Have been harmed by me
And indeed have harmed,
You illumine my life
And my heart
And have brought me
Face to face with
Harsh reality of love,

You showed me rage
And anger and desire
To hurt and revenge,
To disregard apology
And humility and change
In order to stab again
And this I did deserve,

However change has
Happened as admitted
By you in my embrace,
The storms of rage
Are abating and the dawn
Rises clear and gentle
With softness care and grace,

Yet now even as we reap
The dividend of peace
And I am filling that treasured
Role of partner husband
And other (albeit imperfect) half,
You turn after a queue of jobs
To say you are not sure you love me,

The cruellest blow of all

Having caused much pain
And upset to one I love
I looked long and hard
At me to find the root
Of my failing,

I cut deep and discarded
My ego my pride
And a host of other bad
Habits that accrued
Across the years,

And deep within me
I found an eight year old
Little boy with arms
About his knees,
Head down,

His tear streaked face
Framing a mouth that
Screamed silently in pain,
Heartbreak and
Loneliness,

So I looked within
That visceral version of me,
Cutting deeper than before,
And right at his heart
I found a budded rose,

At first glance
It was perfect,
But closer view showed
Dessication discolour
And paper thin petals,

But even as I watched
Your hand appeared,
Caressed the child
Then watered his
Withered heart,

And in an instant that bud Regained its lustre
And its carmine hue,
The petals spread to glorious flower,
The silent screaming paused

In wonder then delight,
I realise now there
Was no fault in me nor
My heart or view
I just needed watering

With love

From you

Love is not the thing
Of films or fantasy,
Because love is between people,
And people are ****** hard,
Especially thee,
But so much more so me,

Love is what we find and found
In the roughest of times,
When argument ceased in favour
Of helping and caring,
In reaching out to the one
In who's hands resides your heart,

And heart is where love is,
Heart not head nor gut,
Not head nor sexuality,
But heart with all its
Irrationality and passion,
Because heart,

And love,

Mean everything

I have always been a warrior,
Full of the energy
That gets **** done,
A powerful man,
A tank,
Going where and with and doing
Whatever the heck
I want,

But, like a tank,
Impervious to the hurts
Of others
The pain and damage caused
To roads and hearts,
A tracked and nacissistic
Behemoth of - as now I see -
Blind unthinking chaos,

Well no more of that ****,
With all that I am done,
For I have found the joyous freedom
To be gained by removing my helm,
Opening the turret,
To see and admit
My mistakes
And drive with consideration,

I cannot mend the roads
Nor undo all the harm Ive wrought,
But I can be transparent now,
Humble and chastened too,
Rediscover that better me,
The one worth loving,
That authentic James
And I can make a gift of him,

Of me

To you

Is something I can teach,
At sea or on land,
Use of a compass
And a parallel rule,
Dividers and a plotter,
All to find out where I am
Where I wish to be
And what course to steer,

In matters of the heart,
Also - as do we all -
I do my best to plot
A course to best effect,
But lately I have been
All at sea in darkness,
Steering by dead reckoning,
And raw blind hope,

A nerve racking
Time sailing blind,
Unaware how sands may shift,
How deep the seas or shallow,
How far away the land,
Until now at last the sun has risen,
The darkest hour has passed,
And you my darling destination
Are right across my bow

I have stood my watch
On a warships bridge,
Steered a yacht under sail
Beneath a star studded sky,
Stood to an hour before sunrise
In military training,
So I have seen the dark,

In love too I have
Been a source of shadow
And been shaded on,
Sailed close to the wind
And indeed capsized,
Been cold and lonely in
A darkness greater than any
Night time,

But every dark yields
Before the dawn
Of a brand new day,
Every night founders
As the sun rises
To banish the lightless,
And this heart's darkness too has passed,
But this dawn is the brightest

And the best

I

Ever

Knew

You have no idea the irk
Created by those terms,
The judgement inherent in
Laying out my perceived weakness
Is offensive,
All the more when weakness
Neither becomes me nor is
Found within me

It makes the obvious response
Rise to my lips,
To cease to reach out
In love or in help,
To prove to you my worth by
Withdrawing the very demonstration
That led to the accusation at hand

But with withdrawal of
Reaching out comes
Withdrawal of part of me,
Part of my expressed love,
And therein lies the rub,
For if I share not how I feel or that
Sharing is unaccepted,
Then where is the actual point?


