We wander in a maze
Wondering which door will lead us safely to the other side.
We meet dead-ends and start again,
Take a left, hope to be right.
Cross my fingers to see the end,
Always getting deeper and deeper
In.

She turned to me and said
I think you should write songs instead of poems
She said
You have a great singing voice
She said
Maybe you are taking the easy way out
She said
Poems are easier to write than songs
She said
Songs cannot exist if you do not perform
She said
You should perform your poems
Transform them into songs

She turned to me and thought
I see something in you
I see potential

And it has been such a long time
Since someone looked at me and saw
Something that could be
My heart exploded
And I smiled
Because who is lucky enough to have such amazing friends?

One grain of rice is cut in five
To feed a large family one must stay apart
And watch
As their bothers and sisters starve
A sixth is all he can give
To make sure their teeth don't clink empty
When they close on that *grain de riz

"Lethal:
1. Sufficient to cause death.
2. Very harmful or destructive"

The dictionnary's definitions of lethal is my only definition of you.

She walks the woods
Stays the night
Everyday at her Grandma's house

He knows the path
Walks with her
Silently he stalks her

"It's not me, it's the wolf"
She swears to her Granma's ghost
"He dug my skin up for treasures"

Found the bones of a pretty young girl
Hiding behind her bright blonde curls
Shed her skin on the side of the road

Picked up her coat and put on a show
"I will go to Grandma's home
And eat her heart out like a wounded soul"

She uses the last of her dying breath
To call out to the lumberjack
"He went all the way to my Grandma's cottage

He wears a disguise, my great red cape and hoody
Don't
Mistake him for another hooligan
He's the big bad wolf and he'd eat you in an instant"

I wanted you to ink my face in your mind
Stamp my love all over your heart but you,
You didn't need to remember I
Was only a figure of the past,
Blurry and often forgotten.
It doesn't matter how long my hair is
How my smile is gone and the life in my eyes…
…Gone.

I travel back to the time you
Wanted to memorize my face
In each corner of your soul
I cannot fanthom how
It was easy to forget me
In the blink of an eye
I was gone
You never bothered to wonder
Where

I was lost in the past
Where the smiles you keep hidden
Were out for me everyday
I was looking all over the planet
For the thief who stole your smile
Away from me
At the end of the line
I found
You

*(I cried so much that day I didn't see the sun)

We are all missing something.
We miss a pair of shoes, a lover in our bed, a someone who could have been our future. We miss the way the way he touched you, a holiday that didn't last long enough, a lost earring that would match your outfit. We miss a heart we used to have, a scar that you put there, another that was given to you by someone who never should have touched you. We miss our innocence, the games we used to play as kids. We miss smells of our childhood.
In the end what we miss doesn't matter.
It is still lost.

People never know how low you can sink, how deep into the rabbit hole you can drop. Madness picks you up.
Madness is a weird thing.
It's a process. It's so small at first, so undetectable, that no one realizes what is happening until it is too late.
Once it happens, there is no going back.
But the descent is slow. It takes little bits of you everyday, every time someone or something hurt you.

Chip, chip, chip.

Like workers in a mine, chipping at the ground to find gold.
But there is no gold to be found in destruction.
There is only sadness, anger and despair. Despair leads the way to madness. Despair has no remorse, no boundaries. Despair will crush you down and won't stop. Despair leads you down and with it tumbles other feelings, incomprehension, frustration, desires, love, hate, they all follow you down and form this clumps of horrors you can't get out of. They keep you from breathing, speaking, hearing anything but your own despair.
And maybe you can't feel yourself change, but you do.
Slowly.
What once made you smile makes you smirk.
What once made you upset makes you smile.
Despair drills a hole in you body and, from it, everything that makes you you tumbles down and your body doesn't host a human anymore. It hosts a terrible thing. A shell of a human being with nothing left to lose. And that is the worst that can happen to anyone.
If there is no hope, no feelings, nothing, you become a danger.
There is nothing you wouldn't do.
Insanity doesn't destroy you.
It destroys everything around you.
Those who loved you one, those who cross your path. Anyone in contact with you loses a piece of themselves.
A hopeless person is a slow bomb. Its detonation is silent and lasts a long time, hurting hundreds of people.
Then, one day, it's over.
What if we could detect madness and cure it? I imagine a little goes a long way with madness.
I imagine a little love and care can solve the problem. Love is hope. Care shows importance. And if you matter, you don't get desperate.
I hope I never get desperate. I think, maybe, my family is keeping me sane. I would go insane without them. They are my hope. They show me I matter when no one else does.
But that isn't despair.
It's extreme, excruciating loneliness.
It hurts in your whole body, hurts on a cellular level. I think… it may be the worst kind of pain, when no one chooses to love you. Not because they are your family and feel the need to love you because you share blood. But because they think you are worth it.
I am not worth anyone's love.
And that is.
Just.
So.
****.
Painful.
My skin is one fire and I just stand there, burning alive forever.
But I am willing to burn forever more if it means I get to drown in hope one day.

