Don’t act like you stuck to me.
Don’t ever show love for me.
Maybe hear and there during *******.
I doubled back.
I’m not giving up.

At least two times a day, I be cooking up.
Died in the car but I’m brave.
I need to saved.
The last life played me.

Now I’m on a test run;
Learning quick as I go.
Feeling I’m running out of time with my babies.

I’m forever scared up.
Really gave up on love.
And I’m not waiting.

Forever my guard’s up.
Really by myself.
I was never just saying.

I carry a lot on my shoulders and head, but still I’m only just one man.


Tell who’s loving you better than me.
Who can **** wit me, tell me?
Just go ahead, let me know that I’m sharing.
If you honest I could never be jealous.
You sexing my bros.
Please don’t start me up.
How could I fall in love?
Truly back stabbed, I’m a warrior.
My next album for Aria.

Deserve it all, but how can I get it?
Dark places and spaces, I’m tripping.
Can’t trust a soul, and my life I can’t mention.
I ain’t even got brothers to witness.
Never had friends and I’m popping prescriptions.
Until I return, what comes with it?
Really been feeling defeated.
You never can learn me, just listen.

Checked out.
My hearts been evicted.
Volcano erupted, no limit
Like many, I beat myself up, Bobbie and Whitney.
The judge gave me an extension.
Went through every emotion to be in position.
No more striking out, I’m only pitching.
Until I return don’t miss me.
I’m tired of feeling so empty
And falling hard.

I used to be grateful for many things but not for everything.
I was self taught to take every lost I had on the chin.
Before there was an “all ten.”
“Many men.”
I had dark days, felt like I wouldn’t win again.

Learned blessings and lessons, I bought it all in.
Investing on myself so I’m not giving in.
Told my daddy we gon eat good again.
After I return again,
I might have to sin.

So I cry that I’m grateful for everything.
Cry for my block because we never got one ring.
I stayed in the trap but in my head still heaven sings.

So I’ll remain grateful.

Thank God that my plate’s full.

My past life distasteful.

Running fast like sonic, not understanding getting rings.
God showed me I can come from many things.
He pulled me up said, I can’t go for anything.

Even though my plate’s full, I stopped complaining because I’m grateful.
Even though my plate’s full, I realized it’s everything that I’ve prayed for.

Be careful what you wish for.

Even when I return, I’m grateful.

Died once, I’m grateful.

Past life, distasteful.

Til I return,
I’m grateful.

No my name’s not Bennett , but I’m really in it.
Never one to just go with the flow,
I’m just trying to win it.

Not wanting my relationship to be a situationship; it’s dangerous.
Can’t even see the monsters that you’ve made of us.

Raising up.
Raising brows.
Cover up my own smile.
Thinking I could fill the void by having me a second child.

My hearts full.
Full of emotion.
Full of neglect.
Full of myself.
Full of my friends and loved ones that are left.

Feeling out of touch, I’m trying to change my life and run it up.
The marathon continues , but I can’t be no runner up.

Dumb it down.
Sound it out.
Passion’s what I’m all about.
Crazy, but I want a happy home before I get a house.
Feeling by myself but it’s like ten people on the couch.

It ***** for me.
But soon I’ll reach my clarity, guess lucky me.

Stuck to me.
Looking up the definition of custody.
My words and my heart’s all I got left, don’t give a **** to me.

I need a hug.
Find comfort in myself but I can’t see the love.

Back and forth with self worth.
Thinking bout my son’s birth.
AMB, this thing will last forever long as I’m on Earth.
Almost had that took away.
I’m suffering like every day.
Mentally I’m in maze, trying to fix these evil ways.

Evil thoughts.
Thought about it all when my last breath was caught.
Almost in a hole for real, my demons had a hold of wheels.

Heal just to rebuild, but I ain’t got the time, I pop a pill.
Things been wrong for so long that I can’t even taste a meal.
Chasing thrills.
Heavy with the consciousness, maybe I am too chill.

Rolling down the steepest hill, premeditate my own will.

I can put words together.

I can put words together.
My actions confusing with words, vendetta.

If this was a war, we lost.
Diffusing a bomb with cost.

Catching it all, but no Randy Moss.
Lately I’m always *******.
Trying to find balance between these worlds is difficult; covered my passions in scars and pain with ridicule.
Lately, they ask what’s got into you.

A cloud in my mind but it’s spiritual.

Diamonds all in my heart are biblical.

Trying to find peace in residuals.

I won’t let them finish me.
The world on my back.
They stepping on cracks and it’s breaking my back, but somehow my heart is attached.

That’s how I perceive a relapse.

I’ve been going through something.
Hiding from myself.
I’ve been going through something.

Feeling strange.
Found and lost my way.
I feel all emotions.

Needed God.
Stretching out my arms.
I feel all the sins.
Needed God.


Kiss me like you miss me.
Hug me like it’s my last days.
**** me like we got superpowers.
Never mind, that all fades.

