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Jul 2018 · 202
J
Fel Jul 2018
J
I wish that the version of you
that lives inside my head
were real
Jan 2018 · 265
There are two certainties:
Fel Jan 2018
.1. people change


.2. life goes on
Apr 2016 · 1.2k
Music Maker
Fel Apr 2016
Music maker, trombone player
Master-to-be of all instruments
   For my passion
   an educator in the making
Those notes that live within
Their stave homes on the aged paper
   Are composed of the very things
   that run through these well-played veins
They are the building blocks of my being
That brought me to world-class stages

Music maker, trombone player

I am a future Great
This is for a project in my English class to help us better understand kennings, and their use in Beowulf. I thought my kenning poem was pretty good, and decided to post it on here since I haven't been very active on this site. Enjoy!
Jul 2015 · 703
Fourteen
Fel Jul 2015
Yours is a dead end, but it's the only path I want to take
Jul 2015 · 2.1k
Unfinished?
Fel Jul 2015
Sometimes I wish we were complete strangers
That you only remained to be the quiet kid with the ******* haircut
And that I never told you my secrets
Or anything about my life

Sometimes I wish you haven't heard my stories
That you wouldn't be able to finish some of my tales
And that I never heard any of yours
Or met your family

Sometimes I wish I could just go away
That I could leave you to your own devices, no bother from me
And that you wouldn't have to worry about including me
Or even listen to what I say
And sometimes I wish I could finish a thought about you without finding a block
May 2015 · 799
Limerick no. 1
Fel May 2015
In English there is a kid named Josh
As a lifeguard he goes splishy splosh
An old man dropped his gown
His smile turned upside down
What he saw made him say, "Oh my gosh!"
Written by my partner in English class, Austin.
Mar 2015 · 417
1:41
Fel Mar 2015
Hey. I just woke up from a dream that you didn't particularly star in but when I woke up it was amazing that you were the first thing to pop into my head and it was crazy that the dream was spot on with a dilemma I will have to face soon and that is leaving you because as much as I do not want this to happen it surely will in over a year I will be graduating and I will be moving on with my life and you will still be in school and moving on with your life but the difference here is we won't be near anymore and that's the scary part because our future it isn't solid it isn't certain and I can't be sure that when we both have to move on that we will be as close as we are now but perhaps that is a good thing cause I've been thinking that maybe you're a dead end a dud a match that won't light and I'm the idiot that won't stop trying and maybe it's just time I need for your heart to start working the wonder of love or for mine to work the wonder of forget but whatever it is leaving is the natural process and there is a cure to my predicament and that is to never lose contact and be near always as much as we are now but then again this future of ours is not set in stone so what is the chance of you actually wanting that? Closer to none than anything else, but at this point I have yet to know. I miss you and although I'll be seeing you tomorrow I won't stop thinking about this and how I don't want this to happen. We will surely have to discuss this across the lunch table and perhaps I can grab your attention from that stupid game on your phone and maybe you'll listen when I tell you tears came when I woke up from this dream and perhaps you'll remember my emotion when we dye the shirts and maybe you'll do the thing I've been waiting for on Saturday and a future then can be discernible. Right now my mind is ******* and I can't think anymore so goodnight, I love you.
Is it weird I keep having dreams like this and whenever I wake up my first thought is you?
Mar 2015 · 632
History Repeats Itself
Fel Mar 2015
I invested so much into you
And when you crashed
I fell into my own Great Depression
Feb 2015 · 3.3k
Skinny Love
Fel Feb 2015
Half finished stories and continuous laughter burning our cheeks
Multitudes of inside jokes we forgot we made
When blue meets green, yours to mine
It's amazing to see, if only you'd open your eyes
Written when I should've been taking a test!
Jan 2015 · 760
Bedside
Fel Jan 2015
In a place where the Saints go
To eternally lift their load
My own Saint had a ticket
For his own road

2:37 sharp
That Saturday afternoon
God made a plan
For you to leave soon

Bedside is where I'll be
Waiting for the moment you flee
Don't fly away my heavenly friend
Promise me you'll see me again?

I once heard a story
Where "Love is watching someone die"
Do you remember the moral?
Waiting for the fateful goodbye?

Plans put on hold
We had quite a few
How long to wait?
I don't know about you...

Bedside is where I'll be
Waiting for the moment you flee
Don't fly away yet my heavenly friend
Promise me you'll love me again?

