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Sep 2017 · 547
so violent
i'm not even pretty but my voice reeks of *** and my fingertips leave stains on everyone i touch
they can't forget me
can't live without me
'we're going to have *** eventually' he said, before he could recall the face of his girlfriend or the fist of my boyfriend
Jul 2016 · 484
I love him  I do  just not in a true love sort of way  in a way where I understand I will love other people and he is my first and therefore precious but I’m terrified of one day not loving him because there is so much doubt when you’re 18 and leaving home for the big city with a heart that’s always been treated nicely  and there’s a sort of fear in the way boys tend to step on young girls and laugh over the harsh crunching sound underfoot  like a crisp leaf in the autumn  tender until the cold front  I love him and I’m terrified of never finding someone who will love me the  way  he  has  even despite the flaws and lacks and losses  where can I find a boy so genuine and innocent  who’s never tasted the skin of another girl under his tongue and looks into my eyes with the passion and lust and  overwhelming beauty in which he fastens his cloudy sky coloured irises onto my two oceans
where can I find a heart so willing to wait  with patience  for his to beat in sync with mine
friday 22nd july '16
Jun 2016 · 368
i love you
the words rarely break your lips, unlike those times when we spent weeks composing letters, weaving our souls into words for the other to pore their eyes over, pens bleeding into paper which we'd press to our chests or even to our faces in the hopes of a whiff of a scent of something familiar, when we were oceans apart,
but now we're only separated by minimal layers of clothing and it's when we're lying heart to heart, that dreamy look in your eyes while you stare into mine, the dark freckles on your pale skin clusters of constellations i can't wait to name, and that gorgeous grin of yours so large i feel embarrassed, 'what?' i always laugh and blush and say, and you pull me closer, arms enclosing me so tight i can't breathe, as if i'll leave - i never will - and that's when i know,
that's how you say it:
thursday 30th june '16 ~ 1.11am
Jun 2016 · 411
time doesn't exist
it's not a pretty thing always living in the future, waiting on other moments to come as if now is not worthy enough so it's something precious when you're in a moment and you don't want it to end, there is that very special feeling where each second is an infinity sooner or later about to snap
tuesday 7th june '16 ~ in 5 days i'll be back in my own bed wrapped in my baby's arms
i can see it, a small town on the west coast, not a far drive out of perth, and a tiny little house that’s plenty enough room for the two of us . a wide open verandah and the big windows always open , the salt smell of the ocean drifting on the breeze and all the floral scents of the garden - which is messy but well loved; tall sunflowers ***** between patches of strawberries, endless carrot stalks, iceberg lettuce in the winter, little bushes of tommy toe tomatoes and thyme all year round, an accidental pumpkin patch thriving from a few random seeds left in the compost. a bed like the one we first made love in, memories of that pretty white queen mattress, but it didn’t stay stainless for long -  modest jobs for the both of us, i’d happily spend my days waiting tables by the beach and making coffee for the locals , eclectic and friendly aussies - that spirit can’t be found overseas, that accent will always sound like home - and then to come home to that cosy little bungalow by the beach and cook new foods every night, mostly a disaster but always fun, a mix of all the vegetables from the garden , whatever is in season and we can eat it outside while the sun sets on the day and you compare my eyes to the water of the coast while yours are more like the sky on a cloudy day and i remember how you always said our kids would have ‘the ocean in their eyes’  and  our hunger left unfulfilled after dinner we’ll make a meal out of each other  let’s make love all night  every night  until one day nine months later we may find ourselves blessed with a third pair of eyes to observe the blissful life we’ve created for ourselves in this town  far away from everything we’ve known just comfortable and safe and happy with something physical now to hold us together for a year and 18 more and the rest of forever
monday 30th may '16 ~ i can't believe i've found a boy who's not afraid of the future, someone who can read this and not run away forever (you want to do that with me)
May 2016 · 809
mitsuya cider
there's something in these long rainy afternoons, laying naked beneath the sheets alone with wandering hands   in an empty house that echoes with my moans and i love the excitement of leaving the windows open so my neighbours can hear that i'm not entirely joyless without you
i'm so lonely i would **** myself on the porch just for a little bit of attention , like a glance off the street from a stranger could ever equal the look of intensity in your eyes as you ****** between my thighs
my fingers taste how i remembered yours each night, a taste of skin and sweat and *** , i miss the way you felt on my tongue how you made me feel powerful and good as every drop rolled wet down my throat

those sour japanese lollies you mailed to me tore my mouth up with ulcers, but still they could never treat me as roughly as you
thursday 19th may '16 ~
May 2016 · 461
dear hello poetry users
how much is it okay to sacrifice to be with the one you love?