Of us?

For me love is an absolute thing
That far surpasses Corinthian definition,
It is a joyful passion,
And those afflicted delight in every slightest
Touch or word or contact,
And cannot wait for the next opportunity
To share by call or message or text or touch
That love which whirls and spins ones heart about
In a wonderful dance of committed care
And passion,
Both carnal and divine,

But alas it seems in your view
These things I neither did nor do in fact
Share with thee,
But rather - in your view but not in mine -
To my sadness and my shame,
Did rather inflict them on thee
From insecurity,
Without so much as a by your leave,
The worst of many misunderstandings
And one which would make a lesser man weep,

However love remains inviolate
If the heart that beats it remains fast and true,
As mine does,
True to that which has been professed,
True to the woman to which it is trothed,
True to that love which is unrelenting,
And how you feel about my motives does not change a thing
Bar one for,
In my world if thy lover is not secure in any respect
Then you ****** well make them so

I know my worth,
I have stood in the way
Of vitriol and shame,
Shrugged away pride
And ego and burned off
So many imperfections
To leave a man still flawed
But peaceful and true,
A man who loves and seeks
That selfsame love in return,
A man who will die he hopes
Of old age in the arms of his woman
After a life of love and joy,
But
If she does not see his love for what it is,
If she sees need as neediness,
Then death still will find me,
Still see my value and my worth,
But find me waiting nonetheless

Alone

I love you,
As such I desire you
In every respect,
Wish to be included in your life
Include you indeed in mine,
Honour you and make a life of us,
Do not mistake
True honest love and desire
For neediness,
Nor weakness or even lack
Of self esteem,
These may be in the lexicon
Of others in your past
But if that be your true
Perception of me then you stand
To lose both your perceived
View and also alas
The truth.

You have a life of oppression and suppression,
Of no appreciation,
Self-worth strangled at birth,
And now that suppressed rage
And sobbing frustration has
Been released by my stupidity,
To snap and snarl and attempt
To rip out the throat of someone,
Anyone,
Me,

In truth I deserved to die,
But I am still alive
And still loving you,
I still have your back and
All the vitriol and spite I accept
And dispose of safely,
And now finally you are weary
Of the fight, (me too)
And I am still here in love,
Still holding you,

God willing I always will

Come sail with me as we did before
Our rage and my stupidity
Got in the way
Of love,

Come step into the boat with me,
You remember it,
White and blue
And full of love,

Come grasp the tiller,
Haul in the sheet,
Take us in hand and sail
With me to common purpose,

There is no space for
Anything but peace while sailing,
No space for owt but love
Between us,

And love and happiness with you are

Enough for me

I have sailed many miles
In a dinghy and in yachts,
I have experinced storms and calms and most things in between,
Too much heat
And too much cold,
Feared for my life and basked in joy,

No two trips the same even though the route
May be identical,
That is the magic of sailing,
Of boats of any type,
The variety and the
Never ending learning,

Though every day is still a school day
I am a pretty good ******,
Good enough to teach others
How to sail and to
Love the water,
Salt or fresh,

Not quite so good with life
Or love though,
In these I end in irons or adrift
Or just plain capsized,
But every day is a school day
In life just as at sea,

And I have learned that
I need not always correct
Or defend myself,
Rather I can let go my ego,
Let the love flow gently,
It is not nor ever was about me,
Or you,

It was and is and ever will be,

Always entirely US

I have been at sea in a hurricane,
A tempest if you will,
Unimaginable force piling salt water
Into huge forms that surge and crash,
Collapse and reform,
A never ending assault,

At sea the serried ranks
Of mountainous water
Come in succession,
Over and over and over,
Crashing and crushing
With seeming unending maelevolance,

But every storm gives way to calm
And every sea will settle,
And that is where I am right now,
Rocked by still lumpy post-storm waves,
And I will no more challenge the sea's power,
But respect it and indeed

You

I have medals for ballroom
And Latin,
And Rock and Roll,
Gold no less suggesting a degree of competence,

Dancing is joyous and exhausting,
It needs commitment and teamwork
And tension in the arms
And closeness in the bodies of those involved,

It is not easy to find one
With that tension and strength
Of core to truly dance well,
And those who do are popular,

So a partner once found is
To be treasured and respected,
There is no room for discord for
The dance wont work that way,

I know all that and
I have found my dancer,
And I will hold her close
And forever  be a frame to her moves

Because I do not wish to dance alone

Nor with any other

Ever.

