paint on paint...
dark melanin the skin

deeper the cave....
lowers

Boers
caskets they bury the truth

be careful
of those you eat with....

forbidden....
don't taste the fruit....

they say....
knowledge is pain....

they locked us in  cage

media paint me insane

for sharing the good news
like Jesus

they nail me....
Judas my friend...

look they cross me

Caves secrets...
read!!!

the Scripture please....
my verse teach's....

listen... listen...
fill the missing....


like its comprehension

before their History....
version....

we are the one...
who android it

Either

Opt...2 roads i have a choice...
Option...

Can i raise my voice....
My conciouness...
Talking...

Should i trust him cause am him...

Either...
That's another route....
With different signs...
I need yahh...

As i lose myself.....
In the mist darkness....
Can you hear my words...

These words teach yah....
Cause they are the world..
Scripture...

I ain't a preacher...
But am the last prophet...
I have been here.


Wither

My soul...dry...
Drought change season position...
Like pieces of a draft....

I doubt...the pen in my veins...
It carries alot of secrets pains...
Its the 14 day..
Observing the periods....

******* cycle repeat...
Is this my defeat...
I wither...
Lose all i had dehydrated...
Probably my soul in stilled in society and social media hatred...

Comment... that's my last moment....
Sweat and tears...
My own body
Wither...from decision taken either

-kay🌹
Aka...🕊️-son of lee-dia-🕊️

Fresh air I need
Suffocating I can't breath...

Ventilation I get ...
When am with you..
Relaxation kick in...

Easily I breath in...
Controllable feelings...
I express...
It's not complicated...

Unless....
I stop breathing...
Can I confess...
To me..
You come first...
joy in a flash..
When I hold you...
I can feel myself breathing again.

-kay🌹

Roots (imvelaphi)

Am proud of my roots..
Am proud of my people
Am a proud african queen.
And you should be proud too.

That determines who you are...
Where are you coming from...
And where are you going...

Ziqenye ngesiko lakho
Ziqenye nge mvelaphi yakho....
Zithande ubuwena bakho...

Be a proud African...
Be proud of yourself..
Be proud of your roots...
Ziqenye.
🌹

Temptations

I wish i could smile like you..
I wish i could love my self like you...
But i can't...
Am damaged...
My pain can't be managed..
Don't be suprised....when you see me hanging on the ceiling....
i can't contain this feeling....
killing my self an option.....
temptations

I never choose to feel this way..
I never had a choice..
To speak the way i feel...
I never killed by the way i live to see my loved ones die...
The anger in me...
Grows
Am ready to ****
Temptations...

I guess my temptations differs...
From yours...
Mine dark with scent of evil chilling...
Voices whisper...
Telling me take law in my baby hands
Am still young with vengeful spirit...
My heart desire things...
That i can't offer..
Am tempted

They expect me to smile..
Like its okay...
They expect me to laugh...like its funny..

They pretend to love...
While i know am hated...

Am progressing....
Receiving lord's blessing...

This is the truth...
You better do your confessions...

Unhappy...i said
Am in pain...
thats sad...😔
No one cares about me...
In reality....
I fade....no one notice me.....💔
Maybe am not attractive...
They say looks don't matter...

I don't matter...
To them...🌹
My light place turn dark...
I feel lonely...
And unhappy....
If i had a wish....
I will make it to death...
So i can be free...
In my prison...
I call myself...

I heard of freedom..
But i don't know any...😔

I heard of anxiety and depression...
I have those
are many...🌹

Its okay hate me...
I struggle loving myself..
I too...😔
Unhappy am...
Your eye sees it too.

-kay⚰️⚱️

look around you..
life evolves..
thank God..

he still got you
gave you a fam...
that you can relay to...

am happy...
even sometimes
i complain too..

being blinded...
by this world
turn you into a fool..

i don't i want to dress
and talk nice...

for you to think
am cool

my Generation..
rebels but
we live by the rules any way...

adolescent take its play..
they hit the grounds...

like savage..
but they ain't 21...

i wonder
what i will have..
when am 21..

will the people i love..
still around me...

will the girl...
i love still hit me...

humble...
i remain....
many cycles...
mine not the main...

am not perfect...
am human...
mistakes made...
me...

love...gave...me
paranoia...

but when am with...
God...

humble am...

Pray

Our father....
In heavens...
am in my dark place...
Voices....
talking in latin...
I don't understand they are offer...
but all i know...
they want me to sin..