wednesday 18th may '16 ~ so much has happened to me today and i'm thinking about the future and i don't know what will make me happier: the life i've always dreamt of, or a life with him
Apr 2016 · 380
i am
'i hope she's as crazy about you as you are about her'
saturday 9th april '16 ~ trust me
Apr 2016 · 2.8k
i wrote about last night's dream on a torn page from my notebook in the middle of spanish class, then you called me for 3 hours and i read it aloud for you, it was hilarious the crude rushed way i'd written about taking you in my hands and kissing your body parts, putting them in my mouth, how can i make it sound pretty, a ******* is always a *******
and your friend accidentally saw the ***** things i'd said to you in italian in the history of your google translate and
you and i we laughed about that for hours
saturday 9th april '16  ~ i've never loved anyone as much as you
Mar 2016 · 352
sometimes i think it's all in my head and we were never actually in love at all. i hate myself because i'm even crazier than that girl you kissed (kelsie, i never said her name out loud) when you were drunk and missing me. and you saw all the warnings, you used to call me a pyscho then say 'i love you' when you should have been turning your ******* back on me. i'm not a game to get your adrenaline going, trust me it'll be no fun waking up beside a dead girl
friday 4th march '16
Dec 2015 · 1.1k
synonyms for you (part 2)
the sky over london
fingertips in a dark theatre
vintage clothing
november 19 - 22
a starbucks double-shot macchiato
the taste of toothpaste
the sadness of missing the 7.30am snow
an empty hotel corridor
secret ***
a reflection (in a camera lens, the windows of the metro, the mirror opposite your bed)
old style rap
a hand to hold in an ice-skating rink
a sad boy
the only ******* thing i can think of
saturday 12th december '15 ~ i didn't care for any of these until you, and now i'm trying so hard not to
Dec 2015 · 734
why am i taking song suggestions from a boy who doesn't play any instruments and thinks my favourite music sounds 'cheap'
tuesday 8th december '15 ~ you're no good at conversations, no wonder all i want to do is kiss you
Dec 2015 · 512
i can't find prettiness in his face anymore,
my phone storage is full so i deleted your saved selfies from my camera roll. i wish that one photo of us had never been taken at that party, where our heads rest on each other and i'm smiling like an idiot because everything was so simple with you
i hate you for trusting me. you're a ******* fool if you think people change, i haven't, i won't. 'i trust you not to touch,' you said when i told you about an ex-lover of mine i wanted to see. i don't even trust myself, what is wrong with you
there's nothing comforting in the sound of your voice, don't trust myself on the phone with you (i can't tell you what i did, i need you to learn to hate me without ever finding out). every murmur of 'i love you', the lyrics to my favourite song, after being on repeat for 4 months i need to burn that cd, get the sound out of my ******* head. i'm sick of it, sick of him, utterly sickened by myself. look at me - writing about 'him' and 'you', both the same person but i can't ******* tell anymore. you're not mine anymore
i lost more at that airport than just my make-up and shampoo
thursday 3rd december '15 ~ i think i hate you so much because you still love me
Dec 2015 · 551
i had a dream where a girl ate me out and then we smoked **** - or maybe it was the other way around - and it was almost good enough to convince myself to catch a train to see a boy living 3 hours away so we could finish what we started
tuesday 1st december '15 ~ 'i was too tired to **** anyway,' he ******* said ~ it's december, don't you think it's time to tie up the loose ends?