Rage received is like heavy sea
Crashing against the rocks upon which stands a lighthouse,
The waves build up as they reach the shallows,
Steepening and rearing,
Building ire and power until
Smashing over and over
Against the rock and the edifice,
Obliterating any view of the tower
And the rock,

But this lighthouse is indeed built on rock,
With pilings driven deep and secure in
Faith in what lies behind the waves,
Knowlege that the storm will pass,
The sun will shine once more
And even as the salt water and vitriol
Do their worst,
Above it that light still shines out,
A message of love and security,

And these seas which crash into the rock
Were built up by the wind of actions
And words poorly founded,
In the true ocean there will always be
Another storm and another calm,
But rage can find peace now
Because the cause is calm,
The cause is kind,
The cause is gentle

And it holds you gently in my arms

Alabaster Indian Alabaster Indian
This is Earth calling!
Alabaster Indian Alabaster Indian,
Your soul mate is reaching out
Across the void that divides us,

Alabaster Indian you need to know
That your life is not nearly over,
That OUR life can be only just begun,
Oh what a life!

Alabaster Indian we have seen
Our last savage row,
For we each have heard the other
And at the same time been heard,
FELT that we have been,

You have been floundering
In the bog of your father's making,
But finally you hear me yelling
Where the rope is not driving
You deeper and down as he did,

Please dont grab that rope
Without me there
To make it fast
And haul you safely
Home to shore,

Because ropes and knots
And YOU my love
Are things that I live for,
The things I love and treasure
And,
In your case,

Alabaster Indian

That I would gladly die for.

You write of him
Who has passed a while,
Extant now only as ash
Within a porcelain jar,

You write of the bitter
Arrogance of anger
Left unresolved and
You not released from pain,

Of these you write,
And these you feel
With such pain
Such loss,

But he IS gone!
His vitriol has no power here,
No right to use your voice
Nor fuel your rage,

Nor create in you
His reincarnate toxicity,
Your are not him
Nor ever were,

You are your mothers child
Her softness tempers his
Vile intransigence,
And you need not go there,

So let him go
Into the shades of time
And away from this reality,
And your life,

And look instead to
That which is around you,
Loves you and has your back,
For I my love

Have yet to cross the bar

And I would sail with you,
Aboard your vessel
Or in closest company,
You escort and protector,

Your lover and your very
Very best friend,
The one who has your back
The one that you can count upon,

Fifty years or so with luck
I have and you much the
very same,
Will you share mine with me,
And let me share yours,

With you?

Your verse speaks of
Constraints from beyond
The grave as if love
And life and joy are
Forever taken from you,

Yet your life is far
From wrecked by that man,
And you so much greater
And more amazing than
You it seems perceive,

Your soul is great
And good and pure,
Your beauty burns from
Deep beneath your
Alabaster skin,

And even if you
Cannot see the worth of you
Or hurl aside that vile constraint,
You have a counter at your side,
One to protect your from the storm

A counter that costs you
Not a penny nor a dime,
A counter to carry you
That's always there and free,
And lest you wonder where or what

That counter,

Love,

Is me!

Once again here I am,
Lost in the silence occasioned
By you and your choosing,
Not mine,
But in part through me
And my inability to calm
Us when we row,

Here I am alone in
That most dreadful of ways,
Outside the light of your love,
Outside the warmth of
Our embrace - that hug which
Means so very much
To this tortured heart,

Here I am,
Alone with my thoughts,
Alone in the cold and the darkness
Bleakly aware of your absence,
The lack of you is a visceral aching pain
That tears and coils inside me
As I pen this verse,

And we are close now
To that joy we both desire,
Because we have both been
Heard at last my love,
And the hearing has made a difference
That dispelled the need for you
To fight or me fight back,

And that cease is vital
To both of us because
For my part at least,
And I hope yours too,
I love what we have when
It works,
Im not ready to say goodbye.

