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She is the sky above but you look at her through the waters beneath.
You thought that you knew her well by doing that.
But the truth is, all you ever looked at is your own reflection.
You never tried too look up and gaze at the sky and the horizon.
You never knew the depth in its vastness.
You never knew what brightens it.
You never knew when it is enveloped with darkness.
You never knew why it rains.
You never knew how rainbows appear.
You never knew its true colors.
You never saw the sky.
For you never looked at it.
You never saw her as the sky
For you never looked at her.
How can you even say that you saw her when you didn't even try to look at her, eh?

(Written on September 17, 2016)
Is falling out of love
the same as falling in?
no, right?
words left me behind
i screamed but nothing came out
i wrote but the paper remained blank
for the ink is dry and so is my heart
I haven't written any poem for a long time. I don't have any inspiration to write anything. It actually makes me sad. Well... Happy World Poetry Day!
192103
Darling, I know
That we aren't meant to be
I believe in destiny and fate
And I know we aren't connected
By their so called red string of fate
But, darling, even though I know
I still love you
I still miss you
And I can't help it

Maybe I'm just destined to love you
But you aren't destined to love me too.
But, darling, even though I know
I still love you.
I still miss you.
And I can't help it.

*But, darling
do you even know?
I guess so. You know it, don't you?
~~~~~~~
I like the word "darling". I don't know why.
October 7, 2016
when people leave me, i just let them go

cos I'd rather be a chewed gum

that was thrown away in the trash can

than be a sticky gum under your shoe

and be dragged and stepped on by you.
september 28, 2015
saw this when im reading my 2015 journal
summer ends, fall comes
green leaf dries, turns crimson dyed
love that never dies
haiku
180209
(It's been 6 months since I last posted here. I miss this)
afraid of the dark, i am
then he came
but he has no light
and nothing's on my sight

afraid of the dark, no longer am
when he who came
is pitch black dark
and everything lightens with a spark
when your so down about your situation, but you saw others with much worse
i didn't fall in love
.
.
i dived into it
.
.
without even knowing how to swim
.
.
i drowned with no one to save me
.
.
but i can't scream and ask for help
.
because i didn't fall in love
.
i dived into it
just a thought. but in reality, I fell. I avoided the water but I still fell. I never chose to dive into it. (160210)
clad with sorrow,
i slowly fell into oblivion
swallowed by darkness,
even the ever flowing thoughts were silenced
even the tears i failed to cry out were drowned
along with the countless swords pierced on my heart
along with the heavy rusty armor where i tried to hide
.
191808
you are
the wind
that caressed
my cheeks,
comforted me
with a gentle blow,
whispered to my ear
a silent melody
pushed my back
when i needed one
you are the wind
that come and go
was never seen
but was felt
that wind
that blew
my heart
that wind
that will never
be mine.
Watched the anime Arakawa under the bridge and they got some pretty awesome quotes there. Idea came from that episode.
The sky reached out
The earth awaits.

The sky cried out
The earth was touched.

The earth and sky,
They finally met
During that rainy night.
June 22, 2017

"If I were the rain. . . that binds together the Earth and the sky, whom in all eternity will never mingle. . . Would I be able to bind two hearts together?" (Kubo Tite, Bleach)
"I AM HERE! DON'T LEAVE!"
I shouted as I saw her fade away,
As her blinding light disappeared.
My roar was left hanging in the air
Among the emotions scattered around
Which is heard by the earth
but never by her.

                                            -thunder



"­I AM ALONE. AND WILL ALWAYS BE."
I cried as I ran away from the dark clouds,
As I lit up a wish for someone to hold me
But that light disappeared in a second
For I'm afraid of the engulfing darkness
Afraid that no one's there for me,
That no one will call me.

                                          *-lightning
June 22, 2017

Don't be afraid. Try to wait and look around, there is someone who will be there for you.
end
end
Our love is a story
But all stories end
Can't we have a sequel?
everywhere i go
even in the midst of crowds
im hoping you're here
im always hoping to see you anywhere even by coincidence
hey, look! look, up in the sky!
stars are falling! falling stars!
make a wish, make a wish!
i wish he'll love me back

then a falling star came near
and i saw that it isn't a star
it's you falling for me.
