Lonelyness is here to stay
It fallows me around all day
It's like a cloud about my head
Making me wish I was dead
I just want to curl up and cry
Because my friends won't let me die
Even with those friends I am alone
Because in the end they all go home
Then once again lonelyness is my company
It doesn't go easy or have any sympathy
Just breaks your heart and will to live
Weeds out the weak like a sive
It follows me around all day
This lonelyness is here to stay

Lonelyness is the feeling of having a vaccum in my whole body and soul..

again
I’m crashed
against the wall of solitude
again
the flight of waiting
inexorably went down
again
I'm not even worth a no to you
only silence
absence
[ ]
I’m alone in my lonelyness

was it the lighntening in your eyes that hit me?
was it the lonelyness in me?
i started dreaming us together
and i've been dreaming ever since

was it the moon that brought us together?
was it written in the stars?
i started thinking us together
and i thought of it ever since

was it the lonelyness inside me?
was the moon just in my head?
i wanted us to be together
and i'll want us ever since

I have felt alone since I was a child, but my childhood was filled with smiles. I remember laying in my bed, all these thoughts running through my head. Thoughts that would make a grown man go wild but at the time I was just a child. Surrounded by family and bliss, yet I felt like something was a miss. My mom is the reason for this. Seeing her sit in her wheelchair makes me wanna cry and yet I know all she wants to do is fly. Growing up faster than most made me feel like the out cast like a mother trucking ghost. I feel like my loneliness made me mature faster. However, all I heard was laughter. From kids in my class who didn't understand. Kids in my class that made made me feel dumb but, all I did was bite my tounge. After a while I started to believe that my loniness did achieve making me feel small and wrong, like I was on the wrong end of the tongs. Now I'm 22 and still stuck in this loop.

