you dreamt of him last night.
you can't remember what he said
but his mouth whispered poetry
and his hands made a screenplay.

he wrote a note on a napkin
with a blue ballpoint pen,
you can't recall what it read
but such a phrase could start a novel.

you crumpled the paper towel in your hand with rage,
he ran back into your mind and lit a fire in your heart
causing your pulse to waltz and hum
to the song that played.

you dreamt of him once more
for words he said the last time you met his eyes.
you were drunk, of course
and a sentence can become a masterpiece in the blink of an eye.

draining half a bottle of cheap *****
merged with sour lemonade and stale diet coke
won't stop you from making similes between running your fingers through his hair
and the bubbling sensation of a fizzy drink.

i know you tried coffee and it made your hands tremble
with a wariness that obliged them to write,
and you compared caffeine to his touch
and the colour of coffee to the specks in his eyes.

i also know cigarettes didn't work,
their bitter taste reminds you of the arrogance in his expression
when he utters your name,
the despise contained in those two words until articulated by his face.
you don't need another drug that inspires metaphors longing to be made.  

his scent can't be replaced by twelve glasses of perfumed champagne
and even if caffeine makes your heart beat faster than he ever did
all you see in coffee grounds are his big brown eyes and his chocolate mane.
reeking of cigarettes won't do more than cloud your windpipe and put in mind the burn of your hands intertwined.

no substance will ever overshadow the drug a human being can come to be and no abstinence syndrome will be as dreadful as waking up from a dream.

'estimate: 443.000 people die prematurely from tobacco abuse'
i read from the crumpled cardboard box which holds the rest of the deadly weapons i often oscillate with *****.

grey ashes flutter around,
smoke in the atmosphere fades into the fumes of cars,
my eyes water
is it because of fog or cries?

i take a deep, long drag;
my mouth utters an inaudible chuckle,
tears burn my cheeks, i mumble shrieks.

sadness overflows my surroundings,
everything turns blue,
streetlights,
billboards,
faces;
rain floods my shoes.

wrenched in cold and shivering,
i wonder,
how many whom are stuck with the repulsive vice
deeply desire to die prematurely
because of some gloomy eyes.

Today the sky decided to resemble you and your mind;
Overwhelming indigo for your iridescent eyes,
how they turn from blue to grey
until they reveal the way you're aligned.

Soothing violet for the depth and majesty of your thoughts,
bright enough to warn you,
yet vulnerable and velvety enough
to ground your knots.

Groundbreaking blush for the colour of your cheeks
and the warmth that evokes from your touch,
ceasing every feeling of cold
one has ever choked on.

Faded orange, for the sun against your skin
and the way you breathe.
How it stings against your spine
and the way your tan chest rises
with every gasp of air that's underneath.

And last, an almost colourless yellow,
worn-out by the vehemence of your craving,
for the light in your eyes when you gaze at what you adore
and the power within your heart's palpitations,
begging you to live life to the core.

How I wish,
when you looked at me it ignited your eyes.

And when you stared,
your eyes would be blue instead of ice.

How I wish,
I could grasp a bit of what unravels in your bewildering mind.

I want to feel your lukewarm touch against my skin;
the cold has latched on to every corner of my being
and I am in need to leave it behind.

I long to graze your sun kissed skin
and for the sun's burn to linger there,
I yearn to even my vague breathing
with your stable gasps of air.

But if you beg me to summarise,
I just wish you would stare.

I'm in love
with an immensity
I will never seize.
Whereas the sky
is too far
for my mortal arms
to grasp the clouds
and count the stars
from the seas.

Tell me how can you fit an entire universe in your eyes.
How can the twinkle of the three hundred billion stars settle down in your smile?
Why do you cry galaxies
and sweat planets?
I'd prefer to have a meteor shower instead of butterflies
fluttering in my stomach.