i wrote this in a whim at about 6 in the morning. i found this poem funny,  i don't even know why. maybe it's because it's too corny. Haha!
you see
i've got all these emotions
in my mind, my heart
anxiety, hopelessness,
sadness, loneliness,
name it
so i washed them away
drowned them with my tears
but you see
they know how to swim
but *i don't know how.
February 22, 2018
I envy him a lot
Just look at his eyes
Burning with so much passion
Then look at mine
Just some black beady eyes

Just look at his smile
Filled with determination
Then look at mine
Just a crooked half assed smile

Just look at how he moves
It flows with so much eagerness
Then look at mine
Just a lazy *** that tries hard

I envy him a lot
How can he be like that?
Why can't I be like that?

Just look at him as a person
And you'll feel a different sensation
Then look at me and you'll see
Just a half baked gingerbread man.
October 4, 2016
I work hard, yes. But I never did something with so much passion. That's a sad thing.
And maybe that's why things don't go well with me.
I always longed for you
For you gave me rest from the busy world Assured me with safety and security
   Embraced me with warmth and comfort Caressed me with such gentle hands  
And whispered loving words.
Having you...
Is a good and a sweet dream.

But that was what I thought.
For after you gave me all the love,
And after I let my guard down
You finally showed your other self.
  
So, I started to avoid you.
For you gave me distress and misery      
Tormented me with everything I feared
Strained me with horror and fear
Choked me with your ice cold hands
Told me dreadful and ghastly things
Having you...
Is a bad and bitter nightmare.

Knowing the other side of you
Made me woke up to reality.
You inflicted me with so much pain
So much fear that I felt my heart drumming against my chest.
So much that I tremble in remembering.
So, I left you.

I never thought that I could be scared,
Of you, that I liked
Of you that I longed for
I never thought that I'd be afraid,
Afraid of falling again,
               
           Falling...
                                          ­        ...asleep
July 20, 2016
When nightmares inspires you to write a poem. Oh well.
I'm actually wondering
Why poems are mostly sad

Contains our loneliness,

Reveals our pained and broken hearts

Unfolds our depression and anxieties

Tells the story of how you are left behind

Says the words and feelings unspoken

Shows are darkest thoughts and emotions



Maybe poems are mostly sad
Because happiness is easy to show
But our sadness is for our heart's ink and papers alone


Maybe poems are mostly sad
Because this is the only way how to make
A messy mind and soul into a beautiful work of art


While poems are mostly sad
At least it doesn't make us feel lonely
There's that comforting side that makes us go on with life

When you're reading other people's work and you're thinking

That you exactly feel the same

That, finally, someone put your thoughts into words

That someone also goes through what you're going through


That, at least, you are not alone


So maybe sad poems aren't always totally sad poems
Maybe sad poems got that tiny bit of happiness in it

*Maybe sad poems aren't just sad
Maybe sad poems are actually a silent type of a happy poem
For most of my poems are sad poems or love poems...

(January 9-June 21)
There is a man who loves me
I didn't know him
But still, he loves me

I pushed him away from me
But he's still here and he loves me

I didn't even believe what he's saying
But he encourages me and he loves me

I mocked him and judged him
But he looks at me with love for he does

I didn't listen him and wandered off
But he's still guiding me because he loves me

I didn't talk to him and I ignored him
But he's still waiting for me because he loves me

I lied, I cursed, I got angry, I sinned
Despite all that, he loves me still

I turned my back against him
But he still got my back because he loves me

I'm selfish, hot-tempered, proud and stubborn
But he still cares for me because he loves me

I ignored him, ignored him and ignored him
But he's always there for me because he loves me


So I asked...

Who is this man who loves me?

Who is this man who loves me inspite of and despite?

Who is this man who loves me still?



And I got a reply...

He is the man who died for love

The man who lived to die for you

The man who died for his love for you.




Then he asked me back...

Where else can you get a love like this?

You aren't worthy of his love, but he still gave it to you.

Isn't he worthy enough to be loved back?

Won't you love him back?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...
.
.
Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
