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"drunkenly" poems
Her eyes so bright; Do you ever wonder where the sun goes at night? The rain, dancing on the pavement in no specific arrangement. Luminous flames eat away at sharp skewers, Her eyes silver-grey, clashing with the tables of steel. Barbecue roasting, impaled through the middle The pain paled in comparison to watching you smile. A toast to me, myself and I, a glass of sweet solitude. I watch tall wine glasses clang drunkenly together, alone. A pin drops in the distance; no silence to accompany it. Unnoticed it goes, by the arrogant lords and goddesses. Pick a flower, compliment her hair; devil may care. She's walking away, I tell her 'Ma'am, have a nice day' Left alone to stumble back home, sipping champagne royally; Mockery. Spilling champagne and it swirls down the drain I tilt my head back, laughing carelessly all the way.
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Jul 5, 2015
Jul 5, 2015 at 6:44 PM UTC
Stains and champagne.
If we were the kind of friends who unironically raised our glasses in toasts, I would give one to the generation too comforted by the ease of a honeybee in the plaintively nonexistent mind of a tulip To the generation, or at least its subset that wrongly feels representative, who stumble drunkenly or maybe just tiredly out of tents to **** in the view of their friends, who are still at the fire because the tent was too cold To those who did raise their glasses in a toast on New Year’s Eve at what felt, with the ball drop not screening in luddite protest, enough like midnight. Beginning with “dear friends” and a couple laughs; concluding with “now let’s get ****** up” and a couple more To those who proceeded as directed, clinking their shot-glasses and swigging them back. If only because they were not tulips.
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Jun 28, 2014
Jun 28, 2014 at 12:09 AM UTC
Tulip
A man I once loved told me he wished I “cared more about my body” But I do care I care for every lump and curve as much as I hate them As much as he hated them I remember yearning for puberty A thing to make me tall And thin A biological fix for my PROBLEMATIC BODY Does he know the history? The gain and loss The bullies The pushed-into-puddles The nightmares I despise the power of his lips A lover disfigured That’s the vibe His words birthing a mantra of shame And I’ll never outrun this skin Thirty years later And he’s pushing me into a lake No principal to save me this time No dry clothes He left me years ago Found a much thinner replacement for my side of the bed It’s for the best I tell myself as I drunkenly throw rocks at his window “Don’t think Just eat” Is this just a game I play? Three glasses of whiskey and a Postmate Won’t chase the horror away Momentary pleasure (add guacamole) Is that enough? Will I ever be enough? No I am too much Too much skin Too much softness Too many folds Too much of me is filling up space That’s what they tell me I see the reflection and I hate all of this excess ME “I wish you cared more about your body” What is the remedy? A perfect diet A perfect exercise regimen Pills Sweat Porcelain Think before you speak on a body, sir Because your words alone Have the power to ignite a hell Of The Utmost Destruction His venom is still pulsing through me And I’m burning up I want to escape Crawl out from the water Become pure wind But how do I love me? How do I allow myself to occupy space? To stop hiding from every mirror, every glance at the ocean of my belly? I don’t know I’m not there yet I am on an opposite shore consumed by self-hatred Longing to set sail for somewhere Somewhere I can cherish the secrets that these sacred ripples of flesh hide Where my waistline is a treasure map of my wisdom A place where his words have no power Where I collapse into the sunset and set myself... F R E E
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Feb 15, 2021
Feb 15, 2021 at 11:46 AM UTC
I Care About My Body
A man I once loved told me he wished I “cared more about my body” But I do care I care for every lump and curve as much as I hate them As much as he hated them I remember yearning for puberty A thing to make me tall And thin A biological fix for my PROBLEMATIC BODY Does he know the history? The gain and loss The bullies The pushed-into-puddles The nightmares I despise the power of his lips A lover disfigured That’s the vibe His words birthing a mantra of shame And I’ll never outrun this skin Thirty years later And he’s pushing me into a lake No principal to save me this time No dry clothes He left me years ago Found a much thinner replacement for my side of the bed It’s for the best I tell myself as I drunkenly throw rocks at his window “Don’t think Just eat” Is this just a game I play? Three glasses of whiskey and a Postmate Won’t chase the horror away Momentary pleasure (add guacamole) Is that enough? Will I ever be enough? No I am too much Too much skin Too much softness Too many folds Too much of me is filling up space That’s what they tell me I see the reflection and I hate