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Dec 2017 · 214
Starlight
Brianna Duffin Dec 2017
She glimmered in so many ways,
And she hid no part of herself.

She motivated a hundred men to come running,
And she sent them running right back home.

She created a raw art form out of her being,
And she powered it with her energy.

She developed herself in a constant determination to grow,
And made it her mission to spread this change.

She dreamed up a world all her own in her mind’s eye,
And built it to reality with her own bare hands.

She blossomed from the lap of pure luxury,
And redefined everything about it.

She may have been built from diamonds, but there was more to her!
She had been fashioned from saturated starlight.
Dec 2017 · 137
Creature
Brianna Duffin Dec 2017
This creature…
She lurks just round the corner
Her lips painted to perfection and pursed to prissiness
Her hips hosting hands, polished nails the color of Hell’s fire
Her eyes wild and dark, so full and deep, intricate curtains over the windows to her soul
Her hair cascading wild but under the chokehold of her need for control, constantly
And her entire existence… just

This creature…
She is a creature of the night, no doubt
But she is an essence of the broad sunlight
And she was designed to be the center of attention
But is simultaneously inclined to favor solitude
She craves affection, attention, validation, and such
But values her independence, her privacy so very much

This creature…
She knows no name.
She knows herself.
This is an observant poem
Nov 2017 · 168
That Which Stops My Heart
Brianna Duffin Nov 2017
I reach out, my arm feeling for the door
But all I feel is the vast void pressing in.
Three hundred degrees of isolation,
Sixty degrees of pain,
And five degrees fear.
Their pressure crushes me,
freezing me where I stand.
And my heart...
Nov 2017 · 140
All I Know
Brianna Duffin Nov 2017
All I know is
I’m waiting for something
Something that won’t happen

All I know is
I’m hoping for something
Something that can’t happen

All I know is
I’m praying for something
Something that won’t happen

All I know is
I’m wishing for something
Something that can’t happen

All I know is
I’m paying for something
Something that won’t happen

All I know is
I’m dying for something
Something that can’t happen

All I know is
I’m fighting for something
Something that won’t happen

All I know is
I’m trying for something
Something that can’t happen

And if I feel something coming my way
I will surely doubt myself a thousand times over
And so this will remain all I can know.

I cannot know myself
I cannot know the truth
I cannot know a thing
All I know is
I’m here for something.
Or perhaps… someone.
Nov 2017 · 86
Yes
Brianna Duffin Nov 2017
Yes
I feel his touch on my skin
In tantalizing fragments of an innocent moment
A moment I don’t know if we’ll ever see
But maybe part of me really wants to
And I want to explore, just to see what could be
Regardless of what we think should be
I want to know what could happen If I was a little bolder
And he was just a little more receptive
Or God was looking down on this moment and thinking
“Yes.”

You wouldn’t think our interactions would be positive, but oh,
Yes.
So many times a minute when we're together:
Yes.
Yes, to the way he understands the part of me I hide.
Yes, to the way we touch each other sometimes,
Skin flashing on skin
And a quietly oppressed mind penetrating like kind.
And us both saying to each other
“Yes.”

Yes, my darling. Yes.
I like this poem because it's sensuality is not ******, it goes to deeper levels than skin.
Nov 2017 · 113
d a r k n e s s
Brianna Duffin Nov 2017
That velvet darkness I used to know so well returns
Enclosing my world in the depths of her infinite blackness.

That darkness that used to be my only long-term home
Welcomes back into a complete embrace and it's over.

I am at one with the darkness once more
It's all over, all is well.
And I am home.
Nov 2017 · 115
The Situation
Brianna Duffin Nov 2017
I don’t want to make peace with the situation.
I want to fall in love with the situation.

I don’t want to make peace with the situation.
I want to make the situation.

I don't think that's selfish.
I think it's brave.
Nov 2017 · 282
One Last Dance?
Brianna Duffin Nov 2017
By the end of this night,
I will have left you behind
And you will have left me;
And what we swore to uphold til death do us part
Will be a thing of the past.
Is that why I feel like I’m going to be half-dead in the morning?

