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karin naude Jun 2013
we all collect pain, desire, love, wounds, questions ect
it makes us unique, insane and human
our every action dictated by our subconscious
constantly reminding the awake mind, you don't rule
i realized today how me, my collection is
most women collect wedding and baby pics
i collect mommy and me moments
something i long for so deep its indescribable
unconditional protection
always knowing "i" got backup
unconditional love
no matter how messed up "i' get
she keep the lights on, so that i can find home
unconditional existence
no matter what i will always be here for you
always real and true in action and presence
always real no double standard

i stopped taking my anti-depression medicine
it allowed me to live life with muffled screams
never giving outlet to my wordless emotions
so raw, i lack the vocabulary to express
so raw, i don't recognize it
so raw, i struggle each day to keep it together
Allie Dotson Sep 2017
The water haunts my house. Appearing so very often.
The nights on which it comes
tears apart all in its path.
No one can stop it.
It burns as it gets a hold of your throat and kills your insides with each sip
a sip so deadly you don't realize there until it hits you so hard you cant stand
correctly, so hard it slurs your words and will make you feel what anger is trapped deep inside you
So deadly it makes you feel as if your dependent on it.
It is planted in your mind,
making you think of it every second of the day, craving the sweet relief of unquenched thirst.
Water kills you and the ones who love you.
Water needs to stay in the cabinet tucked away
where no harm is done.
So my dad will no longer hurt himself or me and mommy.
He is not deadly just the water that kills and injurs.
The water haunts my house.
Negra Jan 2016
Mommy.
My lips felt warm around that word.
Like when my leg wrapped around you
Insulated by your thick body.
It's like we never had sleepless nights.
In white cold Michigan.
Cold like Christmas season
With a warm mood.

Mommy
yee
yee
My tongue got twisted as I began to age
I couldn't grasp my leg around you
and I only got shorter, while they said you're getting stronger
This is what it's like to get older.
So I didn't sleep with her anymore.
I couldn't sleep as much anymore.
I stripped the yee
That bounded us together
No mommy no mommy noo
mom
I called her mom
Because I'm an adult now.
I am cold.
They said venture off into this world alone.
But thankfully,
Every time I turn around she still has a hold.

My leg let go of her body
But her hands bleed with a tight grip
And cracks that let me back in.
She said Mommy will always be here
We were one when you were inside me
We are one now because I am always beside you, behind you, before you, because I love you.
I love you Mommy.
TJ May 2017
You don’t need arrows to pierce the skin
Your grief will do just fine
You don’t need insults to stab the heart
Your disappointment is enough
You don’t need a blade to cut the surface
Your tears will do the job
How can I be your daughter
While I’m being the parent you never had
How can I go to you with my sorrow
When a single tear of my own
Sends you reeling in regret and tears
That out last mine
When my past
Turns into your own nightmare
Your hugs turn into me holding you up
Me holding you together
Comforting you
Trying to bandage your wounds
While my own bleed uncontrollably
And when you are feeling great you say “we” are doing great
And when I’m doing stuff on my own
It’s a good thing for you, because my determination will encourage you
And when you are depressed is it all about you and your pain
And when it is my sorrow
You are the first to shed tears and turn it upon yourself
I’m trapped in this darkness
Drowning in my own
And waves of yours just push me farther down
Suffocating because you keep stealing my breath
Dying because you keep me from healing
You tear away my bandages to place upon yourself
And I let you
I help you with my shaky hands
Hold you with my bleeding arms
Comfort you with the little air I have in my lungs
I let my tears fall into your eyes for you to cry
I tell you the words that I long to hear from you
That I long to feel
“Everything will be ok”
I wish this was true
I warm you with my heart
And you greedily accept
Leaving me cold
Inside and out
You take my emotions
Leaving me numb
Robotic
And you tell me you love me
After you just killed me
And yet you have no idea
How far it has gone
How much you take from me
How much I give to you
I may have placed the poison in your hands
But you are the one who used it on me
Again and again
And now you watch me struggle for life
And you say “I wish I could help”
But deep down you need me
Need me to give up my life so you can live
Need me to keep coming back for the antidote
Only to poison me again
Once upon a time you called me “Your Baby”
But now I have no name
Because like everything else
You have taken it from me…
Buried Words Sep 2018
'Why is Mommy so upset?'
'Why is Mommy not talking?'
'Why does Mommy have scars on her arms?'
'Why did Mommy hit me?'
'Why doesn't Mommy love me anymore?'
'Why is Mommy in the doctors all the time?'
'Why is Mommy taking so many pills?'
'Where is Mommy gone?'
Lizzy Sep 2014
Mommy told me about her dream
I looked like a skeleton
And she was begging me to eat
She really did
I can’t believe you are gone
Even though it’s been a year
It feels like it was just yesterday
I felt your cold palms
Shaking your body
Telling you to “wake up, mommy, please..”
But no response
I died with you that day
It’s been a year
And I still don’t feel alive without you
I feel so broken
How did this happen?
I can’t believe you are gone
Come and hold me again like when I was a baby
And sing to me you are my sunshine
I want to hear your voice
Tickle me
So I can jump into the clouds and spread my wings with you
Mommy!
You made me mad!
Why did you leave?
I need you here.
I need to tell you that I like this boy at school.
I have to tell you that I have straight A’s again
I HAVE TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU TO YOUR FACE!
I have to tell you I miss you
I have to tell you I want to be with you
I feel so alone!!
You left me
I still smell your smell
Hear your voice
See your smile
Oh my God mommy
I need you mommy
Talk to me mommy
I’m hurting mommy
I love you mommy
I miss you mommy
I know you’re in heaven mommy
But you were only fourtysix
Mommy
I’m only 16
Mommy I need you at my graduation
At my wedding
At my baby’s birth
I need you!!
I need you to tell me that you are with me
I need to hear your voice
The PAIN
I don’t know how I made it without God on my side
But mommy
Why you???????
I love you mommy
Forever and ever
Not until the day I die
I will love you after the day I die and even more.
I want to hug you
I want to scream at you
I want to say I love you
I want to talk to you!!!
I want you to see that I am your daughter needing her mother!
I want you to know I am here.
I want to be in heaven with you
I want to finish your work for God and be with you
I want you mommy
MOMMY!!!!!!
Evelyn Genao Mar 2018
"Please, daddy!"
You were walking so fast.
Too fast for my little feet to keep up.
Was it that easy for you to leave me?

