I came into this world,
My sister automatically hated me,
She wouldn't get the jewelry,
That my mother promised she would give,

My mother told me about jellybeans
"it will make you feel better,"  she said

I first learnt to walk,
My brother let me fall,
He said two children was enough,
Then I came and ruined it all,

My dad gave me a jellybean,
"it'll make you happy again" he said

I turned five,
My teacher didn't like me,
She found me a disgrace,
Just by being the way I am,

My friend gave me her jellybean,
"the jellybean would make you think of heaven instead,"

Ten was the worst,
I was fat as hell,
Girls picked while boys laughed,
Everyone just said it was puberty,

I ran home to my sister,
She said,"the jellybean will drive the pain away"

A teenager I soon became,
My father was drunk,
Rapping on the door like a ghost,
It was as if he felt his life was done,

My brother covered my ears,
"don't listen to his say, let the jellybean lead the way"

My grandmother died,
My mother cried her soul out,
She was like a sister to me,
My life was now incomplete,

My aunt dried my tears and said,
"Bite down on this jellybean, it's your only happy place"

My mother was stuck in depression,
Nothing could help her,
I was on my own now,
Everyone looked past me,

god came down to me and gave me a jellybean,
"never give up" was his advice to me.

20 was my age,
To rise and shine,
My family was finally happy again,
It was so great I had tears in my eyes,

My family gave me a box of jellybeans,
"more the merrier!" they said to me,

It was during college,
Did a handsome man ask,
"why eat those jellybeans,
When you're supposed to be sad?"

I gave him a jellybean, smiled and said,
"more sweetness fills in, than tears are shed,"

The man became my lover,
We were everything to each other,
We planned a whole life together,
Until he had to part away forever,

He kissed me on the lips and dried my eyes,
"please take this sweet, as token of my love for you,"

I went back home to find,
my brother had gone haywire,
He didn't listen to anyone anymore,
He was a rebel now,

I calmed him down and all he said,
"Carmel, you don't understand, all you care about is jellybeans,"

Soon after there was 'breaking news' on the TV
My brother had killed,
But soon ran away,
And I was related to a murderer,

My sister hugged me and asked,
"does this call for a jellybean?"

I got a job as an assistant  mental helper,
What more could I do?
My resumé didn't hide my history,
Dead gran, criminal brother...

My sad face softened the one on my boss,
"have this jellybean, it's all I have," he said

A year after the same routine,
Did I learn my father had a drink too much,
The hospital bed he lied,
And went away without my goodbye,

After The nurse told me everything, I looked into my purse,
"oh beautiful jellybean, please do your magic," 

After, a marriage was arranged for me,
The man was sweet, but not mine,
He was a choice of someone else,
Which is what hurt me a lot,

I looked for a jellybean, but my sister sighed and said,
"you are about to be married, no need for those antics,"

In reality, the man and I were friends,
We had a bit in common,
But nothing like my lover,
I was alone again,

My mind yearned for a jellybean,
But I stopped, for my sister knew what I was doing

The day to tie the knot,
My mother was half gone,
She came in a wheel chair,
Yet she was clapping along,

The priest spoke as my 'husband' smiled,
"no jellybean, but smile, smile for them," I thought.

After living a different life,
I still hadn't learn to love him,
My sister got mad and ran away,
Far away from me, she said,

My husband sat down and gave me a packet of jellybeans,
"I know it's what you love, take them and smile again, for me"

31 my brother payed a visit,
He had changed so much I could have loved him instead,
He cried and apologized,
But I just gave him a hug and SMILED,

He gave me a special jellybean,
"to tell you how much I appreciate it," he said.

He lived with me for a while,
My "lover" said I needed the company,
We laughed, smiled and cried together,
It was the best year of my life,

My friend came up to me and said,
"a jellybean for improving your happiness," 

Later my mother was fully gone,
My brother couldn't bare the pain,
He ran away, for he wasn't strong,
Sadness filled my air again,

My neighbor came and wished me well,
But no happiness came without a jellybean.

My depression,
It became my obsession,
My husband tried and gave up,
There was nothing he could do,

Cigarettes were my new candy,
"I'm sorry, Carmel, you're too old for jellybeans'' 

My husband screamed,
I would never try,
So he packed his bags,
And left with no sweet goodbye,

I cried my heart out, and pulled out my cigarette,
" wow, Carmel, look what you've done"I said.

