And everyone says the story is prewritten where one day you blink your eyes and the next thing you know your dreams are being shredded left and right. The girl you fell madly in love with has changed far too much to keep pretending. And worst of all the pain of the world has just made you think that humanity is at its worst and there's not much you can do about it. Why call it life? Why call it life, when a more suitable name is 75-80 years of regrets?

When I let go of your hand I realized how tightly I was really holding on.
My fingers unraveled in between yours with the intensity of a ship being sunk by a anchor with the weight of the world.
My world at least. My whole world.

And when I gave you a final kiss my eyes were wide open. Usually when people in love kiss, they close their eyes because in that moment they imagine the future with the person their kissing. They imagine a picket fence and hundreds of plane tickets hung on the walls, with stories written on the backing. Don't try and tell me you haven't thought of how you would propose or get proposed to because we've all been there. Everyone wants a fairytale no matter how much they say that it's not for them. No matter how much anyone says that love ***** and that the thought of someone else holding and loving them forever repulses any part of them at all. We tell so many lies that they consume us with absolute terror. But I kept my eyes open when I kissed you because our child reduplicated "goodbye" can't have another hello.

And last night my lips melted into a boy,
Who only wanted 7 minutes in heaven
But kept my mind in hell the morning after.
And the weeks to follow.
How was I to know that disguises were not just made for high school plays.
How was I to know what exists in sweet brown eyes and golden hair.
My parents warned me about drugs and getting run over by fast paced cars, but never about the addictive  feeling you give me when I think of you and the fast paced beats my heart makes when you lie about loving me. I really wish I could fool myself into believing you just for a kiss longer.

Even pretty faces need a mind to enamour the soul.

Lately I've been scared about the ghosts around my house and in the dark before I sleep.
Even closer than lately to the present I've realized it's not the things we can't see that we should be scared of. It's those that laugh at our jokes and spend countless hours around us with seemingly good intentions, when really they're building up information on our weaknesses to bring us down, for fear that we are stronger than they are. We should truly be asking help from the ghosts and monsters under our beds, instead of fearing them, because they're the only ones that can see our best friends holding knives behind their backs ready to stab ours.

7pm:** it's one of those nights
8pm: watch tv
9pm: keep distracted
10pm: plan for tomorrow
11pm: go to bed
12pm: wake up and try to read until I fall asleep
1am: remember your charming smile and the way you run your fingers through your hair.
2am: flip angrily through the pages that I skim over because for some reason I strongly believe that a book on love will help me get over you
3am: think about why you don't and never did love me
4am: count the hours until I have to get up and blame you for keeping me awake.
5am: you used to keep me awake for things like talking about our futures and now I'm left here with half an empty bed wondering why your future doesn't involve me
6am: wake up tired from my 15 minute sleep and wonder how even on the darkest nights the sun still manages to rise
7am: I'm drinking coffee out of a cup that used to touch your lips every morning, like me, and I know you won't be back for either of us