your father is a morbid man puddy. .. . but morbid can be good if you accept it...
..how can it be good?idunnoimnotmakinganysense............   ..  ..    .well.   i guess if youre in the right mood or in the right setting.(i pictured people. a woman mainly. with dark hair. and everyone had glasses of red wine and were laughing in a short hysterical way. and i realize these people arent representations of people ive seen act like this, theyre representations of me. i kno that feeling which makes that laugh. when hearing stories or seeing pictures or videos of people dying suddenly or getting tortured and the abuser maybe dismembering himself or herself after or committing an interesting suicide which we love to hear about and the sickening brutality and pain and fear and cringing you feel is instantly replaced with a swift too swift and sharp laughter. and these stories are real, otherwise its just silliness or boys being boys with their sick imaginations and saying it just for attention or to be funny or weird.. and we all might question ourselves slightly but either Time or Exposure to the Wicked World or most likely the validation of our indecencies with everybody else's  because its a whole room laughing lets us feel better about it each time but then more ashamed of our withering virtue until we forget. and something to understand from the remark "but either Time or Exposure to the Wicked World or most likely the validation of our indecencies" ad its there is no difference in this matter between the options 2 and 3 because we are the Wicked World. and all 3 are just things we waste. and if not laughing sharplyand loud and insane maybe some of us are at least being entertained while wailing in a definite cringe or exasperation or i dont kno but it is blended with the jovial air of the room. and people and family members laugh with and comfort and joke with eachother like a pride or a flock or any group of animals showing their young 'here.its ok.its an apple. you can touch it. it wont hurt you. its our food.' but we say "c'mere, the foundation of this world and all its agony will rip you apart, so here, learn how to find joy in it otherwise youll be too effected and will need to be discarded from normal happy people who kno their happiness comes first. because thats how we work as people and as a group. now here, have a drink. we pretend it helps and seek it out against our better judgment because we dont want to exist because weve become nothing in place of the wide range of terrible emotions we should experience when seeing the world for what it is.. ourselves most of all." and i guess that is what i pictured. the average happy people. family people. nice house and aunts and christmas people. and i kno im biased but nothing in this imagery matters. i was supposed to capture just the thoughts which i actually spoke to myself or my dog or whoever but now i have a brick-sized moving picture of my interpretation of happy family americans and other nations and just everybody.  but im no different. deep down anyway. deep down i am selfish and scared and come to the conclusion that the world is too complicated to be fixed and were too dumb to fix it reguardless and more so we are filled with souls which shift too often which we must only watch drift away moment to moment leaving us with many things but definitely a healthy amount of selfishness and, well, psychology i guess. we can figure our race and ourselves out as much as is possible and maybe even be right about some things, but knowing what drives us and feeling compelled are unrelated. too constant of a shift are we to be anything describable in correct terms and too unknown is the future to kno wut form our shift could bring us to. ..this is all absolute nonsense. i started rambling world. u gave me a mouth and i started rambling with it. i am definitely equal to a baby human or animal just shrieking into the world because, well just because its alive. so im a baby with no way of managing my existence other than making sounds because there are ears everywhere and peeing where i lay because its inside of me then it comes out because im unaware of my functions and we all send scattered unfinished nonsense to eachother and they send their own version of it back to the human and we manage to make ourselves sick and destroy our home and we're like an ant colony with no coordination.) and then something about laughter is sometimes a coverup for discomfort, so laughing from something morbid is not good. but then again it is still a laugh, and wut is the point system for laughing goodness and thats it the end jesus christ stop. *******. later. txt me wenever. have fun at ur party. i hope the weathers nice up north and not too cold cuz i kno u hate the cold. and im probably a boring **** saying cheezy things trying to act natural and nice and caring but i have my own agenda and am too unnaware to kno that and therefore will never be able to change for the better because i am a stupid human who thinks they have something figured out about every moment of every day but cant really do anything. cant see myself how others see me and cant feel the right way ong enough to accept it and constantly contradicting my conceptual and moral and spiritual universe and will never realize that 99.9 percent of the time my thoughts are of things like rocks and puffy things and shooting myself in the head and im hungry and **** that ***** and... im such a loser. if i dont start acting and living like a straight shooter my only outcome down the road will be lonelyness, heartbreak. regret. shame. and many other bad things where everything i love is either ded or has abandoned me because i am now a man and there is no such thing as abandoning a man but i am alone and want to die and i do. i **** myself and im ded. and there is no heaven and i have no soul and no one knows im ded and the passerbys and police officers and coroners who kno that im ded dont kno my name. so everyone i ever loved who havent loved me for years will die years down the road with families who love them and i will never cross their minds again. and i will deserve it. and i will pray for satan to devour my flesh and feel a demon inhabit my body along with my terror.

Behind the mountains the sun hides and is no more. The city glimmers of diamonds lights tonight. You are the city in my heart that shines.  Without you it is not alive. Only lonelyness with blackouts in the streets tonight. Glimmering lights and joys no more. I find myself waiting for you by the door.  But no one comes here anymore. I know your here somewhere in plain sight. I will not give up for our fate will restore our love again. Bring it back to life as it has before. Im restless without you here. Going to a new home now so far and so near. But not to you! You are my home and thats where i belong. Where are u my love?

I feel trapped
Trapped in my own thoughts

The walls of lonelyness
is increasing me

I have this newborn feeling
It feels like i'm dying inside

and while the sunshine fades
*Will the darkness take me away

Didn't expect that life without you was going be so hard.
Yes I am lonely.
And I did not expect that lonelyness could be so hurtful.

Ive given everything up to make everyone happy hoping i would eventually be happy but it seems as though god likes ******* with me. the woman i love moved while i was at work. i dont know if she even loves me like she says she does. i havent wanted anyone else but her. i tried to get her off my mind but i cant. i feel it in my heart that shes my soul mate, my better half, my everything but no matter what i do i just mess everything up and make  her hate me more. maybe gods plan for me was eternal damnnation and eternial lonelyness. maybe his plan was for me **** my self. i dont want anyone but her i never truely clicked with anyone but her. hell if i had to sacrifice my own life for her id do it in the bling of an eye or better yet faster than sound or light. i would do anything for her no matter the cost. but god has a sick twisted mind and every time im finally happy it gets ripped away from me. i have just about had enough of this ****** torture i want to just say ***** it and end it once and for all.