all of this excess ME “I wish you cared more about your body” What is the remedy? A perfect diet A perfect exercise regimen Pills Sweat Porcelain Think before you speak on a body, sir Because your words alone Have the power to ignite a hell Of The Utmost Destruction His venom is still pulsing through me And I’m burning up I want to escape Crawl out from the water Become pure wind But how do I love me? How do I allow myself to occupy space? To stop hiding from every mirror, every glance at the ocean of my belly? I don’t know I’m not there yet I am on an opposite shore consumed by self-hatred Longing to set sail for somewhere Somewhere I can cherish the secrets that these sacred ripples of flesh hide Where my waistline is a treasure map of my wisdom A place where his words have no power Where I collapse into the sunset and set myself... F R E E
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78
it just gets really hard you know? i'm a ***** college student and a hopeless romantic they tend to bob and weave too much i want you to pull my hair BUT i want you to kiss me softly i want to drunkenly make out with you text me back first though i'm too scared it all doesn't help when my intoxicated alter ego is a temptress and i turn into bashful the dwarf in real life it makes things really quite hard
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Nov 6, 2013
Nov 6, 2013 at 5:00 AM UTC
***** and hopeless
I last saw her in Santiago ******* drunkenly in a Sub urban taverna parading conceited pride in a twisted union with that ********  heinous maniacal harlequin each in vainglorious throes of their imagined septic mindfuck Debauch celebration of collaboration of succubus and incubus Some days she is saying Haloa in Hawaii adorned as Sainti Maria the ***** now as Madonna spewing words like a dove acting like a Nun in a Convent the fiendess with two faces hiding her ****** like the ace in lace the malignant serpent crawling in the duality of her neurosis I last saw her in Santiago In a sanctity of the poisoned insecures with exiguous minds consumed with flaming fears she begs acceptance for inclusion ******* for percieved reflected glory from her fathers' jailers The subjugated souls of chai wallah lives on in grandchildren So when Santi Maria flirts from honey to beehive Ready to ***** and part thighs and brain for minor pointing gun Feel sorry for a damaged child devoid of a prime core never made only obeisance to past rulers whose discarded cast-offs she wears Her poems  enchants but its virulent tools she takes in her body I last saw her in Santiago A slaved two-faced pretender who sings like a nightingale In sub urban dives she postrates to friendly pats and gropes Melting creeps and hot tigers begging subs for a heady drink Brilliant yet blindsided to **** on knees as her children will too Copyright@LaurenceA20thSept2018Allrightsreserved.
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Sep 21, 2018
Sep 21, 2018 at 9:03 PM UTC
I Call Her Santiago.....
We came, like young infants stumbling head-long into hedonistic existence Feeling air beneath our feet in the weed-smelling rooms, hiding behind cushions and blankets and exchanging knowing looks on starry nights. We ran, down green hills on hot, sunny days and burned our hands on shed roofs and the ends of rolled cigarettes. We drank, berry cider in the dark, dancing drunkenly outside bars, sharing secrets behind closed doors and open whiskey bottles. We needed, no one but each other and each other's mothers - Some opening their arms to us to swaddle us like newborns, Others dismissing us with a wave of a hand We spent, the last year of our school lives immersed in each other, some more than others. We cried, like shell-shocked soldiers behind locked bedroom doors and into smashed-up mobile phones. We returned, to those dark evenings, to drink ***** on hilltops and smoke endlessly, laughing at everything ****** We were glowing stars. We loved, and those immature jokes hit our shields and not our bones. And now our lives have changed and all those heady evenings spent hiding beer from Bulgarians are behind us all. We are alone, in this world. Some moreso than others, But we are alive. We are still us.
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Oct 19, 2014
Oct 19, 2014 at 3:03 PM UTC
We
He belches verses of prayer from the acidity of his gut, staggering upright on two toddler feet, he trails drunkenly to the fridge, scarce with only a few dented beers, a bucketful of ice to feed him, till the next scroungers pay-check is due. Cracking open a frozen one, it hisses a warrior's cry, loud in the stillness then dies swiftly, as he raises the carcass to his split lip swilling alcoholic entrails round him gums. Wincing slightly, the beer half-empty in his hand, he twitches a pink eye in pain as something rolls around his jaw, the made-of-man pinball stage has begun a game without him. Gathering his saliva into a hard bullet, he spits the foreign object onto splintered floorboards, where his last tooth lands, a final casualty of his handsome youth.