So I was hoping, just really hoping deep down
That we could have one last dance.
Just the two of us,
Just like old times
With my arms wrapped around you
With your heart beating for me.
I miss it already
**** not as much as I will in the days to come
When I have the devil curled up in my mind,
Whispering in my ear
The way you used to get jealous when other people did.
So I was hoping, just really hoping deep down
That we could have one last dance.

I understand if you’re ashamed
So we can turn out the lights
And never turn them on again.
We can keep his between us,
Just one final secret we keep for one another.
You don’t have to hold me close to your heart like you used to
But could you please at least try to pretend
That you remember loving me like I was made for you?
Because I was hoping for one last dance.
Before we go our separate ways and never speak of this again,
I’d like one last dance.
I won’t ask for a proper goodbye, nor will I give one.
But how about one last dance?
Nov 2017 · 312
Lipstick
Brianna Duffin Nov 2017
Your face feels different when it showcases a swipe of lipstick.
Your hands feel different when they clutch a tube of lipstick.
You are a different woman,
Now a lady, in fact.
Instantly more beautiful, more glamourous;
A classic with added dignity, enhanced elegance.
You become the paragon of femininity,
Join the beauty icons in the lipsticked hall of fame.
You become a force to be reckoned with in the glory of womanly arts.
You become the dream of so many people, young and old, around the world.
You are the symbol of a lady, any era, any nation- you are a queen now.
You have become an artist of the highest, boldest, most powerful caliber.
Nov 2017 · 74
Hey Kid
Brianna Duffin Nov 2017
You won’t always feel good;
Sometimes you’ll wish you were dead.
But isn’t it all supposed to be worth it?
You’ll see things in yourself
That were never there before.
You’ll become a new person,
Losing and gaining so much.
You decide…
Is it all really, really worth it after all?
Do you still think you’re glad you joined us;
Do you still think want to grow up?
Do you still think this whole thing is magic;
Or have you decided… this wasn’t worth it.
Nov 2017 · 116
Identify
Brianna Duffin Nov 2017
What we have today
Is spent working towards
What we will have tomorrow

What we have today
Is spent forgetting
What we had yesterday

There is no identity in that.

No wonder people are struggling so much
With their self-identity;
Our lives are under pressure have no identity
No remembering who you were,
No embracing who you are
No allowing who you will become to be undecided.
So where is the self-identity supposed to come in…
When there is never a self or an identity to begin with,
Or if there was something, it was washed away.

No wonder people are struggling so much with their self-identity.
There is no identity in that.
Nov 2017 · 123
A Break
Brianna Duffin Nov 2017
Have you ever felt it all just building up inside of you
For so many years
That you just know you’ll have to break down eventually
And you don’t know when
But eventually you’ll break.
But you’re trying really really hard not to,
So hard you kind of convince yourself
That maybe you can hold it together just a bit longer,
Long enough.
And then all of a sudden something happens,
Something so small it probably went unnoticed,
But something so big it was enough to break you
The hell straw that broke the broken horse’s back
And all of a sudden everything comes flooding back
And you’re in the middle of a breakdown,
Praying that maybe this time someone will care,
Maybe the right person will see,
Maybe someone will at least try to understand,
But no.
Because you’re only broken on the inside
And there’s really nothing wrong.
Nov 2017 · 565
Infamous
Brianna Duffin Nov 2017
Baby I know you’re infamous
But you can be my infamous love.
Baby you know I’m infamous
But I can be your infamous love.
As long as we stay in love
We can be infamous together.

Your feelings for me are an explosive scandal
They won't let you get away with it.
My feelings for you are an explosive scandal
They won't let me get away with it.
But as long as we can keep the feelings our own
We can be scandalous together and feel just fine.
Nov 2017 · 293
None of Your Business
Brianna Duffin Nov 2017
Maybe I came here to die
But even if I did
What’s it to you
How could you pretend to care now
Now that you think it’s too late
So yes, maybe I came here to die
But maybe that’s none of your business.
Oct 2017 · 390
Better Now
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
She sobs on her knees
She begs God for mercy
She has finally been broken.

She sobs and she sobs and she sobs
Pleading with her Lord to hear her prayers just once
All signs of life, all evidence of a thriving spirit within her have been crushed.

Sobbing on her knees
And saying her final prayers
She has become so broken her shattered heart beats its last.