There’s the man walking alone,
who’s a friend I've known for long
With things that happened around you,
the sadness won’t be blew

I see the blood in your eyes,
I see the love in disguise,
I see the pain hidden in your pride,
and you are not satisfied.

Sadness, lonelyness, sorrows,
the dreams have died, the hope has died.
Existence with no reasons.
Your life’s just passing within each season.

I see the truth in your lies,
I see the guilt beneath the shame,
I see your soul through your window pane,
and nobody’s by your side...

Everything happened just doesn't seem right,
Is it just a dream, or my own reflection on the broken mirror...?

i.
eating chocolate-chip fudge cake
heart racing pounding
surrounded with flesh
suffocated, constricted, fighting,
living
for guilty pleasures yearning
digestive juices to action
there is purpose, conviction
the food eaten, none
calories wasted heat not raised
such first world problems, is control

ii.
guilty pleasures
a woman walks up to you
her body for sale
she asks for a chance
to take your money
you quoth bill, she accepts
judgment, opinion, cravings,
the touch sweat confuses for
not loving back
you’re still lost
not having a girlfriend anyway
curb, not succumb to such drive
you’re not forgiven the lonelyness
copying the rest of us and marketing

iii.
relative definitions for everything
no one agrees disagrees
trikha tomia stalemate
money, living, dignity,
your sweatshop is not mine
the immigrants need new life
in the sweat shop they work
for pre-school
there is dignity no dignity yes
but also a body for sale
or a fat man eating his cake

my spine is bruised
with lonelyness
time and company will heal it

part of it will never go
it will allways be my sensitive spot
i will allways remember
who caused my pain

my eyes are not windows to my soul
they are a mirror of yours
not because I want you to love me for someone im not
but because I dont trust you,
or anyone,
to see through.

To see through the tangled web of lies, fear, lonelyness
self hatered and pitty
I don’t want, anybody to see through that.
For somebody to love me after all of that,
well, they must be just as,
well as aweful as me.

I love you because I can see all of you.
I love you because you are scared.
I love you because you know just what to say even when I don’t want to hear it.

I haven’t let you see in yet, but im working on it.
every day I think about losing you,
because Im too afraid to let you love me
so every time we talk,
i tell you a pice of my story.

My eyes are not vindows to my soul
they are a mirror of his, of hers of thiers
Slowly, my mirror is reflecting back on me
showing me that im not as aweful as I feel.

Im also not as great as you say.

But im getting htere

Every time you call me georgous
everytime you remember my favorite song
or word
or color
you remember everything ive ever told you,
even the lies.

Now, you’ve seen it all.
You’ve seen me at my darkest moments,
youve seen me at my lowes points.
You still love me.

My eyes are not a mirror of your soul anymore.
they are windows into mine.

You were my everything.
Everything that is  now nothing.
You were my every minute in every hour and I wanted to spend it all with you.
All of it just to be near you.
You were the "L" to my "ove"
The light to my sky
The diomond to my ring the voice that I sing
You
Were
Everything....
And I lost you...
All because of some stupid mistakes.
Some stupid mistakes that caused us to part are ways an now we don't even speak... Anymore.
The only word I SPEAK anymore is lonelyness and longing..
Longing for you to even care alittle bit.
Just enough to even look me in the eyes.
Just enough to remember how you and me used to be.
And I know you remember.
Because no matter how hard you try you can't erase me.
In every woman that you sleep with you'll remember me because you'll remember where I am suppost to be.
In every memory that you make I know you remember ours because you can't forget me.
I was your one and only
And you were and stil are all of mine.
Because you are my everything.
I used to say alittle time is all it takes.
Just a few nights with the girls is all I need.
But I still cry everytime I look in the mirror an only see me....
That empty space is where YOU are suppost to BE.
....but your not here and I'm here just trying to cover up all these tears from falling any closer to my chest making sure my parents don't hear because I want to look my best...
I know it's gotta be killing you because it's killing me.
If only it was. But it's not.
I hate that I love you.
I hate that every time I think, a thought always brings me back to you.
I hate that every time I dream your in it
Every time I make a memory you're not in it.
And everytime I want anything to do with you I can't be in it....
*******... Hopeless relationships.