Funny how the pendulum moves,
Set swaying by a finger,
Swinging  back and forth
As gravity wages war against momentum,
In a war it always wins,

In relationships too the pendulum rocks
Back and forth
But not for the wronged
For they push it to where
They want it

Because history and the present
Are writ not by the victor
But the wronged against,
And in that the pendulum hangs
At 45 degrees

I wish I were a *******,
A ******* in both senses,
No father to be embarrassed by,
Worse still to understand,
No consideration care nor conscience,
Go where I wish,
Do what I wish,
When where how and to
Or with who I wish,

But although I'm called
A narcissist by those who
Did but a minimum research,
And that with biased filters too,
It is precisely my non-narcissisticness,
If indeed that be a word,
That leads to many if not all
My misdemeanors,

So yes I wish I were a *******,
For a me free of conscience
Would far closer conform
To the norm
Of society,
And then although I
Would have hurt some,
It would be spread about a bit,
Not all at once

Nor now

444 months ago,
Give or take a few,
And 444 miles it seems,
Are time and distance
That define a tragedy
Of my youth,

For I was too much the gentleman
And the officer,
And you in your beauty
And naivete
Or so I thought

Too young to read
The signs carved in words,
Roads miles driven,
Time in dinghy upon the Dart,
To hear the words unsaid,
Torn from my very heart,

So 444 miles were complete,
444 months sailed past
As once past Sandquay we
Surpassed
The time we were allowed,
And DQ sanction held me fast

Lucy in the sky will sing no more,
To an audience made of one,
And ghosts of younger thee and me,
Still mourn what we might have won,
And older wiser heads and hearts,
Will wonder ever more,

What might,

Have been

I am the invisible man,
You do not see me,
I am the invisible man,
The things I have done for you, are unseen,
I am the invisible man,
The heart that aches for thee aches unseen,
I am the invisible man,
The worth I lost in you is out of sight and mind,
I am the invisible man,
The miles I drive are unnoted and unremarked,
I am the invisible man,
The love I feel is uncomprehended,
I am the invisible man,
My hurt is of no import,
I am the invisible man

However those sins of mine,
My fallibility and humanity,
My faults
My misunderstandings,
My occasional rant,
My anger,
My self centredness,
My frustration,
My expectations,
My misdemeanours,
My poor behaviour,
Every
Single
Thing
That I do wrong,
Those things and only those,
ARE seen!

I was ever affection over expectation,
A gentleman to the core,
I wanted love and the real deal,
Not *** with a willing *****,

Affection over expection true,
But laid upon a bed of want and hope,
Of Cupids arrow in my heart
But aimed and fired by who?

And there's the rub as I turn to dust,
For Cupids flight was elsewhere,
Not near me nor near mine heart,
His bow and arrows dormant,
And starting now
To rust

I have been my own castigator far too long,
I have beaten myself up for my misdoings,
And rightly so but no more!
What matters is not the man I have been,
It is the man that writes these words,
It is the sorrow regret and repentance
In my heart that matters now,
More than that,
It is my actions moving forward,

For I am no more a monster or an ****,
Or other descriptor of how I was,
I am now just me,
The real me,
A man inherently decent; back in integrity,
A man who loves,
Oh dear Lord GOD how I love!
And just one Lord and one lady there
For all eternity,

I am a solid man with love and strength and skills,
A man who pours himself into the help of others
Often un reported and usually un remarked
Yet effective all the same,
And this man no longer needs castigation,
There is no more point nor place in it,
He needs love for sure
But more than that he needs
Permission to love

Permission to love and see that love accepted
Treasured and valued,
Permission to be someone's person and them mine,
Love is what we all are born for,
Not hate or anger revenge or retribution,
Why **** a man or his love "just in case"?
Be ready to react if it fails but
For my part it will not fail,
I will not fail,

Not this day,
Not tomorrow,
Nor any other day,

We know my history,
The black bits are recent
And very well picked over
And more inquisition
Is yet to come,
Of that there is
No doubt,

But I am not chasing a history,
At least not one that has
Yet been made,
I am rather chasing
A future yet to be,
A future and relationship featuring you,
A future featuring me