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May 9, 2012
May 9, 2012 at 4:18 PM UTC
Handsome Youth
Waking up with sweat stained sheets wrapped around me and you are nowhere to be seen as you believe being mean is keeping the lads keen. Your leather jacket is still here hanging on the hook by the front door and he wonders why she didn’t want more. He loved her laugh last night as they drunkenly tried to walk right home after finishing a few gin and tonics between them that made his head spin and her think that she would forever win at sin. Her long blonde hair had flown out behind her and it reminded him of fresh sunflowers because that was the colour of her beauty and he prayed the rest of the night would not be another careless blur. The radiance within her shone so bright that he didn’t even turn on the kitchen light as he let them both inside as the liquor made their shyness want to shrivel up and hide. But in the next morning, there was no hungover girl mumbling sleepily and yawning because instead there was only her leather jacket and the faint smell of sweet perfume left on his pillow as he tried to visualize that beautifully bright sunny yellow that made his throat dry and gave him a sickening urge to cry because he didn’t want this feeling to die. He wondered if she would call because it really hadn’t taken him long to fall for her long limbs and the way she had dark humour that stung him like a cheap rumour and so he slept on the sofa that day with the aching bones of a man who lives alone but with a leather jacket wrapped around his arm because he wanted to see her again and see if she maybe felt the same but he knew deep down it was a Friday night love and the weekend would soon fade away because she was never destined to stay yet he hung her jacket in the closet for years to come and tried again to find the perfect one but he’d let her slip between his fingers yet the smell of her sweet perfume still lingered for Friday nights to come and he missed the colour of the sun that shone in her hair and the bright eyes that that craved fear. She’d been his Friday night coffee and cream that would never return no matter how much he stroked the seams of her faded leather jacket. Sunflower girl was now gone with the wind and soon he could no longer recall her voice and the paleness of her soft skin. It was like she had never met him in the first place but oh god how he loved her beautiful hair and knew she had once been there in his arms even if it had only been for one Friday night.
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Dec 29, 2018
Dec 29, 2018 at 4:37 PM UTC
Untitled #3
Waking up with sweat stained sheets wrapped around me and you are nowhere to be seen as you believe being mean is keeping the lads keen. Your leather jacket is still here hanging on the hook by the front door and he wonders why she didn’t want more. He loved her laugh last night as they drunkenly tried to walk right home after finishing a few gin and tonics between them that made his head spin and her think that she would forever win at sin. Her long blonde hair had flown out behind her and it reminded him of fresh sunflowers because that was the colour of her beauty and he prayed the rest of the night would not be another careless blur. The radiance within her shone so bright that he didn’t even turn on the kitchen light as he let them both inside as the liquor made their shyness want to shrivel up and hide. But in the next morning, there was no hungover girl mumbling sleepily and yawning because instead there was only her leather jacket and the faint smell of sweet perfume left on his pillow as he tried to visualize that beautifully bright sunny yellow that made his throat dry and gave him a sickening urge to cry because he didn’t want this feeling to die. He wondered if she would call because it really hadn’t taken him long to fall for her long limbs and the way she had dark humour that stung him like a cheap rumour and so he slept on the sofa that day with the aching bones of a man who lives alone but with a leather jacket wrapped around his arm because he wanted to see her again and see if she maybe felt the same but he knew deep down it was a Friday night love and the weekend would soon fade away because she was never destined to stay yet he hung her jacket in the closet for years to come and tried again to find the perfect one but he’d let her slip between his fingers yet the smell of her sweet perfume still lingered for Friday nights to come and he missed the colour of the sun that shone in her hair and the bright eyes that that craved fear. She’d been his Friday night coffee and cream that would never return no matter how much he stroked the seams of her faded leather jacket. Sunflower girl was now gone with the wind and soon he could no longer recall her voice and the paleness of her soft skin. It was like she had never met him in the first place but oh god how he loved her beautiful hair and knew she had once been there in his arms even if it had only been for one Friday night.