Every hour,
every mile we roam,
wandering,
admiring the moon
while it follows us to take care of her commune.
For the stars in your eyes,
the asteroids in your stomach,
the whole universe you let out in every one of your chuckles.

You're not just a whole sky,
you're more than galaxies.
And I can't fathom
how someone so astonishing
could fancy a pure mortal.
With no twinkle in her eyes,
no galaxies when she smiles.
Not even a hint of magic,
would make her out of this world.

And the rays of sun
you stand below,
that make you glow beautifully,
would only make her eyes hurt.
For she will never be a child of the sun,
nor daughter of the moon.
Who's love is as impossible as ours.
Now that,
when the sun is alive,
living to its fairest,
the moon would die to let him shine.
And viceversa,
the sun would vanish,
for every one of the moons sparks
in a speck of time.

So you gleam.
Full of universes.
Full of light.
And she glooms.
Full of space.
Full of darkness.
Craving you,
seeking for your stars.
But she'd never forgive herself
if she dimmed your constellations,
or wiped away your planets.
Not even steal a single meteor from your stomach.

She'd rather turn away
than drag you to the void.
For she knows,
the sun would never feel the same anymore.
Your soul from outer space
would rot into a pit,
and she wouldn't scrape away your happiness,
not even for meteors in her stomach.

I'll cry to the moon,
write poems to the stars,
but at 6 am what's on my mind,
is morose pouring rain,
synchronized with my heartbeat.
I don't know what's it in rain that brings out tragedy,
gray skies and drops of water,
making people feel sad and abandoned.
All I know, is sadness commands my body,
reminding me of everything that's wrong,
all that is gone.
And maybe God is crying,
because of the world he sees from above.

You could say I'm in love,
with the view and the salt in the air.
The sun burns my spine
and there's sand in my hair.
I hear the sound of waves
slowly kissing the shoreline,
back and forth.
An in this moment,
the thought of tomorrow
doesn't bother me as much.
For all it's worth.
But then again,
your heartbeat is missing,
not synchronized with mine.
And your hurried pulse
won't rest under my thumb tonight.
I guess I miss your warmth,
to trace every line of your arms
with my bare fingers.
And for this,
again tomorrow is on my mind
making a great deal.
Please, let me spend it with your smile,
infinitely,
and here.

It doesn't make sense,
your name hums in my brain.
My heart is in despair.
My eyes burn from the pain.

Dear God,
I'm sure the stars aligned whilst you were created.
Every freckle on your skin
has a secret beneath it.
Just like the way your arms are carved,
by angels, I fully believe.

You're in my veins,
and I swear, I wish to rip you off.
You're injected in my bloodstream.
But my eyes have no more tears,
to long for you,
and your big bright eyes.

Intuition failed me.
I believed every word your mouth gently spoke,
shy and hidden,
with your cheeks blushed,
and your eyes closed.
God, I thought you were perfect.

And we could speak in a way,
we only understood.
I remember your eyes got watery,
in place of the 'I love you'
you tried to voice,
but it just wasn't true.

And when I talk about you,
I'm verbose.
From every feeling I've bottled up.
From your toxic love.
And God, I wish to hate you.
But I don't.

Then there was lust,
and alcohol,
and a beach full of sand.

And every grain of sand remembers,
how you grabbed my hand.
How you didn't even grasp for air,
when you kissed my mouth.
In complete madness,
hopelessly,
such as if tomorrow
simply wouldn't make the scene.

You knew you'd lost me,
it was our last goodbye.
I hope she was worth the while.

I wish you fall in love,
and get your heart broken,
shattered to pieces.
And that there's no one there,
to help you fix it.

I hope you find yourself,
alone,
glueing the pieces,
cut with every one of them
that once read my name.
And that you feel small,
maybe you'll forget about yourself,
for once,
and feel sorry,
for every single one of your games.

And you destroyed me,
to bits,
and pieces.
But I've picked myself up,
slowly and without help,
erasing your name from my heart.

