Up at a time that I shouldn't be.

Thinking about things that I shouldn't be.

Sad about things I've been sad about for a couple years, I been low, I been down and out.

And it cost funerals of love, had so many doubts.

But I'm still here, moving forward on a different route.


I would give it all up, to make it all work.
I wish I could say, that they knew my worst.
End of the day, it's my gift, my curse.
At the end of the day, I know my worth.

Through everything,
I love you shawty.
You know you do me *****, shawty.
I need you to make me, happy.
Over you, there will be nobody.

Think about each other when we shouldn't be.
Missing all the past when I shouldn't be.
I be on the go.
You be on the go.
We go back and forth.
Different road
They don't know how it goes
But still I got my pride
Knowing I don't wanna be alone.
Certain times we disagree and you just let it all go.
But you're sitting right beside you though.

I'd kick it with my friend and I'd make it all worst.
But still I tried to hide it but show my worth.
Seems you putting my last, but many say first.
At the end of the day I know your worth.

Running in the streets when I shouldn't be.
Trying to make it off of writing poetry.
Loving all the things that I shouldn't be.
Knowing that it only should be you and me.
I was feeling blue.
Didn't have a clue.
Trying to figure out what to do.
And I'm losing you.
Soon I'll do a show and I'll glo'
With you in the crowd.
While I'm speaking loud.
And deep down, you are really proud.
Coming this spring, Ima fling
Ima Seek my dream.
And no matter what, Ima love you through everything.

I was raised,
in the outdoors.
Next to you and her.
One man holding a hand gun.
While She was giving birth.
To a younger boy to be just like you,
we still wonder what that's worth.
I wonder if you ever knew you was a role model to me first.
Some days I'd wake up in the morning, to see you in papers and the news.
While I'm looking in the mirror realizing I've got everything to prove.
You'd tell me;
You'll have the torch after me,
just grind hard and do you.
Which is funny now because I would only see myself in the rear view.

I Never imagined this.
Everyday I'm getting older.
This California weather and myself both just got a little colder.
Deja vu.
My whole body see through.
Don't even want to go outside anymore.
Wishing and living Godspeed for my existence.
I'm far from perfect, which is why I can only speak to and relate to the lost and distant.
I Love You Through Everything will get my back consistent.
I've been a historical disaster for longer than this instant.
I had to leave before the summer was over.
Pack my bags along with my heart and threw it over my should.
Move forward.
Find yourself.
A cross between being too emotional and being emotionless.
Bottle it all up and put it in the cold keep safe is all I know to not crash the ship.
But defense wins championships.
Make it to what feels so close.
To only find out I'm loosening my grip.
Can't even trip.
Pick up the pieces.
No Life in November, that's the feeling and date ironically the thesis.
I lost a lot.
I need more.
I need more drink.
Need more ice.
They say take chances in life so for once I rolled the dice.
But I lost one major but I'll forever at least try to fight and stand tall.
Was I working too hard?
Not enough...
Or not at all?

Sitting all alone, trying not to fall apart.
Why do I hate so much with all this love up in my heart.
Suppose to be flying high.
With my head up to the sky.
Far away, I'm on my own, staring st the crash phone, guess my minds gone.
Middle of the desert.
Ain't got no time to dust off.
Uncomfortably living, how much does this life of mine really cost.
Seeming close to nothing.
Need to find my niche or something.
Soon as time reveals, I'll pump it up like I'm Joe Budden.
But still cooling though.

Cooler than a ceiling fan.
In life, I'm just the middle man.
Chase your dreams they said, so I did but I never ran.
Now I'm sitting in the stands.
Hide my face, I use my hands.
Snapped back to reality and kept walking in the sand.

I've been up for hours, not really my choice.
I sold myself short, thirty percent off to the devil, I constantly hear his voice.
This isn't my life.
I should've settled for two kids and a wife.
But I got complacent.
Everything in those moments felt good so why not.
Now I sit.
In the dark.
Alone.
Depression deep down, I can feel it to the bone.
With nothing to call my own.
I really wanna go home.
Other side of the country just trying to build my own;
Throan.

I've made too many mistakes.
However, they all made me;
Somehow.
Blurred vision when I think of destiny.
Or maybe it's the fifth of Hennessy.
Why can't I just jump and know for a fact I got the remedy.

More life.
Longevity.
More juice.
I'm seeing two sides of me, but switching up or pick and choose.
I'm staring at a tree trying not to eat forbidden fruit,
While I'm sinking in the ground, could I be meeting my roots.
Maybe I should freshen up and clean my Georgia, Henry county unfilled shoes, just to get,
More life.
But I'm Only Human.

It seems like blessings keep falling in my lap...

I make poems for free, more so really on freedom.
Obstacles and demons surround me, Somehow I beat em.
Inspired by Chance, so I'm taking every chance like a rapper, moving through the chapters while doing my praising dance.

I started from the bottom.
Now I'm here, not the top.
Clothing brand, book and album, all ready to drop.
Jesus loves.
Jesus saves.
While we're stuck in our ways.
Let's all catch the wave, pray, hope and smile for better days.