And now all is well.
Everything is so much better now.
She wonders if any of her former friends will be sorry, but everyone knows
Everything is so much better now.
Sorry if you find it just a little disturbing or a little too honest, but poetry has to be real to feel real and if it doesn't make you feel anything what's the point?
Oct 2017 · 114
I Don't Know
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
What level of 'lonely' am I?
Advanced?... Pro?... Master?... Expert?
I don't know how to quantify my loneliness
Here's what I do know:
I am so lonely I don't even know what it feels like to be wanted
I am so lonely I don't even know what it feels like to live outside of isolation
I am so lonely I don't even know what it feels like to be anything but alone
Here's what I do know:
I want to escape this incredible land of infinite loneliness
I want to leave this life of loneliness behind,
I want all of this to be over.
Oct 2017 · 233
Dawn
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
If we weather the dusk
If we survive the dark
We are reborn each dawn.
And yesterday need not matter
But tomorrow matters even less.
Today...
Only today...
That is all that matters
So count your blessings
And be the best that you can be
Live through each moment
Only for this moment in itself.
Today, and only today
Is all we must know.
I wrote this when I was watching the sunrise last week.
Oct 2017 · 296
No Windows
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
Seated with no windows
Effort to keep me structured
Surrounded by children,
None have slept for weeks
Hobble, slow dragging motions
No purpose at all
No speaking, no trying
Lay my humble head down
Attempt to slip away
Refuge in mental haven
Ignore the suffering here

Seated with no windows
Retain their control over me
Packed in tight with strangers
None of whom have peace
Seem unable to move, so weak
No meaning in their eyes
No sounds, no hands
Put my burdened load to rest
Desperately try to get far away
Hide away in nonexistent dream
Pay no mind to all the pain
Oct 2017 · 2.1k
Fires of Passion
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
So fiery, beautiful, unique and ever true
Passion burns strongly, ever purely, forever you
Like no other feeling known to man
Consumes, absorbs like nothing else can
What is a life
But filled with strife
If it has no passion to its name
For it takes passion to play the game
And how boring it must be,
Certainly not life for me,
To have no passion raging in your heart
To be that empty would tear me apart
Nothing at all like it but lust
And even that bites its sad dust
Because lust is only passion diluted with greed
And passion diluted is knocked from its steed
Far less noble, though passion perhaps not noble at all
For it causes even the bravest, strongest, smarts to fall
The best of hearts, best of brains, best of bodies, best of souls
Would set aside their aspirations, ambitions, and goals
Would bend their backs and give their lives
To feel the blades of passion’s knives
Fires of passion burning true
Fires of passion for you and me
Take a sip of eternal fire
Let it heal wounds most dire
Passion in fire
And fire in passion
Together they stand
United their brand
Forever true and eternally wild
Ever burn the fires of passion
Oct 2017 · 274
Blossoms
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
When they’re up and thriving
They’re beautiful, bringing life to the area

The second they fall
They’re worth nothing, a nuisance **** to a wet shoe

Clean, fresh, pink- called the prettiest things
Get stained, damaged- ugly, ruined, awful

Fluttering in a sunlit breeze- the perfect picture
Thrashing in a raging storm- disgusting, stupid

Funny how things change
Never funny why
Oct 2017 · 1.1k
Old Souls
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
Old souls like me may just remain present
The throwback, old days manifested
Souls with ways out of style evident
Thinking like the world is infested

Old souls slumming it their very own way
The ones who still do things like the did then
Still keeping it classy every day
People who study the ways of the men

For oldest hearts and classic souls, it stays
It’s worth the standing out, the ridicule
Doing things the good way, the way that pays
Old souls don’t make fire, we make strong fuel

Old souls who keep it always fully class
Old souls like beautifully lit stained glass
Oct 2017 · 226
Morning
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
Groggy and hungover
Pounding in her head
Aggravated by the gull screeching
Lulu….. Lulu
They call her girlhood name

Same each morning
Get used to it all over again
Grappling with her self-pity and disgust
Dead weight
She can’t not hold herself back

She’s seen so much worse, in the day
Bellies torn open, guts strewn
Limbs twisted like contortionists
Heartbreakingly graceful
Rotting, swollen faces she dreams of

A man, mummified
Head held up
******* from a ****** straw
Invisible man
What did that soul see when the bandages came off