Nov 2015 · 320
london 2015
i’m so ******* sad because a boy kissed me in his bed in a london hotel room, late last sunday morning, and i couldn’t say no because there was something delicious in the way he’d bite my lips and filled my mouth with the taste of toothpaste - i walked in on him while he was still in the bathroom. there’s no embarrassment in the way i banged my head against the wall in an effort to madly kiss him, it’s been a while since i had a boy’s tongue playing with my own and he undressed me even though i told him not to, because it’s so easy for a seventeen year old to work his way around my clothes, touching me in places i don’t normally let see the glaring light of day. ‘kiss me more’ he said, every time i stopped to think about my boyfriend patiently waiting for me back home.
sunday 29th november '15 ~ a week later and i'm still thinking of ******* the wrong boy (velvet skies - sticky fingers) ~ my parents want me to write all about my trip but this is the only part i remember clearly
Nov 2015 · 887
(hypocritical, i am)
my best friend is ******* boys she’s never met before because i abandoned her to find myself in a country where i know nothing about anything
sunday ~ i haven't posted in forever. i'm still writing though, god i have more to write about than ever before
your mother hates me because i am the reason you fall asleep whispering ‘i love you’ into the dark at 2am when you have school in a few hours, all because i bought a plane ticket for milan but didn’t tell you until a week before lift-off. ‘i need to see you one last time,’ you said and what were we thinking sharing our first kiss when we knew we didn’t want it to be our last, it can’t be our last. you could fly to me instead of buying a car, but they were always your first love, so which would you rather ride? me or your baby?
sunday 22nd november '15 ~ i wrote this back when you were all i wanted
Jul 2015 · 886
a week before my birthday i told you i was turning sixteen and i invited you to my party that saturday night but here we are a month later and i asked you 'why didn't you say happy birthday to me' and you were distraught and genuine when you asked 'what when was it?', the answer you should have known, you used to know because we found out this fact about each other at 5am last october, the answer 'the 14th of june' and your lame 'i didn't know!' and the coincidence is the clock just ticked 12am and now it's the 14th of july and you're apologising over and over for not making the worst birthday ever any better.
tuesday 14th july '15 ~ you messaged me out of the blue: 'this is a pleasant surprise' i said. 'i like to surprise you,' you said. 'i know,' i said, 'you're good at it.'
Jul 2015 · 416
your collar bones make me want to shove you onto a bed and sit on top of you and lay kisses on every inch of your body, and your skin, pale and glowing and unlike every other italian boy i've ever seen, you're different to them
and it's not because you think i am deserving of love and not just ***, and you think i'm beautiful and not just ****
it's the way you look into my eyes and wait for my smile because you think it's the most perfect thing in the world, and how you can't help but touch me every time i bite my lip because i'm so '****** ****' and you want my body but before that you made sure you wanted my heart
friday 3rd july '15 ~  i don't know how i was ever lucky enough to meet someone like you
Jun 2015 · 305
when he speaks to me all i wish is that the words were coming from your mouth.
monday 22nd june '15 ~ everything he says is right; he's just the wrong person
May 2015 · 647
10 things i hate about you
i hate that we've been together so long without being able to call you my boyfriend
i hate how you never smile in photos, and the way you wear blue shirts that bring out the colour of your eyes
i hate the fact you think i'm beautiful when you've never really seen me
i hate how you call me at 3am and insist you're not drunk, and pretend it was an accident when you call me sober
i hate that you don't ask how my day was or what my favourite season is or if i like your hair like that
i hate when we don't talk for weeks and suddenly you miss me
i hate how you forget the name of my favourite song but remember the day we met
i hate that you promised your grandma you wouldn't smoke anymore but brag about your drugs to me
i hate how much i hate you, but that i have to, because the dumb truth is i love you, and
i hate how after all this time you still don't love me
monday 25th may '15 - my first poem in months, i guess you inspired me. i studied this film in school and here's my list for you. if you ever read this would you change?
