a black whirlwind
attempt at taming with a scrunchie,
Yet failing to mask the mess it was.

Understandable,  
acceptable,
she had cleaned the house again.
Wiped every crease  
and every surface

no filth hides from her hawk eyes
Though the house was spotless  
when she began.
She still smiles,  
“Oh yes! So good!  

It’s been too long indeed!

We all are grateful for father’s attendance,
for Bobby’s sweet sixteen.”

Bobby’s smile didn’t fit his face,  
He’s too fat to reveal all his teeth.
No fault of his of course,  
happenstance and lottery
Still,  
that smile of his is one you simply never seem to want to see.  

“I’m really quite ecstatic myself,”  
Bobby proclaimed (every tooth exposed),
His teeth fade away  
He looks at his plate
“And although I know, I still wish,
I could have had a friend attend.”

Annie was neither stupid nor blind,
when three faces glanced
and two danced away.
But Father spoke up, addressing his daughter,

Shouting what he had to say,
“You know how stressed,  
little Annie gets!
With big days like today!
It’s not all bad! It’s for the best!  
I’m myself am very glad!  
See how well she has behaved?”
Bobby gave a knowing nod, and threw Annie a glare.

Annie did not respond;
Annie simply stared.

Father made a violent sound;
saved himself from a phlegm cave-in.
Now prepared to roar once more
at an eight-year-old with tremors.

Yet the words were nothing more than whispered.

“Now, Annie, why is your beautiful face so scratched?”

Annie did not respond.  
Annie simply stared.  
Then tucked her face in her elbow pit,
and swallowed a chunk of tears.

Mommy heard the gagged-up sorrow
and quickly interjected.  
“I found steel wool in the bath again,  

Annie likes them so.
If I’ve told her once  
Then I have a hundred times more,
They remove the filth from the dishes,
but not from little girls.”
Annie says,
“I know.”

Mommy fibs inside again,
a lonely little liar.  
Wishes her intervention  
was that of heroic martyr,  
But mommy interrupted
to save herself from silence.
Because sometimes in the noiseless stillness  
mommy feels an echo
it bounces from her spine to sternum.
That’s when she feels the lack of soul.
Hollow, mommy. Hollow.

Mommy held her smile hard,  
the silence only wins inside.
Glued-on cheer feels natural,
if you only wear It for a time.  
Her sawblade smile stayed
so perfectly monotone;  
statuesque.

The echo’s echoing too much,  
surely all the others hear?

Mommy croaked a giggle out,
and passed the cake around.
“Eat up! Eat up!
I worked so hard!  
I made it perfect!”

There were three plates that did not hold cake,
At least not for very long.
Seemed Annie simply liked the look,
And what a look it was!
Mommy made a masterpiece  
To say less is heresy!
Yet, now down two slices of masterpiece,
stubby chubby Bobby’s peace,
was no longer something he could keep.

“My God, how rude!
Annie hasn’t touched her food!”  

Father was just behind,
he, too had no peace of mind,  
he bellowed out,
“It really is rude!
It’s simply not fair!”

Mommy’s echo broke through the noise,
Mommy stopped responding;
mommy simply stared.

Stubby chubby birthday boy Bobby,
spitting frosting and cake:
“You, ungrateful brat!  
Why do you act the way you do?”

Mommy tried to intervene again;
She tried to save the day.
But hollow people make no sound,
they simply waste away.

So, of course, that could only mean,
Annie gets a chance to speak!
Why does she act so disturbingly?
With scratches and tremors,  
and a tummy full of swallowed hate?

Annie said,
“I can’t just make believe that Daddy doesn’t **** me.”