Mon Papa c'est le roi, ma maman c'est la reine,
Elle arrive à nous faire rire,
Même quand on a de la peine.
Tu nous prépares des jus d'oranges du guerrier,
Et des petits plats biens mitonnés.
Même si parfois on critique ta cuisine,
Tu sais bien, qu'en fait, on te taquine.
Tu nous fais des bisous tous les soirs,
Tu n'oublies jamais, même s'il est ****.
Avec toi on peut toujours se confier,
Bien que souvent, on a peur de t'inquiéter.
Tu nous soutiens dans les moments difficiles,
Tu sais toujours comment rendre notre vie plus facile.
On adore te faire plaisir,
Et encore plus te faire rire!
Je ne sais pas ce qu'on ferait sans toi,
Heureusement que ce n'est pas le cas!
Même pas peur des monstres sous mon lit
Ils sont chassés dès que tu viens la nuit;
Tu nous fais un bisou protecteur,
Avec lui je peux affronter toutes mes peurs.

Ma Mamie.
Mamie a toujours été là pour nous,
Que ce soit pour faire des confitures ou bien des bisous.
Julia et moi sautons de joie à chaque fois qu'on la voit,
On ne compte jamais les heures pour arriver chez toi.
Tu m'as appris à tricoter et me grondait quand j'étais dissipée,
Mais chaque matin, sans faute, tu me faisais des pâtes au lait.
Grâce à toi nous avons toujours des bons petits plats,
Qu'il pleuve, qu'il vente, qu'il neige ou qu'il fasse froid.
Tu râles parfois parce que je suis difficile,
Et que je refuse d'avaler un champignon,
Cela dit je ne me fais pas de bile,
Je sais bien que tes repas seront toujours bons.
Je ne me considère pas une petite fille parfaite,
Puisque je suis souvent au bout du monde,
Mais j'espère que tu ne me feras jamais la tête,
Car rien pour moi ne compte plus au monde,
Que de te savoir heureuse, joyeuse et en bonne santé.
Bien qu'aujourd'hui, je parte pour l'Université,
Je veux que tu saches que je ne t'ai pas oubliée.
Tu es toujours bien au chaud dans mon cœur,
Une place spéciale qui fait tout mon bonheur.
Tu accompagnes tous mes voyages,
En pensée et souvent même en image.
Je me revois toute petite m'endormir dans tes bras,
Alors je ne suis plus seule, je sais que tu es là.
Je t'écris ce petit poème,
Pour que jamais tu n'oublies à quel point je t'aime.
"**** des yeux, **** du cœur" ne s'applique pas,
Nous sommes une famille unie et ça, ca ne s'invente pas.
Cette place dans mon cœur n'appartient à personne d'autre que toi,
N'aie pas peur de la perdre, elle sera toujours là.

It was in a bar
Not unlike the one I was sitting in not two days ago
We talked all night
I was whipped
Swept of my feet
In heartbeat
I wondered why my heart hurt so bad last night
Like a painful bruise on the side of my mouth I couldn't help but lick my lips
Feel the blood invade my senses
I wonder if you realize
I get lovesick in buses now

If we are broken we are mercury
We can never been destroyed
Bury us 6 feet under but
We still *RADIATE

My emptiness pounds in my ears
My emptiness is killing me I fear
Like the miles I eat up while running
Trying to fill the gaping hole deep within
With gasping breaths
And hollow sounds
Struggling to stay afloat
Already drowning down
Boom boom boom
Pounding relentlessly
Boom boom boom
Calling for your mercy