Jan 2015 · 686
the 1975
i’m seeing the 1975 tonight without you and i am thinking of all the times we talked about this, how i’d buy you a concert ticket if you bought a plane ticket and you said ‘you don’t understand how perfect that would be’ but i do i ******* do and now i have to trust myself not to get lost in the cheering crowd of the mosh pit without your arms there to pull me to safety.
sunday 11th january '15 ~ you sent me a snapchat this morning and i don't know if it was a mistake or not
Dec 2014 · 512
i have a a cd of my favourite songs ('thinking of you' the very first on the album) wrapped in christmas paper, a present i never ended up mailing. a burned dvd of my dance concert (do you have any videos of you? you had asked) buried beneath a pile of books in my bedroom, patiently waiting to be given to you. there's a succulent on my windowsill, basking in the sunlight, facing towards the road, seeking your presence, your nurturing touch (you will never hold it's soil between your fingertips). i wrote a letter a month ago and never addressed it.
a plane ticket lies in my waste basket, ripped in a thousand pieces (much like my heart) in a moment of bitter rage. you don't know that, though. i bet you're waiting in england, kicking yourself for giving me such a hopeful present when i never gave you a thing (i never got the chance to).
monday 29th december '14 ~ would it be wrong to give your presents to my new boyfriend?
Dec 2014 · 386
how can i write about love when you admitted you loved me but were never in love with me?
monday 29th december '14 ~ we never even knew the meaning of the word
Dec 2014 · 457
i can't stop thinking about you and how warm your back was from the sun when i put my hands on your shoulder blades and i walked into my kitchen earlier and i smelt you which was strange because you've never been in my house and also because i can't believe how close my lips came to your neck today and i can't stop thinking about you.
monday 22nd december '14 ~  'the first date man, i didn't kiss her and i should have'
Dec 2014 · 1.1k
how to impress me
stay on the phone until i fall asleep to the sound of your voice
message me at 2am saying you miss me and can't sleep
bundle me in your arms to keep me warm and when that isn't enough,
hold me in your sweater and coat too
buy me cigarettes even though you hate the fact that i smoke
let me fall asleep in your lap
call me when we're both busy to say 'this reminded me of you'
take me on a date to a 24/7 mcdonald's when the place is empty at 3am
don't let go even when my hands are sweaty
keep your ******* promises
monday 22nd december '14 ~ i want to show you this list so you know just what you're getting into
Dec 2014 · 2.7k
breast bone
i remember lying down with you on top of me and you pressed your palm in the space between my *******, pushing your weight on my breast bone, and i breathed deep and told you ‘don’t do that’ because you were too close to my heart.
sunday 21st december '14 ~ four boys have asked me out since you and i dreamed about another boy last night yet i am still struggling to come to terms with you
Dec 2014 · 615
phone calls (part II)
'can you hear me?'
'yeah, can you hear me?'
'oh my god, stop flirting with me!'
-more giggling-
'are you there?'
sunday 7th december '14 ~ 'i was so nervous. i'm sorry,' is what you said after. i didn't mind at all, you didn't either; you agreed we're so ******* cute.
Dec 2014 · 399
phone calls (part I)
our voices cross oceans and continents; each sigh and breath dancing all the way from your bedroom to mine. i press the phone closer to my ear, close my eyes and listen, like maybe it can help me picture you there, within touching distance, a smile drawn across your face, eyelids droopy with sleep, fingers tracing the lines of my body.
after each sentence i pause, listen to your breathing and make sure you're still there, hung on my every word, like i am yours.
hours of this. you, shy and quiet, laughing gently and beautifully. me, carrying conversation, telling you stories and weaving lines of poetry into your day, crossing time zones, while i should be asleep.
after minutes and minutes of both of us saying goodbye but neither of us hanging up, i love you is what i softly whisper. you don't hear me and i don't mind, because you murmur it to me without thinking, quiet too, almost like it was never there, like i imagined it all.