Welcome to the final decline
Still got her mind, probably
Not sure what she wants to lose first
The inevitable slide
Unfit for the task

It’s her own fault
They were her choices
But where could she have gone right
What had she to do- what she had to do
That’s all over, done, and gone now

Bloodbaths and blow-ups
She’d forgotten safety
Her ground still shakes
Run for cover
Still, everyday, everytime

Why her not them
Why them not her
How dumb is God
“Survivors guilt”
But the doctors know nothing

Solitude made for her
Broken way too much
Why can’t they let her be
Isolation… fight that war
Wrong choice then and no choice now

Desolate in disrepair
She’s in ruins more than it
The house leans in around her
They’re a good fit
It works on its own

Devil or angel
She has it back
The original vice
Good thing she’s all alone

She doesn’t know
Doesn’t want to remember
Distance and isolate
Intimacy out of the question

She’s useless anyway
What good is left
Where has hope gone?
Bloodbaths take lovebeds

She struggled
She fought
Stalemates rule
Why must she live

Good and right
Evils be gone
War is blinding
Wipe away schoolgirls

Why have hope
Why bother with love
Nothing gold can stay
Why fight a victorless war
This is about a woman struggling to recover from her experiences in WWII. She describes her morning routine in the present while flashing back to the past.
Oct 2017 · 69
Slipping Away
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
Days going by and absconding with the years
I watch my life slip away, carried by the will-of-the-wisps,
From my cold train seat where I perch on the edge of the filth
And look out the window marked ever with the prints of pressed up ears

I jot down my wild senseless thoughts,
As they tumble ‘round my aching skull,
On a napkin as if my notebooks are full
Of pretty ideas that matter lots

This one might just be special, oh how divine
This one will be the maker
Defeating every breaker
I tell myself the lie each and every time

But perhaps I may just feel the tickle
A dead silent whisper that a glimmer may be near
Though all good fortunes prove to be fickle
This may just last a while- if it ever gets here

I jot down the thought before it too slips away
I tuck the napkin out of sight but keep it in my mind
And pray, pray, pray- for their sake, not mine- I will find
That my work has paid off at last and this hope might stay

I’ve been working all day every day so, so hard
After all this time, it’s felt so long
Hard, hard work was my my bird’s sole song
I expected a window, what I got was a shard

That should teach me an ample lesson
About hoping for the best and thinking this might be real
Teach me to cry, to be tender, to open my heart, to feel
And hope my chest doesn’t start its compression

I still harbor some humanity yet
In my present ever weakened and strengthened state
I always manage to squeeze something new onto my plate
No matter how much I continue to fret

So I continue to record
Even as tears slide down my frosty countenance leaking
I jot down thoughts as they crawl through corners sneaking
The rest of the train looks bored
Oct 2017 · 106
With the Strings
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
Romance loves to sing
Drowsy head, folded wing
Among green leaves they shake
Within shadowy lake
To me
Hath been most familiar
Taught me
My very earliest word
In wildwood did I lie
A child-
A most knowing eye
Eternal years,
So shake the very Heaven on high
As they thunder by
No time for idle cares
Gazing on the unquiet sky
An hour with calmer wings
My spirit flings
Forbidden things!
My heart would feel
A crime
Unless it trembled
With the strings
Oct 2017 · 115
Shame and Glory
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
The noblest name
Hand traced inexorable rage
Pleasing moralist, page refined
Deepest knowledge of the mind
Tender poet, a foreign tongue
Language that he sung
Bard of brilliant, unlicensed page
Shame and glory
Prince of harmony, stirling sense
Ancient dramatist
Bard paints imagination’s powers
Whose song revives departed hours
Boldness of design surpassing all
Names rightly read
Gather all their glories
Oct 2017 · 130
Fire
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
Kind solace
Hope-
That fire of fire
Agony of desire

Secret of a spirit
Wild pride into shame
O yearning heart
Withering portion
Searing glory
Amid the jewels
Halo of Hell!
Pain….
O craving heart
Sunshine, summer hours

Rome to the Caesar!
A kingly mind,
Proud spirit which hath striven
Triumphant

I first drew life
Mists have shed
I believe.

Late from heaven
It fell
Touch of Hell,
Red flashing of the light
Clouds that hung
Deep trumper-thunder’s roar
Human battle!
My voice- my own voice
My spirit would rejoice
Leap within me
Battle cry of Victory!

