The gilded opening is terse and with age defined,
Locking away the pathway from a golden mind,
Hairlike roots of tiny letters form a braid,
Ficus-ing along stretching prongs of Purple and Jade,

Pushing they gather and spider around its ovate curves,
occasioning sprouts from cracks lips perturbed,
grammarized rain fertilizing delicate pods of flesh,
blossoming frosty lemon blooms of T's R's come to rest,

The bunched words hanging, dangling like grapes, of frailty,
dipping on fickle branches barely holding on to reality,
threatening to fall like daggered swords,
But alas are some silently whispered Jamaican words

There was a time telling my truth was hard,
Stuck between sinking or swimming looking for a lifeguard.
It was weighted, and heavy slowly pulling me down,
But I thought if I open my mouth, for sure I’ll drown.
That you wouldn’t hear me but find holes in my story,
Throwing Daggered questions at me as punishment in this reformatory.
I have the Vivid memories, I’ve tried to make blurry,
Then there’s backlash from the self appointed jury.
But You DO know hurt people, hurt people that’s a fact,
I’ve done my share of hurting, but no never that.
See I’m not on trial just telling my truth,
Trying to create a better future, One that protects our youth!
My hope is that by sharing “This happened to me”,
Helps you realize it was never your fault so stop feeling guilty.
Because I won’t let them discredit you, it doesn’t matter when it occurred,
We’re not speaking because we’re spoken too, we’re dying to be heard.
I’ve extended my heart to you with words cleverly placed,
With each line hope you feel my love in a tight embrace.
At first it’s hard not knowing how to push through,
But YOU ARE A SURVIVOR , I know because I’m a survivor too.

Anna's kiss hit harder,
than most ****** climaxes--
left me stuttering,
sidestepping, scared of the
what's next?

Anna's hair on fire,
billowing smoke and
beckoning me to come in--
left me boiling,
bracing, barely conscious
of what's left?

Anna's bed of nails,
bled out and breathing--
left me dangerously
dumb, deaf
of what's she saying?

Anna's sharpened heels,
daggered the docile beige carpet--
left me sweating,
sighing, searching for further savior
in what are we?

Anna's black fingernails,
sunk into my shoulder--
left me lonely,
lusting, lashing in empty parking lot
now knowing,
rebirth requires a death.

I stare into the picture frame of life one year ago and I cannot see any truth in what once was, and what now is. The contents of the frame perpetually baffle me as I sense his frozen eyes seeping into my skin and devouring my soul. The naivety I once possessed is long gone along with the nightly tears and daily concerns. All I can think about is my last words to him, "Good. Get some sleep." Is that what people call closure? His heart no longer lingers inside mine, but it does haunt me every now and then. My scarce amount of trust was dumped into his intangible arms without a second thought. Many would find discontent in my scuffling around the past when all is already said and done, but I cannot help my mind from wandering off to the promises he made, the pain I endured, and the lessons I never learned. Trust, became distrust with him. Yet I always made excuses for his inexcusable behavior, and the words he daggered me with. I'm slowly recollecting all of the mistakes I made in falling in love with an disembodied, pain-stricken young man who could only be there in spirit. It was almost as if I loved a ghost. And what exactly brings me to recount every lost promise and every fallen out wish? His ubiquitous presence in my thoughts, the anger he provokes in my emotions. He's still hurting me and he isn't even here to see it, or care. He's moved on to his next victim, most likely telling her everything he told me and the girl before me. He does not tend to vary in his confessions of love. He'll stay on the phone with her all night and tell her that she's the most beautiful, amazing, best girlfriend ever. He will tell her that he cannot live without her, for she is the star in his black sky (yes he told me that). When will they learn that distance is the greatest weakness, not strength? When will he learn to leave the girls alone and be alone as he deserves to be? So stubborn he was. I am not sure what exactly I am searching for with this. Maybe I can't accept the "closure" I thought I had. I do not care what he is doing now, though I feel most of it is out of spite for me leaving him. One million questions lay beside me at night, cramming my brain with endless possibilities, but no concrete answers to ever satisfy my seemingly fixated mind. I am not bitter, nor am I jealous. I do not miss him and I do not miss us. As I stare into the picture frame of one year ago, I'm remorsefully regretted by the decisions I made with him. I will never obtain the answers I desire, but as the tears envelop my cheeks, I wish for all of the memories to flake off of the scrapbook and into oblivion, as if they never existed.