of course you hang up first, of course i lie there for hours after, with the phone still pressed tightly to my ear, trying to burn the entire conversation into my brain to replay over and over when you are the one asleep, while i am still awake.
sunday 7th december '14 ~ i feel like we could lie there for hours like this
Dec 2014 · 734
you are so ******* attractive and it annoys the hell out of me.
friday 5th december '14 ~ self explanatory
you don't understand.
the thought of your eyes on me is what keeps me up at night.
i want you to ask me on a date to mcdonald's.
it's okay, i know you don't really love me.
i'm terrified you'll leave when you realise how awful i am.
everything i've told you has been truth.
can i kiss you in the back row of the cinema?
nine months is a long time.
you only love me because you have to.
even though i ask, i don't want to hear you talk about her.
one day you'll see i'm not as perfect as you thought.
i know you will keep absolutely none of your promises.
i love you more than you can ever realise and that makes me so sad.
perhaps you are the reason i am still alive.
thursday 4th december '14 ~ most of these are for you, but not all
Dec 2014 · 408
i can't write about you anymore. when i hear your name i don't feel anything; don't imagine your lips on all the bruises of my skin; don't find myself replaying the recordings of your voice in my mind; don't shudder as my heart alights and my fingers tap the rhythm of your pulse and my veins remember the way you felt inside of them. i don't write about you anymore. i can't feel anything.
tuesday 2nd december '14 ~ it's been a while, i know ~ these days i am numb to you
Nov 2014 · 358
a list of lies
you are beautiful
okay, deal
i just love talking to you
at least i was joking
you’re the most amazing person i’ve ever met
i ******* love you, okay
the film is great
you could be a model
ti amo
i don’t know, it’s seven a.m. and i’m tired
you’re perfect for me, too
i’m not ******* lying!
of course i will
i will wait for you because i love you
sorry for everything
meant to post this thursday 20th november '14 ~ i'm crying about you again ******* ~ you're back again and we've already settled into our old bad habits
Nov 2014 · 3.3k
i fall asleep in the a.m. hours with my necklace holding my veins together, tight enough to remind me of your fingers interlocking in the very same place.
sunday 23rd november '14 ~ i'm trying not to get too attached
Nov 2014 · 3.9k
god, i forgot how much i loved you until i was with you again. until i felt your fingers drawing me closer to you, your breath on my lips, hot on my pale ghost skin, your voice whispering words in the language you made just for us to understand. there are galaxies hidden in the space behind your ribs, i can feel them with each inhale you exhale, taste them in the back of your throat. your thumb traces circles across my hand, like rings around saturn, and you know i revolve around you like that too. you are planet earth and i am the moon, you are beautiful and i will only ever shine for you.
sunday 23rd november '14 ~ i love you i love you i love you ~ 12.27am ~ 'there she goes' by the la's
Nov 2014 · 2.8k
i sit here in tomorrow,
as you lay there in yesterday.
sunday 16th november '14 ~ credit: the creep that loved you ~ i find pieces of you in the breaths and whispers of daily life
Nov 2014 · 428
i want: my lips on your collar bones, my fingers digging into your shoulder blades, to breathe in the sweet scent of your neck, my legs around your waist, your body steady while mine is not.
i want: my shirt off, your fingers working the clasp of my bra, thumbs caressing, your tongue working magic in places untouched, to see you smiling, smiling because it is lovely and you love it and i love it and we’ve been waiting and wanting for so long.
you want: things i don’t know about. things i can’t give.
you want: a girl, any girl, just a girl.
i want: you.
saturday 15th november '14 ~ did you ever want me?
