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Sad Girl Apr 2017
I'm big, you're little.
I'm smart, you're dumb.
I'm right, you're wrong.
This is what you've taught me,
but I've learned another way.
I try to be so peaceful,
I practice every day.

I've been through quite a lot,
And I've had to be so strong.
My message must have gotten lost,
been fighting for so long.

You raised me as a woman,
Yet you treat me like a man
The way that I'm reacting
often goes against my plan.

I'm trying to reach out and
you call it my excuse.
What you see as parenting,
Feels like abuse.
I feel very threatened and
begin to snap back;
I realize my mistake too late,
I try hard to retract.

I need some space to breathe,
I need a little air...
You get so worked up;
leaving no room for repair.
I try to walk away,
I try to be alone,
But you will never let it be
And that is set in stone.

I feel backed into a corner,
As though I have been trapped.
You push me all my life
And expect that I won't snap.
I am very agile,
But I am just a person.
I try to learn to bend
so the problem will not worsen.

You think that I'm rebellious
And full of disrespect
Whenever I'm defensive
As I am made upset.
I don't want to feel scared
And I don't want to feel pain,
Once you introduce those feelings
It can drive a girl insane.

I'm sorry that I haven't turned out
quite how you expected.
My problems are ignored
And my person feels rejected.
Expose me to the anger of
which I have been subjected...
I forget why I'm hurting and
I follow your objective.

The things that I'm saying
are just sitting in my head,
You may not remember them
as things that you once said.
I don't mean to preach and
I don't try to follow,
But your anger is so loud
That I find mine hard to swallow.

I'll leave if you need me to,
But that's not what i need.
I want to coexist with you,
I'm just not up to your speed.
I need love and I need patience,
But you have your own issues
And you cannot face this.

It's chalked down to
"He's old and he'll
never change his ways"
If this isn't an excuse,
I don't know what more to say.

You think that we are different,
but we are quite the same.
You don't see yourself in me
And I find that quite strange.
You say I make my problems
Into someone else's,
While doing just the same...
Am I the only one who is selfish?

I never mean to do or say
the things that I have
I wish that you could help me out,
but you are just my dad.
You are who you are,
no matter who it affects.
I just have to get over it,
as everyone expects.

I'll try not to be like you;
Try to avoid all of your habits.
The idea is in front of me,
I just can't seem to grab it.
Sad Girl Jan 2017
Liking you was just too easy
Leaving you would be too hard
Please promise me that you'll stay here
and love me while we fall apart

Is it good,
Is it bad?
Are we happy,
Are we sad?

Doesn't matter to me
You are all that I need

Because when you smile
I smile
whether Id like to or not
And that hard head of yours
you're too combative
and I'm too smart

We talk, we argue
we ****, we fight
but by the end of the night
when I can't stand you
I need your hands to
wrap me up, hold me tight
Get away from me
You don't deserve me,
but while you're leaving...
please don't desert me

I really need you
to stick around so
I can drag you
and wear you down
Sad Girl Jan 2017
Everything good about them starts to hurt,
doesn't it?

Once you begin to realize that
while you were
   f
         a
                 l
            l
           ­      i
             n
                  g
They were just biding time.

While you were running towards them,
they were searching for the exit.

When you were m_ ss _ng them,
they were looking for better people to see
better places to be.

When you were feeling C0nFus3d,
their friends were laughing with them - at your expen$e.

While you were falling     a p a r  t

 high,
   they were getting             not feeling a thing.

While you were giving them the benefit of the doubt,
they were doubting you had any benefits.

While you were trying to
p  
          a   t
                      c  #
 things up,

They were trying to let you   d
                                                    o
          ­                                           w
                                                               ­ n  easy.

All of the good things become
                   rui
           ne
  d

How lovely they made you feel

Before doesn't matter.

You were  d      r        a       g     g    i      n    g   out
what they wanted to come to an
end...

Now all that you have left are the memories
             a-t-t-a-c-h-e-d   to the
p \ in that comes

After.