So this was my life,
I was lonely as hell,
No family to love me,
No one to ask if I was well,

I left the cigarette and took out my special jellybean,
" at least it sweetens the pain, reduces the hurt, and make you feel as if you're whole again,"

After all that has become, 
after all that has been done,
The jellybean never left my side, 
It was the one who loved me, all this time

"I love you, Jellybean," I said, " you are my one and only, best friend,"

She woke up early
To see what the Easter Bunny brought her
And she fed her dog jellybeans
And she put on her new baby blue dress
With the matching hat
And couldn't sit still in Church.

She woke up early
To find that the Easter Bunny only brought Dad’s favorite candy
And her mom sat her down
And said, “The Easter Bunny is a fantasy”
And her dog got stomach cancer and couldn't eat the jellybeans.
Her baby blue dress was too small
But she wore it anyways
With pants underneath
And the matching hat,
And she got a cramp in her neck
From counting the ceiling tiles in church.

She woke up early
To the sound of her parents fighting
And she climbed into the bed of the pickup truck
And told her brother about Easters he was too young to remember
Of baby blue dresses
With matching hats
And how they used to have a dog that ate the jellybeans.
She wore her pajamas to church
And refused to get out of the car.
Not even when her mother cried.

She woke up late
To the sound of DVR’d episodes of Pawn Stars
And her dad told her that taking the SATs once was not good enough
And her boyfriend needs to take driver’s ed.
And they didn't go to church
Because her mom didn't live there anymore.
So she put on a different dress,
Dark blue with no matching hat,
And drove that pickup truck off the bridge.
Laughing as the cab filled up
With death’s cold fingers.

Scream.
Scream firelight electric skies.
Scream torrential sideways winds.
Scream nonsense and fortified lies.
Scream names in vain and horrible sin.
Scream ****** ****** and bravos.
Scream lightspeed ways that rip the cosmos.
Scream a universal chunk from your mortal throat.
Scream jellybeans, sweet and sour notes.

Scream and I will hold you
            like you were dying
Scream and I will kiss you
            like it were initiation into the unknown
Scream and I will need you
            like you were never coming back

Scream

Or don’t scream at all

I’ll still do these things

I stopped by an old candy store the other day
The same one my parents took me to when I was a kid
Old man Joe still recognized me as the lad who bailed his hay
We chatted for a little and then he asked for some help unloading a skid

His daughter Tracy of whom I went to school with was already in the back there
She was complaining about how her dad should get new candy to fill all the empty beams
I stayed for another hour or so, we cached up as old friends do, she told me her dreams of being the mayor of our little town. Before I left her Dad asked us what kind of new candy he should get.
Without hesitation we both grinned and shouted Jellybeans.

Something that day must have created a spark, because ever since then I held her close to my heart
A few years later, we had our wedding at the old store, we even ran away after on a horse.
Who could of known a place like this, could leave such a big mark
Perhaps the best part was being asked what he had for dessert, we both smiled said Jellybeans of course.

Today she lives her dreams as mayor, while I run Grandpa Joe's candy store.
We expanded a little and even took up a space for ice cream
We have one on the way and another who just turned four
And although Tracy can't help too much anymore, I have help from our little one, of whom we call Jellybean

There is nothing so constant as
a dirt road in Nebraska,
beyond where the pavement ends.

This timeline beneath my feet
Crunches on and on,
Further than even I know.

This methodical sound of time passing,
Echoes off the fields of an ancient prairie
so superior to its cousin, the **** carpet

of my grandma’s house where
I would hide all my coal-colored jellybeans,
Pretending they were herds of cattle, grazing

Along dirt roads, such as this—
My venerable trail of rock,
Stretching out as far as time perfected.

A trail of ceaseless rock
Worn down by the years of
feet stomping to the memories

of the house, and the jellybeans, and the grandma,
all outlived by a dirt road that reminds me
*for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.

Vivid cultures dancing
like jellybeans in a frying pan.
Pop like a violin
flow with the rhythm of the sandstorm.
Spinach leaves sway in the depths of the ocean
like worms
hooked through one of its many stomachs
filled with plastic bottles.
****** honey bombs flavour
the ink that spills across
the landscapes.