The little kid whose life was hid from the world knowledge
Her daddy unaware of the life that was started inside her mommy’s tummy
Daddy went to war, but mommy found a new daddy who was not her’s
To her that man was not a dad he was a monster
When the girl would even talk out of place the
Monster would make sure the precious flower was black and blue
If someone was to find out about the little flower
The monster wouldn’t get money from his parent
When the monster was mad the flower started to wilt
From the snap of the belt when it would hit her skin
When the little flower would cry the monster found a sensation in it and kept swinging
Years went by with throws years more and more scars came to the flower
Her mommy found another daddy but he was not hers
To her this man was not a dad he was a demon
This demon craved to the smooth skin of a innocent girl
The demon’s fingers icy cold sent chills up her spin
His fingers ventured to places that made her cry
Where was mommy? She was not to be found the first couple times
The flower told her mommy, but mommy refused to acknowledge it
Mommy said the demon was drunk so it’s not the same
Mommy didn’t stop the demon
The demon hurt the little flower
The demon took the last piece of innocence from the little flower
But the little flower refused to lose to this fight
The little flower grew into a giant rose bush
Over time the wilts smoothed out the bruises faded away
Where was mommy? The flower didn’t know
The flower heart was open because of all the emptiness from her past it’s now over flowing
And mommy didn’t like that
because when mommy saw her little flower flourish into a life of love
It broke mom’s heart. But mommy won’t change because she is broken and refuses to see it.

Parents can be so crazy**

Mommy have you met daddy
Who has never loved his little girl
Daddy have you met mommy
Who cherished her as a child
Mommy have you met daddy
Who raised his sons and left behind his daughter
Daddy have you met mommy
Who took in others and loved them too
Mommy have you met daddy
Who once gave his first born a hug
Daddy have you met mommy
Who insulted her daughter to the point she has no pride
Mommy have you met daddy
Who called his daughter a ***** with no remorse
Daddy have you met mommy
Who kept her against others advice
Mommy have you met daddy
Who steals and cheats
Daddy have you met mommy
Who is sometimes sad
Mommy have you met daddy
Who is best at disappointing his daughter.

mommy, you have raised me
from such a little girl
now im so much more
then just your little purl

mommy, youve been here for me
when i just felt the need to cry
and youve helped me through the times
ive just thought to die

mommy, your my role model
you raised me so well
youve kept my spirit up
when my confidence fell

mommy, i have grown up
youve lighten up my life
and youll be the one to walk me
when i become someones wife

mommy, you will be there
when my first baby screams
and youll be there
when my baby has bad dreams

mommy, im lucky to have you
always by my side
you defend me till the end
until one of us diee.

mommy, i know it hurts you
to see me walk away
when you tell me "i love you"
i dont know what to say

mommy, i know i dont say it back
not very often at all
but in the end you know i do
and ill catch you if you fall

mommy, you have picked me up
when i was to weak to stand
you have walked me on the right trail
leading, hand in hand

mommy,  i just wanted to thank you
for all that you have done
and tell you mommy,** i love you

an ugly color for an ugly girl
brush your ******* hair
mommy didn't want you
mommy didn't care
mommy didn't notice until
you had the knife to your throat
mommy still didn't care
mommy, mommy dearest,
i'm not so close to home anymore
mommy, mommy, mommy,
you lost your
first born
a very long time ago
first to cry
then first to die
mommy, stop hiding my pills
mommy, mommy, MOMMY
let me paint my room
let me make it match
the reject inside of it
ugly colors, ugly hands,
ugly, ugly, ugly girls
don't last long
oh, mommy
you know it best

Mommy

little girl six years old
saw mommy in pain
ask what had happened to her skin
“they’re only from a game,
you see. Daddy likes to play”

she looked at mommy one last time
she saw her broken smile
another bruise across her cheek
that had stayed a while

she never knew why mommy played
a game that would only hurt
she accepted mommy’s cries of sorrow
she wondered about her blood stained shirt

mommy hid behind the couch
as daddy slurred his words
another drunken night again
another world of hurt

hiding under broken tables
surrounded by shattered glass
seeing daddy play his game
I wished it was a forgotten past

brother tried to fight him off
doing the best he can
saying “***** close your eyes,
it time to be a man.”

I couldn’t help to listen
to the few words he had said
I watched as he blocked poor mommy
he had stood up to dad

he took the first blows
daddy laughed as he saw brother glare
with hatred in his eyes
and plain emptiness there

brother got mad
and socked daddy back
he’d broken daddy’s nose
because of that ******* laugh

it held joy in all the blows
the things that broke mommy
all ones that made her cry
the ones that crippled her body

brother had saved my mommy
with the fourth hit he gave
daddy got knocked flat on his back
his self esteem had caved

we ran from that monster
and were saved by an angel
hes my brother
he's my mommy's savior

(To the tune of the 12 Days of Christmas) *

On the first day of Christmas my mommy made me
               A batch of my favorite cookies

On the second day of Christmas my mommy made me
                                           Two apple pies

On the third day of Christmas my mommy made me
                               Three basted turkeys

On the fourth day of Christmas my mommy made me
                                  Four deviled eggs

On the fifth day of Christmas my mommy made me
                           Five pumpkin pies!!!

