I don’t wanna **** myself to die, i don’t think i could anyway..pride.
There is just..something inside me…
Sometimes all i can do is sit and cry, it hurts so much to just be..
There is a monster, and he lives inside my brain.
He whispers in my ear, and drives me insane.
I don’t wanna **** myself to die, i want to **** myself to **** the thing inside.
I don’t wanna **** myself, but if something were to happen I wouldn’t stop it.
If a man with a gun shoots me, thank him for me.
He did the one thing I was too scared to do, he set me free.
If a man with a car were to hit me while I am walking down the street..
Thank him for me, because finally life will have me beat.
I don’t wanna **** myself, but in this world i just don’t fit.
I don’t wanna **** myself, but I welcome death with a smile.
There are days when things go so well and I forget about the monster in my head.
There are days when all I can do is try to sleep through it in my bed.
I have tried so hard to save myself, but I don’t know how much more i can take.
There is a smile on my face and it’s so beyond fake..
I don’t wanna **** myself, but I won’t avoid it by going the extra mile.
I didn’t wanna **** myself, but he just got so loud and I couldn’t keep him hushed.
I climbed into a warm bath, needing the comfort as i made my choice.
I had screamed so loud on the inside, begging for help, I had lost my voice.
I rolled up my sleeves and looked at the scars from before…
I would never do this again, I swore!
I look down at my wrists and to the water, it was red as the blood rushed.
Now here I am looking down at a lifeless me, and I know I am finally free.
The monster, he is gone..but only to go onto the next innocent life he will claim.
I will have just 15 short minutes of fame..
They will say kind words about the girl i used to be, tell stories of my life.
They will say how loved I was, and how it all washed away with the swipe of a knife.
I didn’t wanna **** myself, but now he finally can’t keep his hold of me.