I am slowly learning to use my words—
allowing the ink to besmirch these immaculate fingers
as I weave out my sloppy cursives around feint rules
like hydrangeas climbing lattices in the early summer;
spelling out vulnerability with every bit of hope
left glistening in these swollen, tear-stained eyes,
and unfaltering love with all five letters of his name.
I am slowly learning to use my voice—
heaving out the dust that’s settled over things left unsaid,
and rolling out my tongue to intimately slip off naked truths
my throat has been choking on in the silence of fear;
drawing constellations between the kisses of my lips
to faithfully concede to the phonetics of needs and wants,
and articulate every syllable with the intonation of desire.
So read between the lines, and listen closely—
pick apart my words and unravel the candor in my stutter,
unzip and unbutton every unsent letter I’ve ever written,
and watch me strip down on these pages in poetry-laced lingerie.
I am no longer that bashful submissive sprawled across the bed,
softly moaning for the pleasure of attention and the pain of neglect
under the crippling fear of loss firmly taped over my mouth.
I am slowly learning to ask for what I still and have always wanted—
I'm sorry it took me so long.
Dry bones lay wasted in a dark valley.
Years of fractured relationships
Like sand through fingers
As to why you disappoint me
Speak the truth, worm
Your locket heart withers
Releasing the picture of abandonment
Fool, I am no fool
I am above your rule