On the sixth day of Christmas my mommy made me
                                    Six honey hams

On the seventh day of Christmas my mommy made me
                             Seven gooey brownies

On the eighth day of Christmas my mommy made me
                         Eight malted milkshakes

On the ninth day of Christmas my mommy made me
                           Nine banana muffins

On the tenth day of Christmas my mommy made me
                                    Ten yucky yams

On the eleventh day of Christmas my mommy made me
                           Eleven pickled peppers

On the twelfth day of Christmas my mommy made me
                               Twelve ears of corn

My mommy
Sold me
She was cold
and Lonely

inheritance I didn't have
Her drug/pill habit took all of it
So sad

My mommy was so sick
she took the world
around her with her

She did things that rhyme with slick
butter things
that make a twitch

In college school
she found a ray
Her cowboy hero
had found his crazy

My mommy was that crazy
So beaten, unloved/enslaved, insane
My mommy was so crazy
So crazy So crazy

So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy
So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy
So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy
So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy
So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy  So Crazy

My mommy was so sick
she took our family with her
killed all of them
So sick

"There's no good dyin' alone."  she said
"There's no sense livin' alone."  she said

My mommy threw all of it
Never saved
She only spent

She bet her roll
on all of it

and fed them death
She died with them

My mommy was so sick
she took the world
around her with (her)

My mommy
Sold me
She was cold
So lonely

O my sweet baby
My beautiful angel
My blessing from the Almighty God

Have I told you today that
mommy loves you?

Have I told you how long
mommy has been waiting for you
Waiting to learn and memorize your smell
Waiting to see if you have my eyes
or daddy's
Waiting to hold you in my arms
Waiting for the joy you'll bring
to mommy and daddy
just for being
Waiting for your first steps
Waiting for you to speak your first words

Mommy has been waiting
to teach you
how to be good amongst the evil
that is spreading every day

Mommy has been waiting
to show you
that even with all the evil and sadness in the world
life is still precious, beautiful
and worth living

Have I told you
that you were my every prayer?
Have I told you
that you were always mommy's dream?
Have I told you
that all I've ever wanted
was to be your mommy

My sweet beautiful angel
I am still waiting to tell you
how much mommy loves you
Mommy can't wait to meet you

Mommy, you're so beautiful and wonderful
you work all day just so you can feed our hungry little mouths
I know you work so hard, I wish I could lift the burden from your shoulders
We've hit hard times mommy, the economy is ****
too many people are stingy, too many people struggle, not enough people live
Mommy, I wish you could have a day of rest
if anyone deserves it, it's you.
Although, I know you can't.
Once I can drive mommy, once I can work
I'll be able to help, although minimum wage won't make a difference.
It's just that, mommy, you take care of all of us
My older brother, Michael, who with autism is troubled
Me, the middle child, who is undeserving.
Mathew, the youngest, who is spoiled and has no idea the value of money.
My dad, who tries his best, mommy he does. Please just remember nobody is perfect.
Mommy, you are an angel, who keeps us all safe. We all love you mommy, with the bottom of our hearts.
Happy Mothers Day mommy :)

Mommy's little little girl for that you are,
keep your wings they'll take you far.

Mommy's' precious girl for that you'll always be,
Please always know how much you mean to me.

I always knew the day would come where you'd stop crawling and start to run,
And when the day came oh I was proud but I missed the little girl who begged me to carry her around

Mommy's  lovely girl when i tucked you in and kissed you goodnight,
I'd whisper I'll love you all my life,

For which you'd respond mommy please, I'll love you much more for eternity

Mommy's  gorgeous girl for one you'll soon be,
I'll guide your flight but soon you'll flee.

I'll look away and back again,
And suddenly a year will be ten

Mommy's  little girl I hope I'm ready,
For soon enough you'll be steady,

You'll fly off to do great things,
And I'll look back at all the memories.

But despite it all you'll always be,
Mommy's little girl, at least to me.