I place your bones upon my altar,
an offering to the gods.

Stitched and splayed, to your rotting corpse
my devotion shall remain.
An eternal emblem of my love for you,
I make you a relic, for the life that my fallen heart once knew
and let the glycerin seep through.

Breathless, your being lies before me.
Though my tears imbue,
the life has been drained from you.
Yet in your corpse I find a bittersweet comfort.
Like a moth to a flame,
whose greatest tragedy was the reaper who fell in love with life herself.

He says he is the shallow waters,
but I can see that he is the sea.

He says he only sees the dark
but I can see the light that fills his heart.

He says he is nothing more than a reflection
but all I see is him in me.

He says he is but a momenttopassmytime
but I wish he could see
how I long
to reach with him
for
e
t
e
r
n
i
t
y....

He says all he is is b  r   o k    e       n
but I wish he could see how he makes me
whole.


I wish he could see
that he is the sea.

She speaks to me when I cut my skin

She speaks to me from far within


Before the blade slits my wrists,

she  reminds me what if .

What if one day..........

one day you could be the light

of others life
but more importantly your own.

What if one day you wanted not to take your own life
but ro five to others .

What if one day you could see soul d connecint before you
rather than the heatless saved you have before.

What if one day you found beauty
not from the blood running from your leg
but from the jalediscpe of humanity itself

What if one daub I was you
and she was her
and

y



o






u




we

    re


               free,,,,,,,,,,

Be my art, and I'll paint you on my heart.

Does my presence torment your mind? Or does my face etch itself upon your fingers at night ?

Doomed to see but never to touch. Doomed to be a prisoner of memory and fear.

Curses and bloodbaths have summoned you near. Do you feel the weight of my spirit whenever she is near ?

Fated to futility, your mind torments its own being. A mind that longs but never fully seeing.

Endless rivers have I cried for you; now it’s your turn to kneel at my pew.

Tempted to touch, take a bite. Or forever be haunted by my memory into the dusk of an eternal night.

We are all whole, just with holes.

Knives upon my skin;
the only way to quell my sins.

A noose above my head,
whispers temptations of the dead.

The air I breathe is tainted by a soul without a home.  

It is not pain that I wish to escape,
but the black hole that is myself.

For what is a life,
when you are a slave to yourself?
So I let my soul slowly fade away,
as I look to the void in which I long to remain.

I watch the stars dance through the sky
as my youth passes me by.

Alone I cry
with the weight that one day we all shall die.  

I look to the sky
and in a glimpse see the faint lines of a waning moon.
Painted with droplets of silver,
the night sky shimmers.

My hands feel the dirt that surround me on all sides,
breathing in the musk of the blackened night,
my eyes shed a tear.

A bat flies before me, alone in the night.
I watch as he becomes one with the darkness.
He flies to the moon and transforms into stardust.

Only then I see,
there is no separation from the stars and me.

What if I was the girl,
the girl who walks through life with ease.

What if I was the girl whose perfectly blonded hair
flew behind her,
just as her worries.

What if I was the girl whose stomach didn't budge
no matter how badly she wanted it.

What if I was the girl
whose skin was kissed so gently by the sun
that she couldn't dare being a blade to it.

What if I was the girl,
who people told that they love her.

What if I was the girl
who wore scrunchies up her wrist
not to hide the marks of a blade
but simply to push her hair out of her face.

What if I was the girl
who could stand to see
myself , bare, in the mirror.

What if I was the girl that people
not only wanted to love
but couldn't help but love.

What if I was the girl whose happiness came from
living her life,
not ending it.


But

I am not that girl.

So

I will be this girl.

So I will be this girl,
the girl who knows that her light will dim her darkness,
like the sun painting a blackened sky.

So I will be the girl
who knows that those men can't hurt me anymore.

So I will be this girl,
the girl who chooses to smile even though she has every reason to not.

So I will be this girl,
the girl who chooses not to run from her past
but to walk away from it .

So I will be this girl,
the girl who knows that her demons are merely written on her skin,
not a force to which she will give in.

So I will be this girl.

Who are Yo u?
Are you the serenity encompassing me?
Or this fleeting feeling drowning me
In my own depths?

Are Yo u these thoughts that
Imprison me,
The Intoxicating Sedative
Or
The paralyzing ecstasy?

Who are Yo u?
Are Yo u the figure lying before me
Or
the being who i dream You to be?

Why do Y o u ebb endlessly thought my
mind
Filling my void
And yet still growing it.
Do Y ou have no mercy?

Who are Yo u?
I know more of Yo u than you yourself know,
yet
you
are unknown to me.

Eyes widened,
Lips closed,
Body numbed.

Gaze hazed,
Voice destroyed,
Arms opened.

She screams, she shouts, she cries, she opens herself


to me.

Vision blurring,
Mouth gasping,
Body aching.


She whispers secrets no soul has heard, she opens her wounds unto my skin.


Sight blinded,
Words lacking,
Being empty.

Life drained from this empty vessel.

With the wrong person,
Nothing will ever be enough.
With the right person,
Nothing will be more than enough.

You do not set my soul on fire.
You do not consume me as the sea.
You do not make my heart bleed with desire.
You are not a storm that sweeps me away.
You are no hurricane.


You are a steady burning coal that keeps me warm when the world is cold.
You are gentle waters that wash away my fears.
You are the tender breeze that fills my lungs with life.
You are the soft rains that quench my soul when life has left me dry.

You are not fire and fury;
You are everything I need.