Rain came down
Unshelter’d
Rendered me mad and deaf and blind.
Torrent of the chilly air
Empires- the captive’s prayer
Hum of suitors
A sovereign’s throne

My passion’s
Usurped a tyranny
Power,
My innate nature
Liv’d one who then
Burn’d with a still intenser glow
For passion must expire
Iron heart
Woman’s weakness

No words to tell
Loveliness of loving
More than beauty
Shadows on unstable wind
To fantasies

Worthy of all love
Love in infancy
Angel above
Heart the shrine
Every hope
Gift-
Childish and upright
Why did I leave
The fire within?

We grew in love together
Roaming
My breast her shield
Friendly sunshine?
No Heaven- but her eyes

Young Love’s the heart
Sunshine, smiles
Little cares
Laughing, girlish
I’d throw me on her
Pour my spirit out
No need to speak
No need- Quiet!

More than worthy
My spirit struggled
I had no being-
But in Thee!
The earth-
The air-
The sea-
Its joy!
It’s lot of pain!
New pleasure,
Vanities of dreams
More shadowy light
Parted their misty wings
Their image
Most intimate things

I mark’d a throne,
Half the world
All my own,
Any other dream
Upon the vapor of the dew
My own had past
Did not beam
Of beauty
With double loveliness

I spoke to her
Power and pride
Mystically
A mingled feeling
Flush on her bright cheek
A queenly throne
Too well I should
Light the wilderness alone

Queen of Earth
Her pride-
Above all cities
Their destinies-
Of glory
World hath known
Stands she not nobly
Alone

Oh human love!
Thou spirit given
On Earth,
All we hope
In Heaven
Falls into the soul
Like rain,
Failing in thy power to bless
Leaves the heart a wilderness
Music so strange
Beauty so wild
I have won the Earth!

Hope-
The eagle that towered-
Homeward turn’d his softened eye.
Sunset- sun will part
Sullenness of heart
Glory of summer sun
Soul will hate
So often lovely
A dream of night would fly

The white moon
Shed all the splendor
Her smile, her beam
Time of dreariness
A portrait after death
All we live to know is known
All we seek to keep hath flown
Let life fall
Beauty is all

I reached my home
My tread soft and low
I defy thee, Hell to show
Beds of fire
A humbler heart

I firmly do believe
Death, comes for me
Regions of the blest afar
Nothing to deceive
Rays of truth-
You cannot see-
Flashing thro’ Eternity
A snare in every path
The idol- Love
Scents his snowy wings
Incense of burnt offerings
Most unpolluted things
Pleasant bowers yet so riven
Light’ning of his eagle eye
Ambition crept, unseen
Till growing bold
Love’s very hair
Oct 2017 · 214
Divine
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
For her luminous eyes
Brightly expressive
Sweet name
Hold a treasure
Divine-
An amulet
Must be worn
At Heart.
Do not forget
The trivialest point
And yet!
If one could merely comprehend
Three eloquent words
Of poets, by poets
It’s letters
Still form a synonym for Truth
Oct 2017 · 166
Nervous
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
Very, very dreadfully nervous...
Disease sharpened my senses-
Not destroyed! Not dulled!-
Above all.. Hearing acute...
I could hear all things
In heaven, earth, and hell.

Impossible to say how
The idea penetrated my brain
It haunted me, day and night.
Object? NONE! Passion? NONE!
I loved him, truly I cherished, adored, admired him
Never a wrong or an insult between him and me
No desire for his gold had my wicked heart...

His eye…
YES! It was THIS!
A vulture's eye it was
A pale grey bead
With a film over it
It fell upon me-
My blood ran cold,
So cold, so cold,
So frigid even the eye-
That very same evil eye
Which had brought me the miserable cold to begin with-
Could not compare to the ice of the doomed chambers within my soul.
And so it was!
Gradually, gradually,
I made up my mind
To rid myself of the evil
Forever.

You fancy me mad-
This is not so!
Madmen know nothing.
But how clever was I,
Oh how clever indeed.
How I wish you could have seen me!
How wisely I proceeded-
With what caution and foresight-
I went to work,
And I worked methodically
Just so, all according to plan;
I worked
Until I succeeded.
You fancy me mad,
But no, sir, this is not the case,
You do not give me enough credit;
Madmen are worlds away from me.