Whatever god there is hasn't given me enough time
To be satisfied with all of our lustful crimes
But as the LCD tells me you're drifting away
Your second date will be for today

Don't go away
Tell me how you fight fight fight

Bedside is where I was
Dreading that awful moment it paused
I watched you fly away, my heavenly lover
You promised me, that we'd wait for each other

But your promises were as broken as you
Inspired by Death Cab For Cutie's "What Sarah Said." In the song, he was describing a hospital waiting room, and waiting for the person you love to die and how "Love is watching someone die/ So who's gonna watch you die?" I started to imagine how it feels, and I spurted this bit out. Enjoy.
Fel Jan 2015
12/37/14



Our love flourished in the winter
In a place where it never really got cold
Your eyes were always icicles
And your smell like winter wind

You come off as cold
But maybe as winter progresses toward spring
And life reveals itself from under its snow blanket
You heart too will awaken
Jan 2015 · 273
Untitled
Fel Jan 2015
I never thought I'd get this attached to you
Never thought I'd get this attached to anybody
But it seems we're sewn at the hip
Never one without the other
We just go together
And as cliché as it is
Peanut butter and jelly
Coffee and cream
This is us
And do not try to deny it
I can see how you search for me
How you find things to share with me
How you are just as attached to me as I to you
Do not deny
That you feel something
In that icy little heart of yours
A heart that is warming up during the coldest part of the year
Do not deny
You feel something toward me
Jan 2015 · 2.8k
Frustrating
Fel Jan 2015
I looked up the word in the dictionary today to read what it really meant

And all it said was your name
Nov 2014 · 393
21:18
Fel Nov 2014
I'm all jitters and quick thoughts and shaking hands

And I can't tell if its from the lack of sleep

The too-sweet coffee

The chill of the night

Or the way the stranger said, "I'd take you to my apartment if you were old enough."
I had never been noticed before now, and its scaring the **** out of me.
Fel Oct 2014
But then again, is there a difference between the two?
I can't even tell.
Oct 2014 · 504
Untitled
Fel Oct 2014
By this time next week
I will either be loving life
               Or hating it

I will take a chance
Much like the chance I took
               Ages ago it seems

The chance that
****** me up
                For nearly two months

This chance can
**** me up
                  For forever

So by this time next week
I will either be writing happy poems
                   Or frustrated poems.

This Saturday will decide.
****.
Oct 2014 · 180
Untitled
Fel Oct 2014
Sometimes I wonder while crying if pressing in your eyes to the point where you see the stars makes the tears stop rolling.
I'll try this next time
Oct 2014 · 378
October 23rd 2014, 1:51 AM
Fel Oct 2014
Hey. I just woke up from a dream that you starred in and at first it was great, we were hanging out, doing the things we usually do, but then you told me that you were going to go away for a while and it really scared me because I really felt that whatever God there is was not fair enough to allow me to have the time to properly get to know you and perhaps become a permanent fixture in your life. I felt like a wreck. I called you all the time. You got so annoyed you eventually stopped answering. The thing that scared me the most about this was the fact that it is so likely how fast this could happen and I am honestly scared if this actual outcome between us, being separated and then having our bond- that rubber band I like to think is invincible- break, is going to happen because this is not the way I would imagine things ending between us, if things ever do have to end. Even though it is 1:51 in the morning, I am wishing that I can be with you and tell you these things, but I am sitting here waiting for a miracle to happen while you're "no miracle worker," waiting for a relationship where there is no chance for there to be one, waiting for you to  love me where you feel nothing at all. This dream reminded me of that fact. And also another, the fact that I don't ever want to lose you or whatever it is that we have built up.
You know why you stopped contacting me in the dream? At the end I was debating whether or not to tell you how I felt, and decided to tell you.
And even though I am not actually making this into a text but rather into a note to be made into a poem, I am hoping that I can have the courage to show you and have you understand how I truly feel by showing this to you.
But I won't.
So you'll never know.
I really hope this dream wasn't showing the future
Oct 2014 · 203
10w
Fel Oct 2014
10w
I wish I could write poetry

Without writing about you.
Sorry guys. You all probably didn't follow me to see me ***** about some boy
Oct 2014 · 452
10w
Fel Oct 2014
10w
You've got a heart of gold


While I'm pure pyrite
Oct 2014 · 2.7k
Poison
Fel Oct 2014
You probably wonder
Why I keep telling you
How bad of a person I am
I'm just waiting for you to finally figure it out
And realize that I am poison
Of the very worst kind
And that not even ipecac can help you
When you try to regurgitate
All memories of me
Just being honest
Oct 2014 · 2.1k
Sorry
Fel Oct 2014
I'm sorry I'm a bad person
That I steal and lie
Those sunglasses I gave you?
Sorry, I shoplifted them from Walmart