You heard my tear-filled screams, but you never stopped.
You just kept going.
Farther and farther away, not even trying to get one last look at me.
I punched, pulled, and pushed trying to make you stop.
You didn’t.
You just kept going.
Leaving me behind.
"Please don’t leave me!"

Pain.
I remember it too well.
The heart throbbing pain.
We watched as you left.
Me and mommy.
My eyes were wet.
Hers were dry, cold.
As if she knew this would happen.

I looked into mommy's eyes.
Her brown eyes tangled with lies.
Lying to me for you.
How long do I have to wait for you before you realize that what you did was a mistake? What was the reason you stayed away for so long?
Was it all the stupid crap you did in the past or is it because you don’t want me anymore?

Since you left, I dreamed of your return.
The day you would wrap me in your arms and whisper in my ear,
"I'm sorry for what I did. I promise I will never leave you again,
my little Cookie Monster
."
Then I wake up, hoping to see you.
Praying that it wasn’t all a dream.
But reality soon caught up, and the dream quickly died.

I remember all the tears I had rushing down my face
as I saw you leave me and mommy behind, to never return.
I'm so incomplete without you, I need my daddy back in my life.
You deceived me, you said you would always be there.
You pinky promised.
You broke your promise.
How can I trust you again?

Do you still think of me as your "cookie monster" or
a daughter you never loved, a daughter you could leave behind without a single goodbye in the blink of an eye? I wish you were here to watch me grow up but we both know that will never happen.

"I miss you so much! Won’t you please come back to me, daddy?
I just need to see your face one last time
."
Am I that disappointing I need to work to make you love me?

Hey, daddy even if you don’t love me I will always love you no matter what happens.
I bet you didn't even think about how I would feel when you left.
No, you only thought of yourself like you always do.

You missed all my birthdays, first dates, father-daughter dances,
and you may even miss my wedding, not that you even care.
Did you know that I would wait for the postman to bring the mail and check to see if there was a letter for me? But there never was.
I eventually stopped going, knowing nothing was there for me.  

"Well, daddy looks like you really didn't care about me buts it's in the past. Now I have a family who loves me, stays with me, and likes for who I am.
I don't need you anymore
.”

