close my eyes and there is no sound the waves delicately lick my feet and I'm rooted in my place almost like I'm waiting, begging for their taste
I stumble on old rocks as they push me around I am not drowning now but I remember this is how it felt before I last drowned
close my eyes and I feel the water pulling me down I'm kneeling now and there are whispers leaking into my ears whispers I had given to the sea the sea that I thought would help me
but my ears hurt and I push to the surface and now I am screaming for I am the whispers I am now all of the sea those terrible things I carry and the wind is biting the air is so cold I am only skin and bone it is all I can feel is me a heart losing it's beat a voice that cannot speak noiseless yet loud I am the sea
You loved the stars so the stars grew to love you and the stars said 'stay away' but you felt entitled to them they said 'don't come too close' but you persisted, you resisted and you reached out to take what was yours - you hurt yourself in your delusion yet you blamed the stars for scorching your heart; you wrote your own tragedy and the stars, the stars, they will always burn for you
I once loved someone. They loved me too, in a way. I assumed that meant their love belonged to me. But it's only a kindness to love and be loved back, I realise now, and you are not entitled to receive the love you choose to give.
The only love I want to feel anymore is the love of the Sea, of the trees, of mountains and rainbows and beautiful buildings, flowers and strangers and poetry, animals and books and art and everything alive, everything I can only catch glimpses of, everything I need, which I don't have.
I need the love of the Earth, not it's people.
I'll start writing more seriously after my exams in May, but here's something for now