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96
Again the time has come for all to gather round the fire, "That time again", we say, while we assess the money drained, The looks of disappointment from the ***** with stupid attire, And truth will leak from drink fuelled mouths, with need to be restrained. Your mum is singing drunkenly, while flirting with the vicar, And dad is out the back sneaking a joint with cousin victor, The dog is ******* aunt Jemima's artificial leg, And someone just had a turkey fart,the kind that makes you sicker. The christmas lights have fused again, so grandad's on the roof, Sheer will power keeps him up there,and of course, martini vermouth, Grandma's lost her teeth,and someone screams near the eggnog, They're sent flying across the room and land in the fire on a log, You feel your patience slipping as the pandamoniem mounts, With thankless moans of "Oh well, its the ****** thought that counts", And not forgetting Glenn, invited by your mum, but why? So you and he can marry, and honeymoon in Hawaii. With no idea that Glenn is gay, i guess the joke's on her, I mean, what straight guy wears his y fronts entirely made from fur?? The night draws to a close,as bitter, crying family leave, And relief is all too short, as there's still new years eve!!!
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Dec 20, 2009
Dec 20, 2009 at 7:54 AM UTC
The meaning of "holiday"
I want to kiss you. I want to feel your downy lips Pressed gently against my own. I crave to feel them part like the Earth's mantle Revealing your core That is wet, hot, and squirming. I desire to taste your sweet Honeyed saliva, To satiate The sweet tooth Of my lust. I want to grip you As if I were holding onto my own soul As it tried escaping from my body. Like it was the end of the world And we only had each other To look to for affection In our final moments of existence. I thirst to look into your dewy eyes, That reflect my own feelings A mixture of desire and fear. I want to drink in your wanton stare And get intoxicated by it. And we'll fall, drunkenly. Inebriated from life for the first time. We'd roll around together Laughing. The sound Muffled and obscured, By the pressing of our lips And the movement Of our tongues. Our bodies would contort, As we grasped at clothes Out of instinct. We'd feel hot And constricted, Taking deeper and deeper breaths As we kissed. Still waiting, For the world to end. -SLuR
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Apr 21, 2016
Apr 21, 2016 at 4:34 AM UTC
I desperately want to kiss you.
Sleuthing drunkenly in a car home. My nature subdued by the foul nature of the world. Gay club I leave my body hanging out to dry. I can show every but ever moment of myself and I love every send of it. Belly is out.
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Dec 31, 2022
Dec 31, 2022 at 11:11 PM UTC
Queer at the end of the night
part, the first; serve            a good conversation is like a good game of tennis, (with no winner) the ball drunkenly goes from side to side.            coffee shop, asking to pass the sugar, the serve is delicate and precise, making it is key.            acceptance with the splenda is passed along with ‘sure’, the receiver must lose their name, anticipate the arrival            following up with such a statement, a vocational inquiry title lost, the ball has been struck and thrown as response.                                  part, the second; dance the game has truly begun;                       the beginning is not the serve,            but the response to. back and forth in endless banter,                       meaningless question,            to meaningless answer. secretly, both don’t want the volley to end;                       not often does the            passing sugar trick work.                                  part, the third; point a fatal slip- achilles heel: remembrance. no appointment is worth            losing a point, even one for a prostate check (despite common opinion) good thing then; the score does not go to a single point, it requires            four or so completions, though by four they will not count score (and will drop the rackets).
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Oct 14, 2018
Oct 14, 2018 at 9:59 PM UTC
public guide to making conversation
part, the first; serve            a good conversation is like a good game of tennis, (with no winner) the ball drunkenly goes from side to side.            coffee shop, asking to pass the sugar, the serve is delicate and precise, making it is key.            acceptance with the splenda is passed along with ‘sure’, the receiver must lose their name, anticipate the arrival            following up with such a statement, a vocational inquiry title lost, the ball has been struck and thrown as response.                                  part, the second; dance the game has truly begun;                       the beginning is not the serve,            but the response to. back and forth in endless banter,                       meaningless question,            to meaningless answer. secretly, both don’t want the volley to end;                       not often does the            passing sugar trick work.                                  part, the third; point a fatal slip- achilles heel: remembrance. no appointment is worth            losing a point, even one for a prostate check (despite common opinion) good thing then; the score does not go to a single point, it requires            four or so completions, though by four they will not count score (and will drop the rackets).
