"dependency" poems
I awoke as a tinder wolf
growling
a cut shawl man
dreaming of scarf’s
that left the world
drifting on infinite
dependency
I know I have
to wash
my human on
there are cigarettes
to be sung
could I be
a long shank man
a conqueror
or magician
No I am tinder wolf
howling,
hunting more
tobacco
Walking silent
forever
an assassin
Feb 27, 2015
Feb 27, 2015 at 10:33 AM UTC
You didn’t realise just how easy
it was to slip
how you can lose track
lose count and how quickly
a habit can become addictive
Once you get the taste for the hit
you find yourself reaching for it
and before you know it, you’ve slipped
into a dependency - fortunately
this time you’re only a *****
for Lemsip
Jun 7, 2022
Jun 7, 2022 at 4:50 PM UTC
their voices are stolen away
but even if they were to get it back,
their lips are welded
and shackled to their fears.
theistic idols
shaped predominantly
by the culture in which one is raised.
contradictory fallacies
leading society away from
self dependency.
im tired of being a minority!
apparently your god bestowed to me
this voice
this brain
this body
this mind
so...
im utilizing it.
i refuse to be oppressed any longer
i refuse to believe i was created
by some deity that claims
people have the free will to do as they please.
If god gave man free will,
how can everything be a part of god's plans?
If everything is a part of god's plans,
how can we have free will?
I refuse to be oppressed any longer.
I dug deep within my fears
and yanked my voice back.
I no longer fear being a minority,
I embrace it.
a society where minorities are scared to have a voice?
stand up,
find your voice,
and use it.
We are more than outcasts.
We are minorities
and together,
we can eradicate the title.
We're human.
- d.b.d.
Sep 24, 2014
Sep 24, 2014 at 1:42 PM UTC
The way she smiles,
My heart was melting
Even if she needs to walk a thousand miles
She never stopped on dreaming.
You see her with courage
At her young age
But deep inside was a girl
Who's still getting ready at this stage
dependency was a craaaap!
But standing by herself will make her to the top
And so she did,
She's making a step up.
Jul 23, 2021
Jul 23, 2021 at 12:15 PM UTC
When I walked away
from all the ones that cause me to hurt
I thought I was doing myself a favor
Not once did I thought I would come running back
with new burdens that prove not only my dependency
but also my fears that lurk with in the depths of myself
It lead me down a different path of pain
sleep was my only relief from the criticism that lives in my head
cause time went faster when you turn off the lights at three in the afternoon
to calm the temporary gut wrenching ache of emptiness
So I lay here with tears streaming down my face
and the numbness that no one will know
cause there is no one I can express my feelings to
There is nothing more draining then being your own supporter
when you are at the same time
the reason for your destruction
And I cant quite understand
how a pair of best friends
or a pair of lovers
could connect in a way as if two soul mates have lost each other
thriving, craving, just full blown out
mad for one another
I never had that
It's a terrible art indeed
one that eats away your worth
until you are nothing without those people
that once defined everything you were
I know its tempting
but you have to let these grudges go
the isolation will **** you otherwise
Don't be afraid to bend the pages in your book
there is a reason why you left those permanent creases
to go back when you have gave in
They'll forgive you and even more importantly
you will thank yourself
Oct 7, 2015
Oct 7, 2015 at 3:45 PM UTC
Angie works the alleys that reek of greasy sausages and ****
where beer-bellied men appear
and vanish into doorway varnish of invisible rooms,
spitting on their own doorsteps, stubby fingers
running over stained vests and wire wool guts.
Harry lives out yonder where plastic bags’ ballet shoes are made of glue;
he is sharing a hit
with a dreadlocked kid, just another invisible face,
a phantom-surfer nurse, to assist him in
chasing the ultimate high on highway number twenty-two.
Invisible, hairy hands hold her down; Angie has to swallow,
she can feel the pulsating vein
of a softening **** over her tongue and swollen lips –
she gives it a good old slap against her cheek,
grabs the package, and makes sure no one follows.