I'm sorry I'm ****** up
That I have terrible tales from my terrible childhood
The stories?
None of them have I made up
Sorry, it's just the way I was raised

I'm sorry I get depressed
That some days are good and other days I can't even talk to you
And those days?
You're the only fix for them
Sorry, I really can't help it

You're ill-equipped to deal with my ****
And that's not your fault.
I'm also sorry that I can't stop saying sorry. I can't help it.
Oct 2014 · 403
Noise
Fel Oct 2014
All around me
I'm in a sea of my own despair
And all I hear is noise
It's hurting my ears

Next to me
A freshman alto is playing show music
To my right a freshman trombone also practicing our show
Behind me a senior trombone tries to improvise jazz
While across the room the basses are tuning
People are laughing and chattering
Having a good time

And I'm just in my sea of despair
Covering my ears
All
Alone
I can't think.
Sep 2014 · 1.2k
Rubber Bands
Fel Sep 2014
You would never know how resilient a rubber band is
Until you've stretched it to its max
To have it snap back together
Somehow stronger than it was before
I never knew how long I could go without seeing you
Until the summer kept us apart
But we snapped back together
Somehow closer than we were before
Sep 2014 · 400
Untitled
Fel Sep 2014
He's got eyes that kind of droop a little in the corners
and his nostrils are big enough to drive a train through
and his eyebrows can never seem to separate from each other
while his teeth just seem off balance

But his eyes hold the ocean, the sky and more
and when his face brightens with a smile, his nose seems to as well
and his eyebrows go down in mock suspicion
when I stare at his mouth, the safe that holds all his secrets that I wish to know.
Fel Sep 2014
To be completely honest
I've been feeling quite like a ghost lately
Like I'm empty
And the only time I'm feeling
Only halfway normal, halfway full
Is when I'm around you.
I hate to have to depend upon you in this huge way, but I can't deny it.
Sep 2014 · 654
21:26
Fel Sep 2014
When I am thinking of your lips
The soft pink
Against your ivory skin
I am thinking of how wonderful they must feel
And about the secrets they hold
I am thinking of how their corners go up
When I tell you about my day
And how it starts a domino effect across your lovely face
And you shine like a beacon
Through my dark days
And I am wondering if
It's
The same 
For
You?
Sep 2014 · 2.6k
Beautiful and Happy
Fel Sep 2014
July 17th 2014 11:49 PM

On the day I was born
I was given the name Felicia
Because my momma thought I was beautiful and happy

By the time I was a toddler
I did not think much of beauty
Nor did I think much of myself
And still, my momma thought I was beautiful and happy

When I started school
I started to see beauty.
I thought it meant blonde hair
And pastel coloured skirts
I had neither, but did not think much of it
And still, my momma thought I was beautiful and happy

By the time I was in third grade
I saw beauty even more
I saw it in my mother,
My friends and my teachers.
I thought it meant a smaller body
But that, I didn't know or think
Until I found out I was ten pounds lighter than my oldest brother.
He weighed 140. 
I started to really think about beauty
And still, my momma thought I was beautiful and happy

By the time I started middle school
Things had really changed
I was not like my peers
I felt unbeautiful and awkward.
I began to loathe myself
I started seeing beauty
In everything but me.
Found fake love once
Forever scarred my heart.
Started developing phobias,
Couldn't be seen with some people
Couldn't let anyone hear me breathe.
I thought way too much of beauty
And still, my momma thought I was beautiful and happy

When I was in seventh grade
I thought beauty meant good clothes
Pretty smiles
Fatter wallets
And thinner waistlines
(All of which I had none of)
I thought a lot about beauty
Decided to try something new
One
         Two
                   Three thin slices into my skin
(Found out cutting wasn't really my thing)
I made good friends
Tons of bitter enemies
That all, I felt, were prettier than me
And still, my momma thought I was beautiful and happy

When eighth grade rolled around
I knew lots about beauty
But started caring for little of it.
Homelessness had racked my life
I worried more about keeping up with school
And picking up a new instrument
Than worrying about beauty
That I still thought a little about.
I made friends that didn't care either
I decided I can live my life
Ugly, in poverty, fat, and awkward
Although some nights I still did cry
About how I never had a boyfriend 
About how no one ever showed interest in me
And still, my momma thought I was beautiful and happy