Second coming.
I went through a lot.
I been up to something.
Mind running.
I want to pray for nothing.
Learn my own buttons.

Must be born again.
That goes different ways everybody.
Must be born again.
I was never trying to be somebody.

Must be born again.
Be your own savior, find the voice.
Must be born again.
I died in January, God’s choice.

Must be born again.
But if you don’t then this for you too.

We must be born again.
Life will turn into an interlude.

I got caught up in the streets.
I got greedy.
Started doing wrong and evil.
I love all my ******.
Want to hug my ******, they don’t understand the meaning.
I was living fast, going through the motions;
Never played wide receiver.
I’d go back in time if I could, rewind for good and stop the grieving.
Thinking suicide but I’m strong I know my two favorite people need me.
Plus I got a mom, dad, and two sisters.
I hold my pain like a secret.
I had to realize that the universe was trying to tell me what I needed.
I be alone a lot.
Armani caught me talking to demons.
I lost Gage.
I lost Karon.
I lost Mario and Rod.

I lost myself.
Almost lost my life right before I got locked up.

I had a talk with the reaper.
He’s thinking about killing me next.
I said you’re real for sure.
But I’m already killing myself.

I be talking to God.
But I still did the work of the devil.
Now I’m trying to get my life together.
Everyday now is stormy weather.

I’m not suppose to question God;
Hope you listen God, what’s it take to get healthy?
I walk around with fire, I can’t trust nobody.
Paranoid, it’s sad I can’t help it.

Granddaddy died in the house after school.
After that I took the room.
I was waking up feeling paralyzed drowning in my own tears.

And I’m sorry that I never listened.
But that don’t mean I need hell.
I can’t really talk to my daddy, since he became twelve.
I talk to God daily so I know he hears me, but I don’t never find answers.

I had a circle full of fake friends.
They wasn’t even gang or scammers.
I was trying to feed my family.
But I still wasn’t trying to do better.

You was suppose to be my partner.
Got hooked on drugs and moved jealous.
We was suppose to eat together and have the team and family rocking name brand and better.

I feel my words be to simple.
But they say I’m complex.
I’m just misunderstood.
Need balance and I’m taking the steps.

Im trying to do better.
Trying to stack my cheddar.
I wanted us all to eat together.
Trying to change the weather.
Plain old sweater, use to wear it for whatever.

I’m trying to keep my head up everyday.
Deep down inside I’m going Kanye crazy.
Said I need therapy and people scared of me.
Quiet, but I got a whole lot to say.

Had to get off the internet.
Thugging, Im not the biggest but pose a threat.
Maybe because I'm black or my colors repped.
Where fake **** will get you stretched.
Dealing with so much pain I can't recollect.
Roll me up a blunt of my deep regrets.

trying to focus, I need a check.
Dealing with all the glory and disrespect.
Been betrayed by ****** walking my silhouette.
How far can a Brutus stretch?
Steady learning my worth, others far fetched,
want to use my head just to get a check.
Got trial, I need to rest.
Temptation, money, drugs, and guns made me disconnect.
I still came right back, I had to die a sec.
**** could be worse, learned from the wreck.
All this going back and forth about who's the best.
You do so many shows but where people at?

Success has been over mapped.
A couple of turn in had me overlapped.
But I will make out the cloud;
too deep to rap.

You miss two or three celebrations, buy incentives, you beg me to come.
Meet and greet with brothers really different, we be bearing arms.
My family be at the table talking ****,
guess that's the price of love.
Putting money in his pockets, but I'm stressed, so here goes a dub.
For years, been writing page after page just to get a head nod.
Stay out the streets, get killed, or suffer;
my reason for over night jobs.
Trying not to rob.
I've always dropped the ball so I gave it to God.
Hanging out the window with my stick, we was out in Cobb.

I wanted to be in the league when I grew up.
I wanted to be in the streets when I grew up.
I wanted to be like bro when I grew up.
I wanted all the hoes when I grew up.

I wanted to be like my daddy when I grew up.
I wanted my own family when I grew up.
I wanted to free my cousin when I grew up.
I wanted to make it out when I grew up.

Never knew what love meant, I had to grow up.
I never knew how to vent, I need to grow up.

I was acting like a little boy, I had to grow up.
I be feeling like a lonely child, I gotta grow up.

The age of 25 I grew fonder of self love.
Neglecting myself had me lost on what was above.
Lack of my peers over years applying pressure.
My mind’s on autopilot, that’s the closest I’ll get to a Tesla.


My self denial and  selfish trials put bolts in me.
All this love,
Is this girl playing a joke on me?

Truly my deepest darkest fear is I lose it all.
Breaking me down where I thought I was all along
I can’t even express with my words, maybe a song
Maybe everything that I needed I had all along.

Everyone’s testing my patience.
Lately, can’t see what’s troubling me.
Part of it’s mental
Part is emotionally
Maybe just some pure love that I need.

Unfortunately I had to bleed to believe.
That’s why my hearts on my sleeve.

Suffer from hate.
Suffer from lost.
Brutality from the police.