At last the final visit..
For over 12,000 years I have been building a machine..
The main purpose at first was to simply have this machine get me to point A to point B..
I discovered all the secrets and codes of the planet I had forever lived on..
The ones I had truly loved were taken from me..
Death took them away..
You do not understand lonelyness until all is gone..
On a planet where I out-lived all other forms of life..
I had forgotten some emotions..
Love being almost one of them..
As there was nothing else to love..
I did however loved that I missed them ..
But hated that I will never see them ever again..
You see I am forever..
I cannot die yet I cannot live..
It was then I had to have this machine somehow get me off this old lifeless planet..
To find what my thoughts had hope to build..
After 2000 years I had finally built The star drive..
I travelled from planet to planet adding on more and more to my Star drive..
I met other races, some beautiful, some horrible, some welcomed me while others wanted nothing to do with me..
There were times where I stayed at certain planets because it reminded me so much of home..
I travelled on through what is known as the Tao Nebula..
This Nebula made all of your dreams real..
I was with my family again or should I say the memory of them..
I got to relive these memories over and over..
For 200 years I did this..
Finally I was ready to leave when both my son and daughter came to me...
They had with them a beautiful floating gear of some sort..
They called it the divine gear..
It was then I thought of building something more than a vessel able to jump me across the stars..
I needed a vessel that could take me to heaven..
So that I could meet them again..
This was just the message I had been needing for so very long..
This sun sized planet is the home of the Divine gear..
This will be my final visit in this realm..
The Universe is just as it says..
Uni for only one..
And the verse for the spoken word of the creator whom built it..
This divine gear will drive me above and beyond it all!

Hey moon?
I am so sorry for you
I know you mean well
But I can't stand to look at you
You symbolize Lonelyness
You make me sad
Why do you have to be so sad?
You rise and fall
You wait for your fire love
And you can't face eachother
Why don't you give up ?
Hey moon ?
Can you teach me how to be as strong as you ?
Teach me how to be okay with being lonely
Teach me how to be Okay with never being with my fire love
Teach me how to be okay.
You make it look so easy moon.
Hey moon?
Does it get annoying when you have asteroids that keep hitting you ?
Does it get annoying when people try to understand you?
Moon, Can You Hear Me?
You are lonely but you shine bright
Are you really lonely?
I get it Moon.
Just because You can't see or be with your fire love
You know that with every orbit
You can rotate around the world
And show strength to people like me
Who try to talk to a Block of Rock from the atmosphere
You aren't lonely.
Ha ! I get it now moon
You've been fooling it
You Moon don't symbolize sadness
You show strength
So I thank you moon
For showing a person like me
With false hope
Something to look at every night
So hey moon?
Are you okay?
You may not get this question often
But I'm not of many
So I ask you this
If one day you can finally be with your fire love
Would you really be happy?
Like come on
You get the thing you want most
But does it make you happy that you don't have to fight anymore ?
Moon I just don't get it
Why do what you do
If you never get what you want?
So maybe it's more than just looking for love
Maybe it's looking for a friend
I have yet to believe that your lonely,
I still can't believe it
I refuse to
. Why you ask
Because you after all these years seem fine
I mean everyone can fake happiness
But you've done it for many years
Tell me how to do it.

To be lonely in this world**  is to have someone you love,  but can't be with them. Its when your family denys you making you feel like you're nothing.
   To be lonely in this world is when your father is alive, but is never there when you need him. Its when the person you love with all your heart is contimplating walking away.
There are some people who wish to be alone and completely on their own. Those who wish to embrace lonelyness I would gladly give them what they want. I would let them take it, because I have been alone for much too long. If they want it they can take it and never give it back.

Sad gray man..
Won many prizes in his time..
Award after award..
All because of his sorrow never-ending..