When I started high scho
Beauty was everywhere I turned
But a developing affair I had
With the lovely marching arts
Took all my worrying and cares
Away from beauty
But not completely.
I thought beauty meant
Shorter shorts
Tanner skin
Straighter hair
And an older age.
I was bullied for being a freshman
And often picks on for being far
I didn't  care much to look at myself in the mirror often
But I outwardly cared much less about  everything
Putting off a persona.
Found better friends
And less bitter enemies
That I thought much be a little prettier than me
Also found some bad friends
That couldve gotten me in trouble
Ones that helped create a nasty habit
Of taking things that weren't mine
I however saw a little beauty in myself
And still, my momma thought I was beautiful and happy

Now, when I was a sophomore
I believe I truly found myself.
If  not all, then bits of myself.
I made even greater friends
Maybe even found love
And an ever deepening love for the marching arts.
I thought beauty meant
Great musical skill,
Being a good person,
An having a passion for something greater than yourself.
I  started to find beautiful things in people
That we're sometimes reflected in me.
Does that mean I  started to think I was beautiful?
I guess it does.
But I started to accept myself.
All my strengths
My flaws and my quirks and weaknesses
And I believe that comes along with finding yourself.
However,
Academic life started to slip
I did not care much for it
Did not care much for anything, really
But two things:
Love. And band.
Which both have kept me from
Falling into a deep dark abyss
That both of my siblings have experienced and ensures
One I do not safe fall into.
My nasty habit
Had only deepened
And gotten even more daring.
And still, my momma thought I was beautiful and happy

Today
I am fast approaching junior year
I am becoming a young adult
And I see beauty in everything
Myself included
It's amazing
And truly liberating
To feel this way
To not worry
Of what others think of me.
I still have phobias I had developed earlier
I still have the scars where I thought a solution may be found
And I still have a nasty habit
Yet I feel beautiful.
Some days are bad
Most days are good.
I have accepted myself enough
To take a step out of denial
And head toward the truth of change
And still
Through everything
(Although there is much here she does not know about)
My momma thinks I'm beautiful and happy.
Fel Sep 2014
First, I am from Cassidy
a heritage left behind in Ireland 100 years ago
when a young girl crossed the Pond
Searching for a place in the New World

I am from Sin City
where ungodly saints reign supreme
and the hot summers are barely bearable
Within its glitzy, barren landscape

I am from a Dramatic Family
where music is the main language spoken
where, if you announce you’re left “full,”
Someone will proclaim to be “Fuller!”

I am from Low-income Neighborhoods
where ****** kids have nothing to do
but play hide ‘n go seek
And have ice cube wars

I am from Music
an instrument in every room of the house
with two musicians for parents,
You can only assume on what will become of me

I am from American Traitors and Famous Scientists
Catholics and Musicians,
Military Families and Abandoned Individuals

That’s where I’m from.
An assignment I had to complete in my English class about "Where I'm From." What better place to put it, than to put it on here!
Aug 2014 · 2.3k
Home
Fel Aug 2014
Your eyes on mine


They feel like Home.
Aug 2014 · 227
7/24/14
Fel Aug 2014
Sometimes, those who wear a
             sign saying, "I'm righteous!"
are anything but.
Aug 2014 · 158
8/26/14 5:54 AM
Fel Aug 2014
You have no idea just how many times I've decided
        to give up on you, only to have you smile at me,
        and I would remember why I was trying so hard
        in the first place.
Aug 2014 · 5.6k
The Iron Rod
Fel Aug 2014
It's hard to hold on to the Rod

When the Iron burns my hands
The concept from the LDS doctrine of the iron rod.
Aug 2014 · 358
The Almost Sent Text
Fel Aug 2014
Composed: 2:56 A.M., 7-20-14*

Hey. I just wanted to let you know that I just woke up from a dream that I saw you in, but you never looked at me and it felt as if I was looking at a stranger and when I woke up I thought about how it feels as if years have passed since I've last spoken to you when in reality it has been weeks and I feel like I'm losing you and I can't quite remember how your eyes crinkle when you laugh or the exact shade of your blue eyes but I can remember how your smile literally made most of my days and to be painfully honest I've been missing you from day one and I just really want to see you but I feel August is just too far away and I wish I could call you to hear your voice just once, but I won't cause I don't want to annoy you. Anyways, love you. Sleep well.*


My thumb hovered over the send button,
But in the end I knew
You would feel uncomfortable
If I sent this to you

So I pushed the home button,
Locked my phone,
And once again attempted sleep
To see if I could dream of you again.
This was written over a month ago, and since then I have reconnected with this boy, but I just really love what I did here in the middle of the night.
Aug 2014 · 253
Untitled
Fel Aug 2014
Funny thing is,
I miss you more now
Not having seen you in over two hours,
Than I did
On Sunday night
Not having seen you in over two months
Why is this so?
Jun 2014 · 1.1k
Eros & Philia
Fel Jun 2014
Philia above Eros
My love for you

Meaning
I love you like a friend
More than I love you like a lover
Saw a cute post on Tumblr about the different types of love. Decided to relate it to someone who I love very dearly
Jun 2014 · 442
Letter no. 2
Fel Jun 2014
Dear Graduating Class of 2014

Well
This is it
Three more days
And then you're gone
It's your time to leave

So why am I sad?
Why does thinking of this
Bring rainclouds to my eyes?
Why have I dreaded this day all year?