And now that I'm aware,
and not dozed off,
from your green gleaming eyes,
and the love you promised,
that didn't come by.

How I wish,
oh I wish,
when you offered me the world,
I would've said I had my own.

My hands are shaking,
My heart beats fast,
Your eyes have been glistening
In my mind for a while.

Sun-kissed skin and alcohol in our veins
and I wish to say we're in love,
but this isn't some cliché.
Oh I wish I was beautiful,
but God I am far from that.
I'll never be enough to have you,
not even every once in a while.

My bloodstream's still rushing,
my eyes flushed with tears.
Your lips smell like ***
and I wish to get drunk,
I fear.

Drunk stories,
siblings and SATs,
break ups
and cancer,
that made your dad ill.

You'll never smoke cigarettes,
They killed him you said.
Smoking hookah isn't any better.
You're stubborn,
and beautiful,
have I said?

You're young,
though you've lived so much.
Catastrophes have blown by.
But my God,
those eyes radiate innocence.
I'd look at you all night.

I feel like quoting a poem I found
"My parents warned me about drugs on the streets
but never the ones with hazel eyes
and a heartbeat"
I wish I'd written that,
it seems all about you.
Those hazel eyes are guns,
a kiss would pull the trigger
and make our heartbeats one.

Don't look at me that way,
Stop smiling or the stars will be jealous of your glow,
You speak,
I shiver,
my heart's about to blow.

And what would've happened if I'd been taken by the waves that day?
If I had sunk with the ocean at noon instead?
Your eyes would be unknown,
your heart undiscovered.
But I would rest in peace
without your haunting memory under my covers.

The wind breaks through and I think of you.
The sea resembles your eyes.
And thank God I'm not drunk,
because I'd dial your number and cry.
I thought I hated the beach,
but now it reminds of you.
Crap, I thought I was tough.
You bring my soft side out, too.

The stars were the witnesses,
of my soul falling in love.
The moon was hidden.
She was also scared,
I thought.

She knew how this would go.
'Not again', she mumbled.
4 am tears and melancholic poems,
she'd take care of,
and months of thunder rumble.

The moon hopes for no more sadness,
and my wishes,
for once,
to come true.

But God,
he won't love me,
and she knows that too.

I crumble beneath my skin,
slowly,
gently,
waiting for a glimpse.

Pondering around my room I found,
pretty flowers and ribbons
with a name and a card.

Ecstatic I fluttered,
and picked them up
it read d's and r's,
it wasn't my name,
I saw.

It's her,
I knew it,
she's blonde just like me.
How foolish and stupid,
the past ignites her means.

My heart is burning,
full of anger and rage,
you were my first, did I tell you?
I thought you'd wait,
what a shame.

How could you,
how could she?
Stop promising what you can't keep.
Do you enjoy breaking people to pieces,
to save your own skin?

But I'll change and grow,
to be the best I can,
and you'll stay the same,
chasing blonde girls around.
It's a pity and a shame,
this that's been going on.
Now, I'm afraid to say,
I learned,
bad boys never change in any way,
not at all.

Fill my heart with a love song,
look at me with those eyes,
green,
emerald,
Remember me when the sun shines and burns your spine.

I will count every birthmark and mole on your skin,
olive eyes,
kiss me when noon begins.

Smile at me,
broad and brittle,
cigarette-stained teeth,
squinted iridescent eyes,
look at me,
take my heart,
don't set me free.

Wander around me,
replete with nostalgia,
while you sleep I stare,
unwillingly I smile,
green is absent.

The ocean,
heaven,
clouds,
the sun,
the sound of your voice singing my song.
The colour of your eyes,
forest and lime,
when they look at me I see hope,
in every shade of green, you're sublime.

The thought of someone else pronouncing your name,
all the o's and a's,
makes me sick to my stomach.
When did I fall this hard and sudden?

They say the past is in the past;
try saying that while reading his drafts.
Dusting memories brings people back,
particles are kisses, smiles and a track.