So what do I bring to the party?
What goodness might I add?
What benefit to your life
Lies within me?
We know the darkness
And have tasted it
More than enough,

Well the darkness in me
Was torn out by the root,
My deeper good sees now
That machiavellian maneuvers
Do not carry the day
Nor bring satisfaction or even
A shred of victory,

And that deeper decent
Part of me now rejects that
Darker path in favour of the truth,
No matter what the pain,
To me or any other,
For sensitivity can sometimes Be but an excuse to lie,

So away with BS what is left?
As it happens my lady love,
What is left is all that you
Ever believed you had,
For truth be told,
And I am bleeding hard as I type these words
The good you saw was not a lie,

I truly am the knight
That these pages do reflect,
I am at heart a loyal warrior,
Who's sword and heart
Belong to you,
My eyes will not wander
Nor my hand,

But that is airey fairey stuff,
What of the real world?
I hear you ask
I promise always to be at your side,
To have your back come what may,
To support you in every way
With every thing I own,

My physicality and expertise,
My wit and my comfort
Especially my embrace and my hug
A massage on demand
My money such as I may ever have
I dedicate to us
With an open heart,

I will be your secret if you wish, Or if allowed
I will broadcast from the rooftops
That love we share,
And we will own our relationship
Without shame because
We found the truth of us
In love between our hearts,

I will not leave you lady,
Not while these lungs draw breath,
I will honour you in every way I can,
I will do jobs about your house,
Your wish be my command,
Because in pleasing you I find
I find mine own reward,

And I will love you,
Quietly and with humility,
All the days of my life,
I will delight in your successes
And comfort you in distress,
You will never need to seek
An ally nor for help

For this loving man already
Is these things,
And we will live out our dreams,
Bring good and joy
To the wider world,
As well as to
Each other

I have been a dreadful man,
I have done despicable deeds
To someone I love,
Unwarrantable things,

Things of which I am rightly
And deeply ashamed,
And I could easily argue
The case that I be left,

But I am changed,
Apalled at my past and
Perceive that what I have
Is love - true love - real love,

Love that is bigger than me,
Love that matters more
Than pride or overwhelming
Confidence,

But that is all about me,
And with my history I
Really do not matter
Nor deserve a chance,

However I also see the beauty
And the value of us,
The enormity of our relationship,
To both of us,

And it is that which drives
My refusal to quit,
Makes loss of pride and dignity
All worthwhile,

Because together we are wonderful,
Together we can rule a world,
A life of our creation,

Together - and this the vital thing,
We can be that loving family
For each other
That we neither knew before,

And for that,
For you,
For us,
I will do whatever it takes

Is a precious commodity,
Hard won and easily lost,
And once lost doubly, triply,
A thousandfold harder to regain,
A fact of which I am reminded
Over and ever over
By those who appoint themselves
To my judging panel,

No matter any right for redemption,
Repentence or change,
Only the justifief raging of the injured,
The gleeful snarling of the lookers on,
It is enough that a man might
Reasonably give pause and thoughts of ending,
Indeed I have had bleakness
Well up enough to drown me,

Pulled and pushed toward the dark,
Towards despair,
Towards oblivion,
Towards an ending offering restitution to the injured
And entertainment to the chattering hangers on
But my spirit is strong enough,
Or maybe I am just
Too ****** obstinate,

I have survived long enough
To see that other force,
The one that can rescue even a wretch like me,
Even the sorest damaged victim
From this dismal purgatory,
From perennial, repeated argument,
Recrimination and pointless sniping,
A veritable undeniable force,
So gentle yet indomitable,
A force to sunder grief and reconnect aching hearts,

Put aside the rage and hurt
Dismiss the hangers on,
(Prurient perverts all,)
And build anew
A better stronger life,
An edifice anchored
Upon rock
And that force

That thing between us,
That revelation that mystery
All along was love,
Love in all its glory,
Corinthian love,
Patient and kind,
Unenvying and humble
Honourable not self seeking,

Above all
Slow to anger and swift to forget
A slight or insult,
That love I found still feebly burning
In my heart for thee,
And peering through the battle smoke,
Sifting through the wreckage
Of us,

I found that same dim flame in you,
Flame I now gently blow upon,
Nurture and feed,
Watch grow back towards a greatness
Sufficient to burn old wounds,
Incinerate infection and leave behind
Hearts touched by a refiners fire,
Silver-proofed against doubt despair.and trepidation.

