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CJ M Feb 27
I made a song for you last week
And every time I hear the melody, it reminds me of your voice. So beautiful and high like the sun at dusk, so smooth like the creme color of your skin, so quiet like thieves in the night
I made a song for you.
I just wish that we lived to hear it.
No, neither of us is resting in a coffin, you’re just resting in the arms of someone who deserves you more than I do, I think I’m dead to you now
That’s cool. I’ve been zombified for years living an existence I felt meaningless since I was able to understand what the word meant, but I miss the way you gave me a reason to lift my head.
A reason to show a smile that you were in love with
A reason to use some of my creativity for happiness and not sadness.
I wrote a song for you
And as pen hit paper, I was taken aback to the time our heads collided on the first kiss and how we used to lock arms in the lunch lines like middle-schoolers.
Young spirits with old souls, what kindred black magic kindled the conception of this crush.I’m crazy, I’m crazy, completely ****** trying to find the path back to you.
I made a song for you.
But I’ll never show it to you
So I might as well rip it up and start over again.
CJ M Dec 2018
Why are you here, my dear, sweet former interest?
Once, you were one of whom I wished to gain affection from, one I would have ultimately decided was worthy to love.
Once I could touch your cheeks and press closely to your body to remind you of how beautiful you were. Once I was able to listen to your conversations as raindrops formed over the both of our heads, making mad dashes to distract us with chilled wet bursts of falling adrenaline.
But it was nothing to us.
We would’ve been inseparable, body and soul.
You see, I knew that we were opposites. I knew that our minds would never match and I knew that we weren’t really going to go anywhere.
I knew this, and I kept going.
Why?
Why did I tempt the forevers and cause a tip in the balance of respectability? Had I really thought I was going crazy over you?
From body to mind to *** appeal, I thought you were what I could honestly think about…
I thought when you decided to give to me your body, that you were giving me your heart as well.
In my innocent mind, I figured it was a form of love.
I couldn’t and still can’t understand the grasp of how wrong I was, and just like casserole pans in an oven, when I try to reach for it, it burns me.
I figured we could let it ride like a joyride, I didn’t understand that you targeted me simply because I was a taboo to you, not that I was a good person, but I was just a cute face in this **** world.
One finger to your lips as your other hand slinks up my inner thigh like a snake easing to helpless prey. Do you realize how confused you kept me as my mind fantasized about us talking, sensualizing, bodies making friction as we made a *** that had everything to do with love? Do you realize that I actually fell as opposed to your simple spreading of your legs?
Why did you have to change from what you were? Why disappear only to re-appear as a changed individual who I would willingly resent at any moment? Knocking at my door as I think of never talking to you again, I wish you to forever leave my life now.
So, please, unwrap the hand that has ensnared the key to my heart and give it back to me, for I get it now.
   You’d never use it anyways.
I really need to find better crushes TBH lol this was like 2 years ago, and I still can't get over it. I felt so stupid. Well. Honestly, I guess lessons have to be learned at some point.
CJ M Dec 2018
Is it bad to want? Because I hunger for attention.
I just can’t show it
I want the attention off someone, but my mind reminds me to be distant so that I don’t make a fool of myself/ But I end up spacing her away so much as to not only hide my wishes, but also turn her eyes to another.
Do I feel a jealousy?
No, to be honest, I don’t feel that. But what I do feel is a regret that I can’t be myself around such a free spirit.
I feel as though even if I try, I can’t be the person I am around such a crowd of people.
So I put on my facades.

I’m not rushing for love, just its attention and closeness.
I hunger for an appreciation that I can’t show I’m pining for. Thus is the only dilemma I truly have.
I’m caught in a myth
I came across a basic vault of my poems last night lol So I'll probably be posting some more of these from the ones that I said I wouldn't post.
CJ M Sep 2018
Pieces of my pride shimmer on her skin
Dressing her in my naked words
I love her so much that none can have her
I’m all that she deserves.

Being so greedy has got my mind confused
I never thought I’d hurt a heart or make her feel abused.

Now we sit together with adrenaline in the air.
We are love no more.
We are flooding streets.

Murky waters
Vinegar and salt smile
Sweet intentions with a sour escape
Hearts burst in the palms of the other

Drowning passion
Dagger kisses
Angry love

Water-wrecked minds
Hidden fears
Little communication

Tensions have risen in our tsunami of emotion
I found this on my old E-Drive and decided to post. Don't remember if or why I didn't post it earlier.
CJ M Jul 2018
Maybe you weren't the one to hold my heart, but you sure had a firm grasp on it when you pulled away from me. Guess the warmth of it wasn't enough to heat your frozen soul.

I gotta learn to forget the bad you caused, cuz it always puts my mind in a frenzy. Never loved and lusted at the same time and you showed me that I had never felt any emotion like you could bring. The emotional charge associated with abandonment. *******

I remember how your hands felt the last time they were in mine. They felt comfortable. They felt warm and they fit like the pieces of a puzzle. Why didn't you let them stay there?

Girls like you value the struggle as a means of bringing interest into their personal lives. They adore ghetto mentality and think that hood ****** are the only good men. Girls like you are so ******* backwards. Why am I addicted to girls like you? I hate that I loved you. I hate that I lusted you. I can't believe i wasted my time teaching a girl like you what intimacy was even after you. I guess the teacher could never learn the lesson in this case.
CJ M Jul 2018
Lips are meant to be kissed, but yours were meant to be bitten. I miss nibbling the ebony out of your darkness and lighting up a new fire. We burned so well that i never realized that we were burning out like a dwindling twilight blaze. it was never meant, and the realization is making me sicker and sicker the more I sit in front of this phone and call my common sense to me to only receive your whispers on the voice mail. Im emptier. Emptier than I've ever been because you took the life out of me. ******* thief.
CJ M Jul 2018
Is it worth it to you?
All these tears that wet my lips, are my lips moist enough for you? Warm and juicy like honey apples that stimulate the senses like only flavor knows how.
Was it worth it is all I'm asking.
I'm dizzy, floating, choking on the bitter taste of a pill i cannot swallow. Help me, help me, I can't keep my food down or my attitude positive, or my voice from cracking like the skin on my lips as they dry from a lack of kisses from you.
Everyone in the population is addicted to their phones, I was addicted to you. And it may sound a little unorthodox because I left, but I already miss you. I wish time moved like Microsoft word: ticking with each stroke of the keys you control and allowing for rewrites to reach a perfect conclusion, I miss you. Maybe more than the feeling of comfort that once inhabited my soul or the warm hands that once occupied mine, I was a faithful concubine.
But was i really?
Who would've known that a month could span years? We moved so fast and i couldn't switch gears so I knew we would either crash and see our relationship fears or stomp the breaks and leave in tears. Im stupid, I know. But I don't know how to change that
I wondered was the time we spent together worth it, but maybe I was just living in a short fairy tale. Idk. I jumped to a stupid conclusion and lost someone who I was instantly close to.... Yeah I'm stupid.
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