©Kateland Dwyer
*1/5/2017
I really loved her, from the moment that I met her.
My whole life is just one long sad story.
She's just another antagonist in a small chapter now.
I had a better role planned out for her,
but this is a true story and not many of those have happy endings.
It wasn't what I thought it was anyways.
I'm just a fool for love.
Art comes from reality, not happiness...
I guess that I should be thanking her.
Sad Girl Jan 2017
At some point in time
she grew tired of thinking,
tired of feeling.
She couldn't leave the earth
for the sake of the ones that she loved.
Her pain enveloped her.
She hurt in silence.
Silence was her way of screaming.
Crying for help.
Hiding away,
Wishing,
Hoping,
Praying -to a God she nor accepted or disputed-
Just waiting for someone to notice her descent.
If one person could be puzzled by her disappearance it could have made a difference.
She laid in the darkness for days.
Day after day
She watched the time pass and
h o p e d
that it would soon be over.
She
w i s h e d
that someone would stop her
She
P R A Y E D
that her heart would stop
Her pain and the darkness enveloped her.
Tired of thinking.
Tired of feeling.
She just let go.
She drew back into herself and began to drown.
Sleeping, dreaming, imagining
A better life,
A significant existence.
Not thinking about important things,
Not feeling what there was to feel,
Barely existing.
Seeing that she had been let go of, she stopped
Waiting-
Wishing-
Hoping -
She stopped praying.
She no longer cried.
She became the darkness.
She became the silence.
She enveloped all.
Had to re-upload this because I have OCD and I offset my poetry post pattern :/ sorry.
Sad Girl Dec 2016
Words are often left unspoken
amongst the mangled and the broken
words can heal, but instead silence
while we tolerate the violence
on our bodies/
in our minds
a tangled web,
we dare not unwind
to ourselves
-and one another -
we've been unkind,
though we are lovers.

Ponder this questionable existence
where there is an abundance of resistance
to be ourselves and feel the love
constantly searching for a reason above
instead of reaching out and extending our hand
to our neighbor, our brother, "some kids in a van"

It's funny how we land here
in this position
abandoning our families and breaking tradition
to learn about the world and the way that it works
some people have kinds souls and others are just jerks
One day you ask an old man
"Sir, may I have a dollar?
I just want some food, maybe a water."

His reaction could be harmful, harsh, judgemental
the skill that needs building is very fundamental
"You'll spend it on drugs! Get out of my face!"
Discouraging words spoken of the human race,
"Sir may I have a dollar or some food? Maybe water"
Another man approaches as he walks with his daughter...
The daughter tugs this man and she slips him some change
How smart the children are.. Isn't it strange?
with one small glance of the smile in this exchange
the man understood, the answer was plain.

Now you have a dollar, although not enough for food,
inside you feel a warmth and a change in your mood.
The youth can inspire every second, every day
by giving out love hoping that the idea will stay.

"Some kids in a van" were once your sons and daughters
when people realize this, they seem to have a few more dollars
words are often left unspoken
each and every day-
If you extended your heart and hand,
that pain is sure to run astray.
Sad Girl Aug 2016
There is some girls in this world that you call a six, they go home and cry. Some girls you call a six and they get angry and yell at you or slap you.
I realized that there was something wrong with me the first time someone called me a six, told me I wasn't good enough. I spent eight years after that trying to find him the ten that he was looking for; meanwhile sitting in the background trying to improve myself to be more like all of the eights and the nines. I bought him things and I showed him the most beautiful parts of me, I cooked for him and listened when he needed an ear. I let him use my body and I let him feed from the beautiful thoughts in my mind, the dark thoughts in my mind as well. I let him crawl under my skin. I did whatever he asked me to do and I gave whatever he asked me to give until I felt like I had nothing left.
I knew that there was something wrong with me when you called me a six and instead of crying, I felt the urge and needed for you to hold me and to use my body. I wanted you to know what a six feels like instead of how she looks. Some people fail to realize that I was a ten once. I was a ten being made to feel like a six, being told constantly that I was a six and I needed to be at ten. Imagine how many times someone told me that I was a six because they realized that I was vulnerable, imagine how many times I had to clear my mind of that thought but couldn't. Imagine all of the drugs that I took and imagine how drunk I got. Imagine how many conversations I had and how many people I let slip in under my loosely sewn skin. Imagine all of the men that I felt the need to be held by, imagine how they "held" me. Imagine how I felt after, imagine what I became. One day down the road I woke up and looked into the mirror and saw someone that I didn't recognize. Here I am, a six, trying to find what I lost.
Sad Girl Apr 2016
Elder wisdom
Self love
Self respect
Patience
Understanding
Communication
Inner peace
It's been a year
Since I have seen you,
Experienced you,
Breathed you, felt and heard you.
Please don't you ever leave me again.
Don't ever hide.
Stop running.
You are at home.
Home is in here.
Reaching out is okay
But stop searching
Just be home.
This body and this life is your home.
It's been a year.
Do you recognize yourself today?
Welcome home.
Welcome back.
Stay a while.
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