Each individual jelly-belly
jellybean in a clear bag
tied with a red wire
is so different from each
other individual jelly-belly
jellybean in that clear bag.

The one that I find,
without fail,
without fault,
is always the one that
tastes like black licorice.

The sticky, overly sweet,
bitter black gunk that junks
up my perfectly good bag
of jelly-belly jellybeans,
and I am never paying
enough attention
to catch myself
before I pop it
into my mouth,
unaware that I will be
receiving: not cotton candy,
not coconut, nor cherry or lime,
but a black piece of bitter-sweetness,
whose taste always seems to linger.

Good Morning, baby
Is what you
said in my ear
it was nice and sweet
like jellybeans
under the sheets

the taste of your lips
take me on a trip
feeling your body
against my hip
ooh, i feel so alive
im so high
head up to the sky

baby, can we do it again?
do it one last time
you touched my face
we passed second base
I’m in outer space
again and again
we go
Then
When I turned
To look
You in your eyes
and say...

I love you


By: ZainaMusic

I've always been wary--
and celebrated my potential
Betrayal
and
Certain
   death(.)     (oh)
At The Juice Joint.

All wet.  (incorrrr
--ect.)

Applesauce. (non


sense.)

All dolled up. Showed off my
       Gams
And Big Jazz
(eyes).

Wanted to get spifflicated with some
Dolls
and
Jellybeans.

...my fella.

?

Didn't have enough clams.

Any of us.

We

   're the new

Lost

      ...generation.

I thought I'd keep the bank open,
but
interest wasn't given
Cash or Check:
didn't really matter.

Might've been
     the
cat

's

meeeeeow.

And
how.

Ahhhhh...

we all had our glad rags on.
the Daddies hit on all sixes.
      Let's get ZOZZLED on some
jag juice,
dewdropper.

Deeeeeewdropper.  ~errrrrrrrr.....
Though giggle juice is more apt

...for me.

Leave the Mrs. Grundys at home...no fire extinguishers allowed.

How ironic.

                You were the extinguisher.

Bring Your Own Knife

      , we said.

It's a Stabbing Party

     , we said.

I didn't want to handcuff you. Didn't want to exchange manacles.
       ("No, I'm no one's Wife, but OHHHHH, I love my Life.")

I percolate.
I percolate.

I percolate.

I'm not your quiff.
...not your sheba...or a vamp.


Just admire my

           chassis

if you will.

    they

all
    do

The engine'll purr
   for you,

~~if you turn the keys just so

Everything was
    Copacetic.

Copacetic...

For a time.

         (get'hotget'hot!)


Caesar's here.

                                       Hussssshhhhhhhh...

...speak


         ~~eeeeeaaaaassssyyyyy.

And then I realized.


  

                                I'm tired of being Caesar



(      .       )

Visions of a backlit childhood
Of golden-haired halos and shadowed eyes
Slideshow in flashes of painful yesterdays
For those still unfamiliar
Longing to hold the child as he cries
Those tears cannot fall in confusion's void
And fear darkens all roads 'can be seen
Still here, in their nightmare,
Like it was my own
Is a truth told in smiles and jellybeans
Long since gone away

The day was bright like wash on the line,
Cold like an ice cream headache,
Crowded like a jar of jellybeans.
He has forgotten me like an overdue bill.
His mom is as giggly as a ******* prom night.
My house is messy as the inside of a pumpkin.
Christmas Eve was empty like the endpapers of a book.

The walk to school this morning
was an interesting affair
we talked of life and jellybeans
as laughter filled the air.
Your cape it started flapping
In the sea shore breeze
You shouted you were flying
higher than the tallest trees.
You kicked a hundred pebbles up
to orbit round the moon
and on your head you placed a wig
of finest seaweed green.
Then as we approached the gates
you ran inside to play
your cape gone south
your wig askew
that's how you start your day.
The children all dressed neatly
hair parted, brushed and combed
but you my boy, in cape and wig
the finest of them all.

Do you ever feel that voice?
On the edge of your subconscious,
That haunts your every choice,
And stings when you're not honest.

Not a Demon or an Angel,
To sit perched upon your shoulder,
To make you act unfaithful,
Or to turn a new leaf over.

It doesn't ask for Victory,
Fame, or ***, or Wealth.
It's a deep internal liturgy,
That demands you Know Yourself.