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29
Birds chirp, the winds blow, And as the sun sets, we give the day a bow. Clean Colorado accommodates commoners from Lincoln's Land. We've ditched the silt and the sand; Stranded in a glimpse of a possible past, here I stand. Elated by elevation, tranced by trepidation, the group's gaze encounters a misty haze, Followed by copious amounts of precipitation. Pick up the pace; though we won't win the race To the dry car and a full case. Hell is the home of a heathen's heart; Heaven holds promise a bright new start. Existence on earth extends only for so long; For now we're here, soon to be gone. Early mornings shed light on a promising day; Late nights cast spells we drunkenly obey Perched in a chair by a growing fire, the consuming flames ascend higher and higher. Ignited embers blown astray, Trails of smoke follow its prey. Back on the highway. Homeward bound, the only sounds Are the stories and gestures that say Not what we lost, but what we found.
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Jul 2, 2011
Jul 2, 2011 at 10:27 PM UTC
Camping
A falling feather on the breeze, lilting like the Seraphim songs of Mephistopheles, lured her drunkenly to him. Lilting like the Seraphim, she drank his iridescence. He lured her drunkenly to him, enraptured in naivety. She drank his iridescence. He befouled her virtue, was the air. Enraptured in naivety no more, would Eden hear her prayer? Befouled; her virtue was the air he stole away, a hunched-up thief. No more would Eden hear her prayer - the echoes howling his motif. He stole away, a hunched-up thief, a fallen feather on the breeze; the echoes howling his motif - songs of Mephistopheles. Footnote: Passages from folk lore: Hindu - the peacock is said to have angels' feathers, a devil's voice and the walk of a thief Chinese - a girl who looks at a peacock could become pregnant Islamic: the peafowl carried Satan into the Garden of Eden after consuming him
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Dec 30, 2012
Dec 30, 2012 at 5:08 PM UTC
The Peacock
fast forward three years you're living on the coast binding books and your hips together and i'm still in the small town that turned me into a sinkhole you got out though, huh? you got out just fine, you have always been stronger than me you have always been able to get well and get up without anyone bringing you bouquets of hands you sit down to explain to her that love has made you reckless, that too many people have been easygoing with your heart; let it cross the streets alone. drunkenly leaving it in cabs in other countries so for a while there you weren't sure who to give it to my dear, I know now that you were never a hotel I could check in and check out of you were in the best way possible, the mental hospital, the time I woke up with nobody but the voices in my head (they were all yours) (I couldn't leave until I got better) you tell her you fell in love with a girl who never burned your letters, who showed love in all the wrong ways, never picked up the phone, "honey", you'd say, "she was nothing like you" ... "kept her hair light to contradict the dark inside of her, didn't trust anyone to blindfold her and walk her down the street" you try to tell her my name, but you can't you can't remember what they call me, call me, call me, I never picked up the phone fast forward three years you're living on the coast making love and mixed drinks a little too strong and i'm buried near the sinkhole in town, next to the dog my dad kicked a little too hard out the door of the house he lived in with my mother i've got your name tattooed on my neck
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Oct 18, 2014
Oct 18, 2014 at 6:58 PM UTC
fast forward
fast forward three years you're living on the coast binding books and your hips together and i'm still in the small town that turned me into a sinkhole you got out though, huh? you got out just fine, you have always been stronger than me you have always been able to get well and get up without anyone bringing you bouquets of hands you sit down to explain to her that love has made you reckless, that too many people have been easygoing with your heart; let it cross the streets alone. drunkenly leaving it in cabs in other countries so for a while there you weren't sure who to give it to my dear, I know now that you were never a hotel I could check in and check out of you were in the best way possible, the mental hospital, the time I woke up with nobody but the voices in my head (they were all yours) (I couldn't leave until I got better) you tell her you fell in love with a girl who never burned your letters, who showed love in all the wrong ways, never picked up the phone, "honey", you'd say, "she was nothing like you" ... "kept her hair light to contradict the dark inside of her, didn't trust anyone to blindfold her and walk her down the street" you try to tell her my name, but you can't you can't remember what they call me, call me, call me, I never picked up the phone fast forward three years you're living on the coast making love and mixed drinks a little too strong and i'm buried near the sinkhole in town, next to the dog my dad kicked a little too hard out the door of the house he lived in with my mother i've got your name tattooed on my neck