I was never kinder to the man
Then in the time proceeding his death.
And he never suspected it was so, but...
Every midnight, I opened his door,
Inserted a dark lantern, and ****** in my head
Very, very slowly… how cunningly- you’d laugh
Yes, you would laugh
For you fancied me a madman
And I proved you oh so wrong, did I not?
It took me a full hour to slide my head in
And gaze upon him as he lay alseep his bed
Ha! What madman could have been so wise as this?

Upon the final night, I was more than usually cautious
A watch’s delicate hand moves more quickly than did mine.
Never before had I felt the extent of my own powers
I could scarcely contain the triumph raining down from the heavens.
To think that there I was and he did not dream of it
I fairly chuckled at the idea; perhaps he heard me-
Perhaps you in your search for the madman have got the wrong mind!

He moved suddenly, as if startled
You may think that I drew back- I DID NOT!
I was too close to victory to retreat,
And so I held my courage, held it tight.
Would a madman not have been too nervous,
Much too nervous to manage all that I had, all that I did?

The room was black as the inside center of the eye,
Shutters fastened, ever so tightly fastened
So as to keep out the city night,
In my calm, in my incredible precise wisdom
I knew that he could not see the opening;
I kept pushing on, steadily, so steadily
I was about to open the lantern;
My thumb slipped.

The old man sprang up, crying out-
CRYING OUT!
I kept completely still and said nothing. But NOTHING!
I did not move a muscle and I made no sound, stopping my own breath
I did not hear him lie down
He was still sitting up, listening- just as I had.
I heard a slight groan and I knew: mortal terror
Not of pain or grief- OH NO!

This low, stifled sound arises from the soul
When overcharged with awe-
I knew the primal beast too well!
Many a midnight it has welled up,
Deepening with dreadful echo the terrors-
Oh yes, I knew it ever so well
I pitied him, although I chuckled at heart.
See! I am not the madman you think!
He had been trying to comfort himself
And all in vain-
For his prayers came too little, too late.
Death had staked and enveloped the victim.
This was inspired by Edgar Allan Poe's "The Tell Tale Heart".
Oct 2017 · 148
Tides Flow
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
Things come and go
Tides ebb and flow
Simply how life works
For better or worse
What can I do to change life
It can’t be altered by strife
No matter how hard we try
We don’t decide how to fly
The birds in the sky fly their own way
And the humans don’t get any say
Tides keep moving
We keep grooving
People continue to live on
Water continues to go strong
Tugging and pushing don’t do a thing
Yanking and clawing can’t touch the string
We are all tied together
We will be tied forever
That fact will never change
But life will rearrange
Remember that every day
No matter how long  you play
The bad won’t stick around forever
The good’s there whatsoever
Something happy will return
Fires of sweet hope will burn
Fires so sure will burn and never go
Just as tides so strong will ebb and flow
Oct 2017 · 107
None of it Matters
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
We used to laugh day in, day out
We made jokes and memories
We found kindred souls in us
We lit things up everyday
Now we don’t.

It’d be nice for you to acknowledge me
‘It’ was your best friend- do I exist now?
You refuse to speak to me
You don’t act like you know me
You’re cold and downright rude
So cruel and heartless these days
So not the friend I treasured
I was played, apparently.

Were you trying to be funny all this time
Was our friendship your practical joke
You clearly never valued my life
Or- as you called them- “my irrelevant problems”
Why did you think youth means joy?
Just because we’re a few months apart…
My problems are nothing
And yours are so great I could never understand
My mental health problems aren’t relevant to you
But yours should be my concern, because they exist
You’re the one who didn’t care about anyone else-
And you dare fire at me for that conversation?
You opened up to me ever so slightly about your pain
When I willingly reciprocated, you didn’t care
You’re the one who chose not to show empathy for your friend
You’re the one entombed in walls of steely, ignorant ice
And yet- I am the one who only thinks of her own issues