Harry’s clawing at a face in that place where reality floats
between the tip of the needle
and the desperate edge of chemical dependency -
his little angel taps him on the shoulder;
he turns around, and stabs her in the throat.
Feb 5, 2011
Feb 5, 2011 at 11:32 PM UTC
It's funny:
Until now I couldn't imagine dependency on substances.
I didn't know how to imagine addiction.
Couldn't imagine a Routine in Smoke
But for the first time I got just to the edge--
went only a bit beyond.
And then I forgot.
I forgot to worry
my head like a puff of cottonwood
I didn't even have a backburner on
Simmering the responsibility
the inability
the fragility
of my self.
When I woke up it was back.
I had worry rushing to fill my head because it had
to make up for Lost Time.
and i wish i never had to stop Losing Time.
Apr 7, 2014
Apr 7, 2014 at 1:35 AM UTC
I don't want to be your hero, nor your ******
Because they provide instantaneous relief but neither are free
The cost, your life, surrendered to addiction
And hero's are a work of fiction
And I want you to love me with no dependency
With out missed calls leading to withdrawals
9.2million are addicted to ******
And I want only you to be free from addiction and love me
Do me a favor and don't make me just be your savior
You're disillusioned into thinking I'm Jesus
When I just satisfy your companionship lust
You say I make you feel better
But when I'm not around
It seems I make things worse
You say I don't of course
To trick me to stay
But you love me in a completely different way
You need to fix yourself from the source
Because I'm worn so thin
And all your healing
has to come
from within
Jan 19, 2015
Jan 19, 2015 at 5:32 AM UTC
My conscience is loud
yet my voice never comes,
It's disarming what dependency can do, altering your character,
until you are simply a character,
weaving falsities into strands of fools gold, until you're living in an armor
of the emperors new clothes.
I swore to myself,
that I would never again be this person, the one with my finger
on the self destruct button,
but sliding down the hill
comes much easier than climbing.
And at the bottom,
numbness awaits me,
making me fearless.
I feel the cold wash over me,
goosebumps all throughout my being,
as the waves begin to rise.
She covers me,
salty yet sweet,
and everything makes sense.
The meaning of life in a pretty peach casing.
I am Invincible.
I am Oblivious.
She peaks and soon crashes,
repeatedly against me,
making me feel like the world could end and I wouldn't even think to care.
But what at first seemed exhilarating, wears on me to no end,
the buildup and constant let down.
She's lost her novelty,
and with that,
the numbness fades.
Sobering up for long enough to realize,
I am the definition of insanity.
Inviting you back in so often,
I no longer have defenses against you.
You snuck into my priorities without me ever noticing.
Like that song you hate so much but can't help to sing.
Will I ever get rid of your tune in my head?
Will I ever be able to say no when you call?
Jun 12, 2017
Jun 12, 2017 at 8:51 AM UTC
I'm a lost sock
Longing to keep a foot from feeling cold
Even though I can't cover your entire body
Ill settle for an extremity
Because it's true that
Something really is better than nothing
I was dropped between the dryer and the washing machine
Forgotten about just like the paper clip and the thumbtack
My mirror matching partner
May have gone on to meet another
But either way I lie here in lint
I remember the comfort of being in a shoe
When the warmth flowed through me
I knew I was really getting somewhere
Always aware I was part of a pair
One of a two
Half of a couple that together made a team
Then again there was way back when
I was pressed and packaged and pristine and
Presented myself to people in a store
Who could care less to think twice or
Double take and have a second glance at me
I was as unique as all the rest
But I took my job very seriously
Now I crave to do anything
To help anyone and be of use anywhere
To maybe one day be rediscovered and
Perhaps reunite with my other or
Become a fine furniture duster or
A puppet upon the hand of a person Practicing how to be humble
It's a dream and a hope and
One of the few things left I'm free to have faith in
They can take my feet away but
They can't take everything
Somewhere out there is a bare paw
Chilled to the bone and shivering
Stinging exposed to the world
Wishing I was there
Come find me
Drop something worth picking up
So you notice that long lost missing sock
