Have I mentioned I love you?
I know I did 5 seconds ago,
but I wanted to make sure.
Because I say it all the time in my head,
whenever I'm looking at you,
whenever you do something silly or dumb,
whenever you grin or smirk,
all I can think about in my head is
I love you.

Have I mentioned I miss you?
I know I've probably said it 20 times today
in a little green bubble on my phone,
but it pops in my head with everything that happens.
I'll be sitting in the car and something will remind me that
I miss you,
or I'll be laughing a joke someone told and it'll remind that
I miss you,
or I'll just be looking at old photos and videos and it'll remind me that
I miss you.

Have I mentioned I need you?
I don't know if I tell you enough,
because every moment of my day is spent thinking about you.
If you walk away,
you can walk away with my heart,
if you find someone better,
give them my heart so you don't have to get hurt,
my heart is broken anyways,
but you've been fixing it since you got here.
Knowing that,
reminds me all the time that
I need you.

Have I mentioned I love you?
Because I really do and I want to make sure you know that.
I love you despite the ups and downs,
I love you despite the distance,
I love you despite all the other boys in the universe.
I love you.

He likes to keep his radio on the country music station
because he's from the country and the songs remind him of home.
He likes to have his hair played with but doesn't like it too long
because then it's a hassle to take care of and doesn't take 2 seconds to dry after his morning showers.
He likes to be the little spoon just as much as he likes to be the big spoon,
because it makes him feel like he's giving love while also getting it.
He acts all scary when on the road or when walking somewhere,
but I know it's only because he's blocked out the idea of getting hurt
and it's much easier to not get hurt when people are scared of you.
He likes the feeling of his feet gliding on ice,
he likes the wind in his face while driving his boat
he likes the colours that paint the sky for sunsets
and the smell of apple and cinnamon.
Strawberry rhubarb pies are his favourite
but only ones that are made by his grandmother.
And when you ask him about her,
his eyes will light up and he'll look away as he talks in a happy tone
as he remembers her hugs, her home, her voice.
He loves his studies because it's also his passion
and sometimes you might feel like he loves it more than you...
okay, maybe more than sometimes.
More than sometimes, you'll feel like he's more interested in leaving a mark in history than in going out for a dinner date with you.
More than sometimes, you'll get a text from him saying he'll be late because he's working or that you have a limited time to talk to him.
But as hard as it is to, try not to dwell on it.
Because don't forget,
more than sometimes, he'll drive hours to come see you.
More than sometimes, he'll show you how vulnerable he can be around people he loves
and more than sometimes,
he'll remind you over and over again how much he misses you
how much he misses your smile and your hugs
your kisses and your giggles.
How much you mean to him.
God, you could talk to him for hours and hours and never run out of things to talk about.
You could stare at him with a smile on your face and always find something new to love.


I should know...
I wouldn't change any part of him for anything in the universe.

I like to wonder what would happen if we had met in different situations
If you had passed me on the road,
would you have thought I was beautiful?
Would you have smiled back at me when I caught your eye?
If your friend had a bigger crush on me than he did,
would you have asked for him to back off?
Would you have fought for my attention?
If you had seen me in one of your classes,
hair pulled into a pony tail,
eyes crinkled into a smile
would you have wondered about my name?
Would you have talked to me?

I like to dream about all these situations
and in each one of them
we just fall in love all over again.

What's the line between clingy and in love?
Because I want to tell him how I'm always thinking about him
how he's always on my mind
and there's not a moment when I don't see something that reminds me of him
But is that clingy?
Or is that just love?
I want to text him every moment of every day
I crave conversation from him
to be near him
to hold his hand
to see him smile.
But is that clingy?
Or is that just love?
Maybe it's clingy if he doesn't feel the same way
Maybe it's love if he does.
How can I know?
Does he think of me in the way I think of him?
Does he wish to see my name on his screen?
Does his hand feel empty without mine?
Does he go through our memories and smile at the way I looked?
Does he?

It's like going down a rollercoaster,
the wind in your face,
the adrenaline pumping through your veins
as you go through the fast thrills of drops and loops.
It's like your foot falling asleep,
tingles and ****** at every inch of your skin,
the fear of it hurting
preventing from moving too fast.
It's like standing on a hill
on a warm sunny day,
arms spread out wide
as you feel the light cuddle your face.
It's beautiful.
It's wonderful.
It's....


**Love.

as you stand in front of sunsets
that have such brilliant colours knit in them?
Can I take your picture
at the moment when we met,
the snow gliding on the air to land perfectly on your face?
Can I take your picture
and place it all over my walls
so that everywhere I look,
I see the smile that warms my heart fully?
Can I take your picture
so that I can reminisce
and relive every happy moment we've had together?
Can I take your picture
so I can look at it and wonder
what could I have done better?
What could I have done that would've made you stay?
What could I have done
so that you would be asking me
*'can I take your picture'?