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25
Strumming the untuned strings, he stares drunkenly into the setting sun of yesteryears songs, sung of lost dreams and the birthed ambitions of the dark, dark days to be. Happily, he tears up in the fortunate tragedies, of the reclamation in his dreams, as he seethes out the damnation of his steeds, galloping gallantly through his being. All seeing, in the finite fleeting when he sings, of strummed dreams to the rhythms of heart beats lost, embossed on the epitaphs of kings. Sad songs of dreams once had. Be glad for that, which does not **** you, only to bestow upon you, the gratitude of the weirding ways, in passionate display for us all to play nice. Shake these dice and jump aboard this bus of wandering poetry, from the porches of poets singing to the sun. From the morning Moet, to the afternoon beer run. we sing of dreams of better things we blaspheme and spin the scenes of our murdered dreams and just clean the guilt away I am so awesome as to be devoid of fault. I am a god that cracks the asphalt. I am the angel signing the clause, of deserved harm. I am the indentured servant sounding the alarm, with the charm of a Trojan horse, forced to adhere to the most righteous path. The first The last Laugh of inevitability Honing in on the ability to capture the longevity of dream warriors, in the lock of predators, in the employ of a senator, from the center of the heart, to impart on you the fear from thieves caught in the plight of those fraught with the graces of an exterminator, exterminating the pro-creators of your world. Soldiers unraveled in the lavished gavels of real criminals drowning in their own subliminal theories of the self imposed heresies of intention. Free will A fragile blessing I cracked, all so long ago, as i gently bestow my belligerence upon your innocence and **** it all away. I'm the ******* son Strumming for the only one. Once. Before the lore of the storm. Born of the swoon of a gun. More than one. Once. As the day faded into night, his strumming turned plucking, as he slightly eased from reprise to silence, in the whisper of nights words, easing him into the blur, of sleep.
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Sep 9, 2012
Sep 9, 2012 at 3:46 PM UTC
{ He bled into the sun }
Strumming the untuned strings, he stares drunkenly into the setting sun of yesteryears songs, sung of lost dreams and the birthed ambitions of the dark, dark days to be. Happily, he tears up in the fortunate tragedies, of the reclamation in his dreams, as he seethes out the damnation of his steeds, galloping gallantly through his being. All seeing, in the finite fleeting when he sings, of strummed dreams to the rhythms of heart beats lost, embossed on the epitaphs of kings. Sad songs of dreams once had. Be glad for that, which does not **** you, only to bestow upon you, the gratitude of the weirding ways, in passionate display for us all to play nice. Shake these dice and jump aboard this bus of wandering poetry, from the porches of poets singing to the sun. From the morning Moet, to the afternoon beer run. we sing of dreams of better things we blaspheme and spin the scenes of our murdered dreams and just clean the guilt away I am so awesome as to be devoid of fault. I am a god that cracks the asphalt. I am the angel signing the clause, of deserved harm. I am the indentured servant sounding the alarm, with the charm of a Trojan horse, forced to adhere to the most righteous path. The first The last Laugh of inevitability Honing in on the ability to capture the longevity of dream warriors, in the lock of predators, in the employ of a senator, from the center of the heart, to impart on you the fear from thieves caught in the plight of those fraught with the graces of an exterminator, exterminating the pro-creators of your world. Soldiers unraveled in the lavished gavels of real criminals drowning in their own subliminal theories of the self imposed heresies of intention. Free will A fragile blessing I cracked, all so long ago, as i gently bestow my belligerence upon your innocence and **** it all away. I'm the ******* son Strumming for the only one. Once. Before the lore of the storm. Born of the swoon of a gun. More than one. Once. As the day faded into night, his strumming turned plucking, as he slightly eased from reprise to silence, in the whisper of nights words, easing him into the blur, of sleep.
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32
Light drunkenly reels into shadow; Blurs, slurs uneasily; Slides off the eyeballs: The segments shatter. Tree-branches cut arc-light in ragged Fluttering wet strips. The cup of the sky-sign is filled too full; It slushes wine over. The street-lamps dance a tarentella And zigzag down the street: They lift and fly away In a wind of lights.