Reach and retrieve me and return me to reality
I've been waiting for this forever it seems
But through your eyes it's just a
Routine insignificant finding
Unknowing that it means the world to me and
My entire existence revolves around dependency
May 24, 2013
May 24, 2013 at 2:02 AM UTC
If I could simply overcome
Possessive nouns and vowel sounds
I would not need to study ******
Heavy lies’ beheaded crowns
But you make martyrs with your charter
School exclusive service sector
To systemically condemn me
To the destitution nectar
Of the corner story ******
Potential Cinderella caged in
The statistics of the mathematic
Overdose equation
Comatose’n like a Holy Ghost
Of tranquil ranking party skanks
Whose tanks plan out the projects
For the boys still shootin’ blanks
And then the slavers liberate
Some nation-state of god forsaken
Oil barons salivate
To taste the poison Apple’s stake in
Stock in stuffer markets takin’
All the products people makin’
Privatizing profit-docket lawless
Mother Nature rapin’
For some scarcity disparities
In wealth I can’t attain
You keep me feeding on the bottom
From the top, you make it rain
So as the brains continue drainin’
In amenity dependency
I tinker with the inner-machinations
Now the enemy
You’ve made me out to be you see
My generation’s future’s bleaker
Than the past in full HD
Jul 26, 2018
Jul 26, 2018 at 1:45 PM UTC
I was walking on the seashore when I heard a fearful cry
I looked out across the water where a man was drifting by
"You've got to help!" he shouted, "There's a lifebelt in your reach,
"If you throw it to me quickly I'll get back onto the Beach!"
I hastily began to do exactly as he said
When a little word of warning made its way into my head.
"You reckon this will help," I said, "that is what you believe,
"But to trust short-term solutions here is hopelessly naive.
"You think the belt will save you, and for now maybe it would
"But to teach a faulty lesson here could do more harm than good
"You want something for nothing and that just is not the way
"In the sophisticated economic climate of today -
"You need trade! You need trade, not aid
"You need trade! I can't help until you've paid.
"You say that you're in trouble and my help is all you need
"But a culture of dependency is all that it would breed!"
"What's wrong with you, you maniac?" he answered with a yell,
"I'm drowning in the ocean and there's nothing here to sell!
"We can talk about your theories when I'm back upon the shore
"Now just throw the ****** life-belt out, I beg you, I implore!
"You have it in your power and you know that if you can
"You've a moral obligation to assist your fellow man!"
I told him, "You are selfish! This is difficult for me,
"D'you think a drowning person is a pleasant thing to see?
"You shouldn't be in the water if you haven't learned to swim!"
He said "You no-good lousy ******* it was you who pushed me in!"
Well this kind of moral blackmail made me look at him, aghast
And say, "There really is no virtue here in dwelling on the past,
"You need trade! You need trade, not aid
"You need trade! I can't help until you've paid.
"You say that you're in trouble and my help is all you need
"But a culture of dependency is all that it would breed!"
"Don't be so pessimistic," I advised him, "you are rich!
"The sea in which you're drowning must be lowping full of fish!"
"If that's what you're relying on," he said, "to judge my wealth,
"Then you know that I have nothing, 'cos you caught them all yourself!"
I said, "Well, you can't argue with the laws of competition
"You were wasting time by drowning when you should have been out fishin'!"
When finally he died I said, "My brother, I will miss you,
"But maybe more importantly, you've highlighted an issue:
"Drowning is a problem, and believe me, now you're gone,
"I'll be on the phone to Geldof, Ultravox and Elton John.
"We'll organise a concert so that everyone can see
"That drowning is a menace, we should make it history!
"Using trade! Using trade, not aid,
"Good, free trade, the grestest plan we've ever made,
"You say that you're in trouble and my help is all you need,
"But a culture of dependency's a rotten thing to breed!"
Dec 6, 2010
Dec 6, 2010 at 4:25 AM UTC
Pathological neurotic co-dependency,
Rhymes with toilet brush gastroendoscopy,
I visualise that toilet brush,
Shoved down his throat thrush,
Or up his male ****
Not even an excuse for a man,
Bullies don't get, says my nan,
Way too early to be awake,
Way too early to cook him steak,
What does he think he's going to eat?
