Is two loves possible?


*Or is one just an illusion.

I feel like exploding
I dream and see the waves
crashing against my skin
but if I let go
I don't know
what would happen
so thicken up
and hold it together
for god knows how long.

I feel your engery
your strength
all I want is to
feed off it
but I dont understand
how.
~

who are you
to make me
queasy
with one
word
~

I want your
kindness
hate
and time
but things
are always
way diffrent for us

write,
I tell myself
just write.

Everyone tells me
home is where the heart is.

but my heart is spilt
in many ways.

a piece of my heart,
lives in the waves in hawaii
nestled in the black sand
under a giant, old palm tree
and personally
that is not home

a piece of my heart,
lives in Shelter cove
Among the forestry hills
at enormous red wood trees
I wish that could be my home.
but it sure isn't.

A piece of my heart lives
in the people I have met
It lives within the laughter and tears
with every 'I love you'
and every 'I don't know what to do'
And it will live there for all eternity

A piece of my heart,
lives within the cracks of my family
Each life and each love
its the oldest of pieces
and will be there the longest.

A piece of my heart lives in the mountains
full of snow
full of possibilities
the only place I feel at home anymore
is on the mountain
forever in the snow
forever frozen with love.

I haven't been drawing lately.

but I have been
swimming through a lake
of forgetfulness
and loosing sight of who I was
I forgot
just for a second
that second bleeding into the next
dancing on the edge of change
who am I now?
the same as always?
or a drunken, high, working mess of an adult
but it works being slightly homeless
and falling into something
I wasn't expecting.
Change is different.
and growing up *****
why did I only see this now?

I haven't been drawing
and I need to keep these chubby hands busy
while I am figuring out what we call life.

I haven't been drawing
so I grab a pen
and remember who I was.

I wish I could write a poem
that explains everything
and anything
but it wouldnt make any sense

plus
it would take all the fun out of it,
wouldnt it,
so ill keep you guessing
and ill keep myself wondering
and ill continue to struggle
to write the words
and live the stories
with that small second guessing
in the back of my mind.