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2.7k
Wet City Night
the brevity of a singular breath, one that is full of peace, such a rare glimpse but if you look at his face, at the right time, you might just see him smile. then, much like an old spruce cello, descending in suspense, that smile  -evaporates-, and the quick "bliss" is no more. oh how old and wise is this cello i play, if only it was genuinely surprised by the intensity of such -hair raising horror- it faces in its composure, daily. "but it simply ain't", as Bukowski would drunkenly say, and his quivering cigarette would rightfully echo through the halls of this unholy Cathedral.   "put me the **** down already, Charles", it echoes. "no, i refuse to let go of my identity... ...why would i let go of all -i feel- is left?" he (i) is either a man, or on the road to understanding what this even means really... ...maybe he's halfway there... regardless, he now understands, he must accept "reasons" to smile won't come often, and one is subject to the tug of war of life, of society, of women, of his children, of his forgetful mother, of his vices, his hair raising horrors, the torment, of his absent father. to continue is to face those suspenseful -crescendos- of life, with "a ********* smile on your face", as Bukowski would say, no matter -what- he's been through, or -how- -deeply- he -feels- ... -melancholicreator
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Feb 21, 2024
Feb 21, 2024 at 6:24 PM UTC
-a spruce cello and Bukowski's echo-
I've never known how to properly end a conversation with you, whether it be a phone call or a kiss good bye. Fingers fumble and awkward "I love you"'s and "good bye"'s drunkenly find their way out of my sober mouth. I never know how to say "fare well". My theory is that I never want to say good bye in the first place. I'd rather be with you. Though you might be busy talking to someone else or in another room, I want to always be close to you. Saying "good bye" doesn't feel good at all. It feels like I'm going far away and I'm leaving a piece of me behind. I know I might sound clingy and suffocating, but I have adapted a terrible habit of needing someone around to keep me sane. I use to love to be alone, but now I go crazy with thoughts stampeding through my head. I hate to say good bye. But I love to say "hello". Our "hello"'s are the best. We meet with kisses and hugs and sometimes chocolates. We meet with wide grins and bright eyes that catch the light just right at six in the evening. Our "hello"'s are heart warming and relieving. The "hello"'s almost make the "good bye"'s worth it. Almost.
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Jul 7, 2014
Jul 7, 2014 at 4:30 AM UTC
Not So Good Bye's
I can’t wait until you realize that nobody is ever going to love you like I did and you have to cry over me like I have over you for the past 8 years of my life. I can’t wait to bring my significant other around you while you pretend to ignore us as we kiss and fool around under blankets. I can’t wait to bring them to your house and **** while you’re in the same room trying to sleep, pretending to sleep, wishing you were dead. I can’t wait until you lose your mind and everyone looks at you like you’re crazy as you explain how you love me and you can’t do anything about it even though I've told you that it’s never going to happen because you aren't good enough. I can’t wait to always look past you as you do everything in your power to try and make me happy, hook me up with your friends and give me everything, but receive nothing. I can’t wait until you beg me and I can be selfish and make sure you’re giving me what I want, neglecting your own needs, before I push you away using “I’m tired” as an excuse. I can’t wait until you are hurting yourself over me and I have to tell you to stop, as if I give a **** while I continuously put you through pain. I can’t wait until you drunkenly admit all of your feelings and apologize for the mistakes of the past. Even then, I’ll probably still love you, but I won’t give in. You will never have me; because the last time I lent you my heart, you ran with it. I don’t think I’ll ever get it back. And with no heart, I cannot forgive, I can never be whole again. I can’t wait for another chance in another life to break you, like you've broken me. k.d.
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Sep 10, 2013
Sep 10, 2013 at 12:28 AM UTC
You're a toy I can't wait to break.
I can’t wait until you realize that nobody is ever going to love you like I did and you have to cry over me like I have over you for the past 8 years of my life. I can’t wait to bring my significant other around you while you pretend to ignore us as we kiss and fool around under blankets. I can’t wait to bring them to your house and **** while you’re in the same room trying to sleep, pretending to sleep, wishing you were dead. I can’t wait until you lose your mind and everyone looks at you like you’re crazy as you explain how you love me and you can’t do anything about it even though I've told you that it’s never going to happen because you aren't good enough. I can’t wait to always look past you as you do everything in your power to try and make me happy, hook me up with your friends and give me everything, but receive nothing. I can’t wait until you beg me and I can be selfish and make sure you’re giving me what I want, neglecting your own needs, before I push you away using “I’m tired” as an excuse. I can’t wait until you are hurting yourself over me and I have to tell you to stop, as if I give a **** while I continuously put you through pain. I can’t wait until you drunkenly admit all of your feelings and apologize for the mistakes of the past. Even then, I’ll probably still love you, but I won’t give in. You will never have me; because the last time I lent you my heart, you ran with it. I don’t think I’ll ever get it back. And with no heart, I cannot forgive, I can never be whole again. I can’t wait for another chance in another life to break you, like you've broken me. k.d.