Basically training but I've graduated.
Like the last kid getting picked, but I participated.
Patiently waited, for elevators, now I'm taking the stairs.
With every step I'm growing up that's why I cut my hair.

I'll give him praise, all the way til I'm gone.
Hopefully before deceasing, the family is on.
We'll eat good.
Thanksgiving, yet it's misunderstood.
Blessings on blessings forever, falling down like they should.

Dream works; Lion King
Simba talks to Mufasa.
That's when I pulled my pants up, and started fixing my posture.
Then looked up above.
I struggle with love.
Struggle with hate.
Hard to debate.
Leave and change when I fall But I still wanna participate.

22 in 10 days.
Turning 22, in 10 different ways
A different shade.
A midnight black, to a faded gray.
I opened this chapter.
Dressed for the rapture.
Run and tell master.
While they're telling Ima take it all to the pastor.
Or am I dreaming?
Wake up Wake up.
Time to break up, from the shake up.
Don't let em see you down,
Get dressed,
And put on make up.
I'm evolving.
Starving like Marvin.
Sky is still calling
My name ain't Jim Jones, but one day I'll be ballin'.

Will I give back?
No looking back.
Dashing that.
Getting older now; getting bigger, steady hungry trying to pick up the pieces.
Pledge of allegiance to the money now.
Now and forever.
Finesse, but I'm still not that clever.
One day I'll be; probably never.

And nowadays 22 is still declared young.
But that won't change me from growing, I won't settle for none.
Nowadays 22 can feel old or feel young.
With these 10 days left I know it's better to come.

People and soldiers loosing lives got me scared of loosing mine.
Nothing I can change, but I think about it all the time.
Truth be told, I'm a target myself we all just wanna shine.
I have yet to even reach my prime.

Small facts but in reality this topic's major.
Was forced to scream out I'm a death dealer and a hell raiser.
Prayed every night, hoping the lord forgives me for my sins.
Playing the cards right but still not guaranteed to win.

Plenty times Lucci tried to become my best friend.
But I love my father and there's no way that I could let him in.
He reached out to me with all I wanted and ever needed.
Sadly I ran with it, but turned it good and still succeeded.
Before that, he stripped me from what I wanted.
Nowadays, those things hit me and I feel haunted.

I replied to it all with slight reaction.
Went from stressed to blessed I made it seem like a simple action.

The fire rises, I heard from someone I once idolized.
The devil was taking me under by surprise.
Institutionalized.
Sometimes I'm proud to admit it.
Nothing can save me.
Nothing is safe.
I fall to my knees for forgiveness,
Hollering and screaming,
Dial 911 in seconds my phone's ringing...

Dear family
I know I always seem busy
The devil is trying to get me
I'm M.I.A
And I know that you miss me.

I'm sorry that I've been distant.
Seems everything changed in an instant.
My life is so inconsistent.
I don't know what I'm missing.
Family time, I really don't mean to miss it.
My life it's needs some assistance.
But.
I guess my mind is in another place.
Thoughts off in another world.
I started seeing another girl.
Went up and down man what a world.
But now.
I'll focus on my crafts.
Slowly go up old rafts.
This poem's heart felt that I bestest could finish te draft.
This poem's to the ones I love.
The ones that I miss.
Wish it could all just be cured with a hug and kiss.
Sometimes I go up to the lake just to reminisce.
Of all the things I shouldn't have I know it's a list.
Meanwhile, I'm caught up in my self, in my world with no neighbors.
Stay to myself even if I get handed some favors.
Haven't opened up in a while.
Maybe since I was a child.
When's the last time that I smiled.
Drive in my car Til it's on E.
Resorted to consanants and vowels.
I know they wonder what I'm doing.
What I really be persuing.
Hopeing I can save myself.
Some relationships I've ruined.
Some days I wake up and just ask what am I really doing.
They say family is everything, I feel as now it is the truth.
I should spend more time with y'all.
But I spend it living out my youth.
But it's everything I love.
And it's everything I need.
Family love's the cure and drug even though it not ****.

Hello father
Don't mean to bother.
How are ya
I know that you're mad at me.
Forgive me please man you atta.
You gotta.
Embarassed.
Is what I am I want to perish.
Every conversation I cherish I'm trying not to be spiteful of all our small talk.
I know we're over due a long talk.
And every where you go somehow people know you are my dad.
It gets me thinking about incredible moments we've had.
But on the real I'm trying so hard not to bug you.
But do you think you can stop nagging at my drug use.
I'm two weeks clean.
No longer a phean.
I'm 21 but yet I feel 16.
And I love you I swear.
You know I know you're there.
And when the time is right, you know that I will take care
Of anything we need, in our family.
I started writing poems, when I do shows will you stand with me.
Can I get a little money for my new honey that's hell of fine.
And I forgot to mention I got divorced from my job and my last dime.
My mind's going crazy but outside I look calm.
Everything is running out from time to my lip balm.
Disappointed but never leave me.
I will need ALL your love and the word whenever the devil just gets me under pressure.