I had to run and reflect on some things that’s putting a burden on me.
Recovery
Surgery

Life going fast as a 10 speed
And I can’t breathe
I can’t leave
And I can’t run
Surrounding myself with just 4 walls

They tell you to spread peace and love in prosperity
But if I hit the ground then I’m gon fall
With no pick up
This a stick up
For the ****** that’s coming to take all the money
If I bet a dollar for everything that you was raised
You couldn’t take none of it from me.

Or maybe you could.
Just like America
Destroying my mental
Create a criteria
Then you compare us

1200 dollars  just last me a week.

We wanna conquer, but hard to defeat
Protesting ain’t hurt enough or a speech.


If I goto the corner store, give every black man a dollar that’s homeless would that even teach.
They lie thru their teeth, so I gotta preach


You calling it anger and screeching, that **** is a reach.
Everyone’s at the top.
Won’t look beneath.

Until I got murdered cold blood in the street.

Heat waves.

I look to the sky for the answers beyond me.
The ways that I am are the demons that haunt me.

Misty feelings over shower these days.
I’ve been hiding my face, I can’t seem to retrace my steps in the mud because of fog.

But still proud of myself and all of the things that we’ve changed.
You put my heart in a rage.
Lately feelings have changed.
Us together has never existed.
I just ask on this one day you give me permission.
But you can’t play the field when you’re stuck on the sideline.

Lately I’ve just been over things.
Mood and weather controlling things.
Hardly can stand the rain either.
All my poems expose my ways.
Hope we’re growing for better days.
I lost the love of my life and every friend so I had to pray now you mean everything to me.
You change the climate.
Your mountains, I climbed.
Our problems I write it.
Everything’s in private.

Even Drake said it, this **** means everything to me.
Literally everything.
Now I don’t know where we stand, I use to hit you about everything.


What’s a real man to a cave man?
Tell me what’s love to a love child?
Running from pain that will last while, through this stormy weather I can hardly smile.
Type your address into maps with purpose.
Apprehensive and it makes me nervous.
I don’t know what else do after this, it’s my last poem, I guess I don’t deserve it.

I’m out for revenge.
I want the crown.
I’m down for the breach.
I got receipts.
I want my peace and I want some equity.
I’m working on trust and changing trajectory.
I’m not going to change.
I wanted a name.
I wanted the brand.
I studied the game.

I need a pen.
I need a pad.
I have to get a lot out of my brain.

I never had fame.
I don’t want clout.
I distance myself.
No one was reaching out.

I want the smoke.
I got the juice.
The more that eat, the more that I seek.
Stuck in the muse.

I want to be Drake.
I want to be Cole.
I want to be Dash.
I want to be Hov.

I want to be Meek.
I want to be him.
I want to be you.
I want to be me.

I wanted to live.
I wanted to ****.
I want to forgive.
I want to be chill.
But I don’t know how.

The more that I lie, the more that I save.
The more I protect, the more I neglect.
I’m harder to keep.
It’s harder to sleep.
It’s harder to breathe.
I’m out for respect.

I had a disconnect with my friends.
They’re choosing sides.
I wanted to ride.
I wanted to slide.
I’m looking for God.
I’m flirting with death.
I threw away pride.

I’m changing my mind.
I’m guiding my steps.
I’m practicing patience with so many reps.
Now I got a plan.
It’s forming a tree.
Covered in blood, it’s all on the leaves.

My last name is guilt trip.
Full first name resentment.
As bad as I wanted so many things, I never go the distance.

It’s even got me writing my poetry different.
Exposing myself to new limits and questioning everything in the universe and in between.

Now I have to distance myself.

My self pity and selfishness is what got me here in this position.
Having nightmares of demolition.
Misguided on intuition.
Love is something I’ve been misusing, only for my satisfactions or competitions.
Only thing in this loaded gun of mine is premonitions.

Now I need and seek clarity.
I once again need therapy.
I now too lack empathy.
I had to even just look up the definition, to make sure I use it correctly.
Tired of only giving to what won’t accept me.
I just hope that when the choir and the eulogy’s next me, we know what love cost.

So many bottles and rello wraps.
I’ve been reminiscing while I’m writing raps.
Evidently how my poems slaps.
Im trying to reach your hearts but I lost the map.

I drown myself in poison.
I feel traded on, Derozen.
It’s safe to say my heart’s still frozen.
Now drugs and bottle’s have gotten provoking.
I was chosen.
Twist my tops to open.
All of my feelings are mixed with potion, and got me smiling.

Now I’m stuck on islands.
I feel so castaway.

I’ve watered down my life.
I’ve come from pain and sacrifice.
Can’t even tell you about my life.
It’s sad to say though, I’d do this twice.
Forever drowning.

The more that I love, the more that I hurt.
The more that I bleed, the less that I’m worth.
I hustled for mine.
Built from the dirt.
The more that I lie, the more that I curse.