OUR hearts
OUR love,
OUR future.
And
I
Am
******
Glad

Its strange how sound exists,
How silence fits around
The noise that may be far
Or may be near,
Yet always in the gaps
Within the noise
There is the sound
Of nothingness

I am noise and action
An assault upon the senses
Of everone it seems
In earshot or worse yet
Within the range
Of touch or eyes meet,
Close enough to sense
My inner turmoiled demons

Well soon enough,
Albeit not soon enough
For some,
My noise will diminish
My actions still,
And where I once crashed
About there will be purely
Blessed quiet.

Enjoy!

I am a wrong un,
Cant do right
For doing ****** wrong,
Cannot show my love
For crowding,
Cant give space for peace
Because notice must be given,

And I am trying so hard,
So ****** ****** hard
To make things right,
To live down and make good,
But my crimes are like
A ball and chain about my leg
Rattling and reminding

She who's love I crave that
Once I was a bad man,
That I have done her wrong,
Not of my repentence,
Not that I have changed no!
I am doomed it seems
To wear my guilt a while yet,

And so Im sitting in the cool
Night air and far from home,
Outside the door of the love
Of my life,
Waiting and hoping to be
Allowed in from the cold,
To build a warm and loving life

With her.

I always thought that diamond
Was the hardest state on earth,
I always knew it *******
Just about all things,
Until today,

For it turns out that making Good ones **** ups is far harder,
Let alone receipt of forgiveness
From the one I harmed the most

But a diamonds value is not just
In its hardness but
Also rarity and the time spent polishing
And cutting the end design,

And thus also my reward,
God willing,
Will come from the offer of
A lifetime of loving service,

Of all that I am
All that I can be,
For she is worth all of that
And oh so very much more.

You and I were always meant to be,
Me to meet you and indeed you me,
To fall in love with you,
That has always been my lot,
To lose those parts of me
I valued most,
My pride
My arrogance
My certainty

We were meant always to sail together and
Share a great distance,
Many memories,
To see a vast tract of water
Pass under the bridge,
To share our everything
Our selves
Our hearts,
Our souls,

And now I am lesser - for my pride,
That arrogant cancer that thought it ruled?
That vast chunk of me
Has burned away,
Reduced to ashes and even those
Carried away by the wind,
Leaving just an absence,
A charred hollow remnant
Now silent,

And I would fill that void with you,
Cram it with love for every part of you,
Pack it so tight with service of you
That not the slightest part of any other
Would or could ever intrude,
Neither thought nor action
Betray thee
Or me
Or us,

But though on your suggestion
I wrote a death sentence against that other,
Though I finessed the edges
To ensure the bolt struck a fatal blow,
Did this without demur,
Because I know what future
I desire and that with you,
Dinner with him still beckons thee,
And not informed beyond a doubt it not a date,

I had no doubt,
I acted straight to reassure you,
Contributed to make a deadly form,
And you do not see the unspoken part
Of your omission,
The unverbalised desire to
Keep your options open,

And not to make it plain before
That it is not a date.
And I  cannot now raise this again,
Despite my reasonable stance,
For you will throw the trust  card
In my face,
Pour angry vitriol upon my head,
And I would drive you where he would have you,
And that is not his sofa,
Nor your van.

There are 86 miles between us,
86 miles and your friend and my misdemeanour,

I live on a rollercoaster of hope and happiness,
Then despair

I feel such love and dedication
And such self
Disapppintment

I seek a simple life,
Just you and I
And love

But there is also a mountain
Yet to climb
And I hate it

My archetypes are strong,
Indeed have always been,
But how very out of whack they are!

