If you were here
I'd tell you about the candle I made
how it changes colours on the inside.
I'd tell you about the idea I have for a present to my brother
and ask you if my plan isn't too much.

If you were here
I'd tell you that I have to call somewhere to change an apointement
You know how nervous I get around phones
You'd tell me to just do it
and it would be alright

If you were here I'd tell you about left and right brain hemispheres
because I heard a podcast about that today, and I like sounding smart to you.
I've also been thinking lately
about the relation between trust and facts, and what implications they have.

If you were here I'd tell you that I dreamed about green beans
so now I'm going to eat green beans, even though I hate them.
I also dreamed about my grandmother.
My sister said she's moving, if that's true she will be closer to me.

If you were here
I would tell you how worried I am
because there was an earthquake, and now my best friend won't come online
you're the person I'd share that with.

But I guess
I wouldn't say any of that, if you were here now.

Not before I'd hug you, very very tight.

The moment
one bullet
entered your back

a thousand
bullets
crushed my heart

If you were a flower
I'd press you in a book
dry you
save you in this moment

I could go back
forever
and you would still be
as perfect
as you are today

I could still smell you
enjoy your beauty
and be with you
just for now

If you were a flower, I'd save you and this moment forever
I could always pick up the book
start reading again
timetravel to the little time
you bloomed for me

but you're a snowflake
I can't hide you in a book about you
you'd melt within seconds
I will not be able to save you
I will never go back to knowing how it feels
to know you well

I don't even know you well
you're just a snowflake
and you will twirl in the wind
away

your mind
is a balloon

I only
let go
for half a second

The shadow shows herself to her
Her own lines
the words that hurt the most
He looks at her, and says:
You didn't hurt enough
Let's read this poem together
Let's live this poem together
feel the pain all over again

The shadow means well
He wants to understand
But she doesn't want to go back
She doesn't have to go back
She's still in that moment
she's still on that floor
she's still screaming from pain
Trying to reach her phone to reach an ambulance

The shadow wants to know her past
she wants it to know her
she wants to be known
But she doens't want to know
She has to look forward
or she'll stay in the past forever.

2 years, a month, and 9 days after I saw you last,
I found 'our song' on youtube.
Now I'm listening to it for the first time
since I'm not with you.

The words are still sweet,
but has the melody always been this sad?
And if it was, did we pick it, because we would always
know it wouldn't work?

I haven't seen you since august 3, 2014.
The morning that I got in an airplane.
The morning that I no other option but to leave you,
even though it felt like I was leaving my life behind.

You left yourself too.
Left your roommate to deal with the leftovers.
Your clothes, your laptop, even your both your passports.
Looking back, I have no idea which version was really you.

But when I left you,
I could have gone back.
I knew the airport, the bus, and the walk to your apartement,
forgiving you could have been my next mistake.

When you left you,
you left me too.
You left my backspace.
My loneliness had been finalized.

Even though we finished, it felt unfinished.
Weeks after I left you ceased to exist.
Your memory got hazy by my teary eyes,
and all the mist of your lies.

There are rumours,
you either became a boat refugee or got married.
You're supposed to be in both Greece and Germany.
And your real name, was even something else.

I suppose I stopped missing you, over time,
but maybe I never became whole again.
I left a part of me with you, and I will never know
where you are.