Daddy, I still need you. Please, come back.
When I was 6, my dad was deported to the Dominican Republic. I remember visiting him in prison before he was booted out of the country. I was only a child then and I don't remember much but the pain is still there. I didn't ever write down my feelings until my English teacher assigned the class a project where we had to write a poem about a struggle that impacted our lives. It was not the best and as the years went by I would add more to it, pouring my heart and soul into it. I think the day presented my poem to the class was the day that I wanted to become a writer. I hope you love this and be sure to comment your thoughts on it. Also, check out my other poems!!
BJ Donovan Apr 20
You're 25 and on your own. Don't touch the burner.
   You are woman. We still remember swings and sandbox.
   Forgive us our reminisces and worry for toddler steps
   when you travel and conquer the world. We loved you
   every step along your way and will every step forward.
   I'm always ready to catch you if you fall from the swing.
sandra wyllie Apr 28
wasn’t those mommies who read story books in laps
and crooks of her *****. She shook those needle painted hooks
until said bled a velvet red and ran off alone to hide inside
the white ruffled canopy bed. She was cumbersome as the long mink

coat; she’d tote on a five-foot one frame of the mentally
insane. Little Dolly she’d call the tiny tot. Now sit and look pretty, don’t spoil your dress or I’ll beat you silly! Daddy had friends inside
his head that kept him entertained.  But when he got angry with them

there was hell to pay. And he took it out on the two with garish
words and hyperbole that could fill the vortex of dolly’s soul. Between the cries and begs mommy got exasperated and wiped the floor up
with dolly’s head like a mop. She must have got brain damaged when

she pitched her skull like a baseball through the glass window. It shattered into a hundred pieces. Boy, did she beat the bejesus out of Dolly!  She had welts the size of thick cigars and her behind was
on fire as a wood-burning stove and hung off her side like a overcooked

marshmallow.   Mommy dearest smoked those Parliaments one after the other. And between each puff of swirling grit she’d cuss out loudly and hurl her spit. Gawd, if only she’d choke on it! The orange bee-hive hair she wore looked like a hornet’s nest. Stung a thousand times young, and a thousand more since they rolled her corpse out the door.
these words speak truth and are scars of my youth
Osiria Melody Feb 14
Jubilant child, gently prancing to the candy store
A lollipop, chocolate bar, or a fruit paid in full
Locked door, crying river tears that make my sad
eyes swirl red, like peppermints
Mommy and daddy don’t love each other anymore

Notorious teen, aggressively committing thievery
A pack of cigarettes, alcohol, or pills paid in full
Locked door, smiling sunny teeth that make my
cheeks radiate, hurt
Popping pills like death candy
Mommy and daddy just got divorced

Apathetic adult, hating to have my own family
Bottles of colored juices, packs of funny looking
lollipop sticks, or death candy sprawled across the
table
(Alcohol, cigarettes and drugs are my friends,
how pathetic)
Haphazard mess, failing health over death candy,
coughing smoky clouds, dragon voice sadness
Mommy and daddy are dead

Harder to breathe when you’re trying to speak
through grains of sand
Found a dull romance, much more emotionless
than my parents’ relationship
Your promises of climbing mountains and
swimming oceans

Nothing more than promises, false and broken
A living dream of what it all means, withering
dignity
At least, death candy never commits infidelity, an
insatiable lover
Takes me to my grave, burying me in all
these substances



Melody
2/14/19
I drew my inspiration from admiring the sweetness of a candy store.
AestheticAbi May 6
I
lay
in bed

perfectly
I do nothing
but lay in this bed

"ABIGALE!!!" I can hear
my name being called as if I'm
some sort of maid to her every beck
and call but I'm not, I'm just her daughter

I'm just her tired, lonely, sad, and afraid, daughter
Who at times feel grateful but at others feel terrified
I don't know what to do, what to say, or how to be myself
when all I feel is sadness in her presence yet at the same time
undying & endless love because after all, she is my one and only
mother
I don't even know what this is but it's something I thought I'd share ; )
Val Graz Jul 2018
Mommy I'm sorry I manipulate you for,
The alcohol I feel I love more,
And Daddy I'm sorry I pretend I'm naive,
About all of my bad deeds,
I tried so hard to stay dry,
But the rain it pours inside,
I'm drowning in my own self,
I'm suffocating with my mental health,
And I try, I try so hard,
To be who you care for,
The girl who laughs just cause she can,
Who asks for hugs before bed,
But I'm not her anymore,
And I'll never be moving forward,
But really I'm just someone,
Who feels way too much at once,
I cry at night when I'm all alone,
Dancing with my demons on my own,