The more that I need her, the more she won’t stay.
I live in the dark.
I stayed out the way.
Bitter, but only at times of the day.
Now my initials NWA.

Now I want it all.
I want revenge.
Take it to God.
Forgiving my sins.
I want to be one.
I want to be love.
I want to be young.
I outgrew my friends.

Now I’m harder to break.
I’m harder to shake.
My poems are wack.
You can’t relate.
I’m tired of hate.
I’m tired of snakes.
I was the dreamer that stayed awake.

I’m holding a grudge.
They want me to fall.
They want me to starve.
I see that facades.
They said it was love, so I wished on a star.
They wanted my soul.
They gave me my scars.

The more that I try, the more that I cry.
I’m aiming for heads, I don’t need a why.
I put that on my team.
The logo’s a tree.
A successors revenge.
It’s all growing from me.

I guess you reap what you sow.
I gotta get it and go.
No time to panic and fold.
I put these tithes on the road.
All that glitters ain’t gold.

Stayed loyal.
Stuck to the code.
With timing, only God knows.
From the concrete, what grew was a rose.

Once was a fool.
Depression the state.
My views misshaped.
I only cling’d to a tool, she saw it through my shirt and asked if it’s new.

My heart jaded.
Thoughts segregated.
Fed into greed and the hatred.
Before I knew it, all our love went and faded.
Feeling out dated.
Drunk off of words in California, I created myself a mind state and named it that special place that’s in Georgia.
Or in Houston.
Sprung off of something I loved in spring.
I was in love with some things that my eyes had never seen.
Now concluding pipe dreams.

The pessimistic definitions strictly of my poetry,
You’re forever something that’s controlling me.

Lord,
pick up, I been calling all night.

I just wanted to go home.

I lack motivation and concentration;
Leave me alone.

Innervating all my words just to keep myself strong.

A poet.

Only God knows this journey I venture.
Do not enter is a sign that I have placed on my heart to keep away the evil that surrounds me.

Energy.
A vibe called myself.

Chastised from my subconsciously wrong doings.
However, I’m still growing, learning, and evolving.

What’s left or next for Seb?
I can’t even tell you, even though I’ve only emptied out one bag of so many of my thoughts, emotions, and passions.

From dusk to dusk I sit and contemplate.
Medicating along with meditating is no longer my comfort zone.

But somehow,
I’m still forming into my own.

I got inspired and started writing at the airport.
A mile high.
Like I tried to write a lullaby for you and I.

Do or die?
Til death do us apart.
I’ll let you decide.
Tried to ride the wave, but they tanked and couldn’t catch the tide.

Slicing everybody up some humble pie.

Hold me down through my troubled times.
Or you can be another victim to my stubborn pride.
A Nipsey quote.
Cleared the air but now, I want all the smoke.
It’s one love but still missing substance, are you even woke.

Lacking all the talent, recreate your passion.
People die from what they fake,
and put it in a caption.

Rags to riches in my own fashion.
Avoiding all distractions.
Done overreacting over selfish and childish actions.

Painfully honest in my poems, why would I lie to you?
I’ve gotten rid of toxic things so I’ll survive for you.
Giving people the cold shoulder, thats how we had to move.
So many times you’ve gave your heart, and they turned their backs to you.

They’ll try to pick your brain apart and say they’ll ride for you.
Sell you everything that you need, they’ll lie to you.
No longer care and want all the smoke I’ll sit outside for you.
I was on my last, I was doing bad but I would provide for you.
I know so people who will take your art and ride on you.
Throwing the shade,
feeling rage, can’t pick a side for you.
They can’t be honest with anything, can’t confide for you.
Throw dirt all on your name the go and go hide from you.

Reminiscing on the days when we were back in school.
Trying to get points not scoring buckets but we loved to hoop.
Me and boys was running throw cars rooms and houses;
we was even taking shoes.
Everybody else wanted to party, we’re trying to make a move.
I seen my first gun at thirteen and we knew how to use it.
Use to look up to some cowards then I start writing music.
I look inside my own eyes and see that I’m tired of something.

Transparent relationship but yet you’re out here cheating.
We can break it down to the right and wrongs, there’s way too many reasons.
These labels hear all of y’alls trash but yet aren’t signing me.
Feel I’ve been tripping for so long but I’m steady trying to find my peace.
Kicking everyone out of my house;
I’m the one who signed this lease.
Until we knew who killed my friends I’ll never have time to grieve.
I’ll treat y’all music like y’all treat women, it don’t mean **** to me.
Showing I can do this without who, ***** who are you to me?
I’ve had so many peoples back yet they were stabbing me.
Just want to see my family smile they’ll soon be proud of me.
I know my dead loved ones are looking down on me
And I’m still waking through the fire, there is no matching me.

Why every time I come around these girls are eyeing me.
Say I’m lacking on emotions but my hearts on my sleeve
No matter what, no giving up, getting back on track to me.
Even long when I’m dead and gone I’ll be a studio athlete.
When I was hurting, they were up, so what’d you have for me?
None of you can keep it a thousand so I had to leave.