I pray
In happy moments to thank you and in sad ones to guide me..
My faith weak...
I was hopeful...
now it leaks...

I hear voices...
Getting louder...
Gun in my hand they gave me choices...

The light was left in me..
Was blown out...
I seek for answers....

Ohh lord you hear me...
Am your lost sheep...
In night i pray...
I can't sleep...

I pray to get close to you father...
Cause near you...
I shall not fear non...

I pray for light...
To shine on me...
In my dark place...
Forgive us our sins...
As we forgive...others...
Amen

-kay🌹🕯️

No mercy...
Mercy is for the weak...

No love
Love always give people opportunity to hurt you..

I hate every moment...
I wish i can disappear for while...

No second chances...
Cause no one deserves any...

Trust is like cadles...
You blow it mine gone for good...
You can say am angry...
Cause i got moods..

I change like weather....
To mess up your day...

I feel nothing...
But hate...
Cause am hurt....
They stole my heart...
Those i trusted
Now am heartless...

-kay🌹

I remember...
Back then...
When i was about 10...

I was boy pretending to be a man...
Always around my brothers...
But they never wanted me to hang around...

But i grew...
Lookin up to them...
Cause i was down...
Dumb and young...
Wanted to know the street code...

Cause thats the way to break success codes..

That...was wrong mission..
I was aiming at...
I just got told by  a wise kid...
He was just eight...

Told me...
To follow my dreams..
Thats only gold...
I have....

My parents...said school...
12 years...as a slave
Lose some my friends..
We dig graves...
I wish to see them...

When am back then...
At my raising grounds

-kay🌹

They come and go like seasons...
Leavin no reason...

Painting you...
With their true colours...
Its true karma...
Always comes back...

They lost...
And soon they will pay
The cost....
their loss...
Where they is no love
Don't force...

As their are the one...
Who lost the better source...
Of love and trust...

Good riddance...
As one day you will be happy...
And we will dance..
To new love

Good riddance🌹
-kay🌹

They say....
Man are trash...
They say...
We broke their hearts
They say...
We do not give them attention....

They say...
But never see their wrongs...
They say....
But they never loved us back as we did
They say...
But we are the one sacrificed alot broken hearts we carry...

They say...
But they never understand...
What damaged they did...
Silent we remained....
Label us with names...
When you didn't give me a chance to love you and you choosed him...

Silent i remained...
As they say
Man are all trash...

-kay🌹

I thought she was the one...
I thought she was mine forever as she vowed...

I thought she loved me...
I thought wrong...
Right?...

I thought....my thoughtful...
I was a fool...
To think you will stay...
I was fooled...
I didn't even notice...
What you were doing behind my back..
I was wrong...
Right?...

I loved more.....
I loved more....
More than i love my self...
I loved the wrong one...
Right?...

I can't right my wrongs....
What is gone is gone...
Maybe i really deserve to be alone....

Am lone...i feel empty...
Without you...
I still love but no one will love me back...

Right my wrong...
I can't...
Cause i can't erase past written....

Million pieces...
Stuck in memory lane...
You are the one am missing...

I know in this game of 2...
No one's is right or wrong...
Now am alone writing...
These songs...

To numb the pain...
All i do is complain...
You moved on...

With someone new...
You call him your main...

Am so lost...
I turn on *******...
To forget you....

I hope i will see the light...
One day...
And re-build my self from grounds you left me...

In love...i don't want any...
To my cycle that was kept small....

I never want to be in the middle...
I never love again...
Never trust again...

My heart shuttered...
Pieces scattered...
They can't be mend into one...
Cause i lost my self..

-kay😔💔

Times flies...
I have been looking at the skies....
Hoping that it will slow down...
To my grounds
surface...

Rejections turn into drug injections...
You left me
empty....
I hope you happy about the decisions
and precision you took....
The cuts where accurate...
Deep in my heart
it bleeds...
Am not happy as you see me...
I try to smile....
My cheeks heavy....
Since the day you left me
I have been empty...
Am happy i have her and i know she
is happy
she have me....

