a skateboard rolling down the road
simple things, lovely- old.
reminds me
of you & I
times we've smile
and many we've cried.

A little piece of my heart,
of past,
present,
and future.

To my ears you are a song,
to my wounds, a suture.

I see a man, with the eyes of a child I'd once known
years doubled over, past
and look how we've grown.

bitter-sweet memories
written down for you to see

*but, I know you already know.

You carry my limp body




                          as the world disintegrates before us



          ashes- like baby butterflies; tumbling off








                  your broken wings

I long to run with the wolves,
feel the cool earth beneath my paws,
hunt a seemingly innocent doe
and shred her throat with teeth & claws.

I long to travel the mountainside,
the dense forests in which the pack hides.
And when I reach the top, I'll breathe sharp & realize
I've never been this high.

I long to nestle close
with those dear & whom I treasure most.
In a sea cave, lined with sand
just off the Pacific coast.

I long that when I'm old & frail
in a bed of leaves, I'll lie curled nose to tail.
I'll simply close my eyes, let the breeze sway
for this game was worth the life we played.

honey suckle, babies breath
rosy buds of lifes breast
the sky is blind
the sea is deaf
together, they are
at their best.

evergreens, palm trees
they all look
the same to me
through wind they speak
and sap they bleed
always in beautiful simplicity.

as children get older,
teenagers- they grow colder
she needs a man
at night to hold her
keep her warm

and he, though strong
is weakened from
the long endless nights
where everything broke,
shattered, disintegrated
gone

he needs her gentle touch
to tickle his skin,
fill all the holes
gaping within

just as the sea and sky
and trees laughing in the wind
he needs her
and she needs him.

I
                                                               ­                                                               lo­ve
                                                                ­                                                                 ­               you
              
                               ­                                                                 ­       to
                                                              ­          the
                                                                ­                         horizon


                             where
                                                           the
         sun
                                               kisses
                    the
                                  ­                           sea,


                                                          ­                                               and
                                                                ­                           the
                                                             ­                                                 sky


          ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­           fills
                                                           ­                                                                 ­           the
                                                                ­                                                                 ­                                                               creases

                                         ­                                                                 ­    where
                                                       ­                                  I
                                                               ­                                         fail
                   ­                                                              to
                                                              ­                                             fit
                                                             ­                           with  
                               ­                                  your
                                                                ­                     consistencies.

Baby maybe if your lucky
I'll let you **** me

Buy me a few drinks too?
Maybe I'll blow you

Pull a bill out of your pants
Baby I'll give you a dance

                    *
Baby maybe if your lucky
I'll do what I can because I'm hungry

Buy me a few drinks too?
It'll help me forget what I did with you

Pull a bill out of your pants
And maybe in this life I'll have a chance

She applies her lipstick liberally, a dark plum bordeaux

Her face a painted mascarade, she wears to every show.
Her smile has him merciful, begging on his knees

On stage he reveals a violet lip print on his neck
marking where she sank her teeth.

Silence,
beautifully cherished between soundless glances
or love locked eyes
of after sheet trances.
for you once said to me,
“silence my dear,
is not the absence of sound
but the presence of something else.”
both capable of taking me to my greatest heavens,
or paving my quiet path to hell
this fact and uncertainty both
fills me with joy
and frightens me to my very core.
for it feels as if you’ve taken my words for nothing but fairy lore.
yet, I stay mute
I’ll sew my lips shut
stuck in this purgatorial
entrenched rut-
deafened,
by the screaming silence.

string unwinding from a spindle,
my throat it swells,
my words- they hinder

the strumming on
my heartstrings soothe,
yet, an unfamiliar tune

I spend my days just dreaming,
all my nights awake

I can't help but drift
fall unbeknownst-
unto my fairy tale state.

where doth my mind go;
why must I fade
to and fro?

my life a blur,
bright lights stream
against a storm soaked street

covering the
fading lines
of my dreams and reality

You're just the right person
to put me back together,
and make every tiny little piece fit.
But this isnt a puzzle
Its broken glass,
shattered so bad,
that some fragments are like sand
Each shard sharp enough
to draw blood

Even if
You somehow got past
The bigger, sharper moments
And laid them out on the table
They still wouldnt all fit together
Theres just certain
things that dissintegrated
when I was dropped from far too high
Far too young, to understand why
There are still things missing
That will never fill the gaps
Even all super glued stuck together
I cant help but notice the cracks
I'll never be anybodys
perfect shiny new baby doll
And that fact alone,
Continues to let me fall

But **** it all and **** it!
I'll smoke myself to sleep
Why do I need a warm body when I've got substances to keep me feeling like
Theres some kind of
sustenance to my exsistence
some sort of end all to this life long mission
For Ive never had the expectation to do anything academically ambitious
Or even societially accepted- even thats not much to gain.
My own mother cant accept the offspring shes produced, even to this day
And even if she started now, at this point, what could I really say?
Thank you for finally saying that after
all the ******* and yelling
and screaming and violence
its all just gonna be okay?
Like we could pretend we've had a relationship for years on years building
Just her showing a tad of affection
to me is a little chilling
I cant justify it if i tried
a hurricane inside
That being said
Its all just in my mind.

Drifting on a steady tide

                    Of euphoric teal,

Abroad the dozing sea

In broad daylight, my heart solely yearns to feel;
That
           kick-
                   started
backwards            flipped,
        butterfly
& honey-
                 dipped
Choking-on-my-words sensation
Smooth talking me,
    to maximum elation
Move your steady hand
Upwards,
         along the seam
Of my glitter covered, purple faerie
Ripped,
        skinny jeans
                                May our love take us to cloud 9
Bodies pulsing in the drivers side
Hips glide; perfect, precise
Against the window of the frigid outside
As I
Climb into the backseat
Eye to eye,
                   find your breath on my lips
                                       my hand under your hips
       Your exhalation is my favourite high
Teasing *****, electrify this body baby

                          Push
                         it
                             deep
                     inside
                  of
                     me
            please?