For when you tell that single lie,
That 3 jellybeans is 4,
You've opened up a wound inside,
And can never shut the door.

Our voices are not voices.
Stop talking to yourself.
A subtle sign of your insanity,
When it only says, "Farewell."

Why are you an atheist?
How often I get asked this question...
Because I am alone in this world.
I am alone, and you have your God.
How is your God great, and is your God good,
When every time the news comes on,
I hear the latter?
People killing people in so called,
"Holy wars."
What's so holy about ******?
About war?
About ****?
Poverty?
Suicide?

So while you spend your Sundays staring
At the heart of an empty sky,
While you waste your last breath pleading for forgiveness,
I will sit here and be an innocent bystander
To the will of your ******* savior.
Such horrors your savior has put me through.
Why am I living in a place where people are judged
By the color of their skin?
A world where people slit there wrists and throats
Just to feel alive.
A world were daddy's **** their "little princess'"
And mommy is on the bathroom floor
A little too long this time.
If that is the world we live in,
I don't want to live there anymore.

So, take your comic books and your name tags
And pedal your beliefs somewhere they are needed.
I don't want them.
Your God doesn't know me.
He doesn't know what I can take.
And what about the people who couldn't take
What they were given?
With their broken backs
And your broken heart
And my broken mind.

Oh. But what if I have lost my mind?
Throw me in my padded room
With my bleeding writs
Tied behind my padded back.
Thanks so much for your God's help,
So much for knowing my breaking point.
It's too late I am lost forever and
The void in my heart is full of jellybeans,
And the void in my head is filled with my heart.

I, am tired.
Where is your god now?
Where were you when I needed you most? What about when I was face down on the ground?
I thought of you, it went up with the bottle
and went down with the pills.
Who stopped me from killing myself?
When the thoughts slowly left my head
And my heart ceased its song in my chest.

Where are you now as I sit in front of your children,
The corpse of a girl we all once knew,
And spin my stories?
Where are you now?
Where is your God?

I am God.

(a.m)

i have never
not once
not even one time
been able to write a story.
I have prepared characters
hair
eye
skin color.
I have prepared their
likes
dislikes
quirks.
I know when they
are born and when they die.
I know why they hate driving on highways
and why they love sour cherry jellybeans.
I know who they fall in love with and
with whom it doesn't work out.
But why, for the love of god,
can't i write a story about them.

Addicted to bad boys-
taste of toxic love leaves a toll.
Relationships flavoured with brutes;
kisses hook my naïve soul-
lips sugary as jellybeans.
Body package in suave suits,
like an ad of Vogue magazines,
they’ve become my junk food.

Addicted to bad boys
like a druggie on crack!
Their hearts can’t commit,
I’m just one of their play toys.
I seek for a dopamine hit
with the thrills of bad boys.
Bite of their love leaves me hungry,
this attraction is not healthy!

Addicted to bad boys,
they’ll laugh and be so crude.
Abusive words will whack;
arrogance as fat as greasy cheese.
Shame clogs in cholesterol plaque,
polluting my own arteries-
all ready for a heart attack.
Why do I crave such ******?

Addicted to bad boys,
addicted to bad boys,
for the sake of my health,
it is time for a detox!


(c) Jo Swan

By Arcassin Burnham




i thouht you were the one,
but instead you were a freight,
i was buried from the sun,
hiding everyday and everynight,
but you and your voicemails,
are really annoying,
you use to paint your nails,
with vanity and suffering,
like jellybeans and m & m's,
they really just dont mix,
its like every direct hit,
is an every direct miss,
you keep calling,
i hate it,
you keep calling,
i hate it.

Kids in pajamas cut at the knee,
so they won't trip barreling down the stairs,
beat on their parents' door.
There's a Bible beneath several self-help books
and a vanity mirror sporting a crucifix etched
in with scissors. Mom and Dad toss the blankets
at the headboard and follow their kids.
The sounds of squeals and running water come
from the kitchen. A pill case sits on the counter
while one kid fills a plastic cup half-full of water.
The blood of Christ and soap stains.
The kids smack the table trying for the rim
of their baskets. Jellybeans, peanut butter cups,
and shredded plastic bags fall from one's.
The other is showered by a cascade of prescription
bottles, daily dosage instructions, and torn-up coping
pamphlets. Carrying a handful of Prozac to his mother,
he tugs on the hem of her nightgown and smiles.