Write and record what I’m feeling in my heart, I’m not thinking about a hit.
I ride and do whatever for my dogs like we relate to Vick.
I’m doing everything that I said, I also prayed for this.
No one knows about the hard and late nights we had to wait for this.
Anything less than 100 has to go, so all of you are dismissed.

I’m shady because I want more?

I’m the snake because I chose not to slither?

I wasn’t built to fit in your circle anyway and for years you didn’t encouraged me but laughed when I was “out of shape.”

I didn’t even want the last laugh, I ended all my moves pretty shallow.
I thought the grass was mowed so tell me, how low does it really go?

See from this love village a boy grew a rose from his own soul and soil with no water or seed from his fellow peers.
To only realize, he was prince all along and when he tried to show others the way
They ignored him.

As times goes on, the circle gets smaller.
We will never forget The Marathon Continues.
However, everybody can’t go.
Everybody isn’t built nor ready for this race or this fast pace.

Still painting my pictures perfect, they never needed us.
We couldn’t get inside the doors but now they’re greeting us.

Ash to ashes.
Burning dust til dusk.
Only love we see through the lust.

More than just a poet, these words aren’t enough.

I been trying to find the perfect way to open this.

At the same time, I really don’t think that anyone notices.

Behind these word’s a person that had lost themself and the only thing they could do is run and fight themself for their pursuit to happiness.

A simple man.
No love from his own wife.
Well maybe not in his love language at least.
They can’t even hold a conversation.
Take the *** away, there’s nothing left to lay in.
Debating with himself like everything is a complication.

She’s angry.

Always feeling you’re down and out.
Your outer shell is hard, but inside you’re crying out.
And can’t even find comfort to just talk about it.

Comfort is a thing these days that seems so challenging.
You have to find the middle ground for both of you to balance in.

To find a partner who’s on target with everything you’re missing is inevitable.
Can’t even find a cure or therapy not even using ThereFlu.
I know a lot about it, I been there too.
When the only thing you’ve got is right there staring right back at you.
Surrounded by mirrors.

In a fitting room with hits and misses like target practice.
Only thing you seem to do right is moving backwards.

Fronting for people who don’t have your back.
Nor your best interest.
Especially when they’ve never experienced your position.
This all takes persistence.

And to these, one person beings who swear that they’re so in love, when everything hits the fan how do you stay above?
Maybe you can help the next, or spark their mind to understand that everything starts from your mental and deep within.

So where do we begin?

This love cycle’s something that just happens to us over and over again.

Break the walls.
Your fitting room shouldn’t expose and fragile yourself.

Take that weight off of your shoulders and put it back on the shelf.
Give it to God.

I don’t know if it’s me being selfish.
Or habits of being selfless.
My intuition is burning, checking mileage on my wellness.

We all are careless.

I been on the road.
You can check the tire pressure.
I sit back, sip the tea and look how things were measured.

A friend of mine said “just trust me.”

So I’m patient now, don’t rush me.

But still in a dilemma to finish the race in first place.

The shoes are tight, you can check the lace.
Who’s real and who’s fake?
We all need a break.

They’re falling hard.
They break like a vase.
Banking and chase.
Well gone just as far go.

Tired of selling my soul.
I scanned so much like a bar code.

A woman said that I’m playing games so I guess we’re in story mode.

Far as stories go..
People are sharing feelings I’m like what are those.
Smell that **** a mile away without a nose.

I was the one with the dreams.
I was the one with the schemes.
Battling things on my own, feelings alone but I had a whole team.
I never said anything.
Move in silence, do my own things.
Trying to find my way to millions.
Trying to spread my own wings.

Bad habits for daily routines.
I’m always running from therapy.
Losing my balance while searching for clarity.
Now, they tell me I lack motivation,
I was just anticipating and waiting.
Waiting for timing and something,
I had no clue what it was and somehow I was losing myself.

Reforming my brand, destined and full of success.
Branches but aren’t any leaves.

I needed help.
I wouldn’t accept it, people were turning their back on me.
Act as if it didn’t matter.
My insides were shattered.
I stay to myself and now look what I got.
Use to think I was worthless believe it or not.
Now I really open my notebook and jot.

Praying for Dre because they want him to rot.
Praying for Seb because he wants his spot.
Pray for Amodre, he messed up his shots of going to college, succeeding and winning a lot.
Maleek doesn’t know if he’s human or not.
This clarity came and it got myself closer.
I needed closure from things I was burying deep down inside while destroying myself.

Grow out my hair.
Stack up my wealth.
Practicing loving myself and my health.
Watching for snakes, I’ve been working on stealth.
Playing the hand and the cards that I’m dealt.

Built for success.
Been on the road of becoming goat, I must confess.
Passing the tests that the lord has given before disappearing to catch up on rest.

A new year is coming.
We want all the money.
Telling every woman bag back.

We was lost.
We fell off track.
Let's hope we do not relapse.