My Elsie
you came when
i had no one else in my life
i felt pain
when my heart contracts
my eyes bleed as i cry....
But i wish...
I had you too mom...
I wish i had you to love me...
Mom

I need you but i will never admit it
I love you
that i always say it
Love is hell but yours is heaven
I wish to be in...
Before you i couldn't feel...
Now am catching feelings.....
your love my healing

Love is a drug
And am an addict...
Done with it...
I choose you my re-hab therapy sessions...
I never tell more cause you know more..
What is hidden in me...
Am happy and free...
When am with you
Don't go

i never pillow talk
cause you never know
who is listening behind the doors

i keep my secrets to my chest
cause they are worthy
i don't want another wealthy man
to trade them

selling people dreams
that you will never live
Them

Am me
not them
different cause i hate
my self

i dream dying
i wonder when

when
i will leave this
hell hole
am stuck

nightmares are dark
no light spark
i should have knew
that without money
life *****

No love
only hate and greed
i can't even trust my own seed
my generation smoke alot of ****
and proceed violence

my streets
these dayz lack silence
gunshots
another one down

mothers tears
fell down
his son layes
silent in the streets
kids *******
we all want to be rich
Light skin controls money
government promises
lies

Nightmares visit
every time
i close my eyes
her grave i didn't knew

Am 19
still a teen
i need a shoulder to lean
but non of the shoulders i trust
i live to make to make you proud
i listen to his word
but voices in my head are loud
dark cloud on my head
depression
on its mission...
nightmares my visions...

Obstacles coming stop signs
be aware....
envy and hate...
am on my way....
underground movin..
like a miner...
i dig for what is Precious
doors shut
they won't let us in...
self made...
they didn't make us....

Life i live...
its like a dream...
tired of breathing...
siblings fighting...
spirits colliding....another
dimension damaging...
at a miner age...
i saw the life of the person i love...
end...love inside of me died..
when people i care about left...
leave me empty...
i was alone.....
at home...

Life i live...
at age of 16...
i had suicidal thoughts....
depressed....praying...for...me to stop
breathing....a purpose of living...i searched...
surface i scratched...
nothing or something maked sense...
emotions...tense...
future....i live the past tense....
i see... i never talked about it again...
pain and anger built...
i wonder when it will
collapse...pieces...
so small can be a danger.....

Life i live...
friends...enemies...trust cost...
finacial ain't stable....
love is a drug...
damaged me alot...
i used every penny i had...
to have it...
but it never help....
am hooked...
re-hab....therapy sessions...
got me locked...
**** i have issues....
**** smells i cover it with tissues...
i see my wrongs...
i can't right them...
time waits no man...
ohh man...
i wish you knew this is a poetry...
through story telling....
reality...sticks to me
like gravity...
feet on surface...  

LIFE I LIVE

meditate and release the hate
...hiden in between the gate
... me and myself
...who shall educate
....future bright
...my fate
...they wonder why am relaxed
....blame my brain state
....those are facts
...no debate
...i know you won't admit
....that am great
...better not raise your opinion
...cause to me its a waste.

-kay🌹
#Beyond expectations🔥

I took a moment
I looked around...my surrounding shape shift...they was light now its dark...what was there...it is not there anymore...how far can i go....my feet tired...every move i make...it feels like time pause...body froze....my eyes close...
I see no more...forgive me...i can't right my wrongs.

-kay🌹
# i miss you

Pillar of my stones( mom)💕

I pray her soul to keep
All the way above they made a choice...
My voice cut...i won't speak....cause you can't question God...why?
I guess its my turn to carry the load....i pick
From now on...
My effort is to always make you proud...
I will take care....of me and them...and...
I will try to even the scale at home...
Even though life isn't fair.....

i feel alone..
You gone....
Until i see you again...
When its my time...
Pillar stone of my life...
Collapsed...
I love you mom🌹💔

After the dark always comes the light...
i will grow and move on...
am good better off alone...
i tried to keep it curve...
cone...with ice...
me and you...
am looking deep in your eyes..

sun set...
photosynthesis done...
i think you the one...
i love and trust...
does that still exist...
i don't want to live in the world...
where you don't co-exist....
nothing is broke left to fix...
i wish i was young..
back then...when i was six...
it was crafted...up in here....
my greatest fear was knowing the truth about me...
family separated....
everyone full of hatred....

photosynthesis...
the change of light after dark...
look at me now...
trying my luck....
life is a gamble....
i throw the dice....everyday
for the nice life anyway.....
i don't do it for me...but for the fam too...

photosynthesis...
i too...
need a making

Hope you happy
With your self
Hiding your true self behind the shelf
Taking orders from him
Like an elf....
I hope
I have couldn't said it better
Before.

🌹Sorry🌹

Moody
No longer speaking
In the door
You said
You leaving
Me...
I was really sorry
But you couldn't trust my story
Cut it short
Like your short temper
Remember.....
My words....
I was sorry....
And let you cause i loved you.

