i think i must have lost myself
somewhere up in your stratosphere
and only found myself when
the sun's fingers kissed the horizon
the way i wanted you to kiss me

she was too bright for that
small farm town
so bright she almost burned it down
because of this she moved to
where the sun shone most and
wilted, until she became little more
than a dandelion
you see, before she was a wild rose
that no one could tame
beautiful still, but not the flower
which everyone remembered
she was never the same--
that sunshine girl

tell me something beautiful

what do you mean "something beautiful"

i mean something that'll make me forget about
him and how his eyes look like upturned soil;
the way his hairs falls gently in his face and his
mouth splits in two when he grins
tell me something beautiful; a distraction
please
i beg of you

you told me that i belonged in the louvre
me, with my curtain of dark blonde hair that
i was (trying) to grow out to where it was
before i ceremoniously cut it all off
and that statement was followed with
not one
but two heart emojis
after that i trusted you (though i don’t know why)
the way you wormed your way into my head
deserves some sort of award
for months, before i even liked you, i would
dream about you almost every night
and i know that sounds crazy, but it happened
so i said that i liked you (indirectly)
but you told me you loved someone else (directly)
only, you said i belonged in the
i guess i never knew that i was meant to be
by myself there, a mona lisa smile on my face
waiting for you to come take me off the wall
and make me feel worthy again
because i had based all of my self-worth in
how many looks you gave me but you barely
told me the time of day
but i’ll wait
and wait
and wait
(tell when you’re ready for me)
(tell me you love me)

i know that i'm worth more than my body
truly
but holy hell
did you see that girl and they way they looked at her
i compared myself to her without giving it a second thought
and suddenly i'm fishing my sweater out of
my bag to cover up my arms and torso
i feel like jupiter compared to mars
i feel like my body parts expanded and i'm gonna be
floating around the room any second now
my father always told me that beauty was all
in the face but now i find myself wondering
if that was just a pretty little lie

you always said that you love the chase
and, my darling, i'm no good at running

i knew that something was going to happen
because i could hear the bees swarming and
buzzing inside the hollow place in your chest
(which only you believed to be hollow)
there was a restless energy about you last august
you could see it and smell it and hear it
i even tasted it in that vegan pizza you made for us
i felt a push coming, and i was hoping that it
would finally move the negative thoughts and
feelings that clung to you like a shrouded mist
but it was me that you pushed away in the end,
with the might that you'd been building up for years
it was me, and i wish i'd realized that before
i gave whatever was left of me to you
praying that it would somehow be like a rope
you could grab on to, so i could save you from
the pit of your despair
but you never wanted saving
and you never told me that

we were driving down one of those stupid
streets where all the houses look the same
and you looked over and asked me
"are you okay?"
i think i just shrugged it off and said
"yeah, i'm fine"
but beneath the veneer
(which i think you knew was there)
i was coming apart at the seams
heart apart from body, mind up in space
but then you earnestly asked me again and
truth tumbled from my lips like a prayer

i wonder what you think of his new album
if you sway to the melodies the same way i do
when we broke i heard pots and pans clang
together to some untimely tune
and i'm still grasping at the lyrics and strings

depression is like running a
three-legged race with yourself

eyes speak all of the words
we cannot bring ourselves to say

you don't realize how strong gravity is until you're getting up off the floor

i looked up
i promise that i did

i could get over you
easily
climb up over my feelings for you
like stepping over an anthill
whilst humming my favorite song
i could pull you off of my thoughts
the way my ratty old sweatpants
slide down my legs at 2 a.m.
i am content with becoming a wallflower
yet again when you tire of my blue eyes
and the way the sun shines
straight through the middle of them
but i just want you to look at me
one last time the way you did when
the "october sky" end credits rolled
just one more time so i can feel the
electricity of locked eyes in a crowded room
look at me again
make me a garden of wildflowers
in the middle of june