Nov 2014 · 1.9k
i took a polaroid photo to give to you but it came out blank and i feel like that’s us; a shot taken and still nothing.
friday 14th november '14 ~ we'll never know how beautiful the photo could have been ~ i miss you and writing gives me an excuse to think about you
Nov 2014 · 635
i keep my window open at night to feel the breeze blow my hair across the pillow and tilt my head back to look at the stars. it always starts me crying because the night sky is so big and beautiful and because somewhere across the world your time catches up with mine while i am sleeping and because you may be looking at the same patch of stars as i am and that is crazy beautiful. i wonder if you look at them and think of me or if you can't even see them in your suburban block and you don't care anyway because you're too busy looking at the sparkle in her eyes to notice those distant specks of light.
thursday 13th november '14 ~ i feel closer to the stars than you
Nov 2014 · 357
the problem is i ******* hate you. i ******* hate you so much because i ******* love you so much, and i don’t want to. you’re just some stupid boy with a gorgeous face and a lovely voice who knows how to make me smile. and i wish that was enough. but it’s not. it never has been.
wednesday 12th november '14 ~ this is not enough
Nov 2014 · 6.0k
i want you to tell me i’m beautiful, every day until i believe it. the truth is i was never beautiful, not until you said it, until you lied about it. i felt something when you said those words, something i’ve never been before. i’m different after you and i don’t know how to go back to being who i was.
monday 10th november '14 ~ out of the two of us you are the ******* beautiful one
Nov 2014 · 3.1k
synonyms (for you)
my first
a lion inside a boy
a full moon (i thought you gave off light; you only reflected mine)
a breathless english winter, pale and icy
an explorer of collar bones and thighs and shoulder blades
my love, my life
the loveliest flower, or perhaps an entire garden
a time traveller (you showed me the world at 5.30am)
a stupid teenage boy
july 28th to november 4th
a semicolon - a story to be continued;
sunday 9th november '14 ~ i need to stop loving you for a little while so i can begin to love myself
Oct 2014 · 1.1k
with his breath on my neck, his brown italian eyes exploring my body, he whispered, "i want to educate you, physically and mentally," and i shivered, a whole body shudder, longing and lusting, wanting him to take me by the hand and show me the way.
monday 27th october '14 ~ am i really just 15, awks
Oct 2014 · 1.7k
ed sheeran, especially give me love, our ******* wedding song
black and white photos
england, you wanted to show me everywhere
the fault in our stars
italian, why did you even feel the need to say ti amo
*****, you were drunk when you said it the second time
scars on people's wrists, don't be silly, you said it was an accident
collar bones
dreams, the good ones were mine, the bad ones were yours
voice recordings
11.11 wishes, the ones you promised you'd help make come true
the word ****
succulents, like on your windowsill
bastille and cars, you would always sing along in the passenger seat
airport and train station reunions
all those songs i played just for you on my guitar
my sister's birthday, why did you have to choose that date
you're perfect for me, you swore you weren't a liar
the anne frank house, where you were ******* texting me from
february 26th
melbourne's federation square
your name was in a movie and i started to cry
thursday 23rd october '14 ~ idk i can't even rn ~ just a pathetic list i will keep adding to
Oct 2014 · 569
i love you
the night he told me he loved me, he held me in his arms and said, "are you crying?" as he surrounded my shaky body, and i told him, "no, i just really do ******* love you, too."
wednesday 15th october '14 ~ there's nothing to add to this except ~ it's 12.05am 15th october holy **** it's my sister's birthday i completely forgot
Oct 2014 · 1.3k
i emptied myself of tears, ran my veins dry of blood, and etched mindless scribbles into my head in an ink so dark that your face disappeared. i reached out to touch you in the black but you were never in reach, separated by borders both invisible and tangible. wanting your lips on mine, i murmured, stay with me, and wondered why you wouldn't.
only after did i notice the horror on your face; the bruises in the shapes of my palms on your chest, the shadow of my fingers lacing a cage over your heart; the words i'd carved into my own skin, an endless taunt begging you to go away, but it wasn't you who i wanted to leave, it was the monster inside of me.
saturday 4th october '14 ~ she said i was the devil reincarnated but you always thought i was an angel
Sep 2014 · 1.1k
backyard bliss
in your backyard, a summer evening, daylight dropping low behind clouds and trees on the horizon, and light from the kitchen window illuminating a slanted square of freshly cut lawn. you and i, we drew as far back from your house with your parents and the rest of the world as we could, hidden in the far corners where we couldn’t be seen, leaning against the fence and smoking cigarettes amongst your mum’s rosebushes. this is where we liked it. this is where we filled fancy glasses and sipped stolen champagne - or you sipped and i quietly poured most of it into the garden, wondering how much wine it would take before it started killing the plants - and contemplated what we’d do with the rest of our days.