How could I worry about shot clocks, when I’ve been fighting just to make it to the playoffs.
Getting fired and hired and laid off.
You’re too focused on materialistic and pretend things.
Trying to impress your friends and these women.
I say all the time let’s move different.
This won’t fix none of the things that I’ve mentioned.
The relationship’s more like tradition.

We fight and don’t talk but we're moving on.
I still stay to myself, I’ve been traded on.
I can’t rush into something I keep my patience.
But you’re giving techs, fouls and a flagrant.

We know I can hit me a buzzer to win the game.
But why would I win just to feel pain.
Trying to fix myself and my mind-frame.
Stay true to myself in my own lane.

We all know these other women all want me, but I act expensive yet they all adore me.
To tie the knot won’t complete this story.
Better tighten up, soon they can afford me.
A couple of years of dating.
We on thin ice like we’re skating.
Don’t want to break, I’m just saying.
Believe it or not, I’m not faking.
Spent my whole life for this training.

For shot clocks...

So you can keep timing me or move along.
I should be writing a better poem and songs.
Self centered, you’re right and I’m always wrong.
If anything, you’re the one taking too long.

For shot clocks...

Lately they’re tripping on Seb.
Lately they all want him dead.
Lately he’s been taking meds.
How much for your soul wasn’t theirs.
Look at the horns and their scared,
like I was the monster that’s under their beds.
When they were kids,
their dreams are deferred, in humbling waters they tread.

Lately I haven’t been smiling.
Putting my mind in alignment.
Thoughts are real loud but I’m silent.
Don’t have the time for rewinding.
Lately I haven’t been joking.
Keep to myself, and I hate being open.
Lately I haven’t been smoking.
Hit me a black and a ***** start choking.
Picked like flower, I’m chosen.
Heart feeling jaded, I’m broken.
Shy but my poems’ outspoken.
All of them serve you token.

I sit all alone on these rainy days;
Earthly temptations are getting controlling.
Sooner or later I’ll fade away, but for now I’m just waiting my moment.

Thinking you’re the man and the plug like you’re kool.
Until your kids and family are getting followed home from work and school.

Better get up on your night job.

Some will press you and not even want your work.
Just want to see if you're about it.
From the dirt.

They're putting my brothers on a shirt.

Not even in a casket or a Hearse.
They’re getting cremated, not even given back to the earth.

It's making me question my worth.
So I medicate.
When I should meditate.
How much for our souls?
That was even the intro for my mixtape.
And lately I've been falling out with friends so it’s hard to take.
Some can but most can’t relate.
These days there’s no need for a debate.

Experiencing and talking from this perspective couldn’t even make me whole anymore.
But, I’m still around.
I smile, learning to love what’s mine.
I guess it’s true what they say.
I now know that love is blind.

But never mind that.
We're back on that player ****.
Heart jaded.
Hanging wit the homies and getting hell of faded.
Intoxicated love.

I drove around the block twice, just to find somewhere park.
I stumbled, trying rush and get ahead of my already lucky start.
Acting dumbfounded but yet I’m smart.
I'm learning to be top shelf, and put myself on the chart.

However now,  I no longer care.
Stay in the house, and grow out my hair.
And truth be told all along, I was fully aware.

Trying to become the best poet.
However, my self esteem doesn’t show it.
While I took this time to write a new poem so no one, not even myself could quote it.

So now I read with my head down.
But after this, again I will lift it.
I had a conversation with fans, and they told me I was gifted.
Now look at all this weight that I done lifted.

I wrote these poems on a summer night.
I was high off life.
Grinding making better music;
out here trying to spread the movement.
Want to show love, but you need improvement.
Don’t even know the real meaning, you need to hit up google.

People are really dropping out on both sides.
But I don’t worry, our team has mob ties.

My pen’s been working, I write your recent rhymes and all mines.
Speaking on me is something that they all tried.
I guess y’all just making moves on y’all own time.
Just know, this coming January there will be no replies.

A short poems for once.
No more story telling and 30 for 30’s.
But I have banners around room to retire all of your jerseys.

You don’t like my hair.
You don’t like my face.
You don’t like how I talk.
You don’t like my taste.

You don’t like how I think.
But I still ask why.
You be on my back.
That why I get so high.

You don’t like how I’m quiet.
You don’t like how I dress.
I may seem like a menace,
but I clean up my mess.

You don’t like my page.
You don’t like my songs.
You don’t like my poetry.
You only string me along.

You can’t feel my heart.
You can’t clear my head.
After a couple more writings,
I’ll be long gone, dead.

You don’t like when I’m outside.
But you don’t like me blue.
You ignore all my pain.
This story ain’t nothing new.

Trying to no longer let you make me sad.
Tired of back stabbing friends, and people making mad.

They say time heals all, but I guess that’s one thing we never had.

But I have..
Worser things to stress.

I was trying to be so blind.
Learning how to be kind.
But contemplating up in my mind.
Why did I hang around some fakes.

It took Mac dying to get a phone call.
And to be honest, you was better saying nothing at all.

