We sat
on the edge
of the kitchen bench,
like most evenings
and shared stories
from our days.

My love,
his eyes
a mirror
for his weary mind.

It's only Monday
he says
watching
Kenny dance
inside a glass.

**** Kenny.
He's no good.

Why are you so sad?
he asks.
I smile and say
because I'm me!
and throw my arms to the sky
like my own personal curtain call.

He sips from his glass,
no longer dancing
and replies
that's a much simpler answer.

I leap from the bench
and embrace him,
cradle his head
to my cold
and bony
shoulder.

Blue all around us
and the waves come crashing down
we both start taking in water our lungs gasping

We had been so strong
Every time it rained
One pulling up the other
And together staying afloat

But this was no sunday shower
this was a hurricane
and we were both sinking in the sea

I grabbed ahold of his hand
Latching ourselves together
Becoming anchored to each other
And dragging one another down

Water above, below, all around
my lungs on fire
and my eyes searching for air

All at once his hand let go
I grasped for it once again
But he was gone and swimming
So I had to do the same

The water fell back to reveal a dark grey sky ready to cry
my lung filled with oxygen once again but
my heart filled with fear as i saw the rain to come

Barely able to keep myself afloat
I started searching for him
But set in between us was the storm of a life
That neither of us knew how to navigate

The wind and waves pulling in and out
making this ocean seem like a horrifying nightmare
that had not long before been such a dream

The storm would pull one of us in
The other jumping in to save the day
But we could not seem to escape
This hurricane that had engulfed our lives

So we kept wading in the water
hoping for the storm to pass
so we could again see one another

Am I wasting my time waiting on you?
You're so valuable to me and yet,
You choose to damage yourself as much as possible.

I am unsure of you, more now than I have ever been before.
You're foreign to me for once.
There's nothing I can do but sit back and hope for the worst.

We've never been this far from each other.
Please, I don't ever want to be this way again.
I don't ever want to feel this far from you again for the rest of my life.

Even if we hate each other,
Even if there are no words to be said between us,
Please, I beg of you, don't give me silence. At least let me know how you are.

No matter what, I will care.
You have been my top priority always,
And nothing can ever change that.

You mean so much to me...
And it makes me sad to see you so upset....

I'm sorry for everything I did.

I am sorry.  
I will not rest until you know that I am
My eyes will not be dry,
Until you understand how bad I feel.

I am tired.
I haven't slept.
I won't sleep until you pick up the phone
So I can cry and apologize profusely.

I love you so.
I'd do anything for you,  
And I'd never intentionally hurt you.
I'm sorry I brought him up.
I know how protective you are.

I am sorry
I am sorry
I am sorry

I feel like I must say it,
Over and over again,
Even when you accept my apology,
Because I will still feel bad.

I will still be sad,
Even though I am glad
I may even be mad
Because I knew better.

I knew what to do,
I knew what to say
And yet I failed you anyway.

You disappoint me
time after time again.
It doesn't bother me anymore.
I'm used to it.
Or maybe i wish i was used to it.
Maybe i should stop wishing
that you could be the person
I want.
Maybe one day you'll realize
the damage you have done.
But i don't think you ever will.
Cause time and time again
you never say sorry
when i tell people who you are
i say no he is not like that
he doesn't care what i feel
he doesn't care what hurts me.
He is nothing more than a child
stuck in a mans body.
Doesn't understand the effects of his words
and the earthquakes that he starts.
I am nothing more than a tiny
little house to you,
and you are the volcano
that sits right across from me.