That toilet brush he'll meet and greet,
Pathological neurotic co-dependency,
Rhymes with toilet brush gastroendoscopy,
All budget friendly and medicine free,
(Guess who swallowed the dictionary!!!!)
Oct 5, 2015
Oct 5, 2015 at 11:38 PM UTC
Black
A thumping heartbeat
Distant vocal sounds
Then light and love
Dependency
Curiosity
Communication
Joy
Creativity
Education
Awe
Respect
Disrespect
Comradery
Individualism
Tribalism
Recklessness
Lust
Love
Heartbreak
Hopelessness
Soul searching
Understanding
Trust
Empathy
Maturity
Desire
Love
Babies
Selflessness
Responsibility
Nurture
Wonder
Teaching, endless teaching
Let go
Let go
Let go
Review
Regret
Reinvent
Rediscover
Relive through grand kids
Leave your mark
Not a stain
Your life ends it's final wane
Then humbly...
back to
Black
Sep 2, 2014
Sep 2, 2014 at 9:34 AM UTC
A perfectly linear shape painted in gold
Is what you see
Through Instagram pictures Facebook posts Snapchat videos
The tacit life
I lead in the virtual stairway
I am living the life!
So you say
You painted my life in the most shimmering color
Turn on every light in the room to make it brighter
Gazing with admiration
Sometimes
Most of the time
With jealousy
Seduced by the lure of the blue light dependency
Turning this perfect lie into some meditation
And make it my definition
An image I’ve built to cover the within
A perfect fragmented me I post on social media
A habit I borrow for social gatherings
A behavior forced into me
For the sake of society!
An illusion so fragile made out of eggshell
A shell covering the true essence of ME
Uncovering myself for the world to see
The egg wall and make believes shattering
To life unpredictable burdens
That perfect golden shell cannot bare life’s hurdles
Holding something beautiful that doesn’t curdle
I am more of what you see
More of what I let you believe
More of society’s standards
More of you
More of me
I contained beauty and imperfections
I contained colors and bricks
Strengths and weaknesses
Enough to **** in all life’s miseries
And to also reflect confidence and vulnerabilities
I am not just one color
I am every shades
Every undertones
Every hues that follow the changes
I am the intense
The neon
The eclectic
The iridescent
From the lightest to the darkest
The contrasting
The complementing
The chromatic
I am in nature in art in paintings
Everywhere
I am every northern lights dancing to my own ballet
Don’t just paint me with your own palettes
Crack me open
And see what’s inside
For there you will see
My true colors
Jan 22, 2018
Jan 22, 2018 at 12:57 PM UTC
( or also entitled : Just How Much ******** Are You Prepared to Believe)
Confidence - grandiosity
Hope - Delusion
Ambition - grandiosity + delusion
Love - Co-dependency
Unrequited Love & romantic hopes - Erotomania
Sexuality - Hypersexuality
Happiness - Manic mood
Sadness - Depression
Shock - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Emotional - Bipolar
Fear - Paranoia/psychosis
Distrust - Suspicion ( e.g paranoia)
Loneliness - Neediness
Needing connection to others - Co-dependant
Existential doubts - suicidal
Spiritual awakening - psychosis
Sarcasm - Aggression
Loner - socially-withdrawn
Messy - self-neglectful
Angry - dangerous/violent
Faith - dangerous Religisiosity
dubious combination
of some of the above : Schizophrenia
Note : All of these need drugs to 'cure' them so the drugs companies can make a fortune & pay you a premium. Where did you think the money for your salary came from?
Jul 7, 2015
Jul 7, 2015 at 10:38 AM UTC
Stage One - Experimentation:
I've seen it before, on movies and television shows.
The peer pressure, the giving in, the going back again.
And that's exactly what it felt like to me.
The pressure of your hand against the small of my back,
The way my body fell apart at your touch,
Like an ancient foundation crumbling,
And the desire that stirred in my chest to feel your touch once more.
At first, I only wanted a taste of you.
But the thrill that you brought me was something not easily forgotten.
