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Carter Ginter Oct 18
What do I actually want
When I'm craving a high?
What need am I trying to satisfy
By drowning myself in a bottle?
I want to escape
I want to feel joy and freedom
I don't feel that now
I feel like drugs will bring those feelings
Even for just a moment
And sure, they might
But then I'll just think that
The drugs are what makes me happy
When it's actually the feeling of peace and happiness
The things I'm actually craving
That will make me happy
But, the human brain is flawed
And it will just see the drugs
And make me want them again
Carter Ginter Oct 18
I can feel myself running away
In handfuls of bread
And mind-numbing multitasking
Trying to create a noise so loud
That it'll drown out the one in my head
The one that tells me I'm broken
The one saying I'm a waste of space
And wasting this life away

I am wasting time
With every bite not led by hunger
Every second half-watching television
While scrolling emptily through my phone
These meaningless moments just remove more meaning
******* it away from myself and my life
Draining my emotional energy because
I'm not letting it recharge
So then I can sleep rather than create
So I can avoid the thoughts and feelings
That are telling me
No, begging me
To do something
To feel something

But it's been a long time

And sometimes feeling nothing

Can feel better than feeling

Carter Ginter Oct 18
I feel trapped
Confined in this media hellstorm
How easy it is to numb out
To drown out these thoughts
These feelings
These aspects of myself
Under the static of technology
I just want to exist and to
Connect with myself again
And yet I keep tuning in
To tune it all out
I dont even like what im watching
I dont enjoy doing this over and over again
It feels so compulsive
So uncontrollable that
I want to just sell my TV
Return to a dumb phone again
Rid myself of these technological terrors
Because for some reason
I can't just walk away
And I can feel the clocks ticking
As these precious moments are wasting away
And slipping through my fingertips
sushii Sep 1
When you’re little, everyone thinks you’re special...
When you’re twenty, everyone thinks you’re promising...
And when you’re dead, everyone will love you.

Do you see yourself as successful?
Charming, even?

Well, I see you dead in a bathtub...
Surrounded by drug paraphernalia.
I see your mother crying for you...
Syringe in her arm to take away pain.

Do you see yourself as a failure?
Horrid, even?

Why, don’t think of yourself that way...
You’ll be alright.
There is no storm...
Just calm, just the eye...

When you’re little, they beat you.
When you’re twenty, you’re hopeless.
And when you’re dead, you’re saved.

Is the drive boring?
Numbing, even?

It’s okay, just fall asleep...
You’re not responsible anyway.
It’s fine, go to sleep...
You’ll be unresponsive, anyway.

When you’re low, it’s blue.
When you’re high, it’s full.
When you’re dead, you’ll finally be numb.
That’s what we do
Dull the feelings
Do whatever it takes
To forget the pain.
Calliope Nov 2018
Understand my body is not currency

2. Stop resenting my body for being
something men can't help but want

3. Don't try and make myself undesirable

4. Don't turn people into medicine

5. Don't make a wound to distract from the
old one. They do not bleed the same.
Those scars are not noble.
Calliope Nov 2018
I’m sorry I made you a monster.
I needed a demon I could trust.
Kyla Duncan Jun 2018
I think about smoking sometimes
on dreary days
on quiet nights
when I'm cold
or lonely
or sad
and I just want to inhale the numb
and exhale the ache

but aren't I just inhaling the poison
and exhaling it too?
I take it into myself
and breathe it out into the world

I think about rainy nights sometimes
dark, with the taste of a storm in the air
faded music playing in the background
door half-open
me, leaning over the balcony railing
with death perched between my lips

I think about smoke
spewing from my mouth
carrying all misery away
burning through the walls I can't tear down

I imagine cigarettes
come with leather jackets
sly smiles painted red
and sharp eyes lined black
with a devilish spark in them

They pair so nicely with
the blackest of nights
with bonfires and quiet laughter
and with silent solitude

But then I remember
crooked smiles with yellowed teeth
lungs, withered and black
coughing, gasping for clean air
because they're so infected with smoke
Amanda Jun 2018
I have been drinking too much to write you a song
Downed too many drinks to say I care
Because when sober the pain becomes
Far too much for me to bear

I've been drowning sorrows in alcohol
Numbing the hurt night after night
I want to tell you I love you
I've been drinking too much to write
Written 6/10/13
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