The sad gray man is a painting..
Forever drawn out to be..
A sad wicked eternal lonelyness..
But he still loves his creator, this artist..

It was one day, one week, one month..
He decided to draw her..
She was not gray..
And she was not sad..

Together holding hands..
The sad gray man smiled at last..
She found him..
As they set sail toward colors eternal..

My days with you are seeds
that bloom at night.
Our love is life in agreement.

I write  to preserve what is
-in vain-
still the future's dear to me.

You must understand it is not only
death and lonelyness, that grow with days,
also love & life grow
the warmth of your hand
and friendship, each day.

As the raindrops hit my skin...
The feeling of tears fall within....

As I look through the pouring rain.....
I hide the feelings of all my pain.....

The darkened clouds drift in the night.....
Reminds me of love with fear and freight....

As the rain stops and my skin dries....
Feelings of lonelyness begin to die.....

The clouds have now cleared.....
I shed those feelings of love and fear...

Now that the rain has passed....
Along with my criticism of my past...

The light now gets closer within my grasp....
I look to the future for the life I ask....

Demon
We all have our own.
Lurking inside.
Waiting for weakness.
The demon wants weakness.
So it may creep in.
Demonizing us.
To the point, in we give.
Fight the demon inside.
Fight the urges.
The feelings of worthlessness.
Self doubt.
The fears of lonelyness.
Fight the bottle.
The needle.
Put down that knife.
Fight the demon till there is no more to fight.
Fight cause you,re more.

All I wanted was to lay awake with you
In a dark room, staring at the white celing
Not giving a **** about the world
Or talking bout' feelings

Just listening to my old records
In silence.. Without saying a single word
With our hearts wide open
And our clothes all over the floor

But I was never good to you
Thats what I get for being true
It seems like you've always prefered
All those little ****** that want you to be scared

Dear, lonelyness is nothing to be afraid of
You can always  find a friend
Inside the next glass of liquor

Oh, love.
One can never bet too young to seek for truth
Don't know much about it myself
But we can find it together if you want me to

With you I'd sail the seven seas
Through tides and storms until the sky completely clears.

Lonelyness is a rash that itch for affection,
distance is arms greatest foe,
to hug the one you miss is the greatest gift but to get rejected is the scratches and scars that surround that rash that Still itch...and aches...
people move fast, to settle but the ones who are too busy to settle are titled not good enough.
I Tried to be there for anyone but no1 seems to care,
that ill cutt my arms off from time just to be held one lasting enough time.
I'm not the best looking I'm not the best at all close to the image people seek.
But I know I can give more than image can, I can make you feel more than your mirrored man.
I ponder offten while the river Creeks I sleep in a bed that empty so only my head and pillow is the only feelin of caressed,
lookin up I only feel no blessin even if I sneezed.
Why am I cursed to have feeling but none to give then too.
Why is time the only hand that waves by, even when I don't acknowledged it.
slowly but surely I fade into a sleep of weeps to begin another week that makes me more weak into questioning why hold on to the idea of havin one..or her or you...too keep,
if me...
if personally i am not wanted..not for a text or ring..
I'm haunted, behind me, people speak and judge me often taunted..it hurts my self esteem and fill my dreams amd conscience with ideas of doin unspeakable things,
I'm done I hunged the gauntlet, my cape is up
the sword is dull and the shield is rusted.
I'm done, ive lusted and loved it, ive drunk my heart into a bottle empty as the chest it sits in,
Im just alone and waiting for this to pass.

By -Deep Thought
Aka Linguist Musician
AKA Emmanuel Jv Hernandez

A longing soul is not one to choose

Being in a state of lonelyness,
Where there is a constant reminder of how hurtful the world and other people can be,
I forget to be cautious when it come to love
I forget that Its something so fragile.

I loved you in a way friends should
I enjoyed our time together
And while ws were together
You were the only one
But I had feelings for another
And the thought of being with anyone before leaving
Was terrifying
So I hid those feelings from myself
And from you too.

But something happened before my journey
That I didn't expect
And what happened is my secret to tell
And my truth
And if you ask nicely
I can tell you the whole truth.
Not a hand me down wonder or thought
But the full truth.