Stage Two - Regular Use:
It became a casual thing,
Feeling you coursing through my bloodstream.
A knock on the door like the prep of a needle,
And your hand pulling me in like the ***** of skin,
And within seconds, a high I couldn't recognize,
As though I was walking on the sky and the
Grass was tickling my eyelashes,
And your fingers were pressed
Into the dimples in my hips.
Step Three - Risky Use/Abuse:
Before I knew it,
I was lying awake,
Wide-eyed in bed at night,
Imagining your fingertips
Tracing the inside of my thighs.
So I brought my pillow and blanket
And pitched a tent at the foot of your bed.
Then swore to myself I'd never leave your house again.
Step Four - Drug Dependency:
A minute without your breath against my neck
Causes my chest to burn and my knees to shake,
But every time your breath fills my lungs,
I can feel the years of my life falling away.
Your lips are my nourishment,
Your sighs are my fluids,
And your kiss is my IV drip.
Every part of you has consumed every inch of my thoughts,
Even the dusty corners I have forgotten about,
And with every gentle touch, I can feel the withering of my heart,
Like a flower never to bloom again,
But it's a beautiful destruction.
Jun 27, 2013
Jun 27, 2013 at 10:05 PM UTC
I let the beat come in so can I commit a sin again,
With my friends, asking does this madness really ever end?
It’s cyclical, repetitive and cynical,
I’m a loser lost in the place where winners go,
Like a maze, without an exit in sight,
These type of thoughts keep me awake every night,
I can’t get an ounce of sleep, so I get a gram of dro,
And that keeps me problem free for an hour or so,
I know it’s wrong, sort of physiological dependency,
I struggle, feeling like the weight of the world’s been set on me,
I’m disassociated until I get a beat to slay, because
Writing helps me find just right where my place is,
If not, I get wasted, a drunk punk, faceless,
I know I’ve got a problem, but i’m too scared to face it..
Nov 27, 2012
Nov 27, 2012 at 8:09 PM UTC
Sometimes the temptation to succumb to you is far too strong for me to bare.
I long to feel some sense of numbing and I know that caving into you will accomplish just that.
Then I face the harsh reality that at some point I will have to suffer.
Rather it now or later, I will have to open myself to that hurt and heal.
Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015 at 12:32 AM UTC
I admit that my life
Is still an absolute disaster
But to think of all I've endured
And where I've reached
I can say I'm proud
I'm proud that
It's been almost one year
Since I last cut
And I'm proud
That I no longer
Have dependency on a therapist
And well now I can sleep in Saturdays
And I'm happy I'm his forever
And I'm proud we've been together
For this long
I'm stressed
And nothing is ever perfect
Because life is not
Perfect
And it never will be
But as of now
I'm okay
I'm happy even
And sure
I've been crying again
But being a teenager
And a female
Gives me the right to break down
When stressed and
I know
Change is coming
And coming fast
But I'll take it best I can
And try to make things
Work out in my favor
I'm not who I use to be
And that makes me proud
I'm someone who smiles
And can laugh
I can breathe without
A broken heart
Or a weight on my shoulders
And despite my responsibilities
I'll survive where I am
You see I finally have something to be
Proud of
Life
My life and how I've grown
How I try
Each and every day
I try my hardest
And no one can tell me I don't
Because when I wake up
I know my heart found its
Keeper
And with him
Everything else has finally
Begun to fall into place
And if it takes some time and effort
I'll make sure
Everything ends up okay
I won't go back
Not EVER.
Oct 19, 2013
Oct 19, 2013 at 8:00 PM UTC
I attack myself.
Wanting to hold onto you,
Loving that I see you you everywhere.
Hating this dependency,
Disgusted by what is now roaming free in my mind and soul.
These thoughts of having hurt,
These thoughts of causing hurt.
Most of all I fear the need for hurt.
I am so desperate for water.
There are springs overflowing with life,
Rivers running rapid with love.
Still I travel painfully into a desert to seek water from a cactus.
Bleeding with every attempt,
Thorns left beneath my skin.