i had some ideas, and they all included you.
wednesday 24th september '14 ~ i'm laughing at how bad the title of this is, i am so awful at titles like seriously
Sep 2014 · 1.9k
won’t you keep my photograph in the pocket of your ripped jeans, tucked in tight and close so you can always hold me?
monday 22nd september '14 ~ had the best weekend with my home girl ~ inspired by ed sheeran 'photograph' ~ currently listening to pink floyd
Sep 2014 · 642
we made a resolution with our heads bent close together in the fading dusk and danger zone of parked cars on a highway. a pact and a promise we'd keep. we put our pinkies together as a shake that meant yes, always. always. silly and stupid is who we were, leaning past the steering wheel and the straps of our seat belts to find that spot in my neck.
monday 22nd september '14 ~ wrote a while back to matt corby's 'resolution' ~ clearly fate caused us to bump into the gorgeous martyn in the lolly aisle at coles
Sep 2014 · 474
for a friend
there will be days when it’s only eight o’ clock but you’ve had enough and you can’t eat, you can’t talk, you can’t concentrate enough to do homework or read or sing or watch a movie or even move. you’ll be sitting on your bedroom floor staring at the wall making lists in your head of how fat and ugly and stupid and worthless and pathetic you are, how you’ll never amount to anything. your mind will play back and forth between all the bad memories, the sad times, when you felt the lowest you could possibly feel. you’ll hate yourself so much you want to die. you’ll be there for hours.
there will be nights like this, and on one of them your dad will walk in and see you sad and bring his guitar and sit on your bed and serenade you for hours until you fall asleep on the ground. you will be bored and angry and want him to leave, want to cry, but you’ll wipe away the tears when you realise he loves you. he ******* loves you and even though he’s never told you that before, he does, you can see it in his actions. because if sitting with someone when they are sad isn’t love, then what is?
there will be a night with a storm so fierce you think to yourself that finally the earth is as loud and angry as you are. walk outside in that storm. let the rain wash over you and let your hair and clothes get soaking wet and look up at that sky, watch as the lightning scatters across the darkness, turning everything white and light as day. you’ll be so overwhelmed because there is more. so much more than all the badness. everything, the world, life, is so much bigger than you. there is a whole world, towns, cities, states and countries waiting for you. places you’ve never dreamed of, incomprehensible experiences and happiness. listen to the thunder screaming, and you’ll realise it is not angry, just as you are not angry. it is just noise. all that hate and bitterness, the darkness inside of you, it is not rage, it is just so loud. scream with the storm, i dare you. just like nature, you can’t hold it forever. a release of all that negative energy is one of the most beautiful things in the world. like that storm, you can be fierce and incredible too.
there will be days where you are so **** tired and have had enough of all the back-and-forth ******* from people that say they’re your friends. someone will hit you, someone will push you around, someone will call you a name, someone will joke with you but it won’t seem like a joke. everything will be so bad, and then something will happen, you’ll look at the colours of the sky, feel the wind on your skin, a stranger will smile at you, you’ll ace a test you didn’t study for, the person you like will send you a lovely message you, your favourite song will be on the radio, someone will make a daisy chain for you and say you look ‘pretty’ but you’ll feel beautiful. there are days like this. you have to wait for them. they will come. i promise you.
the thing you have to understand is this is only a moment in your life. a day, a week, a month, a year that *****. there is more to this. there is ******* more to your existence then the sadness and pain. you’ll open the window even if it’s two freaking degrees outside and the cold air will hit you in the face and you’ll look out into the dark night and feel something. something good for once. something that might be hope.
i know, because i’ve been there. i’ve been there, and i survived.
sunday 14th september '14  ~ something i wrote for a friend
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