Mon papa, c'est le plus fort des papas.
Mon papa, c'est le plus beau des papas.
Mon papa, même quand il est fatigué, on dirait Richard Gere.
Mon papa, même si il est carnivore, moi, je l'aime quand même.
Mon papa, quand il mange, on dirait qu'il a 5 ans, mais moi, je l'aime quand même.
Mon papa, il a des voitures super cool qui font vroom.
Mon papa, quand il conduit, on dirait Michel Vaillant, même pas peur.
Mon papa, quand il me dit bonne nuit, j'ai même plus peur.
Les monstres sous mon lit, eux, ils se désintègrent avec la force des bisous de mon papa.
Mon papa, parfois, il ronfle et je l'aime quand même.
Mon papa, quand on est dans la piscine, il joue au crocrodile avec nous.
Mon papa, quand il porte des choses, les manches de sa chemise se déchire sous les   muscles.
Mon papa, avec une barbe, on dirait un homme des caverne, c'est trop cool.
Mon papa, quand il fait des câlins, on disparait sous ses couches d'amour.
Mon papa, quand il nous emmène faire du shopping, il supporte des heures et il sourit.
Mon papa, il nous laisse faire des trucs qui lui font peur, mais il veut nous faire plaisir, alors il dit oui.
Mon papa, il m'a laissé faire du saut en parachute, et je suis même pas morte.
Mon papa, il râle parfois mais on sait qu'en fait, c'est parce qu'il nous aime.
Mon papa, même quand il voyage, il pense à nous.
Mon papa, il nous emmène en voyage avec des photos tout le temps quand il travail.
Mon papa, il nous emmène en voyage tout le temps quand il est en vacances.
Mon papa, il fait des trucs de papa trop génial.
Par exemple, il connait nos restaurants préférés, et il sait ce qui nous fait plaisir.
Alors il nous y emmène.
Mon papa, même quand il est en colère, il est beau.
Mon papa, quand il sourit il est comme Thor, le dieu du tonnerre, il est puissant.
Du coup, parfois, ma maman elle fait un nervous break down.
Parce que mon papa il est trop beau c'est même pas normal.
Mon papa, il a un double menton pour que si un jour Game Of Thrones arrive dans la vraie vie, on pourra pas lui trancher la gorge.
Mon papa, il fait du vélo plus vite que le Tour de France. La preuve, ca fait des années qu'ils sont en France, mon papa, lui, il est déjà à Dubai.
Mon papa, parfois il oublie notre anniversaire quand on lui demande au pif, mais il oublie jamais de le souhaiter, donc on lui pardonne.
Mon papa, il voyage en first class.
Mon papa, il connait les aéroports mieux que James Bond.
Mon papa, il regarde des series TV de jeunes.
Mon papa, il porte des costards.
Mon papa, il nous emmène manger des dans endroits incroyables.
Mon papa, il nous emmène dans des hôtels de luxe.
Mon papa, il devrait être président du monde.
Mon papa, il est mieux que les autres papa parce que c'est le mien.
Mon papa, il est irremplaçable.  
Mon papa, si on m'en donnait un autre, j'en voudrais pas.
Mon papa, je veux que celui la.
Mon papa il est pas toujours là, mais c'est pas grave, parce qu'il est jamais ****.
Mon papa, il traverse le monde mais après il nous raconte, alors c'est cool.
Mon papa, il fait une super vinaigrette. Dommage que j'aime pas la vinaigrette.
Mon papa, quand il fait un barbeque, ca fait beaucoup de fumée et pas beaucoup de feu, mais c'est pour mieux nous impressioner quand il fait rôtir la viande.
Mon papa, il parle Anglais.
Mon papa, c'est le meilleur papa du monde.
Mon papa, je l'aime, même si maintenant, il a presque un demi siècle.
Mon papa, c'est comme un druide.
Ca meurt jamais.
C'est trop cool.
Mon papa, c'est comme une mode indémodable, tu veux jamais le remplacer, il est toujours tendance.
Mon papa, on peut pas le comparer a une mode fashion, parce que c'est un humain.
Mon papa, c'est le meilleur humain que je connaisse.
Avec ma maman et ma soeur et mon chat, mais chuuuuut.
C'est un secret.
Mais ce que je préfère à propos de mon papa, c'est que dès que je le vois, je peux lui dire:
"mon papa, je l'aime."

I am tired of moving mountains for people who only make them crash.