Once I break through for the small drops of water there,
I find that they were never meant for me.
I deserve to splash in the water,
Swim in the ocean,
Dance in the rain.
I deserve life and love,
Honesty and trust.
How is it that pain can out way pleasure?
That hurt can out way love?
That cacti can out way the water of life?
May 30, 2010
May 30, 2010 at 2:45 AM UTC
The ancient banyan tree is huge, its parallel trunks,
Go across , spiral out, spread branches,
Sheltering birds; doves or eagles, it doesn't bother.
Above that a kite lost mid way on its pleasure flight aimlessly circles.
A grey half moon tries to remain inconspicuous in the day light.
A single engine Cessna sky hawk from Bangalore flying club,
Laboriously crawl across the sky like an overeaten caterpillar.
He remains,
Oblivious of the world around, and its many preoccupations.
Within a craggy nook created by the irregular stem of the banyan,
The old man sits like an idol, totally alien to the world, that is in its Nataraja's dance*
A long, grey, shaggy beard; serene radiant face,
Stunning any one, looking at him with the contentment blooms there, a radiant flower.
His rags for long time has not seen water, its obvious,
A soiled turban around his head is tightly tied, yet he looks regal.
He is silence personified, has no needs, it seems.
He breathes freedom day and night, no dependency on others,
Sounds, discordant and confusing, from the nearby road, fails even to touch him,
The dust wind that circles around, only creates a halo for him.
A plastic bag full of stuff, his worthless belongings, lie by his side, like a severed head.
An old news paper he holds, to shield him from the setting sun's attention.
On the third day I found out, he has friends.
Though there seems no need to speak, words are too precious to waste, isn't it what he implies?
A dark, frail woman driving back her buffalo and its calf after grazing in the fields,
Stops in front of him smiling, he smiles back; for the first time I saw a smile speaking to another.
A silent exchange of feelings, I could experience, even in nature, since then. An awakening he brought.
Every time I watch him, with an open mind, the contentment I see, recites wordless poems
May 13, 2013
May 13, 2013 at 10:33 AM UTC
In my chemical dependency class we have to write down days sober chemically, and says sober emotionally.
Days sober chemically: 55
Days sober emotionally: 75
But they don’t ask how many days it has been since I thought of you.
They don’t teach you how to control cravings for a person.
I could write a book on ways
to control the urges to smoke a joint,
but I am helpless as
to how to prevent myself from texting you.
I don’t have withdrawl symptoms from *** or *****
I do have symptoms
of a broken heart.
I can’t remember the last time
I used, but I can remember the
last time I felt your skin
against mine.
Last time I took a shot was,
I don’t remember when.
Last time I felt your lips
against mine,
was on the 29th of
November.
I don’t have a craving for **** or *****
but I do have a craving for you.
I can stop smoking whenever I want.
I can stop drinking whenever I want.
But I can’t quit you.
Because, baby, you’re the monkey on my back.
You don’t encourage me to drink or smoke,
You encourage me by existing.
They say that we all have the power to be sober,
But, what if I don’t want to be sober?
Because when I become sober from you,
Is when you have passed through.
Apr 19, 2015
Apr 19, 2015 at 12:33 PM UTC
I once met a man who read my bellybutton.
He told me that the two horizontal lines
meant I have internal and external insecurities.
I scoffed at the idea that those things
could disappear from mortal souls.
He then pointed to the bottom vertical line,
the most noticeable,
and told me
that meant
my biggest insecurity was my reproductive organs.
I smiled small.
Should I tell him about the dead baby
or instead of the riley women who have male dependency.
I chose the latter,
for Im not sure if the kid is still dead.
I could hear her screams in late night alleys for two years after.
She haunts my horror dreams,
singing we could have lived happily ever after.
Instead, Ill chose the story of my stepfather
who called me a *****
and cried to my mother
that I was trying to ****** him with training bras and black eye liner.
'Did he hurt you?'
'of course,
but so did my mother-
and I've learned to forgive those
who chose life over freedom.'
It's more than I've done.
Sep 5, 2013
Sep 5, 2013 at 2:32 AM UTC