Philosophical on a scorching day
Write your thoughts, wasted away
Won't you share them with me?
To be what you want and not what you need
Maybe both
Maybe hope
Odd enough to be your number one?
The art of survival has left me undone

longer apart than ever together
caught in moments
bittersweet weather
true to form
am calls
cutting the magic
ending your hold

Take a look around and rub the smog out of your eyes
Back and forth wipe that mirror of disguise
Stuck in a frozen grocery store
2 and five won't get you past that door

Spit out you soul
Spit out those lies
Travel straight past the checkout sign
Grab him for a few days or nights
Self medicate with the one you like

6,380 days
That's how long I have known you for
In that time I've supposed to have taken 128,620,807 breaths
That's 12-16 breaths per minute on average
And as I'm writing this I'm holding my breathe again
Holding it and remembering the 6,380 days of memories
Because on that first day I feel in love with you and I just didn't know it
And the second day it happened again
And so forth the third
And the fourth
The fifth
Sixth
I just didn't know it

I realised it on the last second of the 6,379 day
The day we decided to forget everything
When I woke up in a bed smelling of your cologne
When you held my hand under the covers and stroked my skin
Not afraid of the possibility anymore of someone noticing
Cause I think they already did
That the two of us were in love and we just didn't know it yet
Or maybe when you made me breakfast and sat there quietly as I ate.
When I held you tightly as we zipped through the cold on your bike
The time when you held my hand while driving even though we were merely inches apart we wanted more
Maybe it was when I realised how effortlessly your arm drapes over my shoulder and I fit into your warmth
Or when we had five minutes completely alone and you wrapped your arms around my waist
Kissed my cheek
And we looked in the mirror
It was as if we were a couple
We always have been though
A couple of friends
But for one day we weren't

your tiny desk with subtle words
engraved into the stone
wishing on an invitation
to a death row

its the burning after the cut
the sweet sensation that's tinged with sour regret
and you're lost out there in a different place
its a compass though
reminding you, you're not too far from home
however home is broken skin
and a lack of explanations
in every escape
you become far less obvious
watering a garden
that died last winter

oh hello old friend
did you honestly think this was how it was supposed to end
with a **** and a touch
a kiss goodbye
left glimmering in the floodlight
a sense of fear
and a *** of gold
trusting for you to not let me go

but you let the bottle slip and fall
and you let me leave to another show
you let the blankets fall back into place
and you lead your heart the other way

It's as if you have been stained
You aren't missing it
You're just constantly being reminded
When a single touch sends you into another's bed
But you never wanted to be in either

and i want to say thank you and just be with you
but the truth is i don’t nearly love you as much as you love me
and i hate that
because i want to love you
every inch of you
i run my tongue over my lips and i can remember every kiss
but its not enough
and i’ve tried to bite my tongue and push it aside
cause i want you more than life
but a part of me can’t take it
and i can’t take hurting you anymore
because a part of me does
love
you.

I'm not obsessed with the future
I'm obsessed with right now
         obsessed with the rain
            obsessed with your face
               obsessed with a moment
after moment

I didn’t text you today and I’ve never been more proud of myself.

*If you want me in your life you’ll do it yourself

lie a little better
dig a little deeper
spit out the words that are trying to eat you
don't let the caffeine hit you
link the chambers
and battle the weight
achieve tomorrow what you forgot yesterday

All of these walls were built to keep you from entering my home
Damaged room after room, you kept wandering the halls
Tearing each brick down, wanting more
When will it be enough?

Till the floor sinks in?

When will it be enough?

Am I worthy of your sin?

You're like a few hundred grains of salt
Make it a thousand
Stuck in my crevices
After a long day of you
Of your thoughts
Your brain
The way that your hands taste
Stuck in remains as I trudge home at the end of the day

She wears black jeans and doesn't believe in love
But all that changed when she fell into your world
Not wanting to stretch time
Or revisit your hold
Hunting the ghosts of anxiety
Burning
Igniting
Why do I keep on fighting?

A storm surge
A call
Raising clipped wings
Soon it will all fall down

Usually these poems do justice
They somehow explain the situation
The terminology gives it away
It's rather picturesque
But for once I can't
A story with no language to write it
Is one that cannot be told
And a story with one lead role
Has nowhere to go

Stars on a terrace
Loving in dark, broken in light
Teetering too far
Sacred places left in my heart
I’m caught with the monster in my head
Nostalgic for the love I never kept
The veins rebelled behind my bones
My mind going to a place
When love was a word
Not a fight that grew cold

seriousness for strangers who are unlike us
but the question is wouldn't you rather it that way
the claims of a drink that entitles others to be weary
weary of us
here we go
a story sprinkled in acid and cinnamon
not just sugar alone
cause sugar melts into something sickeningly sweet
whereas us together is a taste we have yet to discover

the five seconds apart from you is too much
the oceans somehow don't matter
relying on the transmission from one corner to another
and you feel as if you're dancing on water

repeating stanzas into misty doors
as if its a functional degree
raging on the alcohol
like its feeding you and me