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In every moon there is a man And in every man there is a heart inside of which lives a woman Who doesn't clean Who doesn't cook Who doesn't serve him Only lives within the walls of his heart And within every woman living in a man's heart There is a desire to be free It is not odd to imagine her leaving Merely odd to see her go Riding on the back of an elephant In high heels With a bottle of Chateau de Michelle And weilding the sword of a swallowing minstrel Drunkenly yelling songs of a time in which she never lived And that will never leave a man Whether the next woman comes in riding a golden chariot pulled by blazing reindeer Or mounted on a shark wearing a cocktail dress And while he laments her going She regrets her ever having left So she turns around Looks into the vast nothing behind her Trampled under the weight of the elephant Cut down by her drunken fit of rage Burned and eaten by the coming and going of others And she sees That beyond the husk of the home she once knew Lay merely arteries and valves And no soft place to lay her head So she dismounts her companion Lays down her sword Crashes the bottle upon the rocks Tears the heels from her shoes And limps into the desert Looking for that which she had already found While he lie Filling the emptiness of his ravaged heart With the tender touch of fleeting acrobats
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Dec 7, 2012
Dec 7, 2012 at 4:56 AM UTC
Women, Swords, Regrets
i miss your lips the way they'd smoothly dance like a genie in a lamp as you'd sing and speak how sweet your memory tastes though the reality has long since faded i cling to my effervescent exaggerations of our tangled past replaying time to time on the dream-screen of my mind as i snack lightly on the salty remarks of my youth and i laugh it hurts but it feels so healthy you fade through the moon-mist and dismiss your own existence once again proclaiming that you are nothing but an extension of it all a fingerprint of the wilky-way just a strand of DNA swimming through the wake of infinite expansion i miss it the beer-breath incantions you'd softly slur after dark the kisses you'd plant along my edges like the vines that trace the hedges in the front lawn of that dusty place we'd fake our love nostalgia always begins so inviting untill you're finally feeling sea-sick from the over-ingestion of false sweets and pure imagination now we're so far gone living in a different reality entirely i don't think i'd even know your face if i saw it i know you only by the way your shape fits in the frame another handsome man trapped forever in the reels of film of my mind but i'll remember you you're woven into the wood works           drunkenly dancing through a serendipitous sea of names      stands the lamen's term for your current shape your birth-given name credited with a handfull of scars left behind by a man who forced me to grow
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Mar 5, 2013
Mar 5, 2013 at 11:31 AM UTC
at the dream-screen double feature.
I Can barely put up with this ****** frustration that can't be cured any longer, with furious ************ it's like every one but me across this great nation has known the flesh of another, it's like mental castration to not know the taste of a woman's flesh To caress her body while fondling her ample ******* To drunkenly sup from her womanly cup Am I going to die alone? is that my plan from above? Now I know that my body is supposed to be sacred But I can just barely, just barely take it That primal instinct, that feeling deep in my bones to finally live out the ****** desires of my own The stigma that's with a guy who's the age of 18 "Ohh you're still a ****** get out there and drink lean!"
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Nov 23, 2014
Nov 23, 2014 at 8:22 PM UTC
It ***** Being A ******
There should be wings of a hundred birds to churn this scorch with breeze to dry sweat shade glare to soothe the ache of a post-noon day There should be varied and a thousand greens with all betweens of innumerable trees till the blue of sky blends their deference And the river heaves its way along ever on eternal mission of earth and... ...Heaven-- sure misses so much some days Cool remote Transcended as it be Replete with rains and relief of clouds The Angelus in the distance.... with its affluent affinity for air Revelers leave their party debris for those making sure not a sign is left.... We sort and fold, collapse and pack Somehow between chairs, tables cans and bottles, assorted trash They come-- crouch on the levee wander and stare aimless amid tall dry weeds Inhabit a bench, a moment-- Wild filtering through our fabrication Wind to dissipate our purpose Trees invading abandoned fields “The poor you have with you always” “I'm not drunk,” she drunkenly proclaims to no one except maybe…. Leaning over her opened beer seated on bench adorably painted with joyful hands Who fondly held or hoped for her? Before.... days of dirt troweled a shadow in the sweat between her ******* Filthy tank that barely covers derelict denial How they find themselves established as we make to leave WE, of our homes and cars and jobs and plans of escape They-- of always
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May 19, 2017
May 19, 2017 at 11:28 PM UTC
"...With You Always"