But I'll keep it all inside.
I will laugh on my own.
While you and your little clique stays scavengers at my throne.

Wrapping up another writing then I think of something strange.
It’s funny how, everyone you bought around said they was the same. Little did I know, you all would change.

Nothing is the same.
I don’t know where to draw the line.
Said I’d never love again, but gave another try.
Anything will bother me, they said it heals with time.
I know that this is temporary.
I know that one day, I will be fine.


Kissing isn’t the same.
No longer touch and to love, I’m blind.
Crazy how I use to think that you were so sublime.
Tried to run your course.
I even took detours on mine.
a hard place and a rock’s where I’m between, but I still climb.

So many prices I have to pay, to right my wrongs, correct these crimes.
Thought I’d never see these days, I can’t stay out my own mind.
Can’t seem to get out of my own bind.

I'm standing in the dark.
Somehow, I’ll find a way to shine.
With you and many other things, I wish I could rewind.
While you continue to get drunk off wine.
And no matter how I feel,
What I say,
What I do,
No matter what I try.
I’m wrong every time.

Tell me where I should draw the line?

A lot is being said but no addressing.
A lot of feelings involved, but there’s never a confession.

Realizing there’s a lot in my possession.
After dropping the tape, now using God as my protection.
Whether light or the darkness, there’s always more than one lesson.
Pent up aggression has us building walls in every section.
Leaving nothing but so many questions.
But there is no question, I done got out the oppression.


I’ve really had real snakes of people in my grass and entrance.
Continuing to be in dark spaces with the demons could’ve gotten me a sentence.
The grass has been mowed so please tell me how low does it go.

But little did I know all of that was just the beginning.

Seen this movie too many times and know where it’s headed.
This is Gods timing young man, he even had said it.
I've fallen back so many times but never got the credit.
I was down for a long while but now I don’t regret it.

I really wanted to..
You can fill in the blank.
But those who know me, know I actually never tank.

Too smart for my own good,
maybe I was ahead of myself.
Maybe the lotto and top picks can’t take me to shelves.
Maybe being guarded up and jaded is bad for my health.
I don’t have a poker face, I make the best out of the cards that I’m dealt.

I stopped compressing myself, and I started healing myself.
I can now see through all of y'all and see through myself.
Don’t even have to write any more, I can speak for myself.
Learning to love through everything, how could I ever get ahead of myself.

Vital tensions.
Don’t hit me after reading this saying you loved my poem.
They all hate your actions whether quiet or in the storm.
Racing but behind me, I’ve studied all of these people’s form.
Destined for success was written when I was born.

Met a lot of rappers, they’re actors but don’t rehearse.
The ones I thought I needed are really going from bad to worst.
Just for a recovery, I’d have to do magic first.
And that ain’t all real, so there’s nothing to make it work.

Took a break for weeks but it only felt like some days.
I had to learn resilience, was taken out of my ways.
How much for your soul is a question asked every day.
They don’t ever notice it’s written within their face.

Faded, feeling jaded nowadays,
No man is clean.
Really can’t keep track of who plays for any team.
Take them to the playoffs and still get traded off schemes.
Now every single good heart’s taken into extremes.
I was left for dead to question what I believe.
Now I have no desire or motives in making peace.
Forever knowing now to not trust anybody I meet.
Leaving me to know that there’s nobody like me.

I said I put a lot of things behind me but,
I lied so..

My life is complicated.
I’m lost in this generation.
I mean..
I hate my state of mind.
I’m lost like a balloon trying to find its way,
And you see..
Today is my birthday.
But I’m trapped in my mind,
I can’t seem to ever have a good time.
I’m not the type that you bring home to mama in my opinion.
I’m damaged goods I must say.
I’m woman crazy.
My body’s lazy.
And that’s no where near it all.
I been in sadness for years just hoping soon you would call.

I wish I had someone that would love me.
And I mean really know and love me.
Like, effortless.
But I’m so blind and messed up from another chick.
And that along with everything else caused such a riff.
Now my ex and everyone around me has the power.
Now I’m guarded and get faded for hours.

But I mean..
Besides crazy, got anger issues,
I’m spoiled and I;
Run from my problems when I’m the only thing that can solve them.
I sat one time all alone but with a full revolver.
My life is out of order.
I lost my faith in some things,
Mainly in pure love.
I’d sell my soul just to have your heart but that ain’t enough.

While I got missed calls from any and everybody.
Don’t wanna listen to anybody.

It’s so many reason why I’m complicated.
I mean..
Or maybe I’m just high again.

That’s really only the other feeling that can help me while I try and fill up this space.
Until I’m sitting in the mirror staring at my own face.
Wiping all my tears on a day to day base.
I got so much sadness and hatred running at everyones’ pace.
This is my last poem before I lock myself all away.
It’s complicated.

Writing and losing feeling.
Of heart breaks and commitments,
A couple catchy songs with my brothers;
It would be nice if you listened.
Or even ever read my poetry.
Behinds those words is a broken me.
I can barely see, what my future holds.
Im no longer chasing hoes, I’m trying to find the yellow brick road.
But lost awareness.