Why is it
that when a boy writes his feelings
you praise every heartbeat

But when I mention fondness
you break each part of me

For the purpose of waiting on a argument left for someone else's yesterday do you understand the depth of your own sweat
Almost like a beam of sugar hoping to sink you under
Cause you're not the only one that's wasted away

can you taste the tears on your lips
the stains of a happy summer
of a past you wish to remember
but forget
to hold and let go
a secret creaking on the floorboards
you thought i wouldn't know

I whisper in the wind
Searching for the sun to win
I’m a pretty sunflower
Won’t you pick me for your whims

rid me of my heart
and rid me of my soul
because I have become the girl who is lost in yours
the near and far of the future and the past
misconceptions and false hopes
tangled and convoluted
please don't make me let you go
my bed is on the gallows
as over 10,000 reasons took away what was left of me

A simple distraction
A week long attraction
Directed my attention from the one that couldn’t happen
Little infatuation
Oh **** I’m saying his name again
You calling on my cellphone is enough to forget him

I slip between the boundaries
I wonder if I’m bothering
And every time I see his tribe I know that this is foreign tea

You were the perfect plaything
He holds my heart in pieces
And now I know that loving him hasn’t disappeared for a second

your tongue teases me
linguistically
writing the aftermath of my heartbreak
clean up efforts be ******

with a mission not to heal
but to make me feel
my words no longer made of steel
forgive my hands they’re fully stained
i’ll wipe them clean, make us whole again

for there is a way
to utter words
the words that i could never string together
just as there is a way
to say goodbye
for now and forever

shadowed by the sun
with skin uglier than hers
who says?
she says!
when her voice doesn't sing for me

outside of skin
colour means everything
the bolder and brighter
commanding to be seen

but why is it no matter how much we scream
you can't see me for the artwork i happen to be

There's nothing left
No texts
Photos
Archives of old chats
You're practically a fragment of my imagination now
You once were everywhere to be found
But now it's almost as if you never there in the first place

Is this the rest of my life?
Hands ticking, passing the time
Brush those teeth, part your hair right
One large sip, frozen in mind

Is this the rest of my life?
Hands ticking, passing the time
You say maybe, I say fine
Trap my sorrow, hold me tight

to carve lines in your skin
hurting less than my whims
my instinct unmatched
for the words I never sing

if you convince me of a story
i’ll fall deep into your core
actions scream louder
than the world I beg for

A lack of care, consideration and desire runs deep within our skin
A clash of cultures leaves me wondering which bin do I fall in
You try to work the friendships that look similar so they win
But it’s often the ones from a foreign land who treat you like a king

My heart isn’t broken
It’s dented in places
I’m rather accident prone you see
With damaged wipers and broken hazards
This muscle is the heaviest machinery

man if only i knew
what part of me
meant a part to you

i'm not in love
far from it
not caught up
just sittin on it
wrap me inside
ribbon tongue tied
tugging on the corners of a very fine line

now staying up
let me stay alive
give me something
let me survive
please don't be a passerby
ringing this bell for the very last time

I think I made a grave mistake
instigating this heartbreak
different paths
open hearts
life came at us way too fast

we grew tired, distant and far
good for right now was no longer enough
separated by sheets, separated by me
you were the boy with a hand clasping please
I was the girl who got up to leave

if I didn’t sit up at a quarter to three
wondering how I compared to a bottle of whiskey
maybe we’d be okay, maybe we’d breathe

if I didn’t stay awake and fell to my dreams
I could stay, being the goldfish on your cheek

angry red marks
for your angry red past
with a sliver of your heart
yea you’re tearing it apart

A story concluded before it even began
An investment you wanted but could not plan
Pulling my guts, singlet inside out
Veins tainted blue, from what he did to whom
Centuries of tremors, convinced there’s no cure
If love can’t build bridges, what good is love for
You gave me the reasons, I begged for the cure
The next girl you date, a ring on her finger
But a perfect recipe from a faith filled member

Time and time again
I gave you reasons to say yes
All you had left in your heart
Was reasons to run left

You asked me for the truth
For months I held my heart
Til you said the words we’re hoping for
I said I love you yet

You were a never mind
Practically never mine
Caught between a line of lies
Filled with hate you never left behind

Somedays were a tsunami
You pulled me under to drown me
Lost in a sea of your demons
That you gave me to hold