"You're so lucky you're so well-liked."
"Your life seems so easy."
You're so lucky.
You have it so easy.
I've been spending some time to find a way to articulate my discomfort in these two phrases. "You're so lucky, you have it so easy." The reasons are pretty clear, because I don't consider my journey in the least bit easy, but I can see why you would assume that -- after all, you'll always find me being optimistic in person.
When things *were easy, they were not out of pure luck. I faced adversity with the display of resilience, and stood my ground when I was faced with hardship. I've watched my flowers wilt into weeds despite the nurture I had provided. And while I may be happier now, I was not fed the love and care I had desired from the very beginning. I wasn't always this way.
I don't talk about my past extensively. When I do, they tend to be the memories I've learned to accept and embrace throughout the course of my years. I don't talk about the time in middle school, when I was constantly made fun of for being overweight. I don't talk about the time I starved myself for weeks, thinking it would reduce the load off my stomach and hips. I don't talk about the time when I've been told I was a freak of nature, that I would never become the person I wanted to be. I don't talk about the time when doctors had to pump out the toxin out of my stomach, forcing me to ***** out pills and choke on my bile-washed throat for hours on end.
I don't talk about these things, but that doesn't make my own journey 'easy'. I did not end up to be the way I am now without all of these experiences. If that were the case, then fine. Call me lucky. Call it easy.
Life, in general, is hard. It hasn't been easy, but I've done it, and my purpose in being here today is to show all of you that you are capable. That no matter what's in your way... you can do it, too.
Which leads on to my second point: we live in a society of comparison culture. I've gone through a couple of things throughout the spans of my life, but that, in no shape or form, makes your own life experience trivial. I don't talk about my past very often, and when I do, it's often for someone who is going through something I once dealt with. I wish to leave the past in my memory box, and if it collects dust, I certainly won't mind. Not anymore, because I know now. I've experienced it. I've carried those burdens.
I do not wish to tell any of you the amount of times I've wished to leave this world. I want to tell you the reasons why I want to stay in this world. I do not wish to tell you my dislikes of this world, but my penchants of it.
In other words, what bothers me about the phrase "you have it so easy" is that it is an implied comparison.
My weight loss success was so easy... compared to someone making it out of physical therapy? My grades were easily gained... compared to someone with learning disability? My life was so easy... compared to what?
Every person is different. Every human experience is different. The phrase "you're so lucky that you have it so easy" bothers me so much, because not only does it paint over my struggles, but it emphasizes the flaw that we, as a society, have embedded into our minds. That comparing our lives to someone else and weighing our problems on a scale is the only way to determine our worth.
My friend's grandmother passed away. My other friend's dog just recently passed as well. Both individuals were devastated. I won't simply say, "my friend's feelings are legitimate because it was her grandmother, but my other friend is overreacting over an animal." No, that's not how it works. Sadness is sadness. Pain is pain. Hurt is hurt. One does not weigh any heavier than the other. They both exist on personal spectrums, but one does not hold any more value than the other.
The same applies to happiness. Happiness is constantly compared, which therefore makes all of us less happy. Just like compassion, just like hardship, and just like sadness -- happiness should not be compared, but shared.
I don't want you thinking, "Oh, Minhyuk has it so easy. Minhyuk is so lucky." I want you to wish your life could be as great as you could make it. I hope your life is better than yesterday, and the day before that. And if it isn't, I hope you can get back up on your feet and gather your courage again. I want you to stop wishing for someone else's life and begin to embrace your own. I want you to be able to stand alone in a room, without a single comparison, and know that you are worthy of absolutely everything in this golden world.
We're not lucky.
We don't have it easy.
But what we do now will make things easier, and make us happier. If not now, then in the future.
Because we are all worth it.