.
.
....
the first poem that i wrote that made me cry
160310
i pleaded
i wanna go home
i cried
please take me back home
but my father-
he said no
he said it's too early
i need to do my homework
i have to pass the test
he wants me to learn more
he hopes to see me finish it
finish it well


i pleaded
take me home
he said no
finish it well
do the homework ive given you on earth
pass the tests, the trials so you'll learn
learn more about me, about them, about life
it's too early, you aren't ready
you can't force or choose
your own graduation date
you can't decide when it's time to go home

i pleaded
take me home
father said no
finish it well and
wait for the ring of the bell
and i'll welcome you
here in heaven,
in my arms,
your home.
February 21, 2018

idea credit to Sir Charles Hanson Towne. a poem inserted in Mitch Albom's For One More Day.
i hate embraces
for it unveils the traces
of my loneliness
not a hugging person. but when people embrace me, it makes me realize that i badly needed one.
June 1, 2017
ilang beses na ba akong ngumiti ng magisa
habang iniisip ko ang mga panahong kasama kita

ilang beses na ba akong umiyak sa aking kwarto
habang tinitiis ko ang sakit at pighati sa aking puso

ilang beses na ba ako umiling
upang mawala ang alaala mo saking isip

ilang beses na ba ako nagbuntong hininga
upang mailabas ang lungkot na aking nadarama

ilang beses na ba akong nagsulat ng liham
na hindi ko naman naibigay kahit kailan

ilang beses na ba akong gumawa ng tula
tungkol sa pagibig na di ko naman maipadama

ilang beses ko na bang binulong sa hangin
na mahal kita,
na mahal kita kahit magisa lamang akong umiibig*

Sept 30, 2016
I rarely write poems in my vernacular language but when I do, it's totally cringe-worthy (for me). I think it's the power of the Filipino language. Haha!
a great and brave public servant
the iron lady of Asia
the greatest president
that we never had
one of the greatest asset
that the Philippines ever had

you served our country well
now it's your time to rest
but you'll always be remembered
as the woman who fought for the best
A tribute to you Madam.
Rest in Peace Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago
Isn't it fun to read between the lines?
Like for every sentence and every word
A writer conveys something with so much worth

Isn't it fun to read beyond the lines?
That even though the writer wrote it with boundary
But you're thinking leads you to a endless land from just a cranny

Isn't it fun to read behind the lines?
Like for every lovely and eloquent lines
You can see the dripping tears and a torned heart with no rhymes

Isn't it fun to read among the lines?
Tread among the words and unspoken letters
Where you'll meet and see yourself face to face with wings and feathers

Isn't it so much fun to read a writer's lines?
And isn't it so much fun to write a writer's line?
You'll never know where reading and writing will take you.
Isn't it so fun?
©
October 7, 2016
This is the season when nights are long

But whatever the length of time is

It is you who I always long for.
Like really, it was just 5pm when I'm going home from school but it's like 8pm outside. It's already too dark. So I always get sleepy.
October 10, 2016
i was looking back my old stuffs
my old notebooks, old letters
and as i stumbled onto my old poems
i was surprised to see how many poems that i have written
written but was never done
started but was never finished
until it was kept hidden,
forgotten
and the ink is fading
just like my feelings,
undone,
unfinished,
hidden,
forgotten,
until it finally *faded.
August 3, 2017
always leave a mark*
yes, you did it in my heart
see? you left these scars
september 26, 2016
random thoughts
there are times when
you are missing him so much
yet, he doesn't have any idea

but there will come a time when
he is already missing from your life
yet, you don't have any idea
people do move on, right?
January 9, 2017
the nights are my days

mornings are my evenings

but whatever time of the day

it is with you that I want to stay
cringey
the sun is crying
lonely star in the morning
still brightly shining
June 6, 2017

not every star shines during the dark nights
~~~
the tree was cut down
new sprout grew on the ground
i still love you, why?
a continuation of the haiku entitled "why?"
read it if you like (I posted it like 6 days ago). it'll help you understand this more
i shoved
and hide away
everything
inside the pocket
of my worn out jeans.
the receipts,
the candy wrappers,
the spare coins,
the bus tickets,
and this bothersome
but true feelings
for you
January 1, 2018
One night I thought
About how simple the poems that I wrote
I rarely used difficult words and languages
Nor very deep phrases and sentences.