For I have the Lover's sorrow,
Oh boy DO I!
The yellow dawn of
My lover has known no bounds,
Loving oh so very well,
Yet also so very very much,
And contrary to my promise,
I HAVE taken so very much
So very personally,

Talking of bounds,
My scarlet Warrior never heard of such,
Certainly never observed any
As I crashed raging through lives -
Others as well as mine own -
Yet for all the dynamic charging
And lack of regard,
Doing my honourable best,
Albeit that which suited me,

And thence from the dark
Comes my Magician,
Swathed in black and the shadows
Of a thousand thousand fears,
Machiavellian and mysterious,
Bending wills and manipulating
Hearts and minds and souls
To mine own ends while
Making no assumptions,

But whispering too in the ear
Of my joyful Sovereign,
Stood proud in blinding white,
Balancing the three servants,
The kingdom and
The excesses of those others,
Making of me the best
That I can be,

For when all is said
And all is done,
My word
Remains,
My bond.

I love you with every shred of me,
But I do so from the desert fastness,
Where the sun boils away sentiment,
Where softness is a dried crust
And silica blows rounding off
The edges of loving intent,

I love you from a high mountain peak,
Where oxygen is scarce to be found,
Where blizzard driven snow suffocates loving intention,
And an avalanche will ****
Any motion towards a heart
No matter how much love there is behind,

I love you from the deep ocean,
Far from the warmth of any sun,
Where stygian darkness rules,
Where unimaginable pressure squeezes
The joy and vibrancy from every cell
Even as it sinks slowly to oblivion,

And I shall love you,
From beneath a marble slab,
Below the mown turf of the burial yard,
From the sanctity of a closed casket,
Held closed by screws and
The earth's embrace,

And I love you from these locations
Because therein you arent,
You are absent from these places,
From receipt of my love,
From reciprication
And here I remain,

Because you have placed me there.

I do not doubt
You know I love you,.
I do not doubt
You have seen the man I
Truly am behind the veil
And mis direction

But alas there is
One thing that
I know you will never
Ever comprehend,
And that is the depth,
The agony and the yearning

Chasm within my chest,
The scale of the
You shaped hole
Within me
Or just how VERY MUCH
I ******* love you

Flowers need water,
Even the hardiest cacti
Will expire after
Two years without it,

People much the same,
But they also need love,
A caring caress,
A tender kiss,

A loving touch,
Those myriad little
Things that make friends
Become lovers

And lovers into soul mates
That last a lifetime
And indeed beyond
Mere dying,

But plants live
With no expectation
Of water,
Just faith that it will come

In time when needed,
And if it does not then
They die not knowing
They were left to do so,

People are different,
I am different,
I crave the little things
And the big,

And unlike a plant
Or a cactus I can comprehend
The concept of that
Interaction ending

And it makes me despair,
And cry

I wish that you could see
The man I truly am,
Rather than the useless failure
I have acted as,

I wish that you could see and feel
The torment in my heart,
It matches that which
In yours I have caused,

I wish that rage which I created
Never came to be,
I wish the pain you feel
Would be hurting only me,

I never loved a woman
Quite how I love you,
Never been a coward for
Fear of losing who I love before,

You are that one who is pure of heart,
That one my soul has sought,
And now my soul reviles me
For what stupidity has brought,


Soon I may hear my life will end
Rather sooner than I aimed,
Yet losing you is far far worse,
That life I lose is maimed,

And even as I write this verse
My heart yearns to make you whole,
So if my passing helps you heal
I gladly take that end,

But please know this my lady love,
The man you loved,
Saw glimpses of,
That man you saw that worshipped you,

That was the real me

Kerplunk the game has *****
Held in place by spikes
One draws,
Hoping the oppositions ball
Falls from the frame before your own,

Falling from favour with one
You love
One that you adore is much like that too,
With every conversation seemingly
Drawing another peg

My ball is barely in play any more,
I'm hanging by a thread,
Whichever move I make,
Whatever phrase I say,
No matter what the care or intent may be,

Will surely be

Ker

PLUNK

Inevitable our end and we
Know not when our individual
Light will fail,

But just as a candle flame is
Threatened by every breeze
So too that thread

My life hangs upon is
Subject to parting by any one
Of a hundred stresses

And sadnesses,
Yet I feel intuitively mine
End is coming fast,

The devil offers more for
My soul each passing day
And yet

I say him nay,
But I know what haunts
My body and my mind,

If not by name or label yet
I know that it is here
And so quite soon

I feel my flame
Will soon
Be out

The brief smoke of my
Snuffing carried out of
Knowing by a breeze

That I will know nothing of
As I will be
Elsewhere