Hear ye! Hear ye!
Know me and hear me
Oh but please don't look over here at me
What a thing to say, but see
I don't want to be seen, my plea
It feels kinda cheesy
I thought it'd be easy
But it just got so messy so quickly
And the harder I try the more it eludes me
You can't live a life heard but not seen and not be seen as a cautionary
A tale of a someone broken mentally trying to use hurt and pain creatively
Never taken seriously,
Kinda gimmicky
Ultimately a one trick pony
I know it but it hurts still when it's throw back at me
I can't handle the cheeky hostility
So openly hidden in the commentary
It can't be avoided but it's also not necessary
Maybe this isn't for me
Or what's more likely,
Is it's probably not that bad actually
Ah, gee,
Yeah, nevermind, sorry everybody...
I just noticed it's only my insecurity ripping at me
My apology

©2024

I thought you'd be the one to make me whole again
Not take another piece and leave a hole again
Maybe we shouldn't have taken it further than friend
Maybe I forgot to tell you that I break, I do not bend
I kept from you that being with me comes with a price
But only because I thought not destroying a love for once would be nice
It was never going to be easy, mostly due to me
I thought I'd made every mistake, turns out I did just didn't learn from any

©2024

Everyone thinks,
"It'll get easier when I get older"
Then you get older
And you find no one's there,
No one to share,
No one to say,
"Hey,
I stay because I care"
Or
"Let's get through this together"
Making it harder than ever before
Not wanting to remember
Not even a single chapter
Though at one point,
When I was younger,
I think I use to matter
I don't know why
But those are always the memories that shatter

©2024

A brain like mine, the brain of an addict, can justify anything
Drumming up excuses that defy reasoning
Connecting dots with miles of red string
Coming to conclusions that are baffling
"The problem was this here faulty Icarus wing"
"Setting me up for failure back when I was seventeen"
Not the fact of the constant nosediving
Bracing for impact, the anticipations paralyzing
It was easier to hide it in the begining
Can't hide it now, so let's call it ageing
The lack of a fatal crash is a bit puzzling
No complaining
It's just surprising
Kinda thought I'd be death defying
'Till I became stuck in the sky flying high,
Ignoring every warning
Didn't think it possible to hit the ground running
But now I'm panicking
I didn't plan for a second half, that fact is terrifying
Far scarier than any thought of dying
I wish I was lying

©2024

An organic cell
An inescapable cage
A personal hell
A shell of rampant rage

Under a digital spell
Center stage
A deadly swell
Safety not easy to gauge

How quickly the bar fell
A sageless age
Shhhh, don't tell
It's the same on every page

©2024

I wish it was as easy
As you say it should be
To turn concern inwardly
Then, ultimately emerge again when successful in identifying the key to victory

I wish it was that easy
But I don't have it in me
I can't make clear the complexity
Of why I can't even be the me I need me to be to feed my family properly

I know I make it easy
To shame me, to pity me
To chain me to the pit of my own misery
Just don't let my last breath be what finally makes you take my plea seriously

You know as well as me
It's not as easy as "To be or not to be"
No further questions please
Until I free me,
I'll be in my headspace if you need me...

©2024

{revised version}

So,
You're back to question me
About this litny of negativity
To discover who or what misled me
But I know exactly who done it
Let me clear up the conspiracy theory
Place me in font of a mirror and look closely
Who do you see?
Me?
That's correct, very good, but the rest of the frame isn't empty
Take notice of the oblivious guilty party directly behind me
Particularly the one with the nerve to be judging me
Here,
Let me get out of the picture so the visual can be absorbed entirely

©2024