Please don't hate me, I couldn't survive,
I do that enough for myself, and I can no longer hide,
That I don't have a problem with substances,
That I can recognize when I've had enough of them,

I'm so tired of pretending it's under control,
This feeling of alcohol that sings in my soul,
The cough syrup that makes my shaky thoughts,
Become shaky feet, legs, and hands,
I'd rather feel physically ill,
Than continue to be mentally unwell,
So I will continue to veer off the tracks,
And spin out of control, it's just a fact,
I have no sense of when to stop,
Please don't make me stop,
It's so hard to be in my own head,
Every day it's like a death,
I die a bit, a piece of me fades away,
And I'm sorry to inform you, to say,
I'm not okay, I'm just not alright,
With myself I will continue to fight,

Please don't hate me, I couldn't survive,
I do that enough for myself, and I can no longer hide,
That I don't have a problem with substances,
That I can recognize when I've had enough of them.
Carmen Jane Mar 18
Mommy a bee just stung my forehead
Please come kiss it, it hurts really bad,
Mommy, I was brave, because I used my bare hand
And throw it in the wetland!

I always liked you bumblebee,
but now, I am not!
I used to  to point at you with glee,
but now I hope you rot!

I always liked your honey in my milk
In books,your wings were drawn like silk
I really liked the songs ‘ bout you
That hurts so much,your sting, who knew?!

Mommy I want you to  hold me
On my little forehead I've got stung,you see
Please, quickly come and kiss me
And don't call me more ,your little hunny bee!
True story today :(
His little fingers are sticky
In the mysterious way
That a toddler’s always are,
But I still hold his hand
In the parking lot.

I started to love
The grass stained
Everyday
Life
In your family.
Suddenly I
Was at home
In a child
Holding me close,
Singing along to songs
In the car,
Shoulder rides,
And trips to the bathroom
Where I helped him wash his hands.

“I’m not going to lie,
I got a call from my ex wife
Yesterday.
The guy she was living with is gone.
I told her I might be interested in something in the future...”
He held my hand
And watched my face for reaction.
“But I want to see this through first.”

I’m a placeholder for her.
A hand to hold
When she’s not there,
Lips to kiss
When she turns away.

“I think there’s more to get out of this. I want to get everything out of this.”
You want to get everything out of me.

I warned him,
I was getting attached.
I never should’ve
Gotten attached.

I’m just a stand in Mommy.
kenny May 12
She creates,
      She destroys;
Her body,
Her weapon,
Her own ******* choice.
Happy mother’s day
I don't know which spiraling circle
Was the the last straw
Or if there was  
A Needle
At All
But
I'm still
Falling deeper
Into the bottomless
Golden sea of broken glass
Until end turns time for one more
.
.
.
L
O
O
P
;


Happy Birthday Me
#my 30th birthday

Updated on 31/8/2019
_________
I spent my 30th birthday
Pretending it was my 3rd
We watched
Detective
Pikachu
With mommy
Nick and Lolly

Before that I made
Love with
My first
Man
A Moment Like This
laura Apr 2018
i remember
gettin' kinkykinky in the backseat
while your friend drives
illumined shoulderblades in the dimmers
your step daddy doesn't have much
say in us running away since you're 18

your mommy never loved me
and how i don't normally fit in things

told me you'd be going to school
in Kirtland, but i'm missing out
on how thick you're getting
for the waving tiers of succulence
belting in your stomach
profusion of feelings confusing your tongue
Outside Words Sep 2018
tiny elves in my backyard on my stoop -
“PLEASE SIR, MAY WE HAVE SOME SOUP?”

running out from between blades of grass,
they shouted in unison with a burly crass:

“YOU MUST UNDERSTAND, IT'S A TUESDAY NIGHT,”
“AND TUESDAYS ARE SPECIAL IN ELVEN LIFE!”

“sorry sir, soup is not for elves; mommy said!”

“DON'T LISTEN TO THAT OLD BAT,
IT'S LATE AND SHE'S IN BED…

...WE COME TO YOU IN NEED OF NOURISHMENT!”

“but, I’m just a kid and mommy discourages it!”

i said in my biggest voice, for the 900th time
as they threw up their arms, like I’d committed a crime!

running around in a mass,
they ran back, with such sass,
through the leaves in a big hurry -
on a hunt for soup they scurried...
© Outside Words
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