Then I realized that I was wrong in every way
For poems are complicated and never clear as the day
Poems are ideas that is hard to fathom
Feelings and emotions from the heart, from the very bottom.

It is the scribbles of the mind like an abstract art
The pouring of a broken and a beating heart
Poems are the mirrors of each and everyone's soul
So its form is always different, some whole and some with hole.

Idioms, metaphors or any style of writing
Isn't what make poems twistedly interesting
It is what the poet want to write about
Through the paper and ink 'til it finally runs out
just because
rain is falling hard
from the dark black skies above
flowing down your cheeks
I don't know how to ride a bicycle
So you grabbed the bike and showed me how
But I didn't quite understand how you did it

So you let me ride it while holding the backside
I pedalled slowly at first, then gradually faster
Until the breeze hits my face and I've got smile on my lips

At last, I thought, I learned how to ride it
Then I looked behind and saw the view
You're not holding it anymore, you're faraway from me

I'm far from you, and you waved goodbye
So, I turned towards north and pedalled some more
At last, I thought, I learned how to ride the bicycle.

I didn't know how to ride a bicycle
But you taught me how, so I turned towards north, and pedalled some more.
for some people only comes to your life to teach you something and help you balance life. but you gotta leave them behind and let go with a thankful heart.
PS I actually don't know how to ride a bicycle. Haha
Nagsimulang pumatak ang ulan
Mula sa maitim na ulap at kalangitan

Binuksan ko ang aking payong
Upang mula sa ulan ay sumilong

Aking kapote ay isinuot
Upang damit ko'y manatiling tuyot

Naglakad lamang ako ng patuloy
Sa kabila ng buhos ng ulan na tuloy tuloy

Ang buong akala ko ay hindi ako mababasa
Dahil sa kapote at payong na aking inihanda

Ngunit 'di ko napansin na ako'y naglalakad na,
Naglalakad sa gitna ng baha

Tulad ng pagibig ko sa iyo na pilit kong itinanggi, iniwasan
Na buong akala ko'y di na ako maaapektuhan

Pero sa huli ako pa rin ay lumusong, nilamon,
Sa huli ay hindi na ako makaahon.

*Kailan ba itong baha huhupa?
Kailan ba itong ulan titila?
June 29, 2017

very rare of me to write poems in Filipino. But it will always give off a different feeling of satisfaction
sana'y pagpikit ng aking mga mata
lahat ng ito'y matapos na, ako'y pagod na

sana'y pagdilat ng aking mga mata
ay lumipas na ang marso, at abril na

sana'y ang luhang bumubuhos ay maubos
maubusan ng dahilan para umagos

sana'y ang mga mata kong mugto
ay kalimutan na ang nakaraan- kanilang multo

sana'y di ko na makita ang sarili ko
na kinamumuhian din ako

sana'y makita ko ang sarili ko
kung sino ako at mahalin ko ito

sana'y ang mga matang ito
na minsan ng lumuha ng todo
ay makitaan ko ng luha muli
ngunit ngayo'y may kasama nang ngiti
sa aking puso, sa aking labi.
February 22, 2018
i feel so anxious. i don't know if i'll still be able to graduate on time. i feel so hopeless. :(

repost.
one night
as I was laying on my bed
words keep on popping out in my head
like a lyrics of a song
that repeats without an end

i let it be
i let the letter, word, phrase
surround and trap me like a maze
but I was just there on my bed
my eyes open as if in a daze

i let the words bounce and jump
on my head, on my body
on my pillow, on my blanket
on my bed, in my room
on the ceiling, on the walls
faster, faster and faster

'til I can't take it anymore
so I get down my bed
pen and paper is what I get
to calm the words that bounces in my head

as i wrote everything down
it feels like I'm draining out
like a shoe that was worn out
and everything became calm
the calmness after the storm
like a very comforting psalm

so as the ink rests on the paper
and the words lay down on the sheet
i tucked all the phrases in
kissed them good night
as I finally get some good night's sleep

so that night
you'll see me sleeping silently
beside the paper with a resting poetry.
It actually happens a lot to me. Not just when sleeping, even when I'm taking  a bath or doing chores or whatever I do the words just pops out. It sometimes stops when I let it slip, but more often, it will distract me too much until I write it down. Well, maybe that's the life we all live.

October 10, 2016
blanketed with snow
i don't even know
that it has always been spring.

blanketed with snow
i don't even know
that it's already fall.

blanketed with snow
i have always known
but i just chose to ignore
that it sprouted and grew,
that i have fallen for you.

i have chosen to remain in this cold.
Septrmber 3, 2017

i cant write proper poems.  i dont have any inspiration -____-
she is willing to stand
under the pressure and weight
of the waterfalls
just to stay connected to you,
the cold river.
until she was swept away.