#G-kay😔

Luck✨

I take my time
I look back
Dark back then
They wonder when...
I will be back to my ways

I admit that change
Is strange...
True....
I will love to be the old me
The cold me
With no feelings for anyone and live my days in the dark....
But as time change my days came with light....
Those who hurt me they regret...
Cause they see
How great am....
With you...
Am with you
I have luck to be with you..

✨Luck✨

hope i will
I hope i will feel
I hope i will see
I hope i will do
I hope i will stay
I hope i will meet you
After life.
Gone are the days...and
My hope
# our last conversation

Am alone
At home
And you are gone
Going through our pics
On my hand is a glass of champagne
Am trying to drown the pain...
I still feel your presence
Your consciousness remains...
#Missing you😔

Lucky i was

Rough tough year
It was for me
Tears and fear of being alone.....
I had .....
But you came along
Gave me everything
I ever asked for
Anything i didn't had

I was the head
You were the neck
Gave me balance
You did
Take care for me
You were for me but changes
Changed me
I took advantage
And those were not my intentions
It was the stage
I was growing
Glowing in the dark
Everyone started to noticed me
Through all you stayed
You never left
As they did
They played me
As i was playing you....
Guilty came
Soon you found out
About my affairs
Out of our relationship
It wasn't fair
Even though..... your lies
I trusted you...
Since the day
I layed my eyes
On you
I saw the real amoung
The fake...
You gave you couldn't take
Now i want the chance that comes second
To make
A difference from last
Its the past
We can wipe it away like dust
Even though it keeps coming again
In our memories with pain
We can't complain
Its life
To us....i wish we can say that with glasses of Champaign
And we will drown the pain
Along with our past that passed....

Lucky....i'm🌹

They come and go like seasons
Leaving no reason
Why they have left
One thing stays
Memory of moments shared
About you
i cared
My love for you
It wasn't compared
To any other
I believed that i had you
Not another...you.

The clouds changed from white to grey
The winds came and blew the day
The dust of my past blown away
You were gone
No where to be found anywhere
But in my memories you stayed
But they quickly fade
New ones made
Forgot you
I did.

Farewell
I was close and you were close as well
Time took its course and we separate
Farewell
To my friends and to the strangers i don't know but they know me
I wish you a great life that is full of joy and an ocean of happy moments
To my past i can't forget please don't forget me as i fell well into this well
I will farewell.

Lover's Paranoia

Paranoia we have...
My heart asking questions...
That my mind can't answer....
What if....
what is she...
what if...
What is he...
Doing things will be doing...
With trust we vowed...
To us forever
Tying our souls together...

Donors we became...
Exchanging our hearts blue...
Promises became our internal rings
Made with bad memories that will be never remembered...
Our past is not past anymore.

Love...the 4 letter word
It means alot to us...
That it isn't a word.....
But our world
We live in...
And believe in...
My hopes
Hope so...
As i release my feelings...
I feel.
For the...
Kay bond.
💙

As i have loved you                                                              ­                                             And as you have loved me                                                               ­                                            
 Fire and water strong elements we were...                                                          ­                                            
The moment   i glanced                                                          ­                                             
     To the waters of your eyes                                                             ­                                                
     My vision was clear                                                            ­                                                    The fear of being alone                                                            ­                                              
       Was no longer there                                                            ­                                                        Careless i was                                                              ­                                                                 ­    Fearless iam..                                                            ­                                                         What iam....                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                         
     WHEN IAM WITH YOU                                                              ­                                              
    Am a strong element

Tick tock  minute goes
Who knows….
What will happen when lights are low
As I creep to your light darkness follow
Carrying sadness, depression
With no expression can express….
If I had a setting I was going to reset
The time so it won’t be my last
But a beginning for a first start
To do it all again
Without causing any pain
Or sorrow to contain
Forgive my last
Inorder to be forgiven and given…
A last time that will be different from….
My last…

Silence
Silent the crowd
Followed by a round of applause
After the announce
Splendid.....
Greatest performance
Performed the audience
Reformed innocence
In my inner sense
Resurrection of my consciousness....
I remembered
The splendidness that made you a splendor was splendid

I seem to turn to be 20th century...
Shakespeare
My words cut through like a spear...
Tearing your heart apart...
I and my eye...
glanced to your eyes..
I saw fear...
Of losing you cause i knew the cost was losing my self...
So in your arms i stayed...
Forever.
#G-kay

Once upon my time
i was a worker in a farm
day and night
i had bruises in my palm
I have no rights
that is system that held us tight
Respect the light skins
As your owner
I own y'all.
Story of my roots
It was written with lies.
where is the truth
We had discovers
they recovered our discovery
and recorded them as one the discovers
the media is poison...... 
they use to poison our mind.....
to believe
like eve
believed in the Garden
Story of my roots
will never be told
as i witness the weakness of my oppressors
but God knows
the truth about our roots

Once upon a time..