Well now you don’t think about me at all
So does any of our history really matter?
You stare at me blankly, how some stare at walls
I refuse to let you bother me anymore, how some zone out
My brain is finished with your sickness and vile psychopathy
And you are finished with pretending to be a decent friend
So none of it matters anymore.
I wrote this last year when I was lonely and reflecting on my time with a person I used to be close with.
Oct 2017 · 90
Look
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
I never wanted to be back here,
Never wanted to be back in this place
Where I know I only have one friend,
One person who would notice- let alone care- if I died.
I never wanted to be back here,
To this place where I try to stop telling myself
That I have one support system, comprised of one heartbeat,
And that there is virtually nothing else for me,
No other ways I can affect this world,
No other thing keeping me on earth, tangled in her choke-hold of a grasp
No other person who knows the real me when everyone else only just barely- if at all- realizes that I exist.
I do exist, I promise;
But then again-
I used to promise myself I would never slip into this existence again.
I never wanted to be back here, but I've never controlled my own fate.
I promised myself a lifetime infinitely far from this place but...
Look where I am now.
This is about only having one true friend who is there for you.
Oct 2017 · 801
What is a Misery
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
What is a misery that cannot be seen, heard, or explained
What is a misery far too painful for human expression
What is a misery that drives to the ends of the earth everyday
What is a misery that immobilizes indefinitely
What is a misery that surges beyond words or gestures, beyond explanation or comprehension
What is a misery at all, in fact
What is a misery but a misery?
Oct 2017 · 100
Something to Fall For
Brianna Duffin Oct 2017
Whenever the clouds part with their inhibitions
And a deluge of sweet heavenly rains pour down to earth,
The sun must go further and stretch an extra mile
Displaying beauty only she can bring but cannot bring alone
So that humanity knows they shall never give up hope.
And when the sun meets the rain opposites attract,
Lighting up millions of molecules and making them dance
So we have something to follow, something to believe in, something to fall for.
We cannot know beauty until we see something to fall for
Because we cannot know love until we have something to fall for.
I wrote this poem as a prologue to one of my novels.
Sep 2017 · 186
Nothing Else
Brianna Duffin Sep 2017
Nothing else seems to thrill me like the sight of you
But nothing seems to hurt me like the loss of you
Nothing excites me like the feeling you bring my heart
Nothing destroys me like the thinking you bring my head

Nothing else can take me over like you
But nothing can shoot me downward like you
What am I supposed to do about that?
What am I supposed to say to you now?

You know me, possibly
You ignore me, maybe
You bring out something good in me
You bring out my weak side as well

Something about you is such a home to me
But around you  I just cannot be at ease
Something about you is so right for me
But this whole situation seems so wrong…
Sep 2017 · 112
Invisible Nothing
Brianna Duffin Sep 2017
Girl folds in on herself
Girl breaks down crying out
Girl can't stop sobbing
Girl cant think straight now

Girl is angry
Girl is proud
Girl is angry
Girl is furious
Girl is sad
Girl is broken
Girl is shattered
Girl is lost
Girl is angry
Girl is empty
Girl is lonely
Girl is destroyed
Girl is defeated
Girl is victimized
Girl is now dead.

She was an invisible nothing in life;
How cruelly fitting that her death come….this way.
Sep 2017 · 607
Liar Lines
Brianna Duffin Sep 2017
I thought we were friends
I thought you were true
I thought you’d understand me
I thought you’d listen to me
I thought so wrong
Because you’re a liar

You told me you were fine
So I suppose you lied
You told me you did care
Then you were never there
And now I know better than ever
All you really are is a liar

I shared my mind with you
You dumped it, then flew

I showed you my entire soul
You showed your heart to be full
And now I know better than ever
All you really are is a liar

I wanted a real bond and yoke
You wanted a dirtier joke
I offered trust and support for you
Thinking you deserved it through and through
And now I know better than ever
All you really are is a liar
Sep 2017 · 1.5k
Renewal
Brianna Duffin Sep 2017
It’s in the smallest sounds
The briefest touches
The shortest glimpse
The most fleeting feeling
The faintest scent

It’s in the loudest symphonies
The longest entanglement
The seemingly endless moment shared between wandering gazes stopped
The lasting, lingering instinct
The strongest, most pungent aroma

It’s in an informal talk with a friend
A polite minute long conversation with a stranger
A speech given
A comment overheard
A phrase dropped
A joke made
A remark pointed