December 27, 2017
The small gestures of patting my head and shuffling my hair

The small touch when we do high fives as a sign of greeting

The small bonding times when we watch your favorite noon time show and laugh together

The small and random compliments that you say like how I am pretty because I look like you

The small and really corny jokes that you tell but I still laugh at them

The small pranks of copying what I do and say like how kids do

The small act of noticing really subtle changes in me on how I got fatter or have a fairer complexion

The small reminders if I brought my umbrella and to take care as I went to school

The small talks when you ask "how are you?" everytime I got home from school

The small acts of waking me up in the morning and cooking my food

The small things like still calling me "cutiepie" and "Patskie" even I'm already turning 20

The small acts
that shows your great love
The small things
but are the sweetest ones
You are the man with few words
But you never fail to show
your abundant love
In small gestures,
in small acts,
in small things
And for me it contributes the biggest on how proud I am
of the greatest dad I have
Happy Father's Day!
reposted. (changed the title haha)
June 18, 2017
you're looking at the moon tonight
gazing in awe of its beauty,
its brightness and glory
in the midst of the cloudy night sky
in the midst of the darkness above

you looked at it very intently
for you'll never see it in that way
for years and for several decades

you're looking at the moon tonight
in the same way i looked at you everyday
For the moon disappears when the day comes.
And I know that you too will disappear someday.

November 14, 2016
there are those times
that i read what you've read
watch what you've watched
play games you've played
listen to songs you've listened
just to find you
find pieces of you
in the books
in the movies and tv shows
in the games

there are those times
that i try to find pieces of you

but there are also times
that i found pieces of me, instead

*thank you for those times
thank you, jeden

January 5,2017
i am just so tired
of being the understanding one
of always adjusting for them
of acting like a mature adult

i am just so tired
of pretending everything's fine
of holding all my emotions inside
of acting like i am strong


but i cannot afford to be tired*
and it is just so tiring
reasons: responsibilities. expectations. pressure.
it's a tiring load to bear
This is a year of a hundred poems thought of but were never written and were left behind until everything was forgotten.

A year when I held a pen  along with millions of ideas but ended up with a scribble that I just drew out of my consciousness.

A year of letters written by my bleeding heart and tired soul but were never given, never delivered to whom it is due.

A year of typed messages with my sweaty and shaking hands that ended up being deleted and never sent to someone I'm longing for.

A year of flowing tears filled with my inner agony that left my pillow wet, left my cheeks with its trail, and left my heart aching with so much pain.

A year of things left unsaid, words that will never be heard  by anyone  in the face of the earth except for my reflection on the mirror as I cry out to myself.

A year of promises that weren't fulfilled for its not supposed to be done yesterday, now or maybe the entire time.

A year of hugs that weren't felt, nor touched, nor reached the person I wanna give the warmth of love and care.

A year when a thousand different scenarios played on my mind, but  remained there and didn't happen in the reality where I'm living.

A year of feelings that are hidden and kept buried in the deepest part of my heart but hasn't died or even faltered in a slightest way.

A year of regrets that remained as it is because I'm afraid of trying, afraid of failing. Or rather, I'm terrified of taking the risk for I don't want to feel more pain.

This is the year, the very first year, when I  truly learned the word lonely; learned that I am lonely.

This year is ending soon enough, but I still haven't done or said a single thing that might take away all the 'what ifs' in my brain.

This is how I've been for the year two thousand fifteen.
bridge half built
left forgotten
until rotten

the wall ive built
i thought there is
just a lie, it is

i was just afraid
to be connected
to be seen as i am
to cross the bridge

but all this time wishing
for someone to come
see through the wall
and cross the bridge.
October 5, 2017
I am no Maria Clara
Nor the girl who can't even break a glass
Nor the princess of a kingdom
Nor the graceful dancer
Nor the sweet little girl
Nor the pretty, head turner type
Nor the lady who pours emotions
Nor the girl of your dreams

I am clumsy and awkward
And the girl who acts in a boyish manner
And the hunter of a forest
And the graceless explorer
And the tough intimidating girl
And the one who you would just passby
And the lady who builds walls around her
And the girl of your nightmares

So I wonder what you see in me.

*What did you see in me?

Cause I can't seem to find anything in myself.
October 8, 2016
Just because.
as nights grew longer
air felt chilly on bare skin
where have you gone, days?
its cold even its morning. unusual when you live in a tropical country.
the sun brightly shines
feel the breeze, warm as your arms
i can see your smile

the rain fell and thunders clapped
the storm came, i saw your back
SCARED OF THE FLOOD, ARE YOU?

I watched a movie yesterday entitled Garden of Words (a Makoto Shinkai film). The MC said a poem and they called it Tanka. It's my first time knowing about that form. So well, this is my first tanka and it is quite inspired by that movie.
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