What is a doctor to you,
Is he your guru?
Or does he write a script,
Off to the pharmacist,
Symptoms he treats,
Do healers you meet?
Or does he turf and bounce,
Off for pathologist's amounts,
Then back to the doctor to you,
Is this your local guru?
Then does he turf and bounce,
off to a radiologist's amount,
Then it's all clear,
Good photos of your limbs here,
Time for poisoned jellybeans,
Modern medicine, it seems,
All with a copayment fee,
Is he your guru?
What is a doctor to you?

It won't be like jellybeans
those exuberant pebbles of sweetness
perfect and bright; breadcrumbs leading into
the forest of birthdays, anniversaries, and
what are you doing at threes
it won't be like that

nor those doldrums
those basins of comfort. inescape.
with edges so steep
always pulling you back, for it is just so
known

not those summer days by the river
languishing
the humid heat encompassing you
making you feel close
if not sweltering, straining
from it, against it

it will be a cold winters night
where your breath is not taken from you
but frozen there, in your lungs

this is how it will be

Hey baby, give me your sweet lovin’, hey
A bucket of sugar in my latte
Hey sugar, give me your sweet candy kiss
Your mustachioed lip **** Fizz

Your sweetness hits me high
A baked cheesecake ricotta pie
The more you give, the more I crave
But diabetes? I don’t wanna have

Hey darlin’, your lips are sweet candy
The first hit and I am Ghandi
You always leave me wanting more
But all this lovin’ drops me to the floor

Hey baby, shoot me your jellybeans
Pants bursting their seams
A sip of coke, a swig of soda
Caramel fudge and a Sambuca chaser

Hey sugar, I kinda need a hit
But so much sweetness, my jeans don’t fit
Lets eat our sherbet pops aloud
Dipping dots with amplified sound

Smokin’ high on chocolate cigars
Spill crumbs on coffee stained guitars
My appetite for the sweet stuff grows
Will diabetes take me? Who knows.

explode the greenness within the container of life
mortar and pestle. occipital lobe. throbbing. crasha banga booma the scent of garlic
infusing the innocent air
basil, burning. keep going keep going keep going
wear goggles to avoid the pain of the onions
cut chop slice creal
mortar. pestle. mortal & pestle.
slice
pulverize smash
o the pain
take the basil and mix it


take the nuts


mash em all up

then, mix it all together
diversity
melting ***
jellybeans? no
genoa
pesto pesticide pesto
pesto.

By Arcassin B


i thought you were the one,
but instead you were a freight,
i was buried from the sun,
hiding everyday and every night,
but you and your voicemails,
are really annoying,
you use to paint your nails,
with vanity and suffering,
like jellybeans and m & m's,
they really just dont mix,
its like every direct hit,
is an every direct miss,
you keep calling,
i hate it,
you keep calling,
i hate it,
to the core,
do you know for sure,
how much i hate you,
when you do that,
he must of did something that lead you right back,
to me,
i dont see , any future with you,
or any sympathy,
to many,
of your ex's hate me,
and we could go on and on,
about the things that you see,
or i see,
the candles,
the flowers,
or your obsession, with avon,
or that you think mustaches are a turn on,
Conversate about stupid things,
theres nothing more i can say ***.

Rise from your grave. It's Easter Sunday
two-thousand eighteen years A.D.
Spread the word with hashtag/twit-feed;
make it cute.   No urgency . . .

Fluffy pinks, chick-yellow duckies
Nestléd eggs and pastel notes
just might charm those raging hordes
who long to slit some Christian throats.

Virtue-signal while you're shopping
Watch the game and charge your phone.
Allah's bunnies won't stop hopping
Till they make your land their own.

Sweeten up your springtime idols'
pastel poison. Drain the dregs:
Antichrist is here to offer
jellybeans and chocolate eggs;

Sweet untruths with trinkets given
lying in the plastic grass.
Easter morning, market-driven—
Christ is risen . . .   kiss my ***.

Some G.P.'s are full of blip,
All they do is write scripts,
For whom, get my drift?
Is it all Big Pharma's cash cow,
Take two of these, who cares now?
Why not poisoned jellybeans?
Isn't Big Pharma acting mean?
Been to the G.P.'s cash cow scene........