Under a spell you cast
I'm mesmerized
I can't even memorize
The past or the one i should call my last....
Seems like everytime
Time pass we replace
What is in past with us like a dust for us to be able to bind with things
we find on a journey we call life
So we mesmerise
Good and bad memory
visions...
we memorize🌹

Acrimony

Poisonous potions
Mixing with my inner emotions
Exposition of my ****** face expressions.....
Heart acrimonious
Mind can't focus
Changing position....
We ain't locus
You look weak in eyes
Your talk is so tough
Acrimony sharpens
My heart
It was break in two
Now its 2 parts that cannot meet
Acrimony stuck with me
Like surface and my feet
Closely related
its a matrimony
thats the reason
I hated....my acrimony🌹

Who am I ?

I patiently asked....
But my answers were not answered....

As i sit under the shed drinking a hunters
I layed all my motives
Under
My heart racin.... that's
A sound of a thunder

Who am I?
Asked my father
The answers i got....
Deviates from one another....
I thought of me and I
But they was the other....
My self
Hidden behind the shelf
Taking orders like an elf
Pointy ears
Strange fears
I heard
All in my head

Who am I in your eyes?🌹

Set me free
From this cage of pain that stains my brain
Psychological i ain't the same
Changes bring change in the things we resemble
I tried to stay humble but i'm in chains
Caught up in getting known or getting heard
Cause i thought i was the head but i was the neck.....apple stuck
I had to swallow my pride....

Sweet voice of yours
Low frequency
Its like they was no air disturbance
Equilibrium of the sounds balance
Ears ready to hear
What whispers.... announce

Have you heard
The phenomenon of the bad news spread
While you toss and turn in your bed
They bury your dignity with *****
6 foot under
Whispers moving faster
Than a sound of thunder....
I whispered.

I have seen the seeds they have barred but hers was the greatest fruit i ever taste
She was wise beyond her ear not scared she resembled her fears
I drawed my self near
But my features didn't look clear
Compared to hers.

Iam me
I'm not suffering in any depression
I write not for impression
Just to satisfy my affection
towards these suicidal thoughts they are not intention
or to get any attention
Through your allegation
My life......
It have its own complications that doesn't have any simplifications to remove or replace according to eliminations
My life....
I'm me and this is my dedication.

Remember me
I used to be amber that was me
December came to him not me
I didn't resemble him but me
Remember me
Physical not spiritual me
I believe you can see me
The real me
As i close my eyes i will be free
When you remember me.

Have you seen
It looked like a dangerous scene
In heavens it is written as a sin
Look over
They are deeds look unclean
Your shoulders *****
Your profile unworthy
Look over
What they started is over
But they are not through
With you
Look over your shoulders

Season comes and goes
Leaves fall and grow
What was there is gone
Love held you together but now you are alone
Things change and re-arrange
Then life goes on...
Season changes

I dedicate this to you
cause only you
can hold me down
you might think this a joke
but i can't act as clawn
i can't stand red noses
they make me to frown

I dedicate this to you
cause you always held
my spine
for me to be focused on my physics
so i can be new Einstein
you will be my Matilda
together will be fine
in the dark we will shine
in our success we will celebrate with wine
I will always keep you close
cause you are mine
You have a home in my mind cause i always think about you all the time
I dedicate this to you....

I pretend in order to tend not to offend cause i hate your friends
I tried to hide it but it keeps haunting me
I believe i killed my patience
Hoping that you will change
Its strange i'm still showing fake smiles to hide what is behind me and my smile

As i lift my head
Looking ahead
I see my feelings expire
No time
Its too late to inspire my desire
What you did ignited the fire
While im heading down
Cause you are no longer taking me higher
As time goes...

I close my eyes
All the world cries goes silent
As i pray for this violent
Among people to end
We are one
Lets love one another
Stop abusing
And misusing our women
As we are men
We should protect and protest against violence and help those who are voiceless
To not feel less as they experience the pain of being depressed
Nothing in their eyes seem to impress
Them
As i pray.....