I cant find whats missing
Spending my time wandering grey streets
Slipping over cobbled blocks and broken pipes
No destination.
No idea  where to go
How am i to find whats missing  when i thought i held it so Close

I was opinionated.  Now ive lost direction
Missed conections
Defelected questions
I procrastinated myself into lonelyness
Theirs no deception

Please. Lock me away
And don't allow the day.
Here inside, where I hide with my lonelyness.

I don't care what they say I won't stay in a world without shame.

I will wait and in awhile I will see inhuman guile.
It will come I don't know when. Maybe soon I know so baby until then.
Lock me way and don't allow the day. Here inside where I hide with my lonlyness.

I don't care what the say I won't stay in a world without shame.

My shadow only wanna hide beside me,
all things going so wilde,
black shadow in the front of a ray of light,
seems to b no more visible in the existance survival fight,
it feels like that m so numb,
that i cant cry or smile and peoples start saying that m a dumb,
but i m not i cry but no 1 bothers that m crying and m i feel so alone,
they just ignore me and wore me a thrown,
and made me the king of lonelyness and try to supress,
the things i guess,
that these r hurting me too much,
and destroying the best part of myself and if i wannna clutch,
the part it goes more apart,
from my reach,
& as usual the peoples who see me try to teach,
there own non-sense lessons,
if dont wanna get those they felt m in the list foolish of foolish persons,
they putted itno who dosnt make a agree on there stupid speeches,
it's still going darker here and echoes but not reaches,

You were sleeping when I've found you lying down on the cold ground. Homeless and hopeless.
You didn't seem to trust anyone but you let me held your suave hand in mine. I took you under my wing but you were still afraid. You didn't want to tell me your story. So I have waited for a long time. And when I knew, I've loved you even more. I didn't fall in love with your qualities and beauty at all. I was in love with your imperfections, the mistakes that made you unique, but most of all I fell for your broken heart. I had a mission. I had to fix all the pieces together. So when I did, when I saw a smile painting on your face and heard the beautiful melody of your laugh, I wanted to keep you by my side forever and never told to anyone about your existence so no one would ever be in love with you, as well.

Everybody needs you.
Everybody needs inspiration.
Everybody needs a ball of sunshine.

I've found mine and if I could I would have took him far away from any sort of individuals capable of loving.


But I woke up. You and all we've been through desappeared. Reality caught me up.

Back to lonelyness and the sweet sound of silence...

For those who are sad
for whatever reason
There is a God
who will wipe your tears

For those who need
justice
which this earth will not provide:
God will give it

And for the hungry:
God will provide
food
each day

For those who miss
someone who loved them
and now have to face this world alone:
God is with you

Don't be afraid for lonelyness
Because if you know the Lord
you will never be alone

Count back from 10
Calm your mind
Calm your heart
How can I ?
I let you in
I think it's enough to let you see
That I'm hurting
Turning
Burning
Yearning
My words ring so empty to you
So you play with words so beautifully
And sometimes not at all
I'm growing in distance
Your growing so distant
I'm wondering when my head will give up
Holding my heart for you
Consciously I love you
Consciously I'm trying
I know the universe understands
My emptyness
My lonelyness
But do you?

when i say i'm alone, i mean i'm alone. not in the way you can be alone when no one is around you, but the kind of alone you are when the room is filled with people while not one of them knows how you feel or what's going on in your life. i am the kind of alone when you drive home from a long day of school and you know that no one is gonna ask how your day was. the kind of alone you feel on a birthday, when everyone seems so happy but you just can't feel the whole birthday spirit.

i am not the kind of alone you are when there is no presence of another person, i feel the most alone around people. i am alone in the way i feel, alone in the way i understand life, alone in school, alone at home, i am always alone. and there is no one who can make me feel any less alone, no matter how hard you try. so i crawl to the background, i turn to music, turn to my writing and try to become okay with the constant lonelyness and i realise it's not such a shame to alone.

but sometimes it just feels

so alone.