It brings no good,
it grants you a cold.
That 'cold' is nostalgia,
it swallows you whole.

They're out of your life,
by choice and by will,
they're not a priority,
don't torture yourself.

I know your soul's in pieces,
while hearing his soothing voice,
it used to be full of 'i love yous',
and promises he broke.

Don't torment yourself,
and search for old pictures,
don't wonder if how he says her name,
sounds as pretty as yours did.

Don't bring back his laugh,
and over-think your actions that night.
It's all over now,
try to sleep well, don't cry.

Quit writing about him,
it's better, I swear.
He didn't promise you forever,
so don't take yourself there.

He's not a boy,
neither a man,
he's something else,
he's Peter Pan.

Look at those eyes,
gleaming with passion.
Innocence appears if you stare deep,
my soul is dazzled.
They're the colour of the sea,
not blue, but iridescent.
His tears are the ocean's foam,
almost not present.

Peter says he won't grow up,
he's travelled long along the road.
He knows the world, from a to z.
And that's not where he wants to be.
He has his world, his Neverland.
No one gets hurt, everything lasts.

Peter, wake up.
That isn't true.
You know my heart belongs with you.
Don't leave me here,
I'm all alone.
The earth is mad,
come take me home.

Home to the land where kids won't cry,
they are all happy,
there's no goodbyes.
Boy, please remember me when you're gone,
come search for me, don't make me wrong.

I wish my eyes were bright with innocence,
maybe that could make me fly,
for instance.
Take me to Neverland,
teach me to fly,
I know I'm no Wendy,
but I will try.

Oh Peter, let's soar,
let's be free.
Somewhere we can be happy,
you and me.

John and Michael won't miss me,
mom and dad will dismiss me.
Nana won't even reminisce for me.

I've packed my bags,
and made my bed.
All is in order,
no one will care.

Just pour on top us,
faith, trust and pixie dust.
We'll fly together,
across the sea,
in Neverland is where we'll be.

Where no one cries,
and no one hurts,
where heaven is a place on earth,
I share with you,
nobody else.

Dear Harry,
There's so much I haven't told you yet,
my finger tips are shaking,
my words aren't working,
where should I even commence?

Dear Harry,
I remember each day, each moment with you,
do you too?
I reckon every second we spent together,
the way your shoulders are carved,
how my fingertips fit perfectly in every dent they curved.
how running my fingers through your auburn hair,
made me feel bare.
I counted your bruises, while you guided my fingers
I lay against your skin, it almost made me linger.
You held me in your arms, tight and secure
I knew you remember that, now I'm not sure.
I remember our calls, how could you?
you said 'she' didn't love you back,
I said that wasn't true.

Dear Harry,
It wasn't me, did I do something wrong?
I know she doesn't deserve you,
I thought while staying strong.
Why would you waste your last night with me,
if you didn't care?
I miss you uncontrollably, could you tell?

Harry, don't make me blush,
this never happens
you said you miss me several times,
Am I cold for the absence of replies?

Harry, stop saying these things,
are they even true?
You dressed up today,
was it for me too?

Harry, I'm sorry, I went there that night,
someone else kissed my lips,
they probably tasted your name ignite.

Harryyyy, I'm sooo sorrysy,
I'vee beenm dringking a lottt,
I tohld evheryobe abouszft youpsl,
and how I'd looooovie to kissss you,
I just couldn't stop.

Harry, you were here tonight.
I looked at you, couldn't you notice?
I stayed away from drinking,
I would have caused a ruckus.

Harry, you were the first one,
the first one to wish me a happy birthday,
thanks Harry, you're punctual and perfect.

Harry, I heard about her.
I hope you're happy.
I stayed up until six that day.
I dreamt of you again.

Harry, again I'm so sorry.
I hope you forgive me.
I was distracted today,
happy late birthday.