Constantly hearing dad, fussing, cussing
My mind is under destruction
My heart and soul in combustion
But I rather not have this discussion
It's nothing

My mind's racing.
Elevating.
Everything is complicating
I'm wondering, what should I do
I'm lost and don't have a clue

I need Nicci
Where is Nicci
Baby girl please come and get me
Everything is getting tricky
And stuck in stress mode strictly
Just maybe once,
I can just find my way and then open a door
Without me slipping and failing landing on the floor
Maybe or
I can hit the lotto, take care of my people
Sad to say, that's just a fable far from the sequel.
Maybe not,
This made me strong
Even thought my journey is getting long
Ride along
Am I wrong
These feelings even helped me just write this song.
Will I fade
Sinful made
On blurry roads trying to get paid
Feel afraid
The past is haunting saying I should've stayed
But I run
Loaded gun
Skin getting darker just from the sun
Ain't no fun
When my own self is dead to me, when will life ever be heavenly
Thought I was cool
Such fool
Feel like I'm skipping school
What to do
What would you
It's like I break every rule

When will I
Fall over the edge
Head in the clouds I'm swinging my legs
Feeling like everything for me is dead
Thought of this all while laying in bed
Feeling so dead
Everything's red
I'm losing everything except my pride
Wondering who on this journey will ride
Questioning why
Need more lines or can you feel my vibe.

I took a trip down Dreamville.
So if you're reading this, it's too late
I already pimped a butterfly while sippin' on ***** sprite, two of them.

I found myself talking to a man name Lucci.
Confused by his name but star struck because his whole outfit was Gucci.

I had Nicci with me, I kissed her every now and then.
She isn't my girlfriend but to the world I pretend.
Until the end, until death does us part;
I smoke and drink alcohol til my head is cloudy and I drown my heart.
Telling myself this is the end, but really it's only the start.

I want drug miney.
I want new car money.
I want fresh start money.
Can buy famous art money.
Unfortunately women cry and pour out their heart to me.
Then tell me how much how much they hate it they are apart from me.

Time and time again I slip into  flaw.
I get angry for no reason, you can tell by the clinching of my fist and my jaw.
Forever leaving people in aw, and somehow they still wonder.
Can barely find a meaning or scratch the surface; I'm too deep under.

Little did I know, my alarm went off and I awake to a new day.
Missed phone calls and messages and all of them are just to say hey.
No reply.
We ask why.
Some cry.
Sometimes I feel like I want to die.
That's probably the reason why many think I;m shy.
No more see you later's, just a farewell and good bye.
The truth and things to endure for life cannot be seen by the eye.

Somehow I see it all.
Ashes to ashes, one day we'll fall.
But through it all;
I get down on my knees and make a call.

I put everything behind me, yet my back is against the wall.

That time was such a year full of excitement.
Sitting in English class writing poems and enlightenment.
Even though I was soft spoken I found myself as a teacher's pet.
After hearing these words you would think I need a vet.
Was the trending topic on every male student's mind wonder if the teacher figured that out yet.

I'd never been one to read my thoughts and writings out loud.
Until she pressured me one time to the class and after said she was proud.
As minor as it seemed, over timed it became major.
Now far as poetry writers and rappers in our graduation class I am called the savior.

Was so anxious to go to class, especially when that project was due.
Was my first piece of poetry work, classmates called me Guru.
The whole time, this teacher knew and said I was destined for success.
Now I have this profile and forming a group called TDS.

Why'd I feel like a teacher's pet?
Because in my head this teacher was my school mom.
Because of her you can type in my name following a dot com.
Even though she helped and was kind and loving to every other student,
I took her kindness, words, and light she shed on me and turning it into a movement.

Sat a couple seats down and smiled at me during graduation.
Every time you spoke to me about my writing you made me feel I could conquer my generation.
I never did much is class, except read what I've been writing every time you would ask.
Knowing to myself you could believe in me and encourage me as a teacher like no other.
Believe it or not, you re-birthed me in my writing form, you're my linguistic and poetry mother.

Sooner than later she left.
Rumors he and her family moved to France.
After a long while I decided to take in your words of consideration and give this a chance.

To make a long story short, you are truly adored and missed.
No longer a kid, I'm grown now, til this day you're appreciated so I had to display this.

Immature to the gospel, because I only clap and stand when everyone else in church does.

Emotionless.
Are the evils of Lucci around me?
Or in me?
Perhaps I'm his disciple.

Premature and oblivious to the Lords word at times.
Is that why I often self destruct?
Trying to convince myself my sins are forgiven; it's too many for me to even understand or get a grasp on.

My words fall on def ears,
Loud mouths,
And only a few sincere hearts.

What's my purpose?
What's my calling?
My destiny.

Running until I can't anymore.
A voice of voices.
An atom of a huge and growing generation.
A sample and strand of the youth.
One of God's unthinkable number of loved and sin forgiven children.