There was a thunderstorm
In London the night the coroner called.

I flew to California to make sense of it all.

You were afraid of the high dive just the year before.

Last night spread your wings,  stepped off the ledge to soar.

You played with rocks as a child and prayed to them as an adult.

The ring you wore for protection,  Sorry it didn’t work.

But you will be forever young the way you did predict

And I’ll be haunted by the imagery of how you left

I will spread the dust of you in the places where you found some peace.

The hardest will be our elephant shaped tree. Where we played in the creek.

You believed what the demons told you. But I know the truth.
You were loved and my heart is broken. I will grow old without you

This is strange but I think you are my sister

I don’t want a anything from you except maybe if you’d like to chat sometime

Hi, I’ve always wondered about you too.

If I had meant that much to you
You’d have made a way to see it through
A plan to try and keep me yours
But that subject… still a little sore
So, I’ll venture out and close that door
Because I was living long before
And now I’m free to live some more
                      Just without you

You love me
But you go to her

You need me
But not that much

Can’t take anymore
But I can’t leave

What the hell am I here again for?

Tomorrow I’ll start my diet again.
I say disgustedly to a friend.
No point today, I already wobbled.
The chocolates were asking to be gobbled.
What’s one more day of aching knees?
Hey hon, could you pass the cheese?
Why do they make these clothes so small?
No room to move in this dressing stall!
I’m too tired now to exercise - plus
It worsens the chaffing of my thighs.
Yes, please! To extra whipping cream.
We can add panels and take out the seams.
I deserve a splurge and to treat myself!!
One more nibble for my mental health?
Is it just me, or does my belly look round?
Stripes should face up not lying down .
These jeans must have shrunk in the dryer?
Tilt the camera angel down. Hold it higher!
Airplane seats keep getting smaller.
Why wasn’t I born just a little bit  taller?
Hey babe, would you grab  me a beer?
I’ll start my diet again in the New Year.
There won’t be any excuses then.

What are you doing on Christmas Day?

Oh, having a quiet one at home. My family lives too far away and it’s nice to be alone.

Oh not me, I love a fuss! The more the merrier, I say. It’s really a must to be surrounded by love on a happy Christmas Day.

Suppose you could see, if you’d grown up like me, you’d better understand. My family gatherings were more like a slathering of trauma and animosity.

Maybe one day it won’t be this way, I look forward to some change. I’m hopeful to break the generational hate that’s been deadlocked age after age.

But until then, I can only depend on the peaceful tradition I’ve made. Eating mince pies by the flickering light of my mobile phone screen.

Sit bones ache on the dampened ground
A nest in the thicket where I’m sat down
Untended grass blocks my silhouette
Spring whispers freshly across my dress.
Sun raising blush to speckled skin
Imagining the heat of your breath again
Magpies scouring for succulent feast  
Reasons and trials threaten our peace   
The valleys and hills
The joys and the thrills
I’ll go back tomorrow to be with you
If only in a daydream

His potential love
Hurt
Because of the lifetime she spent
Creating an imagined story
That won’t ever be in flesh
First the death of a dream
And then the goodbye itself
Now time to reflect
And learn
Perhaps

You wanted me to stay
I ran.  I pushed away.
(That’s how you’ll remember.)
To shift the blame
And ease the pain
That’s all you’re gonna say?  

I chose me
but you chose you.
The us of us no longer grew.
Threw years away
waiting for you.
(That’s how I’ll remember.)

You were afraid.
I held on too tight.
And knew too late.
How short my sight!
I am not your person.  

3 am! A restless groan,
Lays brick by brick
Surrounds heart of stone
I think I choose to be alone.
I’ll never love again…
Not ever.

Not part of your heart,
I’m not your muse.
Just things you said.
Just words you used.

And years from now
Dreams not well played out
No one will remember.

I heard you went to Harvard
So you must be pretty smart-

The book-kind of smart anyway.

I can tell you that I never saw it coming—

That post-it-note break-up
placed on our bed
for me to find
after years of looking after you.

I’m not bitter though.
Actually wanted to thank you-

For sparing me the endless stream of dull conversations I’m certain you still have about books you’ve read and of theoretical science.


Because of you, I got to write my own new adventure to faraway lands, dirt in my hands and camel bells made out of tortoise shells clanging in the desert.

So thank you for being smart enough to set me free with your post-it note.

I waited for you at midnight
to wish you a Happy New Year.
The minute passed.
Reality struck.
Your lips occupied another.
Time.
The great reminder  
not to waste another year.
Waiting.

Warm  hand reaching mine.
Yours strong, mine slight.
Tight grip
fades any threat.
Melts away all regret.
My strength can finally rest.
You have me.
False sense of security.
We know not what tomorrow brings,  
but in this moment there is peace.

I pout
I shout
I mull around
Looks with daggers
Silent anger
Seething sighs
Rolling eyes
But I’d probably die without you.

All the little ponies
Are standing on the hill
Gaze out across the valley
Wild mustang regal and wear
Asks smallest pony to himself
Why magestic am I nere?
No wings to glide along the clouds
Refused legs lean and long?
Nor was I gifted and bestowed
sprouted horn upon my crown

Then jumps nearby a frog to he
and startles neigh a-fright
Upon which he did rear and stomp
Squashing frog among the leaves
And pony never asked again
For perspective gained release.

I picked up the rock like you asked me to
Put in my pocket to remind me of you
If I could load up these pockets with rocks and feel
Your fingertips, parted lips, our chastity unsealed
Then I’d wander around town with pebbles falling down
From torn pockets leaving clues
The crumbs left there no bird can declare
A permanent path, a map from me to you
When the last pebble drops to the ground
I’ll clear the land and set myself down
And I’ll wait in that spot till I see
Your face alight at our first sight
Our bodies embrace finally.

When I admitted to myself that I didn’t want you anymore

It was already too late

I’m usually the last to know

This is the end

So then,  we will never know

Was it worth fighting for?

Where were you when I needed you most?
At work I suppose .
They say I never asked for you though.

Where were you when I took my first steps?
Out on a date perhaps. Reclaiming your wasted youth.
But steps turned to running eventually.

Where were you when I caught the wild rabbit?
Polishing the untouched house likely.
But in truth the joy of the moment would have been lost on you.

Where were you when Gram got sick?
Hating yourself and purging to have control of something.
But couldn’t see my confusion.

Where were you when my real mother died?
Protecting me from truth because it was too much for a child.
Or too much for you?

Where were you when I found my stride?
Claiming the praises for my progress.
And I just paste on a smile.

Where will I be when your body becomes frail?
The story unfolding, too early to tell.
I pray I am strong and I’ll handle it well.