I got a brief taste of this
This
Frenzy
At the last band competition
I remember how much I cried
How much we cried
Back in November
At that last competition
It seemed like it was the end of the world
When, in reality
We all saw each other the very next Monday

But this is different
Last night,
That was the last time
The last time
And I'm going to miss you all
Every. One.
Cause we're family
No matter what happens
How far away you'll move
What college you'll go to
Whether or not you come back to help next year
I'll still love you all the same
Okay I wrote this on May 31st, but was trying to think of something more to add and couldn't.
Regardless, I will miss everyone terribly
Jun 2014 · 3.6k
Friend Ship
Fel Jun 2014
Shipping is lovely

Especially when they ship you

To your best friend

Whom you secretly love
Jun 2014 · 259
Personal Hell
Fel Jun 2014
I wish I could tell you
That I love you
But I fear rejection
That 'no' from those
Angels lips of yours
Will send me
To my very own
Personal hell
I'm still here. It's just a little hard to find things to write about now for some reason...
May 2014 · 136
Untitled
Fel May 2014
I feel natural around you
               Free
Like when I'm near you
I'm where I should be

Is this how it's supposed to be?
I sure hope so
May 2014 · 2.3k
Being Close
Fel May 2014
I wish it would be so easy
         To just wrap my arms around you
And not be afraid of being close
         Or being afraid of how you'll react
I think about this every time I see you
May 2014 · 323
10w Poem no. 3
Fel May 2014
I see your name everywhere

I can't let you go
May 2014 · 194
You Know What'd Be Great?
Fel May 2014
If you wouldn't be such a ****.
Seriously
May 2014 · 188
A Good Question
Fel May 2014
There are things that I would
Do absolutely anything for
Things that I would
Cut off my foot and sell it for.

And then there are things
I couldn't give two ***** about

So why do I put your name
Under both lists?
Fel May 2014
These stupid crazy feelings
They bubble up
And feel like static
So I try to explain it
                       It comes out ******
I try to maintain it
                       It won't go away
So I'm trying to mask it
                       It doesn't really help
So what am I left to do?
I believe I have fallen for you
Pick me back up
I can't stand on my own
But don't ever leave me
I'll be useless without you
May 2014 · 6.1k
Blue
Fel May 2014
I hope you know CPR
So when I drown
Inside your eyes
You can save me
Over and over and over
May 2014 · 1.7k
Your Seeds
Fel May 2014
Love at first sight?
Not quite
More like second
Or third
Or fourth
But this feeling
It leaves me reeling
On the fact
I fell intact
But are you there?
Should I be scared?
I need protection
So there's no detection
So still I hide
These feelings inside
You think I'm just a friend
I hope it's just pretend
I hope you feel the same way
Until you tell me, I will not say
Whatever happens, I want you to know,
The seeds of your future, I want to sow.
Why the **** did I write this?
May 2014 · 228
Church Dances
Fel May 2014
Girls' choice songs ****
Cause the one I want to ask

He's not here.
Literally happens every time.
May 2014 · 625
Untitled
Fel May 2014
I like it when you're tired
And when your thoughts and words go
Go go go
And never stop.
They're unfiltered
So I see the true you
All your crazy thoughts
Your weird plans
               We should invent an artificial sun
                               that runs on solar power!

And we act foolish
Completely immature and playful
And I get to see your crinkly-eyed smile
And hear your hushed giggles
Whenever you laugh at the silliest things
And it's truly beautiful
Last night was a great night.
Apr 2014 · 330
One Hundred
Fel Apr 2014
Not such a big deal
Right?
It's only three digits
Only 100 works of emotion
Now I'd say works of art
But my words aren't that
They're emotion
They're feelings
Thoughts, impressions
One hundred.
How the hell did I get here?
I would have thought
That by now
I would have given up
Stopped at twenty-three and a half
But one hundred?
Apparently this is my One Hundreth poem written here on Hello Poetry. Of course, that does not count the ones I haven't posted, but that's still a lot. I'm so surprised that I actually stayed with this whole poetry thing. I'm terrible with words, yet I've come this far.

Here's to another hundred works of emotion!
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