My beloved Harold, we would have met today.
Do you remember these things?
And how you taught me how to skate?
How my ears won't fit in head phones,
and when my OCD kicks in?
I'm sorry I'm cold, at least I seem to be.
Feelings are tough,
and my heart hides beneath.
You will never read this, so now I'll confess.
I love you Harold,
I do.
I swear.

I used to say I wore my heart on my sleeve,
I wanted it tattooed on my left arm, permanent and in-erasable.
I said it out loud, and to myself.
Who was I kidding?
It's hidden and held.

He cries himself to sleep, he grieves for my reply,
I know he needs help, it's beating gives him away every time.
I don't think he's depressed, I reckon he's scared.
And how could he not be?
We cruise this mad world.

He's scared of the dark, from life and from death.
He's a paradox I know, by his arrhythmia I tell.
Dogs freak him out, he's scared of their bite
Those teeth can't be trusted, they carve like a knife
He's scared of the love he's never experienced,
how could someone love him all wounded and delirious?
Planes are far from his favourites, also anything contagious,
pilots and doctors all shiver his cages.

He's the king of disguise,
sheltered behind humour,
sometimes he genuinely doesn't care,
others he cries upon a rumour.
People think he's crazy, I do myself,
he's treated as obsessive, old soul and ******.

His cuirass seems tough and unbreakable,
but really he's shy and mistakable.
He has the appearance of mean and despiteful,
he won't give in to show himself vulnerable and frightful.

He trusts no one,
he lets no one in.
His problems are his,
someone interfering would be a sin.

I'm sorry dear heart, I know it's my fault.
I've damaged and wrecked you,
with flaws and toxic loves.
Now you seem lost, you're head looking down,
please don't give up, it's not over now.
I can't promise I'll fix you, but yes I will try,
at the end no one saves you,
you're alone to die.

Obsession is a gun.
It points right to your head, willing to shoot.
It either glues your heart together or shatters it through.
You feel ecstatic, yet you feel blue.
It's an addiction, you were brought to.
Nobody gets it, you feel alone.

Your mind is scratched with a name that repeats itself endlessly,
It hurts to your core, it's also your ecstasy
No you can't grasp it, they're fake, they're souvenirs.
And by souvenirs, I mean they're *******,
You like it for a while, then put it on a shelf and in the end, dispose it.
It drains your time, you think it's real,
then in a month, you're done, it's sealed.
It starts confusion, you swear it's love,
you think it's happiness,
well, you are wrong.

There's this burning desire, that's igniting my heart,
It tangles my throat, my stomach and rips himself out.
I call that flame passion, it's probably caged.
From all the venom that surrounds this horrid, ****** place.
I feel like a puppet, with short and tough strings
They want me to do what is right to their means.
All this makes me sick, may I please throw up?
This place was so beautiful, what could have gone wrong?
It isn't that hard, we've all been deceived,
By two hateful men, one who doesn't even belong here.
It's also our fault, we should have seen through
All the paraphernalia those two put up for you.
Now one of them's gone, the other won't die,
And we're left to this mess, with and *** to the ward.
This donkey isn't working, most of us saw it coming
All he's brought are tears, death and more problems.
This desire wants to fight, and overcome this all
We could use a little help so this will blow up.
For now all we have is prayer and love,
Let that desire resist and the light will show up.

Your name used to wander through my thoughts every night.
It kept me up, it made me ill and worse than that, it made me feel.
Paper sheets with scribbles of your name, pillows wet from tears due to your games, even toilettes filled up with what I ate that day.
The thought of you made me tremble, while my knees shook, my heart dissembled.
Time went by, my knees were still, my heart wasn't completely ill.
I was okay, not well, but okay.
Nobody saved me, I did it myself, with help from a book, good friends and yourself.
I'll never be cured, I still have a dent.
After all, who doesn't, after being this wrecked?
However, at this moment I can say I'm fine, not well but just fine,
Where your name used to be, there's a hum in my mind.