I wield this pen like an extension of my arm
The scalpel I use to carve your memory from my past
Erasing our history with the deft strokes
Of crossed T’s and dotted I’s
That makes you fade from my literature

But the bad taste of blood still lingers on my lips
From the cuts of every sharp word we spoke
Regurgitated like spears
Hurled at each other’s hearts
Leaving our throats raw and silent in their passing

While you stabbed me with a daggered glare
From glacial orbs that watched
As I swallowed my own sword
By dipping the quill in the ink well
And setting fire to your enemy encampments

When we two enemies had burned to the ground
The smoke and ash that remained
Was blown away like the sands of time
Until nothing remained but the scalpel
Gripped firmly in the bones of the hand

To arms! To arms! Arise thou stricken knave!
For merry mischief summons thee from rest;
Arise! Arise! The battle thou dost crave,
Hast struck thy heart like thunder in thy breast.
Put on the silken cloak embossed with gold,
Raise up that sword, equip the heavy shield;
Throw off thy weary battle-scars of old,
Onwards to war, and never shall ye yield!
Advance! Advance! Thy nemesis appears,
Wade thru the lesser men, brush them aside;
With battle drums a-ringing in your ears,
No friend or foe will tarry e'er thy stride;
        Fear not the daggered eyes, the poisoned glance --
        "Perchance my lady, would ye care to dance?"

I’ve got my dad’s heavy silence.

My moms daggered heart.

I’m a bit unattainable, but you

can find me in my art.

Trees we hike dark coal
"Horror"
He whispers blade eyes
Cut her not to like
White drizzle wedding
ghostly take a hike
Her bare skin shivers
Knocking on heavens door
Those skinheads hit her floor
Life's cruel wicked costly
Silver bullets hit the smoking
potheads
Chattered teeth hearing sound's
He shifted so close desirable
( tasty mound's)

The Stranger  Billy don't B fool
joker
  Dark-love complicated **** it
Computer slammed her fingers
All Choked up Elvis twist

Deep-house music strangled rope 
 seated,
Touching a nerve dead-beat
Harvest-hair Rocky horror seat
Trembling in your
 Rocking Chair
No flair black tears red tip check
of word fears
Elevated you deadly crumb's
in a row nothing to show

Blood was dripping
Someone's eyes pop-out fixated
Dark brain felt polluted
white chalked her stalked
You were being watched
Eye's stalked daggered

Rows and Rows
Cosmic dark Gothically
Webs caught in webs
black tears
satanically
Parasite horror website
Bood ***** bite
Loud drips from the sink
discolored
Wrinkled Hand's Slime Sticky
Her long neck lastly tricky

Rocky-Road yellow brick
lightly pricked Emerald city
Eye's melt fingers slipped
The poppy, eyes I tripped
He's no lover of mine cheaply.

So what will I do
With my heart?

What will I do with it
Today
Or tomorrow,
How much does it owe,
(How much did it borrow?)

Is it daggered into my
Chest with ruby darts?
Is it butcher wrapped
In class-passed
Love notes,
Or shrink wrapped carnations?
Is it waiting around
For the perfect donation?

And what will I do with my head?

Is it getting bigger?
Will it slot into a shelf?
Is it killing me?
Will it fix itself?

What will I do with it
Next week,
Or next year?
Will it be William Blake
Or Edmund Lear?
(MRI:
blooms - blushes – stains,
This boy’s got roses
on the brain!)

And what will I do with my hands?

What will I do with them
For the rest of my days?
Will they stick to my lap?
Will they flutter away?

Will they get even worse
At unscrewing lids?
Will they shake sticks
at the neighbours kids?

What will I do with my body?
Will it see me through?

What will it do with me?
What will it do?

Surreal was the tone of the sky on Christmas night.
Navy and cloudless.
And the rain fell.
Lightly, drops of daggered ice.
Falling sharply.
Wet hair.
Not heavy.
Fresh as freedom came.
Spirits danced on air this Christmas night.
All was silent.
No cars.
No twenty four hour take aways.
The animals were hushed.
So silent.
And sleep came to me so easily,
Today I applaud Monday morning.
With it's morning glow and unaffected sky.
For today,
I live and breathe.
So quietly.
(c)LIVV

: Who did you say you were again?
: I told you once, we must embark
      Now test your legs and jump my friend.
: But it's so deep, and it's so dark
      Are you so sure that this is right?
: Remember when she laughed at you
      I know you see her face at night
      For all those bows and hearts you drew
      What was it worth when it was done?
: It's true, that ghost torments my eyes
      I know I've lost but who has won?
      Have I not time to say goodbyes?
: Just say hello when you are there
      It's not so hard, just take that leap
      And fall with purpose, not with care,
      You won't regret when your asleep.
:Are you so sure?
:                           Already said!
      Can't you see I wouldn't lie
      Can't you get that through your head
      I know you know you want to fly.
: And why should I believe in you?
: Because my friend, we share a name.
: I don't believe this can be true!
: Believe it, friend, we are the same.
: Then all you say, I say myself.
: And now that you have realized
       It's time to put life on the shelf.
: Oh, why am I so mesmerized
      Your voice is like a crystal bell;
      Your hand is like an angels wings
      And yet, I know it's sent from hell
      Oh why, oh why, this siren sings?
: It sounds so good and feels so right
       And you and I, we both know why
       It smells like daisies in the light
       It tastes like homemade cherry pie.
       The daggered rocks await your fate.
: Those welcome terra-cotta homes
       But don't they wait to mutilate?
: But sing you songs and write you poems!
       If I could take the words I spew
       And make a flashing neon sign
       Perhaps you'd see my words are true
       And realize that it is time.
: Please, don't do it!
:                              I CAN'T do it!
: I won't do it!
:                       We've been through it!
: Should I do it...?
:                           See? You knew it!
: Can I do it?
:                   Always knew it.
      Now nothing more is left unsaid
      Our souls await that warm caress
      It's time that you and me were dead.
      This life is always so much less
: To live would be my only crime
       Oh god, I feel that awful lump!
: Now lose your soul, 'cause it is time
       Just jump, just JUMP, just JUMP, just JUMP!
[Exit Reality]