Now I’m a drunk.
Now I’m a pothead.
And all the seeds I planted, they are now dead.


Having mood swings like the weather that’s floating me.
I no longer wanna be.
I swear it’s complicated

Don’t drown yourself pretending to be deep.
It’s too complicated.
And I can’t swim but I rather drown in her sea.
It’s so complicated.
Should I retire and settle down from writing.
It’s too complicated.

Had a conversation with Midas;
It got me thinking different.
Lebron James flow, I guess that y’all the witness.
I’m contemplating so much, it’s hard to write a sentence.
Early stage of my twenty’s, yet still I feel a menace.
We blur the lines of life and death whether it’s right or wrong.
But I love you through everything;
still I’m holding on.

And for so long I just been locked away.
Been writing in notebooks trying to find my way.
Midas sat and he told me I shouldn’t sell my soul.
You need to just get the ball rolling, you getting old.
Your heart got cold, sat in the freezer on the early days of summer, to chill, now you writing but against your will.
And I’m crying.
And on the inside I’m dying.
Every body says be strong, and believe me I’m trying.
Midas said that I be lying.
To get infatuation.
I wiped my eyes and I asked how to change this situation.
He said it’s your destination.
Change up your formation.
And stop all that leaking on the internet about complications.
Found that open door.
But you don’t wanna walk thru.
I love you through everything should’ve dropped; somehow I thought I lost you.
But later it will cost you.
Know you feeling kinda awful
Ima come back and see just where this conversation got you.
But I didn’t tell it all.
I figured I would call,
And tell Midas I’m focused and I’m ready to ball.
While I sit, just all alone in a empty hall.
As all of my mishaps are posters on the wall.

I use to think I needed a break from love.
Now realizing I need it more than ever.
Wear my heart on my sleeve and compliment it by throwing on a sweater.
Running like Usain Bolt through the pressure and the weather.
Saying to myself I can do better.
Knew better.
Vendetta against myself.
Don’t know my wealth.
Was in a dark place knowing my lifestyle decreased my health.
My process is just to heal and rebuild.
Protective of myself but should focus on my damaged shield.
Young, wild and free
And I’m reckless; I don’t wanna yield.
Living fast as ever as the world was my playing field.
Needed to slow down, before I get killed.
So I disappeared and wrote about it and all of a sudden I chilled.

I sat and use to pray hoping that the stars aligned.
My love wasn’t a sure thing, but now I’m living right.
When I needed it, no one couldn’t give me any advice.
But they always had something to say any other time.
Everybody that I met on the way;
Is trying to get in the way.
Use to making big bucks now I’m working minimum wage.
The man downstairs must really love testing my patience.
Someone down there must be in need of some entertainment.
Forgiveness for my sinful ways.
So much hate in heart but I still love, that’s how I was raised.
These days everything I think has me feeling a way.
Still learning and still growing on a day to day
But..

With my grandmother out in Carolina is where I belong.
Was out there in LA not knowing what was going on.
I was doing things so wrong.
And it’s all because I chose a side.
I just couldn’t put my pride aside and confide in me.

Perhaps it wasn’t my time.

Stressing for some days.
Then I caught my case.
I been on the run trying to give myself some time to think.
Sitting in my room, all I did was drink and pray.
Call home twice a week and tell my people I'm ok.
They ask me if I'm stressing, I'll say hell no I'm straight.
But they can tell I'm different because it's written all in my face.
I been working out.
I been gaining weight.
Been having dreams and nightmares about my death and case.

Ain't nobody send me no mail.
Stressing with my back home girl.
Trying to see and conquer the world.
But it all is seeming like just like jail.
Writing down my plans, hoping I don't slip again.
Drop some money on my poems and books and trust me I'll bounce back again.

Things aren't looking good.
But still I keep the faith.
While I'm sitting up in California, trying to fight my case.
Running through this maze.
Just miss my mom and daughters face.
I come out every weekend out my cell just to party and to drank.
Back and forth with peoples words and court,
They talking bout some rank.
I ain't did that since with the homies I was raised.
Everyone across the country,
They seem so far away.
As I'm sitting up in California, trying to fight my case.

I've been holding on desperately for a long while, trying not to let go.
Static is my growth but I try not to let it show.
I fell into a deep depression.
Darkness encounters were often.
I can't describe these feelings.
These thoughts.
The people, spirits or monsters within me.
I truth no one.
I put nothing pass anybody.
They're all the same.
I'm convinced I'll never get married.
Developing a hatred for love so my heart, I buried.
From 18 to now my biggest fear was losing it all.
Little did I know, I had nothing already destined to fall.
At 21, everything came to a different light.
Lying to myself, and other like I am alright.
I have a lot of fears.
Fear of losing creativity.
Fear of losing touch with you and me.
Fear of everything within myself.
So I'm throwing in my hand and all of the cards that I've been dealt.