I am exactly the way you left me
In the wintery day you said I wasn't worthy
The snow has turned me to ice
Like the words spit from your lips turned my heart to glass
So easily shattered
Icebergs of the past revealing the truth of thousands of years in hiding
Brittle bones and DNA
As if you didn't know pain is only temporary
But traces of love last forever
No matter how broken I am
Memories of completeness linger at the back of my mind
Surface back in my dreams like ice cubes in water
Slowly dissolving, transparent and ever changing
Ever alive
A few deep breaths and I see smoke
From the dragon lungs I own
Since the day you turned my heart to ashes
And every season it burst aflame again
Each time a breath comes out
So does the smoke from my burned spirit
And I am back on track
Not the girl I once was
But stronger and weaker at the same time
Hard to love
And be loved
Hard to break
Too tough for you
Sparks flew then it was over
And the only memories I own are those the flames consumed
With burning passion the love evaporated in the heat
Just like the breath of life
I insuflated in your lungs
With my cold cold soul

I am exactly the way you left me
And moving on isn't easy

Your fingers linger on the bruises
You put there just last night
Covering
Last week's addition with thoughtful convenience
Streaks of red and blue around my throat
A word too fast
A breath too short
I made you angry
You did not realize
This one time would be the last
A second too long
A lifetime lost
My body in a bag
A macabre sculpture you created like an artisan
Molding my face into a canvas of fear and pain
Into the blank face of death
You created art and like most artists
I(t) will haunt your sleepless night
With every memory of me

I don't feel safe in my head anymore
My head is telling me dark things
My head is dragging me down
It turns on me every night
When I hold on for dear life on the only arm that has always been here for me
I squeeze it tight and hope for the wave to pass but
It's not a wave
It's a Tsunami
Rushingrushingrushingrushingrushingrushingrushing
in my blood
   Coursing my veins with the incertainty of a future where I don't have to be alone
Coursing my brain with the possibility of a future where I don't have a choice
Where everyone around me has someone else's arm to hold onto
I have nobody else's but mine and it is
PAINFUL
Because I can't be understood and I can't change the way I am and
I talk
I write
I try
I try hard
I try so hard
I try so ******* hard
To be who I want to be
But
The weight is holding me back in the water
In the dark
Wherever it needs me
And I am there
Suffocating with the need to talk and the desire to be invisible
And I reach back and search
And hope for it to break
And hope it never does
And I go on to do things by myself because life goes on
And people move on
And no one waits for me because I have to hop on and make my own place
But as I watch them all go all I can think is that it's not my fault
I'm a little be twisted to the side
I'm a little bit twisted inside
I'm a little bit broken by years of not being taken care of
Because no matters how careful I am with myself
Each day I fall and break
Each day I'm a little more chipped
And I'm scared
Terrified of the day I will be one last chip falling into
O…
      B…
            L…
                   I…
                          V…
                                  I…
                                         O…
                                                 N…
Because we all fall astray
But I will fall head first
Because the arm I'm holding on to is my own.

Would you **** for someone?
My family.
I would rub myself raw and twist my naked soul in a ball of nothingness
I am not a patient person but I would wait and turn to stone and let salt cover me
Before I'd betray my family
I would eat everyone's heart out and taste their beating heart between my teeth
I would skin myself and bite my tongue
I would ****
Lucky I am allowed to love them more.

"I love you", I said.
"You said that already", he replied.
In this instance I think I loved you a little bit less.
Like a broken sink with an eternal drip,
My love rang empty when I called out your name.
Like a broken sink with an eternal drip,
I would sleep with the echo in my head of what could have been.
This morning I fixed my broken heart,
And with it all went
My past love for a memory.

The air is warm, light, like cool drops of rain of my burning face. I stare at the horizon and try to think of something nice. Something good.
Something else.
In front of me lie miles and miles of land, green, orange and yellow, tinted with red sparks of autumn, a leaf dipped in flame. And like all leaves dipped in flame, it will shrivel up and die. Disappear.
Dust in the wind.
I wonder if my bones are heavier than ashes.
I wonder how light a body filled with so much guilt can be.
I feel heavier than the world, emptier than a black hole.
I feel nothing.
But I see.
I see autumn, a chameleon taking over the colours of dying summer and growing winter.
I watch, as branches stand strong, skeleton aiming for the sky when the leaves reach for the earth, growing bigger and stronger every year.
I wonder if trees know how incredible they are, offering a trampling for the birds to soar from, to rise into the translucent void.
I look up and the emptiness both frightens and excites me.
I wish I could get lost in it.
Then perhaps I could loose myself and forget… forget it all.