My mind is a motor that knows no end.
It doesn't slow down.
It is in this constant motion:
rotating.
rotating.
rotating.
rotating.

It is weighed down by what
appears to be this endless train of thought.
The real burden is that it is
**** near impossible to convert these thoughts
to ink on a page.

I just stare at my paper.
Perhaps I'll try another day.

I don't want to be another face.

I don't want to be another name.

I want to be the beginning

and the end of every day.

The hardest pill to swallow is knowing
that I did it to myself.
I can try to say that over stated/ cliche line:

"In the end, it was probably
for the best."

but the truth is, that it doesn't help.

My mind cannot help but wander and drift to the thoughts of you.
Your skin illuminated by moonlight.
The way you would hold me close and say goodnight.
The way we laughed and talked about the future.
About how much you were my pride.

I use to find so much peace by the oceanside,
but for the first time in my life I found that same peace
standing right next to me.
You make me feel alive.
My mom said that you were the best for me
because you brought life back to my eyes.

I always hated the city,
but seeing the joy it brought you made me want
to spend every moment I could with you.
The way you would grab my hand and lead me to
all of those special moments that you wanted to share,
and if I could, in a moment I would be right back there.

I took you for granted.

There are no apologies that I could ever pen
to help you to understand how much
I would go back and do everything over again.
I just wish that I could make you see that
you are the only oceanside I need.

If my heart is an anchor, then your heart is the sea;
for my heart longs to be weighed down to yours
for this life and all of
eternity.

Its that sudden tightening in my chest.

It's all the things I long to let go of,
but still can't forget.

It's when my face becomes hot and beating red.

It's my palms as they begin to sweat.

Anxiety.