I bite your lip, always a tease
Mind enthralled, car hazy

                                 Harder sir,
                     you've kept me waiting.

                                                                  Yes,
                      oh

                                        please
                
              Daddy can you feel me squeeze?

I feel your body
I feel your heart
I feel your thoughts
I feel your soul
But you're the only thing in this entire world
That makes me feel like I've lost control
This perfect state of pleasure
Lips loose,
                 hips roll
Heavy heaving intakes
Of cigarette perfume
Drifting past the rings of your
amber-gold,
They find my softened eyes
You lean in
to whisper against
my neck
                 "I will love you until the end of time."

3:41 am
a late night cigarette
                         I'm coming down again
but lay your heavy head to rest

         I would wake you
but love, I realize
that sleep is the only place
where peace falls on your restless mind

Pull & drag
                     now it's 3:45
conscious take cover
allow my tired brain to hide

Chills & a dry cough
hallucinogenic view
baby medicate me,
                              for you're the only drug I choose.

soft-serve and sunscreen, sandcastles
old movies
played on reruns via VCR

top down, open highway
lined with trees
and sunshine

how did these days
pass me by
so quick?

I never thought I'd seriously consider
ever truly settling down
with anyone
But, now my whole
world has been tossed
into a 180 turn around
wow,
I'm so young
in my ears, my heart rapidly pounds
it's you- the missing piece,
I can't believe I've found
breathless, I don't even mind if I drown
in the coffee filled irises
parting my lips
safe and sound

Starting honey sweet, light as a feather
the first spring breeze
thats breaking the brittle cold
of past weathers.

Longing after what seems
but a distant memory, my heart is tethered.

I cannot stress enough, express such need
to feel warm earth against my bare feet;
dewy breeze down my exposed spine
all the mental sighs of summertime.

Laying hands and lips against
sun-kissed skin
feeling relief from the heat ridden beach,
as we suspend in the calm, endless ocean

To be out until pink, and lavander
bursts of fragmented light graze the sky
and watch the dozing sun
set in his espresso eyes

We'll lay upon the soft emerald grass
watching all the stars and satellites
hands naturally entertwined
on our beautiful August night.

Mind racing backwards,
Wrist bleeding against the wall
This is my story,
Scar tissue and all

I cannot comprehend
the words that so ever
desperately

Spill over the dam
You created -ever so carefully- with your
lips

You simply burst through my floodgates
And drown me in


                                                                                  serendipity

I'm so glad you love me
                                                                        for who I am

                                  no make up

                                                          hair a mess
                         & freshly awake


                                              and you still find
                                                        the words I've always
                                             wanted to hear..

                                      "You're still beautiful to me"

For such a basic desire


                                                                           is not found so simply

"why would you ever think that someone wouldn't want you?"

you looked in my eyes with earnest.

"I suppose at one time, I did feel that way, I guess".

~

half-truth, and half a lie.
for I still feel that way most of the time.

I suppose it is difficult for most to see
through my eyes and smiles,
sundress waving in the breeze
the damage that lurks dangerously underneath.

an ugly monster threatens to seep out from within.
runs its tongue along my cheek,
drags its nails against my skin.  

one of disgust for who I am,
I've never loved myself, and I don't understand

why I was made this way?

to wake up and hate myself every day
to feel unworthy of real love or affection
to crave but be so afraid of real connection.

perhaps the damage was done long ago,
I let my foundation rot and crumble
continued to pile brick on top of stone.

from the outside I suppose,
I've built a fortress
beautiful and bold.

I look pretty, sane, and sound.
my dreams as high and limitless as the clouds.
but one step into my fragile mind

and it all

comes

crumbling

down.

she loves him,
              &  he loves her
and not time or space
or catching glances
from arm & arm linked
couples disturbing the twittering birds
could halt that.

for, she loves him.
and he loves her.

The reason why I love you
Must be because I hate myself.
I know, this time and place doesnt help.
But baby this is worse
than any pain I've ever felt

You're killing me slowly  
day by day
I bleed
and my wounds remain unknit,
to spill my guts to the floor to
leave me open
stranded

He watches from aside,
As I kiss his picture
and take my own life
I wonder if he'd even cry
If he had watched me die

Its almost like when we first met, stumbling over                                      all the awkward in between
feelings, anxious-nervous,
       snipping my heart
                                           seam
                                        by
                                                    seam.



                       It feels like we're strangers,
baby why do I get so scared?
when I'm tired and stressed and undone
        it feels that my heart is the one thing
                                              I can't seem to bear.



Numbness creeps in like morphine
                                        through my veins
                      defensive and upset
I only have myself to blame.



            I want to feel, I want to express myself
                                 like I am now
                    but in moments of emotion
        I can't seem to find the right words to say


                      what I can rhyme



                 I have a million and one things racing
      through my mind
                     I've tried shine as bright as you

        but I simply burn out over time



I'm trying my best, to be my best for you
   it just never feels enough
         you're a eight cylinder lamborgini
             and I'm drawing smiley faces in the dust.


I can't deal with,

                 the fact that you are so much more

      
      than I could ever hope to be.



                                                  It's scary,


    there are 6.9 billion other people out there


who shine so much brighter

                                                      t­han me.

I wake up

to the iridescent cascade of pale light
Through the

                                                               ­                 mahogany and tangerine stained leaves
A meridian oasis,



               dolloped with white
non-senses

                                        I roll wearily and sore


towards the warmth of your bare chest

In hopes,
                            That I will find

Solace