It’s in the violent torrents of stinging drops
The gentlest whispers of snowflakes dancing
The beacons of golden hope shining down undefeatable
The spiraling wisps twirling to the ground from their noble perch up above
The tiny fragments of faraway life sailing on the invisible breeze from one life to another

It’s the renewal every human needs,
That once in a while of going on
That inescapable truth: we’re only human
That once every so often we accept
That everyone can only take so much

We all need something to hold
We all need something to hope
We all need something to roam
We all need something to go
We all need something to have

It’s the renewal
And it’s everywhere
It’s in our waters
And in our fires
It’s in our air
And in our earth

Everywhere someone can find it
Everywhere someone will need it
It’s everywhere you look
It’s everywhere you need
That’s what renewal happens to give.
Sep 2017 · 375
This Fight
Brianna Duffin Sep 2017
Forward march, my intelligent young friend
Though your fight be neither fair nor just
Know you shall emerge God’s victor
Simply because you suffered
For what you knew to be right
The decks were stacked against your logic
Many upon many centuries ago
But mayhap now stand a possibility,
Just the tiniest portion of a feeble odd,
May be shaking towards favor
That this day may dawn your chance

I know you to be so very, very brave
I’ve seen not a stronger man yet
But not everyone has eyes of clarity
As you have opened my mind
Retain your noble mind
Hold your sweet mentality dear
You’ll not have it too much longer
If you let yourself fall prey to their fear
Keep your head high and be quite sure
To keep it together and collected to one
Let the pieces make a united front
And work like parts of a machine
No other way can allow
You to gain what justice and fairness seek

Remember always as well
That you fight not for yourself
But for me and for us and for your own child
Who you will love with all you have, just as I have you
Who you shall raise the very best you can, just as I have you
You fight for the future, allow for generations on their way
You fight for the past, avenge generations died in injustice
You fight for the present, for girls everywhere struggling with you
You are a united front, my grandmother and your child alike
Though many years and laws so cruel keep you down
You are our past, present, future and you fight as one

They will keep you down
Remove you from their way
Every second they can
They won’t miss a shot
To fire you down to your place
That’s why it’s your job,
Why it’s your fight to make a new one
Carve out your rightful standing
I know you can do it
You must keep that faith
And harbor it always in your soul
You won’t stand a chance if you let it go
And you must win this fight
My time is up, I’m nearly gone
It’s plain to see, you know it
I can fight with you no longer
Each step here on out you take alone
But remember I am with you:
My soul is tied to yours
My memory lives on within you
My cause and yours are one
And this cause, dear, is important
You must fight til the end
You must win at least part of your fight
So now I say to you as your loving mother
And I tell you, my loving daughter:
Win rights for all women,
Here and across the globe,
Dead, living, and unborn
From one soldier to another, I say to you
Keep up the fight
Until freedom rings for all
From sea to shining sea.
Sep 2017 · 163
Good Riddance
Brianna Duffin Sep 2017
Dreams of a happier time
Hopes of a sweeter life
Live no more
Gone they go

Symbol of a beautiful horizon
Evidence of a gentle trying
Wasted and thrown
Never to be known

There they lie, still ******* in strings
Still wrapped as delicate pretty things
But no longer meaning what they should
Just a memory of a broken dream, no good

Never forgotten, but not at all good
So cruel and cold like winter wood
Never to become in reality the fantasy
Never to overtake comfort by ecstasy

They don’t mean a thing now
And good riddance to them
Sep 2017 · 186
To The End
Brianna Duffin Sep 2017
Ripping, tearing, clawing, shredding
No impact, everything continues
Melting, fading, vanishing, reducing
Soon nothing will remain; all will end

Streaked with blood, just a bit
Soaked in pain, more than ever
That small blotch insignificant
That horrid agony with a head to sever

Falling, crashing, thrashing, fighting
Dirtied by dust and blood and remains
Crushed, defeated, destroyed, absolved
Wailing among bones of love and life

And why must this be so
What catalyst evil had been committed
Why smash the glass, let the blood river flow
What bones worthy of being crushed and knitted

Dying, perishing, demising, failing
Only one way out and one exit left
Gasping, thrashing, struggling, failing
Striving to breathe and fighting the door

Failure looming still
With his tall cloaked friend
Stand inescapable
The pain is over; here is the end.

Here is the end.
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