Retreating to the known and dangerous.
Easing into the normalcy of generated lines.
Letting the red tears run in place of the salt water ones.
Allowing myself to enjoy the comfort of pain.
Pain strikes but is welcomed at the gate.
Shutting out the emotions instead.
Eyeing them outside the window, wishing they would wash away.

Showing the mirror what I’ve done.
Under the black cloud of shame and guilt.
Creating a place of daggered walls and floors.
Kicking yourself just to make you learn.
Silently wishing for death to come.

The oar reflects and 

Casts a shadow on the thick red

Swelling lake, 

Thick with time gone and

Nights past. 

Thick with my hands 

Loose and deft; stained now 

With a momentary solution

To a mountain of problems.
Mountains are formed when

Two great stones collide 

And push in against each other

Reaching up and up and 

Up until the clouds are daggered 

And snow falls asleep towards the peak.
My hand makes waves and

In it’s rippling wake 
I feel myself die

I feel myself wince

I feel my bed beneath my feet

Rich with sulfur and stone 

Straightening out my back

It’s good for my back because

I’m always aching from the weight

Of two stones slowly colliding

In my thick stupid skull 

Always full of rippling red lakes.

there is a struggle to be in control.
contained.
to keep him happy.
to indulge myself.
the routine broke. it’s breaking.
consistency is a fleeting temptress with eyes reflecting your most controlling self. i will step out of this realm. transcendence of self and *******.
look within myself and past lovers fights tears kisses strife when you called me this and i you that.
pull out pick apart deconstruct.

- reconstruct-
what you wanted and what really happened.
where we were and who we have become.

you can not watch it through your window.
moody
you can not watch it patiently from your lonely tower.
dive into the mess. consume. burn.
burn it in.
this. this is all you’ve got.
burn in the mess consume and be consumed.

are you exposing yourself to true pain?
stayed faithful what is faithful.
stayed true what is truth.

do not look away.
eyes will get smeared. soft tears and daggered realities.
do not shield your eyes.
do not pretend you did not see it.
do not pretend it did not hurt.

i don’t want you to read my poetry and say ‘aw’.

Throats hoarsen with daggered insults
A plea for control –
A threat of death–
A trust long frayed.

One arm reaches for the other
And uses it as a batting ram
A steady. beat.
Impounding on a vacuumed. chest.

And when hours pass
And scars are painted over
She provides flesh on a porcelain platter–
An apology for mistakes never made
She stares blankly beneath the sheets
And screams.
But hoarse throats make no sound.

mind the spiders, mending you.

mind them in flaming trees—dark
sky, ashes in their voided eyes.

mind them crawling in your skin;
mind their daggered
hearts, their twin eyes.

mind the spiders: let loose your love
in this lost, lithe lethargy.

I didnt think i would expose a poem,
or even,
conjour the courage to knit a cape out of my addiction...
This is me settling my habits with cigarettes to rest.

I ditch the nicotine and tobacco and cigarette paper,
and although the thought of this triumph is enriching,
Right now my spirit is pale, and stale of vigor,
The livliehood of a single puff,
could heal all pain of the moment,
until yet again,
time takes its toll,
Frozen I feel,
stuck and bewildered having my crutches
swept from the vice grips of my hands,
and now,
I am to stand on my own two,
with the will of my own my mind and my own heart.
Gravity is heavier here,
as if landing on planet Jupiter
Alien! Indeed is the feeling I feel, feeling, I fall...

Rugged and ruined under rain,
daggered with bows
and blind groping over braille,
Who knew victory could feel so grave, ill?
so grim and muggy and moody and mundane.
The greatest dynasties fell to dust,
and yet God doesnt even show a face familiar to man,
but is felt with the grace of a feather,
behold a blooming forever,
Clandestine, a boon worthwhile...

I writhe in its black tar,
gasping for air, as my own breath slips from my fingertips.
It seeps beneath my skin
and sinks its daggered claws within.

Darkness surrounds me, as I look one last time to the moon lighting the sky.
Only when I taste the kiss of death
do I seek the comfort of life.
Yet everyday agony takes ahold of me,
so in my last breath I inhale the void.

Peace was always a stranger to me;
my company was of suffering and solitude,
but now I shall lay my weary eyes to rest.
Maybe in another life agony will be a stranger to me,
but I can take her no more.